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 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 3
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Good enough only for sexPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
That's probably more of a guy thing; but guys tend to compartmentalize sex separate from other aspects of dealing with a partner. A guy is perfectly willing to have sex with a woman he's not particularly attracted to; doesn't respect; and doesn't feel compatible with, just to get himself off. The thinking is: why be seen with a person you have nothing in common with and don't value? Some women think like that too, but probably less frequently.

Most guys grow out of that, though. As one matures, one tends to want a woman who's great for sex and great to be with in general.
 ~rain~
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 5
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Good enough only for sex
Posted: 5/26/2009 9:05:42 AM
usually the "going out in public together" happens before the "sex" thing..

if it doesnt, then you only have yourself to blame!
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 8
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Good enough only for sex
Posted: 5/26/2009 9:24:52 AM
Because sex is a seedy thing, kept "under wraps" and considered a discreet anonymous thing by many.

Or maybe they're afraid to show you in public where other guys would be drooling over you, or vice versa-! Personally, I love being out in public with my woman. Let other guys drool all they want...I'VE got her, they don't.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 9
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Good enough only for sex
Posted: 5/26/2009 9:59:27 AM
I'll give you an example...

Guy contacts girl online. Initiates face to face meeting. They are physically opposites... he's thin, she's a bit on the thicker side. The sex is good, really good. That's all they have together. He won't take her out because his friends don't know that he likes bigger girls or they've teased him about it in the past, so he keeps that part of himself hidden from them.

Or there's an age difference.

Or they are different ethnicities.

Or one of them is disabled.

Or one of them is married and they live in a small town.

Or...

The sex is good, really good.

We, as humans, are generally driven by things that make us feel good.

I agree with you OP. I don't have sex with people I won't be seen in public with.
 iloveshoes2
Joined: 12/25/2008
Msg: 10
Good enough only for sex
Posted: 5/26/2009 11:14:15 AM
I have never been ashamed to be seen with someone in public. But there was one guy I used for sex. It was SPECTACULAR! Maybe the best ever, but his personality was seriously boring. I could only stand to hear him talk dirty to me. Every other time he spoke, I wanted to shoot myself in the head.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 12
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Good enough only for sex
Posted: 5/26/2009 11:43:43 AM
Why do some think that a person is good enough for sex but not good enough to take out in public?


I could live with that. It's far better than being good for nothing. And I like sex. Sure, I may want more, but would have to decide if I'm likely to get it! Fortunately, this isn't a decision I need to make, and hopefully it won't ever be.
 StarreGazer
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 14
Good enough only for sex
Posted: 5/26/2009 1:23:28 PM


Msg: 3 -- A guy is perfectly willing to have sex with a woman he's not
particularly attracted to; doesn't respect; and doesn't feel
compatible with,


Wow, a BLATANT overgeneralization of men if I have EVER seen one. I
have NEVER had sex with ANY woman who would cause me embarrassment in
public. If she shows GENUINE desire for me AND if she AROUSES me, THEN
she is **NO** source of shame to me. The woman whom I find attractive
in such a way can NEVER be a source of shame. If we satisfy each other
intimiately, she deserves PRAISE, not shame. If she has shortcomings,
that remains PRIVATE. BUT, the fact that she may remain my woman
reverts to her PRAISE and may, to her possible embarrassment, become
PUBLIC. What I expose of such a woman is my PRAISE. If she has no
praise due, she is no longer my woman. My LACK of desire for her will
NOT be public, it will simply dangle in the wind without comment.



The thinking is: why be seen with a person you have nothing in common
with and don't value?


MY thinking is a bit more SELFISH than that. MY thought circles more
around "Why should I WASTE my time with a woman with whom I have
nothing in common and whose personality I don't value?" After all, I
search for MY happiness and enjoyment, NOT for the edification of the
general public.



Some women think like that too, but probably less frequently.


I doubt it. From personal experience, accurate or not, I have seen
MORE women place an inordinately high value on the social
acceptability on her mate than I have seen on an equivalent basis with
the men. Women SEEM to be FAR more SOCIALLY conscious of their
position in society than men.



Most guys grow out of that, though.


Most HUMANS grow out of that, regardless of gender. Most HUMANS, as
they grow older, eventually realize that COMPATIBILITY is at issue
MORE than ANYTHING else.



As one matures, one tends to want a woman who's great for sex and
great to be with in general.


Allow me to MISquote you to gain a bit of perspective:

"As one matures, one tends to want someone who's great for sex and
great to be with in general." This is particularly true for one who
searches for a Long-Term, possibly LIFE-TIME Relationship. Narrowing
this down, I WANT SOMEONE COMPATIBLE WITH ME!

OK, I changed your quote and then added some. But, I CHALLENGE you to
change one WHIT of my previous statement in ANY effort to validate
YOUR stance. If you can't, please state so. I PERSONALLY believe
COMPATIBILITY is the ESSENCE of ANY relationship, whether short-term
OR long-term.
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 17
Good enough only for sex
Posted: 5/26/2009 2:08:46 PM

Why do some think that a person is good enough for sex but not good enough to take out in public?


Never had this problem, but then, outside is one of my fav places for sex, and most outsides are in public.


If you are ashamed to be seen in public with them, why would you have sex with them?


Sorta already covered this above, but maybe I should 'splain. "Having sex", as that banal contemporary phrase is mostly used, is only about 10% of my having sex, which is more of a continuum of intimacy. Where ever we happen to be, the continuum doesn't break, even though the genitals are temporarily uncoupled, or we are partially or fully clothed, or we are out of visual range of each other.
On the other hand, if we happen to be somewhere between the naked interlocked genital place, and the over-the-horizon outta range place, in other words, side by side in view of other humans, then my affection for you, and I hope yours for me, is gonna be, uh, obvious to the onlookers. Yep, affection is one of the good things that humans do, and I no more believe in reining that in than I would tolerate limits on free speech. I live on the edge with my words, and I'm gonna want to get to the same place with my body, and hers, where ever we are. Kinda like seeing how much we can get away with and still get to heaven.
 SmellOfPoop
Joined: 6/8/2007
Msg: 18
Good enough only for sex
Posted: 5/26/2009 2:13:20 PM
Because sometimes, the dumbest people are spectacular in bed and will do anything. It is the ultimate torture and pleasure.
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 19
Good enough only for sex
Posted: 5/26/2009 4:05:01 PM
I have no idea why a person would have sex with someone with whom they wouldn't be seen in public. If I was ashamed to be seen in public with him, I certainly wouldn't be having sex with him. Yuck!!
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 20
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Good enough only for sex
Posted: 5/27/2009 8:17:41 AM

Wow, a BLATANT overgeneralization of men if I have EVER seen one.


Nope. Men will often have sex with women they wouldn't introduce to their families and wouldn't want their friends to know about. It's common, especially amongst younger guys. Very common.



But, I CHALLENGE you to
change one WHIT of my previous statement in ANY effort to validate
YOUR stance. If you can't, please state so. I PERSONALLY believe
COMPATIBILITY is the ESSENCE of ANY relationship, whether short-term
OR long-term.


Look at any high school or college campus, and you'll see this kind of thing go on all the time, especially among the athletes and fraternity bros. Don't know why you're so strident in your rebuttal----I think it's common knowledge that most guys, when they are young and immature, will have sex with girls they wouldn't want to go public with. Yes, guys in their teens and early twenties do care what their friends think. There are even some men older than that who care about it. That's the norm. Fortunately, most guys grow out of it.

The only guys who don't go through this phase are probably guys who have fewer options to begin with.
 swtcarolinej
Joined: 11/11/2006
Msg: 23
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Good enough only for sex
Posted: 5/27/2009 1:16:42 PM
WOW not wanting to spend money on them, but having sex with them now thats classey!!!just my opinion...I personally think if a guy doesnt want to spend time with me outside the bedroom hes not gonna get into my bed!!thats tacky!!!! some are just hard up as well as CHEAP!!!
 StarreGazer
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 24
Good enough only for sex
Posted: 5/28/2009 2:00:04 PM


Msg: 25 -- Damn what ever happened to "Discretion"? If a chick wanted
to jump my bones and wanted discretion then her wish is my command. Or
was this a trick question.


"Discretion"? What is that? Any time I see a man and woman together I
automatically presume they have slept together at LEAST once and think
nothing of it. The discretion is more on my part than theirs, in SPITE
of my presumption, which remains private as well. The opinion is MINE
alone and has no intent of bias toward them.
 TampaRays
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 26
Good enough only for sex
Posted: 5/28/2009 3:37:25 PM
Hey, it's sometime like riding a moped, it's fun but you never want anybody to see you riding it.
 celts123
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 27
Good enough only for sex
Posted: 5/28/2009 3:42:05 PM
In many cases, a man doesn't want to date or be seen with unattractive woman. But he would will have sex with an unattractive woman because of the following reasons.

1. He was drunk
2. He was horny
3. A woman aggressively went him and she was "easy".
4. He was desperate / has low esteeem and felt he couldn't do any better

In other cases, a man could be attracted to a woman. But is concerned about what other people might think. This could happen when there is large age difference, interracial relationship, one person is significantly overweight etc.
 LivinLovinAndLaughin
Joined: 7/18/2009
Msg: 31
Good enough only for sex
Posted: 8/9/2009 8:12:10 AM
This is a topic in which I've become aware, PERSONALLY. Sex isn't something I give away freely, and when it is given, there is a reason. Attraction! And the "attraction" includes, liking what I see, wanting to get to know more about the person, because what I see already, I like. I guess I'm not up to date on WHY, it doesn't go both ways.
Are some men really so shallow that this is ALL they are looking for?
 LivinLovinAndLaughin
Joined: 7/18/2009
Msg: 35
Good enough only for sex
Posted: 8/9/2009 10:03:36 AM
Above poster.... I fully understand some looking ONLY for sexual encounter, etc. BUT... as for POF... It plainly asks you to state what you're looking for. This being the case, why would one looking for the sexual encounter approach someone who is looking for a LTR, and vice-versa. Do some think this "let me see if I can get her in the sack and move on?" A conquest? I also know some ladies who do this as well. So don't think I'm picking on the men here.

I'm just saying if it say's they're looking for a LTR. Assume it to be so.
Just like, if it says they're looking for an intimate encounter we KNOW this is the ONLY thing they are looking for. So why even bother with them if you're not looking for the same? Just as if you don't want someone who is a BBW, yet you seek them out. You don't want a drug user, but you still chat. If I've ever learned one thing in my dating experiences is MOST will state what they want. If a guy says, I'm NOT looking for a relationship. This is what they mean. Yet, I hear women say, Ohhhhh... I can change that. Why would you want to do that? They told you from the start the truth. But then they cry and say "I don't know what I've done" HAH.. silly!

I guess I'm just old school who say's what she means, and expects the same of others.
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 36
Good enough only for sex
Posted: 8/9/2009 10:46:20 AM

This pretains to men and women. Why do some think that a person is good enough for sex but not good enough to take out in public? I have come across men and woman who think this way. I don't have sex with anyone that I would not be caught dead in public with. If you are ashamed to be seen in public with them, why would you have sex with them?


Never bumped into this quandary, OP. Just the opposite, actually, as I've always looked for ways to have some sort of sex with her in public. Sometimes, THAT's a problem, but only because of her inhibitions. lol
 ready_red25078
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 37
Good enough only for sex
Posted: 8/9/2009 8:32:20 PM
you don't have to have me on your arm, but you can't be ashamed to see seen with me, odds are your gonna be seen with me in public or by peeps either one of use know before you get to screw my brains out
 LivinLovinAndLaughin
Joined: 7/18/2009
Msg: 39
Good enough only for sex
Posted: 8/10/2009 1:36:15 PM
^^^^^OUCH!

My thoughts on that is TOTALLY RIDICULOUS. If someone has a problem with MOST of the things discussed here, why would any PERSON waste their time being involved with an a$$ like that?

Sorry goofius... I apologize for all those. As apparantly they know not what they do!
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 42
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Good enough only for sex
Posted: 6/1/2010 5:22:18 AM
It's a selfish thing. If someone just wants sex, but doesn't want to be seen "in public" with that sex partner, they are just into the sex thing for themselves. Think about it for a second. They don't give a crap about the person, they just want their body or their services. Not a lot of respect present is there?

I know a person like this. I detest this in him very much. He doesn't have much self respect, or respect for others, for that matter. Karma is going to bite him big time. Not surprising, his circle of friends is getting smaller and smaller..duhhh.
 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 44
Good enough only for sex
Posted: 6/1/2010 9:00:32 AM
I am too good to be involved with group who would accept me as a member...cant remember who said this but it will come to me ... nope never been ashamed to be seen with anyone have had people in my life who thought they were better than me or others ..those people usually end up lower than most ...KARMA ...got to love it
 Big_fun_wave
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 45
Good enough only for sex
Posted: 6/1/2010 5:22:17 PM
Well, maybe these people your talking about are only looking for a 1 night stand and nothing more. But you are wondering why would they have sex with someone that would be considered less than attractive by most. Theres only 2 possibilities I can think of, and it could be both. There both rather desperate and affection starved. Or the one may feel sympathy for the less than attractive one to the point they moreless have sex with them only to please them. I once heard the person who feels the sympathy and does the deed refered to as a "good sexual semaritan" .
 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 46
Good enough only for sex
Posted: 7/8/2010 7:23:46 AM
This has always been one of my pet peeves ... when I was a teen .. I was criticized for dating girls that were not in the social click ..not the most pretty girls ..its just the way I was ... well I later became friends with one of the jocks ..the popular guys ..the guys who were suppose to be fvcking the cheerleaders and the popular girls .. and fixed him up with my girl friends sister ... he didnt even know how to fvck ... he had an American Pie moment and lost it as soon as he touched it .. I just found that the other girls were more interesting than the popular drama queens ...
 Alekhinejr
Joined: 12/4/2009
Msg: 47
Good enough only for sex
Posted: 7/11/2010 1:21:35 AM
I wouldn't have sex with someone who I didn't like....and if I like them I would be seen in public with them....so I would guess that those people didn't like the people they screwed... :)
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