Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 TooShadows
Joined: 9/26/2008
Msg: 7
view profile
History
Is gay cheating the same?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
It's only cheating if you don't know about it. My girlfriend is bi,and I've told her she can have sex with all the women she wants as long as she lets me know she's doing it.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 9
view profile
History
Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 5/26/2009 2:58:23 PM
Cheating is simply doing something behind your partner's back, without their knowledge and consent that you couldn't do infront of them.

If I'm in a monogamous relationship with someone.. regardless if that person was with someone of the same gender or not, it would be considered cheating.


I mean if I'm dating a girl and I see her kiss another man on the lips I might go crazy, but if it's a woman I wouldn't get the least bit offended.

Why the double standard???
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 10
Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 5/26/2009 3:09:49 PM
To me, cheating is cheating no matter whether it is with a man or a woman. I do not cheat on my partner and I expect the same restraint on his part.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 11
view profile
History
Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 5/26/2009 3:18:31 PM
People and their double standards amaze me.

The "As Long As I Can Get My Rocks Off To the Dirty Little Details Afterwards"
mentallity is gonna bite you in the ass one day.
 WalkingInLondon
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 15
Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 5/26/2009 4:42:57 PM
Cheating is cheating is cheating...whether it is straight, gay, or whatever. Dry humping in the back of the car counts, too...as does kissing, oral sex or hiring a hooker. Anything that gets you sexually charged counts as cheating. Don't do it and no one will get pissed.
Beth
 Zebra Circle
Joined: 4/12/2009
Msg: 18
Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 5/26/2009 6:33:52 PM
Technically, yes, cheating is cheating.

But I think it's not being realistic to not factor in the complete hatred and stigma that surrounds two guys having sexual relations. I mean look at many of the responses on this forum from men and women about bisexual men (bisexual or gay women seem to get a pass or are more accepted in American society, assuming they're hot and not ugly; otherwise, guys are grossed out by seeing them get it on, much less hold hands).

Bisexual (and gay) men feel and understand this hatred. For a man to chance being outed could cost him his job, his relationship with his wife/girlfriend, his friends, he could be subjected to violence, and harassment, as well as many other negatives.

So why would you -- women and men -- expect a bisexual man to easily be upfront, no matter how close you two are? Not a lot of people on this forum I'm finding are all too tolerant of bisexual men. So ladies in a relationship, you think your guy is going to just open up to you about something of this magnitude?

I'm merely saying that, realistically, I can easily see why a bisexual guy might not consider a sexual encounter with another guy as cheating. He loves his girlfriend/wife -- is generally happy with her -- but he craves a blowjob, handjob, or sex with another guy from time to time. Yet because he knows the lack of tolerance for such desires, he can't just open up and tell his significant other -- not matter how much he'd REALLY like to. Don't underestimate the power of society, folks. It's intense! It's the VERY reason so many bisexual and gay men remain in the closet.

So you can factor in how men SHOULD act (if the world were perfect), or you can factor in how men (i.e., human beings in any given society) REALISTICALLY most likely will act.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 20
view profile
History
Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 5/26/2009 7:10:38 PM
Obviously, as long as it turns a man on to think of his woman w/ another woman.....
then it's OK!
Till his woman meets a woman that gives her oral like she's never recieved from a man.....and leaves him for her.....
then she is a two timing biotch!
 Cod57
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 21
Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 5/26/2009 7:37:32 PM
Yes. I would be angry if a boyfriend cheated on me. Whether it was with a man, woman, or a dog. LOL.
 Zebra Circle
Joined: 4/12/2009
Msg: 23
Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 5/27/2009 5:11:58 AM

The point is, cheating is cheating is cheating.


I disagree. "Cheating is cheating is cheating" is seeing the world in only black and white colors, and we all know that the world consists of massive amounts of gray. If you do recall from my original comment, yes, TECHNICALLY a gay relationship behind your significant other's back is cheating. But REALISTICALLY, bisexual men (more so than bisexual women) are in a tough situation.

You've all heard the saying, "If you live in a glass house, don't throw stones," right? I don't think any of us live within exclusively black and white colors. None of us are perfect.


I think it's absurd to even entertain factoring society this or society that


From your entire post, Miss Priss32, I feel you were sincerely trying to offer a valid opinion, but your comment about it being "absurd" to factor in society is way off base. It's the VERY reason bisexual men go behind their significant others' backs. If the world were entirely accepting of bisexual men, then every man in a relationship with a woman would be upfront from the beginning and say, "Honey, I'm bisexual, so would it be okay if I have sexual relations from time to time with another man?" Yeah, right, how often do you hear about couples having those honest discussions? Answer: very, very few.

Flash back to reality, you have a bisexual man -- a man with a real part of himself, with real desires -- who can't act on those desires because SOCIETY puts such an incredibly tough stigma (of which I listed all the negatives in my first post) on him. So he remains closeted. Ultimately, his desires get the best of him. He's a human being, not a perfect robot.

Back to the glass house analogy, imagine having a strong part of your identity being cast aside and ridiculed by society. Imagine being made to feel bad about it, ashamed even. So I think it's not entirely off base for a bisexual man to cheat from time to time. I know those words sound terrible to the black and white crowd, but I think it's a by-product of an intolerant society. Kind of a "what did you expect" sort of thing.

Yes, I think we should all strive for honesty in a relationship, but I think the bisexual factor is unique. If you're going to use the word cheating in this instance, then it should have an asterisk beside it.
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 26
view profile
History
Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 5/27/2009 10:05:39 AM
Um, yeah. It's still cheating if you've agreed to be exclusive and the other has broken that covenant. I'd think it'd be even more insulting, crushing and deflating to one's ego to have your mate stray to the same sex ("My God--I turned 'em gay!").
 Zebra Circle
Joined: 4/12/2009
Msg: 27
Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 5/27/2009 3:34:57 PM
Accidentally In Love,

Whew ... where to begin with such an absurd thread and rambling such as yours. You didn't go to college, did you? Or if you did, you don't get out much. Or you live a sheltered life.

Let's start with this quote because you seemed to use a variation of it a lot:


What if I happen to like both brunette men AND blondes?


LOL! I don't recall there ever being a case where this question was put on a ballot for the public to vote on. I don't recall there ever being an outlash against people with blonde hair vs. brunettes. Name me one person you personally know who is a closeted blonde (or brunette). Just one, that's all I ask. I'll save you the effort and answer for you: you can't!

You see blondes and brunettes don't have to lead a secret life, like bisexuals do because of the KNOWN ramifications involved if they do so. So your entire analogy is baseless and void of any merit.

Now let's examine this quote of yours, shall we?


Why do you think you (bisexuals) are so special that you deserve to have your cake and eat it too at another's expense?


First, I can see that you have a hatred toward bisexuals (probably gays, too). Where did I ever say that we're so special that we deserve to have our cake and eat it, too? You think it's a blast to keep a part of yourself hidden because if you revealed it to the world you'd be ridiculed, have hateful remarks thrown at you, had violence done to you, possibly lose your job, and other negatives? Yeah, that's a special person all right.

You see, straights can have their cake and eat it, too, because they're biologically geared toward ONE person. There is no other feeling or desire they have to deal with. So bisexuals are a little different; there's an attraction for two genders. One, however, is made to feel shameful. So where's the fairness there?

Like I said, it would be great if the world didn't even have a term for bisexuals (or gays) or straights. To use your lame analogy, there were bisexuals in the world just like there were blondes or brunettes in the world. Different, but nothing to really think about. All could coexist in harmony. But the world doesn't work that way, does it, Accidentally In Love? Even you should be able to acknowledge that.

So I stand by my statement(s). Yes, we should always strive to be honest with each other, but I can certainly understand -- and not be the least bit surprised -- when a bisexual man (or to a lessor extent bisexual women) needs to experience what is a part of him without being brave enough to tell his significant other. Because of intollerant people toward bisexuals (and gays), this is the VERY reason most stay closeted.

So if you decide to respond, give me something intelligent to work with next time; otherwise, I have nothing else to say to you.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 28
view profile
History
Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 5/27/2009 7:20:09 PM
being bisexual is no excuse to cheat.

I agree........if you want both worlds......don't commit to one of them.
 susan_cd
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 34
Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 10/24/2009 9:02:32 AM
If you need to keep it a secret from your partner, it doesn't matter if it's gay, straight, phone sex, or cybersex it's all cheating.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 36
view profile
History
Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 10/25/2009 9:36:50 AM
I think the matter of what is "cheating" depends on the agreement between two people. If your agreement is to be completely monogamous, then it doesn't matter who the other party is.

I know a few hetero couples where the guy tolerates the woman having occasional encounters with other women and doesn't consider it cheating.

As far as we've come in being more tolerant of homosexuality, it's still a big taboo for a lot of people and probably difficult for many men to integrate about themselves. There are men who don't realize they're gay, get married, and then figure it out. There are men who realize it but think getting married and having sex with women will "cure" them. And there are men who are bisexual and this creates a dilemma. Some bisexual people have no difficulty being monogamous but some have a hard time giving up sex with one or the other. If they have an understanding partner and a strong relationship, they may be able to be open about it. However, not all partners can deal very well with such a situation. This creates a real bind: either give up the possibility of that aspect of yourself and live with the frustration of it forever or be secretive about it. It's a tough situation to be in.

No matter what, if your partner believes you are being monogamous, make sure you take measures to protect them from getting any STDs.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 37
view profile
History
Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 10/25/2009 7:33:27 PM

it is called open relationships, my god ppl sayin its cheating. how is it cheating when both partners have talked and agreed with an open relationship?


The general concensus is if you have discussed it with your partner and they agree to an open relationship.......it's not cheating.

We only think it's considered cheating if you are not honest w/ your partner about it.
No matter what gender your partner is.
 NappyKAT
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 39
Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 10/28/2009 11:06:36 PM
For men - it seems gay cheating is only cheating if they didn't like the thought of their woman with another woman. Since this is suppose to be **every man's fantasy**, then ofcourse he would have no problem with his woman 'cheating' with another woman. Supposedly, if he came in on his wife or gf having sex with another woman, he'd get aroused enough to watch or wanna join in. That is way less likely to happen if he walked in on her and another man.

Women on the other hand - a man cheating with another man is often the worse type of cheating I'm told. Women seem have a tolerance for opposite sex cheating because they feel like then can measure up and beat her ass. Or at the very least that's a type of cheating they can understand. And it says he is still heterosexual with a supposedly healthy male ego and sexuality.

Many women say they can't understand man-on-man cheating because as a woman - she can't measure up to a man. She can't 'be' and man and give him whatever a man gave him, so it makes her feel more useless and worthless than opposite sex cheating. And he just went down a notch in her eyes because he's now 'gay' and no longer hetero. His ego and sexuality is not 'healthy' because now he's doing something and wanting something 'perverted.'

Ofcourse they will also claim that male-on-male sex spread more diseases more easily than if they cheated with women. This may be true but it's only an after thought. It's the 3rd paragraph here that really pisses women off about male-on-male cheating.

Well my female ego is pretty healthy and i don't think male-on-male cheating would make me feel any more awkward, useless or worthless than opposite sex cheating - if indeed it did make me feel that way. So I consider all cheating the same.
 NappyKAT
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 40
Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 10/28/2009 11:18:50 PM
"Honey, I'm bisexual, so would it be okay if I have sexual relations from time to time with another man?" Yeah, right, how often do you hear about couples having those honest discussions? Answer: very, very few.

Flash back to reality, you have a bisexual man -- a man with a real part of himself, with real desires -- who can't act on those desires because SOCIETY puts such an incredibly tough stigma... on him. So he remains closeted. Ultimately, his desires get the best of him. He's a human being, not a perfect robot.

Back to the glass house analogy, imagine having a strong part of your identity being cast aside and ridiculed by society. Imagine being made to feel bad about it, ashamed even. So I think it's not entirely off base for a bisexual man to cheat from time to time. I know those words sound terrible to the black and white crowd, but I think it's a by-product of an intolerant society. Kind of a "what did you expect" sort of thing.

Yes, I think we should all strive for honesty in a relationship, but I think the bisexual factor is unique. If you're going to use the word cheating in this instance, then it should have an asterisk beside it.
Zebra circle you have a valid point and I think this goes well with my post above.

But I wonder if there are truly bisexual men? Seems like bisexuality for men is just a stopover on gay lane before they attempt to move into full fledge homosexuality.

But cheating is still cheating and the bisexuality factor is NOT a unique exception. No matter if bisexual man is with a man or a woman, if they strive for monogamy he should try to be faithful and not sex the other sex. If I was having an exclusive relationship with a bisexual man (and he told me he was bisexual) then I still could reasonably assume he would not cheat with ANYONE. If the desire to have a man is so strong, then we need to end out intimate and personal relationship and maybe be friends. The same should apply if he was trying to have a mutual monogamous relationship with a man and desired a woman.

Why would we allow a bisexual man to act on his desire to be with a man from time to time and not allow this for a hetero man who wants to be with woman from time to time? Unacceptable and no double standards for that.

Now you can have an exclusive monogamous relationship with 2 people - a man and a woman - if you all so desire. Or even more than that. What it means that no matter what the amount of people are in it - you all are agreed to have sex and be intimate only with each and not outside of it. If anyonon else is brought in, it has to agreed upon by all others - and that's before you have sex with that person! That how they do in polygamy and that.

I think I could deal with a situation like that. Call it polyamory or whatever. I don't think it's open relationship tho. I don't mind casual sex and FWB but I don't particularly like the thought of them sexing someone else I don't know and haven't met. A sex circle where everyone has met and been tested and is exclusive among each other wouldn't necessarily be bad thing. But I don't like the thought that someone might get caught up and... cheat! It's not the cheating that scares me it's what they could bring in from that cheating.
 tazloveyou
Joined: 4/25/2009
Msg: 42
view profile
History
Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 10/5/2011 6:01:08 PM
Yes women seem to have a hard time with the issue. but how many women would feel that way if they got into a lesbian relationship after they were married? Would that be ok in their books?
 groovygirl69
Joined: 8/19/2011
Msg: 43
Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 10/6/2011 5:15:04 AM
Of course it is the same. I actually find this to be a bit of an innane question. The matter of cheating isn't about sex or gender, but about betrayal and stepping outside of the agreed parameters of your relationship.
 groovygirl69
Joined: 8/19/2011
Msg: 44
Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 10/6/2011 5:15:36 AM
HOW? How could it be worse? I sense a little homophobia there.
 groovygirl69
Joined: 8/19/2011
Msg: 45
Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 10/6/2011 5:17:01 AM
I have never heard of a person using it as an excuse. Cheating is cheating. Now if you go into the relationship saying openly that you will still have sex with women (or men), then it is all open. It would be up to the partner to forbid that sort of activity and add it to the list of rules of the relationship.
 bilby886
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 46
view profile
History
Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 10/8/2011 9:40:54 AM

.
Too many people try to use being bisexual as an excuse to cheat which gives them a bad rap. Unfortunately, it is often deserved.
.


So a person can be "straight as a nail" but want to cheat so go out and find another of the same sex to play with?

Wow! if cheat means a one night stand then maybe they're not so much bisexual as they are either "orgasm addicts" or just not getting enough "home cooking"?

If heterosexuals and homosexuals can can meaningful monogamous relationships then what should the problem be with bisexuals?

trust is trust for the GLBT or "others" communities alike!
 sillyfilly
Joined: 5/4/2007
Msg: 47
view profile
History
Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 10/8/2011 3:06:58 PM
Zebra Circle, I agree 100% with Accidentally in Love. Using a woman to hide behind while have sexual relation with your gay friends makes the whole relationship nothing but a farce. There is no excuse or rationalization for cheating, but when your straight relationship is nothing but your closet cover, then, yes you deserve all the bashing you get.
 SeaCatcher
Joined: 9/11/2011
Msg: 48
Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 10/9/2011 5:46:35 AM
Why consider a guy kissing a girl on the lips any different from a girl kissing another girl on the lips? It is about human relationships and fidelity of those relationships. It is irrelevant if the kisser is the same gender. The intensity of human connection can be equally deep. Feel jealous, if you are being two timed - if jealousy is your thing. Know that your special girlfriend/boyfriend may just leave you for her/his new lover.
 SeaCatcher
Joined: 9/11/2011
Msg: 49
Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 1/5/2012 7:04:00 PM
Cheating between two people happens between two people. Sexual preference is not the issue. When you rob a heterosexual of something (eg a car or a hat or lover) and when you rob a homosexual of something (eg a car or a hat or lover) or a bisexual of something (eg a car or a hat or lover) you are robbing each of them of something. You are not robbing a heterosexual more of something than you are robbing a homosexual. It is the theft from someone that matters. There is no degree of difference between robbing or cheating another person just because of their sexual preferences.

Think *people* not sexual preference. Harming a person is not good, whether they are heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, asexual. Cheating on someone is cheating on someone.
Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  >