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 AUTHOR
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 26
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Only the Fearless are Harmless...Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I think some people are missing the point. It's not about physical fear and physical harm, it's about emotional fear and harm, and which fears are realistic and which are baseless.
 Life 2.0
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 27
Only the Fearless are Harmless...
Posted: 5/29/2009 10:13:09 AM
Whenever a topic like this arises, absolutes get bounced around a lot. If distilled to its basic components, fear is an emotional response irrespective of actual circumstances. For instance, one wouldn't think twice about walking a 1 foot wide board laying on the ground, but would freak out if that board were 10 feet off the ground. The difference is fear. The difficulty of the feat is not increased while the consequences of error are increased greatly. Thus fear is what makes you fall or unable to try.

Relationships are similar in some ways. Fear of loss of acceptance, self-image, or standing and fear of rejection and defeated expectations is the dating equivalent of that 10 feet between the board and the ground.

There is a balance to be found in the perception of risk. Those who appear "fearless" are those who manage fear and walk that high board. Fear is in the mind, it is a psychological construct based upon what we value and do not want to lose.

The mentally and emotionally strong manage fear because they KNOW deep down that if they are rejected and their needs aren't met they will be OK eventually. They act with stability and confidence. They are MUCH less uncertain to date because they don't need to protect themselves with all the psychological games that plague dating these days.

Back to the original question. Yes the fearless are as harmless as it gets in dating. Things might not be a match, but at least the process is treated with integrity. Those who act fearlessly don't have to jam you to protect themselves.

Might they reject you? yes. but you will be OK, they will be OK.
Might things not work out? yes, but you will be OK, they will be OK.
Might you both be a bad fit for whatever reason? yes, but you will be OK, they will be OK.
 Et Ombre
Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 28
Only the Fearless are Harmless...
Posted: 5/29/2009 10:38:01 AM
Kudos Life 2.0....exceptionally well put.
 sweetest
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 29
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Only the Fearless are Harmless...
Posted: 5/29/2009 10:41:50 AM

Being fearless to me when it comes to relationships to me means that we allow our hearts to love fully without fear of being hurt. That is the journey for us in relationships. Then perhaps only the fearless are harmless.

^^^echoes my sentiments exactly.

Thus fear is what makes you fall or unable to try. Relationships are similar in some ways. Fear of loss of acceptance, self-image, or standing and fear of rejection and defeated expectations is the dating equivalent of that 10 feet between the board and the ground

^^^I like how your illustration bridges the two ideas.

The mentally and emotionally strong manage fear because they KNOW deep down that if they are rejected and their needs aren't met they will be OK eventually. They act with stability and confidence. They are MUCH less uncertain to date because they don't need to protect themselves with all the psychological games that plague dating these days.

^^^exactly.

The insecure souls are driven not just by the fear they'll be alone, but more the fear they'll be alone with themselves --without even knowing who they truly are.

^^^and that's a hard place to be.

When it comes to relationships, the fear of rejection can be powerful. It comes from past experiences. But I don't want it to overpower me, hold me back, so I guess there's something called "prudence", I can look before I leap, so to speak. "Only the Fearless are Harmless", if one is truly living as the Bible teaches, "Be anxious for nothing" and following the Ten Commandments, then one is acting from a place of love and where there is love, there is no fear.

^^^I like this.

It's not about physical fear and physical harm, it's about emotional fear and harm, and which fears are realistic and which are baseless.

^^^that's how I see it as well.


edited
 mynamesnotjesus
Joined: 2/26/2009
Msg: 30
Only the Fearless are Harmless...
Posted: 5/29/2009 11:06:00 AM

So many of them seem "fear-based"

Because they are on an internet dating site.
And that is what draws/pushes the majority of people to go on the internet to date.
Of course not YOU (the reader) I'm sure your motives were purely healthy and positive.


do you agree or disagree that "only the fearless are harmless"?

Disagree. I would amend it to
"only the fearless are harmless in their own minds"
or
"the fearless are generally stupid"
or
"You can't really (emotionally) harm the fearless therefore there really is no reason to improve or learn from the past, as harm is what drives someone to improve. To cease the harm."

I can think of a ton of situations (dating, relationships, or general) where someone fearless can cause catastrophic harm. Because they aren't afraid to do so, and to their way of thinking it may be necessary.

In simpler words "fear" is an emotion. "Harm" is a subjective outcome. Lack of one does not equate to lack of the other.

So the quest to rationalize continuing fear based decisions, while searching for absolutes to justify the rationalizations, goes on.
 bernta
Joined: 9/3/2007
Msg: 31
Only the Fearless are Harmless...
Posted: 5/29/2009 11:40:40 AM
I thought about how apt this is in relationships these days...


I don't think the fearless are harmless in a relationship because you could easily hurt yourself or someone else without the boundaries that some fears provide.

But I do think if you can "fearLESS" in a relationship then you are open to all the relationship has to offer and you will not punish the other person for things that have gone on before.
 throwingitoutthere
Joined: 3/18/2009
Msg: 32
Only the Fearless are Harmless...
Posted: 5/29/2009 11:42:26 AM
I always liked the quote from the baseball movie Bull Durham

Kevin Costner: "You gotta play this game with Fear and Arrogance."

Tim Robbins: "Got it...Fear and Ignorance."
 ShabbiKid
Joined: 5/23/2008
Msg: 33
Only the Fearless are Harmless...
Posted: 5/29/2009 11:52:21 AM
wow, sidewalk philosophy! yeah man i don't know about you but i'm going to run right out and reassess my whole life based on the turgid scrawl of homeless people who are off their meds. there's a huge difference between fearless and courageous.
ask any good soldier about that. hooah. love them army rangers :)<




Merriam-Webster says courageous and fearless are the same--- brave

having or characterized by courage brave - a courageous soldier - a courageous decision


fearless free from fear : brave
 star*tossed
Joined: 5/17/2009
Msg: 34
Only the Fearless are Harmless...
Posted: 5/29/2009 11:54:03 AM
I don't think I understand the meaning nor the interpretation of the statement. If I deconstruct it, what it says is that only those who do not experience fear can do not harm...And still I have a Scooby Doo instinct to go "errrr?"

I've known people who don't have fear. But they are being clinically treated for being abnormal and unable to experience life's realities because they do not have the correct neurological functions to feel emotion. When I think of someone who doesn't know fear I imagine my cousin's child who at age 2 would run headlong into oncoming traffic, walked normally into fire, aparently not understanding fear or pain he seemed unaware they existed. He was/is autistic. True that young man also would do no harm - intentionally. But it doesn't mean he isn't incapable of doing harm.

I'm sorry got to say I don't get the statement. Off day perhaps?

I do concur with your assessment of the forums and the "mood" of the adults online. Negativity, hostility and raw anger is everywhere on the forums from racism, gender bashing, etc., The people of the forums claim to be here not to find love - only to "enjoy" the fun of the discussion.

To wit I ask - "are we having fun yet?"
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 35
Only the Fearless are Harmless...
Posted: 5/29/2009 12:13:59 PM
I totally disagree with the statement.

But first let's look and our primordial emotions" Flee, freeze, fight.

This are the consequences of the different degrees of fear, or lack of fear. The most decorated soldier of the Second World War, I can't remember his name, I think it was Murphy, said that what drove him to do what he did, was fear. He used his fear to confront his enemy. He said he didn't have the bravado of other men, or the guts of other soldiers and he acted to survive and to keep his men from being killed. He was a man that in his fear, what he did was project fearlessness.
The fearless most of the time throw caution to the wind so they end up harming themselves and harming others. Yet, it is fearlessness what allows a man to win a race, go across an ocean, think rationally on the eve of battle, so he knows when to dock and cover and went to charge.

The fearful do nothing.

The purely fearless are people that crash and burn and die.

But the those that understand the balance and project fearlessness like Sir Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay, are bold enough to be the first to climb Everest, and to then use their influence to build hospitals, schools and to change the world.
 Kindredpage
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 36
Only the Fearless are Harmless...
Posted: 5/29/2009 12:27:54 PM
Most certainly,I agree:)
 sunsetstormx
Joined: 1/20/2006
Msg: 37
Only the Fearless are Harmless...
Posted: 5/29/2009 12:35:56 PM
Mo-town cowgirl's words--wow, sidewalk philosophy! yeah man i don't know about you but i'm going to run right out and reassess my whole life based on the turgid scrawl of homeless people who are off their meds. there's a huge difference between fearless and courageous.
ask any good soldier about that. hooah. love them army rangers

My thought:
That sounded very stereotypical...the homeless "off " their meds. Why is a homeless person even necessarily ON meds? Maybe you are on meds? That was just rude and thoughtless. Why do people equate homeless, poor, under privileged with being mental or needing meds????
 Et Ombre
Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 38
Only the Fearless are Harmless...
Posted: 5/29/2009 12:57:47 PM

wow, sidewalk philosophy! yeah man i don't know about you but i'm going to run right out and reassess my whole life based on the turgid scrawl of homeless people who are off their meds. there's a huge difference between fearless and courageous.
ask any good soldier about that. hooah. love them army rangers :)<


And the question was????

I wonder if it was a homeless soldier who wrote it. Anyone who thinks to be courageous is to be fearless has never been there......HOOAH!!! Don't disgrace these men with that crap!!
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 39
Only the Fearless are Harmless...
Posted: 5/29/2009 1:06:22 PM

I'd rather crash and burn.




Better to have done and failed, than have done nothing at all.
 dysfunction_junction
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 40
Only the Fearless are Harmless...
Posted: 5/29/2009 1:41:16 PM
My thought:
That sounded very stereotypical...the homeless "off " their meds. Why is a homeless person even necessarily ON meds? Maybe you are on meds? That was just rude and thoughtless. Why do people equate homeless, poor, under privileged with being mental or needing meds????

oh stop, you're scaring me. are you the thought police?
now get out there in the world and learn to tell the difference between sarcasm directed at absolutely nobody in particular, and arrogant, holier-than-thou, bitter, wounded, hyper-sensitive politically correct "thought" which takes astounding pains to go waaaay the hell out on a limb and take general comments made by others quite specifically and deliberately out of context. wow that was quite an impressive stretch! i'm not impressed by your rhetoric though. it's disingenuous. you do know what disingenuous means, don't you? but hey you know what the bible says. if thine eye offend thee...

oh and @#44. what point are you trying to make, exactly? it's the same one i was making, apparently. to wit: that in the real world (screw what Merriam says) "fearless" <> "courageous". here let me spell it out for you in 5 words or less: fearless people are completely nuts. and perhaps also psychotic. which more or less brings me right back to where i started about the utter absurdity of turgid sidewalk scrawl authored by the un-medicated. and you're taking it seriously?? and you're taking what i said seriously???? my god, get a life.
 Stormwolf
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 41
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Only the Fearless are Harmless...
Posted: 5/29/2009 1:48:09 PM

So the "fortune cookie" logic that came from that scrawl you saw on the sidewalk is invalid in my eyes. Keep it in the fortune cookie where it belongs.


BDJ and others.....

I really think the concept " only the fearless are harmless" is being misinterpreated.
I've seen that message scribbled on walls and sidewalks at Homeless shelters
throughout NYC when I've volunteered during the Holidays. Trust me
there not "chest thumping" or posturing as badasses. It's a simple statement
that "I'm at the bottom, what in the hell do I have to fear?" "Nothing can
harm me!" Ergo "The fearless are harmless."
 psssst
Joined: 6/4/2007
Msg: 42
Only the Fearless are Harmless...
Posted: 5/29/2009 1:54:06 PM
I wonder... do you agree or disagree that "only the fearless are harmless"?

OP -- I disagree. In fact, I think it's bunk.
I'll see your bunk and raise you a pile of hooey...

To walk through life fearlessly puts oneself and other's in danger. Fear keeps us grounded.


Fear keeps me from being stupid.
Yup... fear and a dose of common sense which is unfortunately not so common.


Truly... I fear a fearless person.
 billiam57
Joined: 9/27/2008
Msg: 43
Only the Fearless are Harmless...
Posted: 5/29/2009 2:00:01 PM
Fear is learned behaviour. If you raised children you know they have a stage where they feel invinsible. Once the child experiences the pain of a mishap they grow cautious and wary.
As adults we learn the fairy tales we were taught as children are false. As adults we have learned from our mishaps and errors in judgement. To be fearless is to be reckless and irresponsible.

I didn't go thru all the opinions posted thus far. But has anyone pointed out that a home for homeless men means they are no longer homeless? If home is where you hang your hat, leave your heart, or where you can never go back to then aren't we all homeless in a fugurative sense?

There but for good fortune go I.

Bill
 principles of magic
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 44
Only the Fearless are Harmless...
Posted: 5/29/2009 3:02:52 PM
No five words hold the secret life the universe and everything. I think there is wisdom in these five in that if you act out of fear, irrationally react to something that provokes fear, then you risk harming yourself and others. I think this is certainly true in relationships -- and OP did specifically ask if the saying works in the context of relationships -- and probably is true in general. But this is fear out of control.

On the other hand, to step back, think, remove your wee ego from the equation, and then face whatever inspired fear, no harm done.

I used to be afraid that I would end up alone. To avoid such a disaster, I settled for a relationship that . . well you can imagine -- it was harmful! Step back and examine the fear: How would I end up alone? Would everyone else have gone to another planet? (Variation on this theme: fearful to go to India "alone"). There are all kinds of relationships and will be, as long as I take care of them and do not let myself be consumed by a fear of not having a romantic relationship.

Wow - too serious for a friday evening when there be icebergs just offshore!
 tbuddha
Joined: 2/28/2005
Msg: 45
Only the Fearless are Harmless...
Posted: 5/29/2009 5:42:13 PM
Totally...all harm stems from fear. Your story reminds me of Simon & Garfunkel:


the words of the prophets are written on the subway walls, and tenement halls.
 MizBexReturns
Joined: 3/17/2009
Msg: 46
Only the Fearless are Harmless...
Posted: 5/29/2009 6:07:14 PM
Those who seem utterly fearless usually don't know what's going on. In fact, confidence levels are often diretly proportional to ignorance.

Courage...that's the thing. Courage does not mean being without fear. Courage means acting in spite of fear. Fear is healthy.

But that's just me.
 Mr. Blblblbl
Joined: 12/31/2008
Msg: 47
Only the Fearless are Harmless...
Posted: 5/29/2009 6:15:04 PM


Your story reminds me of Simon & Garfunkel:

the words of the prophets are written on the subway walls, and tenement halls.

What about back alley dumpsters? I remember once reading, "Satin rules!" So much for Alannah Myles' suggestion that perhaps black velvet should be the fabric of choice.

The slogan sounds cool, but unless you know exactly what the author meant, it can be interpreted and discreditted far too easily. I can think of all sorts of harm the fearless could inflict, whether to themselve or others. And if it's that they feel as though being without fear means they cannot be harmed, that's less about fear and more about not caring about life any longer. Even when I've got nothing left to lose, until I am dead I still have my life.
 tbuddha
Joined: 2/28/2005
Msg: 48
Only the Fearless are Harmless...
Posted: 5/29/2009 6:24:52 PM
You're so fearful you won't even post a picture...

The less fear one has the less they feel a need to strike out. One thing I was blessed to learn at any early age is that men who do evil things have their own demons, and their actions are indeed driven by fear. Think about it...this country went to war based on fear. What the quote is really saying is that essentially everyone is capable of harm, because everyone has fears. It's an indirect statement.
 cinder728
Joined: 4/14/2009
Msg: 49
Only the Fearless are Harmless...
Posted: 5/29/2009 6:33:21 PM
I do not know if ONLY the fearless are harmless ( a baby could be considered harmless but might also be quite fearful.)...but I do think that those who are without fear do not act rashly and foolishly.
Fear can often be found at the root of anger, jelousy, and all that yucky stuff.
 2Irish1
Joined: 9/1/2008
Msg: 50
Only the Fearless are Harmless...
Posted: 5/29/2009 7:10:50 PM
Ya know....a while back I was going to post here...about the animal kingdom....and how fear keeps animals from being eaten by other animals...ect....and that fear generates the fight or flight mechanism....but, I think that it was already said by the time I was going to post...

Funny that in relationships we should all have rational fears....earnest skepticism for the voracity of newly founded relationships....basically keeping our eyes wide open...

vigilance in keeping an old relationship alive with passion, intimacy, love, romance...keeping the fires burning....and if we become complacent....not having any fear at all....it is quite likely that the greatest fear we have will be realized....the other will walk to find someone who rekindles the absent passion, intimacy, romance, and love...

What's the chance I could be a widower again...nawww..couldn't happen.


BTW silk....I only walk looking at the ground on my way away from the pub....afraid I might stumble and wreck this temple I call man.....chuckle
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