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 sbm4fun
Joined: 12/5/2008
Msg: 39
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I'm not attracted to youPage 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Well when i was in the DATING pool I was much kinder than that, and I would give more than one date to make up my mind.
like I said if there was no attraction I would not waste the girls time because I did not want that done to me, and seeing their photos, and talking on the phone before the date helps greatly to know if the person if your type.

and PS: glad you liked my profile lol.
 afashionlady
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 40
I'm not attracted to you
Posted: 6/3/2009 4:56:10 AM

like I said if there was no attraction I would not waste the girls time because I did not want that done to me, and seeing their photos, and talking on the phone before the date helps greatly to know if the person if your type.


True...BUT...what if the girl is all sweet and nice when you talk to her then she's a raging alcoholic, druggie, or curses worse than a sailor in real life? You'd beat a hasty retreat and probably wouldn't give her another chance.

I've had that happen. Guy's super nice on the phone, emails,whatever. In person he's a grabby assh**e who won't let up, or he drinks so much cause "he's nervous"...sometimes you let that go but for the most part you learn after 1 or 2 times to take the cue and move on.

BTW..."interesting" doesn't necessarily mean like...just saying.
 sbm4fun
Joined: 12/5/2008
Msg: 43
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I'm not attracted to you
Posted: 6/3/2009 6:31:51 AM

didn't say "no" I said that I already had plans for that night (which I did - but that's in a whole other thread-lol).

And sbm4fun, I did get my 'just desserts' because the guy I went out with after that wasn't interested in me and treated me like $hit...

For the record, I might have gone out with this guy again - on another day - just to see if maybe there was something there chemsitry wise....

yah thats why those who seek LTR should date one at a time, but hey if you just want friends of fwb then there are no rules he might have treated you like a queen on the next date, but you'll never know that now.

or he could be a **stard like everybody here seems to think, but again you'll never know.

I have a cousin in detroit who posted sex vids on the net of his ex online after she broke up with him for a guy with a better job and emailed some to her mother, but this is also the same guy who took a bullet for her when someone broke into her apartment 3 years ago. and watched her kids and fixed her car time after time, but after she lost 60LBS he was nolonger good enough for her.
I say that to say how someone acts when they are with you is often different that how they are if you hurt them.
my cousin is like me in some regards" either your best friend or worst enemy"
 sbm4fun
Joined: 12/5/2008
Msg: 45
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I'm not attracted to you
Posted: 6/3/2009 6:47:37 AM
how does that not mean he would not have treated you nice?
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 46
I'm not attracted to you
Posted: 6/3/2009 6:48:45 AM

I dunno about that...he wanted me to come over to his apartment to "watch TV"


What was he, in high school?
 sbm4fun
Joined: 12/5/2008
Msg: 48
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I'm not attracted to you
Posted: 6/4/2009 5:35:15 PM
so much for good relationships after 30.
 hungry_joe
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 50
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I'm not attracted to you
Posted: 6/7/2009 12:07:11 PM
Don't be shaken, you're cute and from what I've read smart. You have every right to be confident. Besides, you have another date tonight. Sounds to me that lots of guys think you're worthwhile. He was just angry because, you told him no. Some guys are childish like that.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 51
I'm not attracted to you
Posted: 6/21/2009 7:18:25 PM

You sound like a pretentious snob.

Just wait for the jerk like everyone else does.

Considering the source, I believe a tree stump would sound like a pretentious snob. Still haven't booked that therapy session I see.
 Vincent_1984
Joined: 11/14/2005
Msg: 52
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I'm not attracted to you
Posted: 6/22/2009 8:56:35 AM
Being told by someone that you aren't attractive is something that no one likes being told and, at least in my case, something that I also definitely don't like saying to someone but it is something that I would consider a necessary evil. I want to want my partner and I want my partner to want me because, to me, sex is an important part of a relationship. Aside from its obvious health benefits and entertainment qualities, it also strengthens the bond between two people.


Just remember though that taste isn't universal, everyone has a different definition of what they consider beautiful. You may not have been this persons' taste but that doesn't mean you aren't someone else's.

I think the important thing is that you are happy with the way you look; if you aren't, then either change the way you look or change your own definition of beauty.
(And by changing your look I mean exercise, dieting and/or trying different styles, I am in no way advocating any sort of risky cosmetic surgeries)
 daveincarson
Joined: 1/15/2008
Msg: 54
I'm not attracted to you
Posted: 6/23/2009 7:15:53 AM
In my opinion it's like the old saying "Attraction is not a choice."

I tend to be attracted to Asians big time! Maybe it was from living in Hawaii for so long.. I do not know.. But a lot of us (or for me at least) often have an intense attraction to certain females we meet. I can't explain it.. Maybe Pheromones or something?

For example, I do not have any attraction at all for Jennifer Aniston or Sarah Jessica Parker (I find the latter quite hideous actually..) But Kelly Hu and Monica Bellucci absolutely beautiful!
 farscapeprincess
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 57
I'm not attracted to you
Posted: 6/24/2009 10:33:40 PM
Sounds like his ego was bruised because you turned him down and then he "saved face" by saying he wasn't attracted to you. It makes no sense to ask you out again if he wasn't attracted to you. Whatever is going on in his head, just move forward and don't let it upset your confidence.
 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 58
I'm not attracted to you
Posted: 6/24/2009 11:49:58 PM
First, to WomanInProgress... I love ya (not literally) and your posts and usually agree with you most of the time, but in this particular case I have to call BS on the OP.

For one her comment "he wasn't a hottie (but neither am I)" - I think is pretty telling. She is gorgeous and, I believe, knows it. Typically (not always) people that look that good are fully aware of it. So, I don't buy the low esteem claim made by some of the other posters. Secondly, "he wasn't a hottie" in and of itself doesn't mean much - but when you add her other comments "his profile said he was 6 foot tall, brown hair, brown eyes..." In otherwords she was expecting tall, dark and handsome - she was indeed expecting eye candy.

Now in her defense I wouldn't thrilled if the person I was getting to know showed up looking nothing like her photo. But, I don't think this was the case. She was turned on by his photo and self-description, but in person turned out not to be the "hottie" she denies she expected.

Thirdly, "LOLOLOL - I dig the surburban dad thing - that's why i went out with him in the first place. I think its cute" - right.... she thinks it cute? BS. What does "40 something surburban dad thing" translate into? Here's a hint... $$$$. That's right, most 40 something surburban dad types are usually well-to-do, own their own home and are established in successful careers (usually).

What do I think of this whole thing (going by what I've read here)? I don't buy for one second that the OP is "insecure" or "sensitive," nor do I buy that she doesn't realize how good looking she is. It's all BS. She expects tall, dark, handsome and rich. And this guy failed to deliver.

Now - what amazes me is how everyone is jumping on her side (well most everyone) and no one noticed that she never told him she wasn't interested. No, I read through all her replies and no where did I see where she took the time to spell it out. What she did was reply to his request for a second date with "I have plans" - nothing about "I'm am looking for something different, so I wish you the best of luck." She screwed with his head. Ask yourselves why. If she wasn't interested in him then why would she not have just said so when he asked her out for a second date? Why stop with "I have plans" and leave it at that? She claims one minute not to be attracted to the guy at all, then a few replies later claims that maybe "she might have a second date to see if there was any romantic interest." Which made me lol.

Bottom line is I think I see through her pretty clearly. Again, she expected tall, dark, handsome, and rich, she didn't get what she expected so she had a little fun by toying with his head and leading him on a little.

Not only is she indeed pretentious she's also a game player.

If ya'll can't see that... well.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 59
I'm not attracted to you
Posted: 6/25/2009 5:15:58 AM
^^^I don't know about all this, because I went by the OP itself.

I have liked a guy but have had plans when he wanted to go out again - I don't hold off on everything else hoping a guy will want to make plans. If by the time he asks I am busy, then he'll get me when I have time. I can't say based on what's posted if she really did, but the bottom line is he jumped the gun and assumed she wasn't interested without truly knowing.

But bottom line was I believe regardless that he said what he said out of spite when he didn't get the answer he wanted. I think he was attracted or he'd never had asked to go out again.

I also don't think "I'm not attracted to you" is rude or offensive. "You're not attractive" in itself is wrong, but in regards to you in particular isn't terrible since we all find different things attractive. It wouldn't have offended me because it's something that happens to all of us most of every day.
 daveincarson
Joined: 1/15/2008
Msg: 60
I'm not attracted to you
Posted: 6/25/2009 8:09:05 AM
^^^^have to agree there. In my opinion saying "I'm sorry, you're just not my type." Is MUCH more polite than saying "I'm not attracted to you" or "Your not attractive."

"I'm sorry, you're very sweet and nice but you're just not my type." Is a better way to put such a delicate issue.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 61
I'm not attracted to you
Posted: 6/25/2009 8:27:55 AM
Isn't it strange, though, that you can receive ten "I find you attractives" and it doesn't do much for you, but just ONE "I don't find you attractive" can ruin your week? I try to let this sort of thing run off my back (like water off a duck), but it's just plain mean and INTENDED to be hurtful. Which is why it's a big deal. It's out of left field when someone you don't even KNOW, really, tries to hurt your feelings.
 farscapeprincess
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 62
I'm not attracted to you
Posted: 6/25/2009 8:53:57 AM
I think it speaks volumes about the character of a person who will deliberately hurt a person's feelings because of some perceived rejection. If he's that way after one date, imagine how he will be later on.
 MrPatient1101
Joined: 2/9/2009
Msg: 64
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I'm not attracted to you
Posted: 6/25/2009 11:09:32 AM
now that this thread is long gone and so was the date you had. In my opinion, he was just mad you said no about the 2nd date and wanted to make you feel like you made him feel. Simple really.

On a side note, I find you attractive Hope everything went well!!
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 65
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History
I'm not attracted to you
Posted: 6/25/2009 11:49:58 AM
well at least he didnt use the old "you must be a lesbian" come back
 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 67
I'm not attracted to you
Posted: 6/25/2009 12:46:15 PM
^^^^

That's my point.

She said and I quote:


<div class='quote'> No, I didn't feel like I was on the hook at all, because I wasn't that interested in him. I just thought it was weird that he decided he wasn't attracted to me after I declined a 2nd date...I

She had no intention of going on a second date. So rather than telling him "Hey, you're a great guy and it was nice meeting you, but I'm honestly looking for something else... I wish you the best of luck in your search."

She tells him:


<div class='quote'> I have plans

She wasn't interested in seeing him again, yet rather than just being honest and up front about it she lead him on to believe there was still a chance, even there in her own words - she wasn't that interested in him.

That's the main problem I have with her. People can't read minds (and men are just as guilty as women when it comes to beating around the bush and or intentionally leading someone on)... when someone asks you out and you're not interested you need to be upfront and tell them, matter of factly, that you're not willing to see them again. Not give them some vague reply that conveys a misleading intention.

That's my two cents.


edit: OP if it is true that you were willing to go out on a second date, then why didn't you say "I have plans tonight, but I would like to see you again, maybe this weekend?"
 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 69
I'm not attracted to you
Posted: 6/25/2009 1:01:05 PM
LOL.

You're completely missing the point. No one is disputing that you already had plans for the night. You're either avoiding my question, or not understanding what I am asking.

The question is: When he asked you out for a second date, did you bother telling him you would like to have seen him again, but you were busy that particular night and then suggest a different night?

Let me give you two situations:

A. I send you a message...

Me: Just wondering if you were free tonight, you want to get together?
You: I have plans.

I would be left thinking... umkay, so is she interested or not? Is there a chance we're going out again, or no?

B. I send you a message...

Me: Just wondering if you were free tonight, you want to get together?
You: I have plans, but I would like to see you again, maybe this weekend?

Now I KNOW you're at least interested in one more meeting and not screwing with my head.

See the difference?

So, again, the question is did you bother telling him you WERE interested in seeing him again, but just not on that particular night, or did you leave him hanging wondering what your inentions really were?
 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 71
I'm not attracted to you
Posted: 6/25/2009 1:16:20 PM
That's exactly what it makes you. You are indeed a head game player.

And, I don't believe for a second you were interested in possibly seeing him again. You made too many comments about not being attracted to him, or about "walking through a bad part of town and him not being the type of guy you'd want to be with in that situation" and so forth.

I think you knew full well what you were doing by screwing with his head - he saw the writing on the wall and told you off first - which is something little princess isn't used to.

I give the man credit...
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 74
I'm not attracted to you
Posted: 6/25/2009 6:28:39 PM
Tracy,

Nope. I didn't. That makes me a pretentious game playing gold digger

Well, no, it doesn't make you maniacal in any way, or even a gold digger lol

What it does mean is that you care less how you come across than you should. Hence, if you care about how someone ELSE comes across, you don't have room to talk. And yes, it is basic "game playing" 101. In your position, it doesn't seem that way because you weren't TRYING to play games. But 95% of game playing is done when we don't try. It usually isn't obvious to us when we do it, it's obvious to the other person, that's all.

The guy obviously was talking out of "sour grapes" with his response say that he didn't like you anyway, etc. However, if after seeing you "play games" on the basic level, he probably wasn't into you (AFTER the fact, tho).

I will defend you in saying that you're not making stuff up. Some people are saying that you're making up a story or whatnot, getting the info slowly and all that -- but the bottom line is you just didn't think a lot of the things were that relevant, so that's understood.

Regardless -- lesson learned, right? :) You're not a horrible person, it's a common "game" or "thing" people end up doing, and I think all of us have done it before... the lesson's just not to repeat being unclear and leaving people hanging when you know they will be hanging! :)
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 75
I'm not attracted to you
Posted: 6/25/2009 6:52:11 PM


You're not attractive" in itself is wrong, but in regards to you in particular isn't terrible since we all find different things attractive. It wouldn't have offended me because it's something that happens to all of us most of every day.
have to agree there. In my opinion saying "I'm sorry, you're just not my type." Is MUCH more polite than saying "I'm not attracted to you" or "Your not attractive."

My mistake. What I meant to type is that "you're not attractive" in itself is NOT wrong, as it's not about your attractiveness, but rather your attractiveness to that person, and because we're all not attractive to everyone, someone should be able to handle that without taking it personally.

I meant only to isolate "you're not attractive" generally as offensive.

Carry on.
 army3
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 76
I'm not attracted to you
Posted: 6/25/2009 7:52:49 PM
Lol- obviously he was validating his own moving on. Little hint- don't let people who mean nothing to you say something that means something.
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