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 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 28
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Is gay cheating the same?Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
being bisexual is no excuse to cheat.

I agree........if you want both worlds......don't commit to one of them.
 susan_cd
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 34
Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 10/24/2009 9:02:32 AM
If you need to keep it a secret from your partner, it doesn't matter if it's gay, straight, phone sex, or cybersex it's all cheating.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 36
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Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 10/25/2009 9:36:50 AM
I think the matter of what is "cheating" depends on the agreement between two people. If your agreement is to be completely monogamous, then it doesn't matter who the other party is.

I know a few hetero couples where the guy tolerates the woman having occasional encounters with other women and doesn't consider it cheating.

As far as we've come in being more tolerant of homosexuality, it's still a big taboo for a lot of people and probably difficult for many men to integrate about themselves. There are men who don't realize they're gay, get married, and then figure it out. There are men who realize it but think getting married and having sex with women will "cure" them. And there are men who are bisexual and this creates a dilemma. Some bisexual people have no difficulty being monogamous but some have a hard time giving up sex with one or the other. If they have an understanding partner and a strong relationship, they may be able to be open about it. However, not all partners can deal very well with such a situation. This creates a real bind: either give up the possibility of that aspect of yourself and live with the frustration of it forever or be secretive about it. It's a tough situation to be in.

No matter what, if your partner believes you are being monogamous, make sure you take measures to protect them from getting any STDs.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 37
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Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 10/25/2009 7:33:27 PM

it is called open relationships, my god ppl sayin its cheating. how is it cheating when both partners have talked and agreed with an open relationship?


The general concensus is if you have discussed it with your partner and they agree to an open relationship.......it's not cheating.

We only think it's considered cheating if you are not honest w/ your partner about it.
No matter what gender your partner is.
 NappyKAT
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 39
Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 10/28/2009 11:06:36 PM
For men - it seems gay cheating is only cheating if they didn't like the thought of their woman with another woman. Since this is suppose to be **every man's fantasy**, then ofcourse he would have no problem with his woman 'cheating' with another woman. Supposedly, if he came in on his wife or gf having sex with another woman, he'd get aroused enough to watch or wanna join in. That is way less likely to happen if he walked in on her and another man.

Women on the other hand - a man cheating with another man is often the worse type of cheating I'm told. Women seem have a tolerance for opposite sex cheating because they feel like then can measure up and beat her ass. Or at the very least that's a type of cheating they can understand. And it says he is still heterosexual with a supposedly healthy male ego and sexuality.

Many women say they can't understand man-on-man cheating because as a woman - she can't measure up to a man. She can't 'be' and man and give him whatever a man gave him, so it makes her feel more useless and worthless than opposite sex cheating. And he just went down a notch in her eyes because he's now 'gay' and no longer hetero. His ego and sexuality is not 'healthy' because now he's doing something and wanting something 'perverted.'

Ofcourse they will also claim that male-on-male sex spread more diseases more easily than if they cheated with women. This may be true but it's only an after thought. It's the 3rd paragraph here that really pisses women off about male-on-male cheating.

Well my female ego is pretty healthy and i don't think male-on-male cheating would make me feel any more awkward, useless or worthless than opposite sex cheating - if indeed it did make me feel that way. So I consider all cheating the same.
 NappyKAT
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 40
Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 10/28/2009 11:18:50 PM
"Honey, I'm bisexual, so would it be okay if I have sexual relations from time to time with another man?" Yeah, right, how often do you hear about couples having those honest discussions? Answer: very, very few.

Flash back to reality, you have a bisexual man -- a man with a real part of himself, with real desires -- who can't act on those desires because SOCIETY puts such an incredibly tough stigma... on him. So he remains closeted. Ultimately, his desires get the best of him. He's a human being, not a perfect robot.

Back to the glass house analogy, imagine having a strong part of your identity being cast aside and ridiculed by society. Imagine being made to feel bad about it, ashamed even. So I think it's not entirely off base for a bisexual man to cheat from time to time. I know those words sound terrible to the black and white crowd, but I think it's a by-product of an intolerant society. Kind of a "what did you expect" sort of thing.

Yes, I think we should all strive for honesty in a relationship, but I think the bisexual factor is unique. If you're going to use the word cheating in this instance, then it should have an asterisk beside it.
Zebra circle you have a valid point and I think this goes well with my post above.

But I wonder if there are truly bisexual men? Seems like bisexuality for men is just a stopover on gay lane before they attempt to move into full fledge homosexuality.

But cheating is still cheating and the bisexuality factor is NOT a unique exception. No matter if bisexual man is with a man or a woman, if they strive for monogamy he should try to be faithful and not sex the other sex. If I was having an exclusive relationship with a bisexual man (and he told me he was bisexual) then I still could reasonably assume he would not cheat with ANYONE. If the desire to have a man is so strong, then we need to end out intimate and personal relationship and maybe be friends. The same should apply if he was trying to have a mutual monogamous relationship with a man and desired a woman.

Why would we allow a bisexual man to act on his desire to be with a man from time to time and not allow this for a hetero man who wants to be with woman from time to time? Unacceptable and no double standards for that.

Now you can have an exclusive monogamous relationship with 2 people - a man and a woman - if you all so desire. Or even more than that. What it means that no matter what the amount of people are in it - you all are agreed to have sex and be intimate only with each and not outside of it. If anyonon else is brought in, it has to agreed upon by all others - and that's before you have sex with that person! That how they do in polygamy and that.

I think I could deal with a situation like that. Call it polyamory or whatever. I don't think it's open relationship tho. I don't mind casual sex and FWB but I don't particularly like the thought of them sexing someone else I don't know and haven't met. A sex circle where everyone has met and been tested and is exclusive among each other wouldn't necessarily be bad thing. But I don't like the thought that someone might get caught up and... cheat! It's not the cheating that scares me it's what they could bring in from that cheating.
 tazloveyou
Joined: 4/25/2009
Msg: 42
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Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 10/5/2011 6:01:08 PM
Yes women seem to have a hard time with the issue. but how many women would feel that way if they got into a lesbian relationship after they were married? Would that be ok in their books?
 groovygirl69
Joined: 8/19/2011
Msg: 43
Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 10/6/2011 5:15:04 AM
Of course it is the same. I actually find this to be a bit of an innane question. The matter of cheating isn't about sex or gender, but about betrayal and stepping outside of the agreed parameters of your relationship.
 groovygirl69
Joined: 8/19/2011
Msg: 44
Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 10/6/2011 5:15:36 AM
HOW? How could it be worse? I sense a little homophobia there.
 groovygirl69
Joined: 8/19/2011
Msg: 45
Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 10/6/2011 5:17:01 AM
I have never heard of a person using it as an excuse. Cheating is cheating. Now if you go into the relationship saying openly that you will still have sex with women (or men), then it is all open. It would be up to the partner to forbid that sort of activity and add it to the list of rules of the relationship.
 bilby886
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 46
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Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 10/8/2011 9:40:54 AM

.
Too many people try to use being bisexual as an excuse to cheat which gives them a bad rap. Unfortunately, it is often deserved.
.


So a person can be "straight as a nail" but want to cheat so go out and find another of the same sex to play with?

Wow! if cheat means a one night stand then maybe they're not so much bisexual as they are either "orgasm addicts" or just not getting enough "home cooking"?

If heterosexuals and homosexuals can can meaningful monogamous relationships then what should the problem be with bisexuals?

trust is trust for the GLBT or "others" communities alike!
 sillyfilly
Joined: 5/4/2007
Msg: 47
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Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 10/8/2011 3:06:58 PM
Zebra Circle, I agree 100% with Accidentally in Love. Using a woman to hide behind while have sexual relation with your gay friends makes the whole relationship nothing but a farce. There is no excuse or rationalization for cheating, but when your straight relationship is nothing but your closet cover, then, yes you deserve all the bashing you get.
 SeaCatcher
Joined: 9/11/2011
Msg: 48
Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 10/9/2011 5:46:35 AM
Why consider a guy kissing a girl on the lips any different from a girl kissing another girl on the lips? It is about human relationships and fidelity of those relationships. It is irrelevant if the kisser is the same gender. The intensity of human connection can be equally deep. Feel jealous, if you are being two timed - if jealousy is your thing. Know that your special girlfriend/boyfriend may just leave you for her/his new lover.
 SeaCatcher
Joined: 9/11/2011
Msg: 49
Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 1/5/2012 7:04:00 PM
Cheating between two people happens between two people. Sexual preference is not the issue. When you rob a heterosexual of something (eg a car or a hat or lover) and when you rob a homosexual of something (eg a car or a hat or lover) or a bisexual of something (eg a car or a hat or lover) you are robbing each of them of something. You are not robbing a heterosexual more of something than you are robbing a homosexual. It is the theft from someone that matters. There is no degree of difference between robbing or cheating another person just because of their sexual preferences.

Think *people* not sexual preference. Harming a person is not good, whether they are heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, asexual. Cheating on someone is cheating on someone.
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