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Show ALL Forums  > UK forums  > Are conditions like ADHD an excuse for parents who have naughty kids?      Home login  
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 lostsoulmoma
Joined: 11/13/2008
Msg: 51
Are conditions like ADHD an excuse for parents who have naughty kids? Page 3 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
maybe we should all leave this alone now as the people who are expert in their field or work with kids with the condition know what they have to do and deal with and all thats required.

Yep a good slap on the face did me a lot of good and so did my mothers attitude- she was strict- she also never once told me she loved me or put an arm round me or played with me .

I AM MENTALLY ILL- i have been 'obviously so' since 16 and will be for the rest of my life.

I was not abused or wanted for anything although my gran was soft so I had confusing messages and parents with no time. I have only realised in the past 5 years that I have to cope with a certain amount myself - THATS MY 'CAN DO' ATTITUDE that was mentioned. I try to keep open mind to others opinions but Im darn sick of this -all giving tuppence worth of old fashioned rhetoric on a subject you have no darned facts on!!!
As they do in some life swap stories etc- TRY WALKING A MILE IN ANOTHER MANS SHOES! YES - kids need boundries and rules that we adhere to as adults but Im ashamed for the times Ive smacked my kids- because it makes me a hypocrite , when it tell them not to hit each other but to compromise and give a reasoned adult argument. Or just walk away.

Dont come the morale high ground- yeah yeah everything was SO much better 20-30-40 years ago, still had drunken wife beaters, peadophiles, rapists and child abuse. IT JUST WASNT SEEN OR PUBLISCISED.
 Sexytrish36
Joined: 8/22/2007
Msg: 52
Are conditions like ADHD an excuse for parents who have naughty kids?
Posted: 5/28/2009 4:19:15 PM
Just because a child may have ADHD or Aspergers doesnt necessarily make them little monsters when out in public.


I have been watchin this thread with some anticipation... Now i will speak!!

My son who is now 21 was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 7 after being Expelled from Junior school, after getting frustrated and not being able to concentrate.

He was assessed also given a Brain Scan, then reluctently put on Ritalin... (after much deliberation of me and his dad) And that did calm him down alot...
He was not just a "Naughty Kid" as alot of you say on here that ADHD is just an excuse for a kid to let off steam... .I struggled with it for almost 12 years and its bloody hard...

Maybe some of you had better read up about it before judging us parents
 Paulinemab
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 53
Are conditions like ADHD an excuse for parents who have naughty kids?
Posted: 5/28/2009 4:31:16 PM
Perhaps ADHD can be used as an excuse for poor parenting, by some, however someone who has a child who has been diagnosed with ADHD and has certain difficulties should not always be lumped into the poor parenting category. I can understand that sometimes people get misdiagnosed and that some parents don't set boundaries with their children but that does not mean that there aren't some very loving very caring parents who have children who do have ADHD, or Aspergers, or Autism.

As the above poster said, the it never happened in my day is a pile of old rubbish in my view, it did, people were just labelled as mental and locked up in asylums.

I worked with an man in a housing project who was obviously mildly Autistic, he was in his 60s and had spent 40 odd years in an institution. In those days the medical profession did not understand conditions like that. People were just labelled retarded.

1. What is ADHD?
Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder is a genetically determined condition that affects those parts of the brain that control attention, impulses and concentration. It is thought to affect 3 to 7% of school age children.1 2 The best description for ADHD is that a child who suffers from this condition shows disruptive behaviours which cannot be explained by any other psychiatric condition and are not in keeping with those of the same-aged people with similar intelligence and development. These behaviours are usually first noticed in early childhood, and they are more extreme than simple “misbehaving”. Children with ADHD have difficulty focussing their attention to complete a specific task. Additionally they can be hyperactive and impulsive and can suffer from mood swings and “social clumsiness”.

2. When does ADHD develop?
ADHD develops in childhood and is most commonly noticed at the age of 5.1 Research suggests that 80% of children diagnosed with ADHD continue to experience symptoms during adolescence and 67% continue to have symptoms into adulthood.1

3. Does every person with ADHD have the same symptoms?
The symptoms of ADHD (impulsivity, hyperactivity and inattention) are not seen to the same degree in all people diagnosed with this condition. As a result, clinicians recognise three types of people with ADHD2: -

The mostly (predominantly) hyperactive-impulsive type
The mostly (predominantly) inattentive type
The combined type (which make up the majority of ADHD cases)

There is also a fourth type, which does not fit into any of the three categories and which healthcare professionals classify as ADHD not otherwise specified.2

4. What causes ADHD?
ADHD has multiple causes. However the evidence so far shows that it is not caused by poor parenting, rather, it is caused by a complicated combination of factors. These factors include changes in those parts of the brain which control impulses and concentration (neurobiological factors) and genetic, inherited and environmental factors.
 jessicca_02
Joined: 9/9/2007
Msg: 54
Are conditions like ADHD an excuse for parents who have naughty kids?
Posted: 5/28/2009 5:05:53 PM
Paulinemab, if ADHD was genetic, or neurobiological factors, then surely there would and could be conclusive tests and not theories when it comes to diagnosis?

Okay, I am gonna add my say to this thread from two points of view. Firstly my sisters child was diagnosed with ADHD some many years ago, and has been forced to take pills most his life. She was able to get a lot of money from the state for this. The boy got into a lot of trouble and now they cannot manage his behaviour and so lives with me. I don't see any of the behaviours they have seen and myself and the professionals involved know this is down to bad parenting on my sisters part.

From a teaching point of view, we have criteria to meet and goals which the child must achieve. I have witnessed teachers label a child with conditions, yet in all truthfulness, the childs lack of concentration in classroom environment, is mostly down to the how good the teacher is and if they are prepared to teach ensuring equality and inclusiveness, rather than meet government targets. Classrooms in the Uk are too big with many different cultures that the teacher needs to address which mean children who don't fully understand, are left out which can cause them to misbehave rather than feel stupid.

I do believe there are geniune cases of children with the condition out there, but am saddened by those who misdiagnose when the childs environmental factors are clearly to blame.
 Calray
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 55
Are conditions like ADHD an excuse for parents who have naughty kids?
Posted: 5/28/2009 9:47:04 PM
What is interesting is that no one has mentioned that children with adhd grow up to become adults with adhd. This is not something you grow out of. It's very real, it's very life controlling, and it's very frustrating. I know. I'm diagnosed, though very much closeted, with ADD (I generally would never bring this up).

I get frustrated when I read threads like this, because so many feel like they can speak with authority on something they know nothing about. Most of my teachers and I were constantly at war with each other because of my distractibility in class, or my total incapacity to be organized. One teacher had a system where you got detention at lunch every time you forgot a pencil, or your homework assignment. I was in the sixth grade, and by the time I was done with him, I'd racked up enough detentions to get me into my freshman year(this is not hyperbole, it's litterally true). And what made matter worse was that even thought I had these battles with my teachers, I always did well enough to maintain A's and B's and score in the upper 5 percentile in aptitude tests. So obviously it's not a lack of capacity, he's just not trying hard enough.

And my poor parents. What they had to go through when I was growing up. People passing judgement on them because my socks were mismatched (didn't help that I'm also color blind) or that I left for school and forgot to comb my hair. Teachers complaining to them that they needed to make sure that time was set aside to do my homework, when the real problem was that I had been distracted by the section of the text I wasn't supposed to be reading. No parenting wasn't the issue. truth is that particular boy wasn't built for the structured learning environment that schools force kids into.
 nortyraskull
Joined: 10/12/2007
Msg: 56
Are conditions like ADHD an excuse for parents who have naughty kids?
Posted: 5/29/2009 2:18:29 AM

I get frustrated when I read threads like this, because so many feel like they can speak with authority on something they know nothing about


I dont think anyone is denying that these conditions exist and are a very real and difficult thing to deal with and in some cases is blamed on poor parenting, but the reverse is also true, poor parenting can be and has been mistaken for ADD/ADHD, and I personally have been present when a parent whose child had been diagnosed with ADD was instructing another parent on how to get their child to behave in order to fool people into beleiving he had the same in order to be able to claim DLA for the child.

In no way am I trying to say that everyone is using it as an excuse for poor parenting, thats not true, I'm sorry if my post came across that way,but there are folk who will take advantage of any situation, much the same as the thousands claiming mobility for bad backs, then jogging round the park or playing golf etc, sad but true.
 Aitch Em
Joined: 3/3/2009
Msg: 57
Are conditions like ADHD an excuse for parents who have naughty kids?
Posted: 5/29/2009 2:37:16 AM

Maybe some of you had better read up about it before judging us parents


Nobody is having a go at parents of genuine ADHD sufferers, Trish. We're simply hacked off with those who cite, falsely, that their child suffers from such a condition in order to absolve themselves of the responsibility of their unruly child/children's behaviour because they're too damned lazy to discipline them themselves. If anything, I think the majority of contributors to this thread are very sympathetic to the genuine cases & the difficulties they face.
 csi8
Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 58
Are conditions like ADHD an excuse for parents who have naughty kids?
Posted: 5/29/2009 2:54:06 AM
The tests and questioning that has to be gone through to get a correct dx of add/adhd/asd, all of which are stand alone spectrums, although can be co morbids of each other, should rule out parents using it as an excuse

Unfortunately, it doesnt because its far easier to label a child through word of mouth, as they are all 'hidden disabilities', than instill the correct discipline

imo, as a parent of a young adult with correctly dx'd asd with comorbids of dyspraxia, prospopagnosia, tourettes [theres no such thing as 'mild' with spectrum disorders by the way] anyone being labelled without correct diagnosis, from a trained specialist, should be treated as being a victim of munchausens., either by proxy, if dxd by untrained professionals such as gp's,teachers,sencos or parents, or full blown, if self dx'd [youd be surprised how many adults do ]

by the way for the person who asked, the correct term is neurotypical, not normal
 yorkslass
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 59
Are conditions like ADHD an excuse for parents who have naughty kids?
Posted: 5/29/2009 2:57:50 AM
my daughter was a naughty kid for years she didnt hve adhd she was just naughty, shes over it now and shes grown into a lovely young woman
 xcheekychappyx
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 60
Are conditions like ADHD an excuse for parents who have naughty kids?
Posted: 5/29/2009 5:42:40 AM
It is worth pointing out that being naughty is not the only symptom of ADHD, in fact in my childs case I wouldn't even call being naughty a symptom. As 13 year old boys go he's a little angel 99% of the time. Frustration and concentration are the biggest issues my child faces. He works very hard in school but his progress is slow, those 7 A's I mentioned on his last report were all for effort rather than from academic acheivment.

He is in the Air Cadets and will appear perfectly attentive during final parade but he will walk out with no clue of what was said because whilst he knows how to behave he is unable to stay focussed on the actual briefing for long enough to retain much of what was said.

In public you would never know he has ADHD, he can and does behave as well as any other 13 year old boy (and better than many). At home the signs are more apparent but these are him letting out his frustration by banging the computer keyboard, or bashing his xbox joypad, or getting annoyed at inanimate objects rather than being naughty.

I can only judge based on my own boy but I'm guessing most of the issues around ADHD kids boil down to managing their frustration. That frustration usually manifests in a loss of temper and or a full blown tantrum. In extreme cases these can be very tough on a parent because the loss of temper can result in a danger to others in the household. Tantrums can be so wearing on a parent that it becomes easier to give in, which ultimately reinforces the tantrums creating a viscious cycle that becomes very hard to break.
 csi8
Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 61
Are conditions like ADHD an excuse for parents who have naughty kids?
Posted: 5/29/2009 5:52:47 AM

That frustration usually manifests in a loss of temper and or a full blown tantrum. In extreme cases these can be very tough on a parent because the loss of temper can result in a danger to others in the household


they're called meltdowns for darned good reasons arent they

whilst its very true some kids dont get the parents they deserve
some, thankfully, do
next time one of you tut tutts at a childs behaviour or a parents perceived lack of discipline, take a breath and think
how many of those behaviours does that parent have to cope with on an hourly basis
and
could you??

sometimes,as parents, we have to pick our battles
 willow
Joined: 12/11/2005
Msg: 62
Are conditions like ADHD an excuse for parents who have naughty kids?
Posted: 5/29/2009 7:12:25 AM

What is interesting is that no one has mentioned that children with adhd grow up to become adults with adhd.


I have, my son is 22 . I have to get a sitter in for my son whenever I go out or away as he isnt safe to be left alone in the house..
 Osiris13
Joined: 7/26/2008
Msg: 63
Are conditions like ADHD an excuse for parents who have naughty kids?
Posted: 6/7/2009 4:50:13 PM
I saw a load of adults a while ago with ADHD and Tourettes. It was in a busy pub/club area. Not sure if the drink had anything to do with it.
 MissingMinx
Joined: 4/20/2009
Msg: 64
Are conditions like ADHD an excuse for parents who have naughty kids?
Posted: 6/8/2009 3:18:33 AM
Hi macforty, as the mother of an ADHD kid (now adult) there's a lot of stuff written about ADHD which is incorrect. (real) ADHD is neurological in origin and always presents with another disabitity such as dyslexia or dysgraphia (inablity to write properly). Genuinely ADHD kids become ADHD adults - its a lifelong condition, although by their 20s kids have learned coping strategies and function very well - great fun at parties too LOL! However, a diagnosis from a GP and/or a Clinical Psychologist and Occupational Therapists is a must. You're right - too many people call children with basic lack of discipline "ADHD" when they are nothing of the sort.

If you're considering a relationship with someone with an ADHD kid a great book to read is Dr. Christopher Green's "Understanding ADHD" which is about £8 from Amazon.

Minx
 MissingMinx
Joined: 4/20/2009
Msg: 65
Are conditions like ADHD an excuse for parents who have naughty kids?
Posted: 6/8/2009 3:30:01 AM
Incidentally, its really interesting to view what other people think of, and how they view ADHD and what sorts of information/misinformation they do have.

One thing which isn't mentioned here is that the schools have a vested interest in NOT diagnosing ADHD and its associated co-morbidities - to do so means they then have to apply resource. Resource costs money. So if you suspect your child of having ADHD and are finding no help from the school or the GP -take them to a Clinical Psychologist and have their concentration spectrums tested. The schools and GPs are thereafter unable to offset an ADHD diagnosis. It will cost about £200 but may be the saving of your child in the school system, until such time as our antidiluvian government stops trying to "include" ADHD children in mainstream schools. Most ADHD kids are highly intelligent and able people - however, they need to be taught in a different environment by people who know how the condition affects them - my own experience was that the single most damaging thing for my son was the mainstream school environment.
 MissingMinx
Joined: 4/20/2009
Msg: 66
Are conditions like ADHD an excuse for parents who have naughty kids?
Posted: 6/8/2009 3:32:01 AM
Calray - I can so relate to what you are saying, as will anyone with genuine knowledge of ADHD.

I'm so glad that you managed to overcome the hell that was mainstream school and do so well - congratulations to you.

Minx x
 csi8
Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 67
Are conditions like ADHD an excuse for parents who have naughty kids?
Posted: 6/8/2009 3:42:13 AM

. The schools and GPs are thereafter unable to offset an ADHD diagnosis. It will cost about £200


beware tho the schools, la, tribunals et al will try the

"you pay so you get the answer you want"

arguement
and listen more to what a SALT tells them, although they have NO training in dxing spectrum conditions, than any specialist
 Blowers_Daughter
Joined: 4/25/2009
Msg: 68
Are conditions like ADHD an excuse for parents who have naughty kids?
Posted: 6/8/2009 4:08:54 AM
ADHD is not just a behavioural disorder: genes in the dopermingenic pathway (in the brain!) are found to be involved in ADHD. Furthermore, the levels of dopamine reproduction are affected in a child with ADHD (which causes depression, as well as the typical short attention & inability to see consequences of behaviour).

However, environment and the family situation/behaviour can affect how severe a child's symptoms are. It doesn't take brain surgery to see that most children supposedly affected with ADHD come from homes with poor discipline strategies and lazy lifestyles.

There are alot of parents out there that use the term ADHD will-nilly, simply because they can't control (or cant be bothered to control) their children.
Yet ADHD does exist and IMO, I think that the physiology of people, in general, is changing due to the environment. Behavioural problems are increasing, in addition to mental health disorders rising and I think the easy-going lifestyles that many lead now-a-days, are a cause for it.
It's easier to get fast-food than it is to cook; it's far more easier to stick a child in front of the T.V than it is to go outside and play a sport. Children in the western world get a great deal of their own way, a lot of the time: they have computers in their bedrooms and get bought the latest designer clothes & mobile phones.
Behavioural problems are inevitable.

ADHD is like any other mental health problem: nurture it- instead of treating it- and becomes harder to deal with. I personally believe that many parents make excuses for their children's bad behaviour (thus encouraging it), but treat it and ADHD doesn't have include a child being intolerable and unbearable to be around.
 MissingMinx
Joined: 4/20/2009
Msg: 69
Are conditions like ADHD an excuse for parents who have naughty kids?
Posted: 6/8/2009 9:42:06 AM
I'm not sure that I agree with Blower's definition of ADHD as a mental health problem per se, and think it is dangerous to label it a "mental" disorder - although the effects of ADHD on self-esteem etc. does tend these kids towards depressive behaviour, alcoholism etc. as late teens/adults (this is NOT a given but it does seem to be prevalent) - it is neurological in origin and has wide contexts, including motor skills. (My son's neurological 'wiring' was affected during my pregnancy - I had undiscovered Rhesus Negative syndrome and lost his twin) - his ADHD and other co-morbidities relate to physical neurology and not mental disorder.

I do agree that people with poor parenting skills who fail to provide ADHD kids with a disciplined, structured and routinised home environment due to laziness, or inability to cope, are actually making a long-term rod for their own children's backs.
 MissingMinx
Joined: 4/20/2009
Msg: 70
Are conditions like ADHD an excuse for parents who have naughty kids?
Posted: 6/8/2009 9:45:12 AM
Also, Blower, I would point out, that my son did not come from the sort of household you describe, and had a very switched on mother who exercised strong discipline at home and in her presence, and whose other child is one of the most self-possessed and self-disciplined people I know. Didn't stop him being ADHD though and didn't do anything to help the situation at school......
 Blowers_Daughter
Joined: 4/25/2009
Msg: 71
Are conditions like ADHD an excuse for parents who have naughty kids?
Posted: 6/8/2009 11:26:11 AM
MissingMinx- apologies: I forget that the term 'mental' can be deemed offensive.

I didn't state that ALL ADHD children were from the kind of household I described, but if you do your research, it is a condition that is largely (not completely!) associated with poor discipline and hazy behaviour boundries.

My child is not ADHD, though I know of a few children who are and of one adult. The children I know....well, let's just say, if I was their mother- they wouldn't see the light of day! All their mothers are very laid-back with the discipline and the children don't have routines and, for want of a better word, are spoilt brats. The adult I know is also slightly autistic and he's fantastic! He was never a little sod at school (I've known him since we were 12) and despite his lack of concentration on simple tasks, can remember every pair of shoes I've ever worn in his presence! lol
However, his mother resembled Hitler in a lot of ways!
 JSSP
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 72
Are conditions like ADHD an excuse for parents who have naughty kids?
Posted: 6/8/2009 12:45:54 PM
Both my daughter and I have ADD. We don't have the hyperactive part of this disorder. This means that we struggle to organise. It doesn't mean that we don't achieve. It just makes life that much harder.

My daughter takes medication but I do not. Sometimes I wish I had accepted some when it was offered. What it means is that instead of reading something 5 times and not being sure about what she has read, she can take her medication and read it once and know what was on the page.

For her, the anxiety comes from the inability to organise. She is very bright and is currently at university and is continually frustrated by the problems she faces in organising her thoughts to study. The medication helps fantastically.

However, it is a mistake to look at ADD or ADHD in isolation. Many people also have to deal with accompanying disorders to a greater or lesser extent, such as Aspergers, dyslexia, dyspraxia and dyscalculia. When I get stressed I exhibit some of the signs of dyspraxia. I have to be careful as I am likely to trip up, burn myself on the cooker or the iron or drop things.

All of these are in my family. We can trace them throughout the family tree. I agree that some people jump on the bandwagon, but please give a thought to those of us who genuinely have problems and overcome them every day.
 Lorri55
Joined: 10/5/2007
Msg: 73
view profile
History
Are conditions like ADHD an excuse for parents who have naughty kids?
Posted: 6/9/2009 12:30:20 AM
The brain works in very mysterious ways .
My daughter....who is now 23 and completely fit and well....as a very young child started having major convulsions. I remember the doctor explaining to me that these could be caused by either too much or not enough mental stimulus. He also flatly refused to 'label ' her as Epileptic .
As a result , although myself and her dad spent a lot of time playing with and reading to her and keeping her 'busy' she was given a place at nursery a little earlier then normal.
She spent 3 years on medication, gradually weaning herself off as her body grew and I now have a beautiful talented daughter , no more convulsions and a degree in Music (classical guitar)

Parenting can indeed be difficult when faced with a child who has health 'problems' so maybe we all need to look to our own experiences before we are TOO quick to judge?
 MissingMinx
Joined: 4/20/2009
Msg: 74
Are conditions like ADHD an excuse for parents who have naughty kids?
Posted: 6/9/2009 12:51:46 AM
LOL Blower - yes I do agree about the laid back mothers thing - though how they could be laid back with the constant danger their ADHD kids would put themselves into gawd only knows :-). My kids said they were brought up by a ruling military junta but that they're pretty grateful for it now LOL :-) In my mind, it was the only way to survive being a single mother with one child gifted academically who could run rings round me intellectually and the other one just running rings round me, and round and round LOL....!
 usemydongle
Joined: 10/13/2008
Msg: 75
Are conditions like ADHD an excuse for parents who have naughty kids?
Posted: 8/17/2010 12:18:10 AM
Had a date 2 days ago with a woman who bought her kid along and its something i will never do again.
The kid whinged and whinged run about everywhere wanting his moms total attention ans she gave into him, she said she over substituted for his missing father and thats what gave him adhd.
he just needs to be put in his place by an adult if you ask me and learn to be patient.
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