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 mcbobly
Joined: 8/28/2005
Msg: 8
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Do Cheaters Regret or Reform Page 6 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

They regret it when they get caught.
they regret it when family and coworkers find out.

And they regret it when they get their sorry asses tossed to the curb too, but do they reform? IMO, rarely. For someone to cheat on the one they "claim" to love says they are a selfish and shallow person and cares not for any of those that WILL get hurt in the long run, and most of the time it's the kids that suffer during the fallout. As someone that has been cheated ON I understand the pain of being in this situation and I have known a few cheaters and not one of them ever admitted having any guilt and in fact, as with nearly ALL cheaters, the blame is always placed on the other person. If they this, or if they that I wouldn't have had to go outside the marriage, so it's "their" fault I did it, ya right LOSER. So, do cheaters regret? Some possibly, do they reform? I seriously doubt it. I have said it before and will stand by the old adage, once a cheater always a cheater.
 wildrascal
Joined: 8/24/2006
Msg: 9
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Do Cheaters Regret or Reform
Posted: 6/1/2009 7:41:09 AM
From my experience I don't think they do. they will just go to another lover until they get caught, again. I was with one so I know and she lied about it. All she wanted was intimate encounters. I thought she was ready to commit What a lie that turned out to be.
Now I see she is looking for another fool. The song LYING EYES comes to mind
 thebestlady
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 10
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Do Cheaters Regret or Reform
Posted: 6/3/2009 2:54:26 AM
After reading everyone comments. I think some might reform if you tell someone who they know admire and is close to them. They would not want that person to keep seeing them that way. Most people keep it quiet, This is just my opinion because I would or never done it.What is your view?
 rockondon
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 11
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Do Cheaters Regret or Reform
Posted: 8/5/2009 10:27:29 AM
I don't know if they regret or reform but I do know they like to brag more than regular people about how faithful they are.
 *veronika
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 12
Do Cheaters Regret or Reform
Posted: 8/6/2009 2:14:42 AM
Hey there.
One will never find out what the cheater feels at that mostly because everyone who does it is different and do so for different reasons.
There's some out there who have been cheated on before and it scarred them.
There's others who aren't satisfied and are looking for something better.
There's some who just can't handle their alcohol (though those are mostly the young ones)
Cheating may also be a cowardly way(in my opinion) to let someone know that you no longer want to be with them

There's more then one generic type of cheater. Some will change and some won't.
It all comes down to getting to the root of the problem and understanding it and possibly fixing it from there on.
 thebestlady
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 13
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Do Cheaters Regret or Reform
Posted: 8/14/2009 2:00:46 PM
lucky_09_79

I think it is best to contact her. The worst she can do is say no. It better to know the
truth now instead of waiting until you are dying.. Go for it and then tell us here all about what happens. We all like a good ending Good Luck
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 14
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Do Cheaters Regret or Reform
Posted: 8/14/2009 2:54:38 PM
Only one thing is for sure: there's no way to predict. I've seen apparent "just this once" cheaters repeat, either because they discovered they liked it, or because they never actually worked out why they cheated. Certainly, the 'serial cheaters' usually ACT regretful, just like the one-timers. All the 'cheatee' can do is hope. I've only been a 'cheatee,' so I can't comment on how the cheatERs feel.
 el mas fin
Joined: 7/16/2009
Msg: 15
Do Cheaters Regret or Reform
Posted: 8/14/2009 10:02:15 PM
i hear you on this point: they don't regret it because they do not want to be accountable for their actions, and most importantly they JUSTIFY it.
bottom line: they are the one with the problem, deep unresolved, underlining issues.


good take!
 thebestlady
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 16
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Do Cheaters Regret or Reform
Posted: 8/15/2009 4:11:35 PM
As I have stated earlier cheater whatever if they are man or woman had to pay their partner money or give up something they really like most would change. If caught everyone
should know about it is wrong because they can leave. Staying if you have children
would teach them it is ok. I understand some people have to plan to leave due to lack of money that is why there should be a cheater insurance.
 StevieCashmere
Joined: 4/22/2009
Msg: 17
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Do Cheaters Regret or Reform
Posted: 10/18/2009 3:03:17 AM
I'm reminded of the 41 year marriage, where 1 has an affair, divorce, 3 years later marry again
~sc~
 COLIONE98
Joined: 9/13/2005
Msg: 18
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Do Cheaters Regret or Reform
Posted: 10/18/2009 3:26:17 AM
it all comes down to options, opportunity, and or how badly you got caught......
 kanddj
Joined: 10/16/2009
Msg: 19
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Do Cheaters Regret or Reform
Posted: 11/19/2009 4:11:22 PM
WOW this hits home!
I was thinking maybe he has reformed, being so nice, pleasant, loving, but deep down I DON"T BUY IT.
I do not think you can reform, especially so quickly after the truth came out.
What do you think? Wife finds out, husband suddenly so sweet and loving (affair was 2 years ago, suspected it but confirmed it 6 months ago)
 boredtrainer
Joined: 11/25/2009
Msg: 20
Do Cheaters Regret or Reform
Posted: 12/7/2009 8:41:32 PM
They regret sometimes, they reform sometimes, smart ones dont get caught. However, real emotions can get involved like OH say love. Say you cheat and fall in love, but then you cant or wont leave due to children the marriage or relationship holds? Can complicate things!

Now there seems to be an incredible amount of male bashing here but let me tell you as a personal fitness trainer for 15 years, woman cheat and are simply smarter about it. Men's egos dont allow them to think there girlfriend/wives would do that on them. Well let me tell you they do....in spades. The amount of offers that I and other male trainers recieve from Trophy wives or bored wanna be desperete housewives is staggering.

So men reading this remember it takes two to tango and when your wife is heading to her appointment with her trainer wearing perfume........pay attention.
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 21
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Do Cheaters Regret or Reform
Posted: 12/7/2009 9:06:10 PM
Never cheated so my 2 cents is just that...

I believe people who cheat don't have the same empathy as those who don't.
I believe that is what makes us indifferent to such behavior.
I do believe some have a conscience and can change but I think that is a very small %.
I wish this was a behavior long forgotten for the aftermath of cheating is so very devastating...to everyone including innocent children.
 blindwonder
Joined: 9/16/2008
Msg: 22
Do Cheaters Regret or Reform
Posted: 12/8/2009 12:34:10 AM
Well after having it happen to me for whatever reason just 8 months after being married. It does rip the guts out of any potential future between two people. Trust I believe is essential.
 larry607
Joined: 12/27/2005
Msg: 23
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Do Cheaters Regret or Reform
Posted: 12/8/2009 8:56:17 AM
WELL, I'm a serial cheater and I'm VERY sorry for ever haveing started. HOWEVER, Most people are way off base with their attitude about us. For me, it's almost a disease,if not one.
I lost my wife of 41 years and some of my family. I'm as sorry as one could be for the whole mess, BUT, I'm still playing around. Yes, I'm regretfull but not able to stop.
Most cheaters will never reform is my fealing.
 farscapeprincess
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 24
Do Cheaters Regret or Reform
Posted: 12/8/2009 9:52:06 AM
Posted by Laughterreigns:

(f) Most importantly, if you stay, I hope you like rollercoasters, because that is what your life will now become...an emotional rollercoaster. You will have your highs when things are going well - because you love this person; and you will most certainly have your lows. Have no doubt about that. You will doubt your own mind, and you'll desperately want to believe his/her lies, even though you know the truth. You will hope against all hope that he/she will change...only to be let down...again. You can cry, pout, threaten to leave, scream, whatever, and it will be to no avail. The cheater got away with it once, so he/she pretty much knows you're going to forgive again.


I've witnessed my best friend's rollercoaster ride over the years with a serial cheater. Not a pretty picture. She forgave him over and over, took him to marriage counseling and all it got her was more cheating because like you said, he got away with it the first time and she took him back so he did it again and again. Like you, she thought he would change, but there was no change unless you count two weeks of not cheating as change. That's about how long it lasted. He denied, denied, denied. Finally, she wised up but it was after 18 years of marriage. Even then it was hard for her not to have second thoughts -- that is until she went back to the house they had lived in one evening and found his pants on the living room floor and him standing in front a woman who was sitting on the bed in one of the bedrooms. Even after that, he tried to claim it was just oral. All the while, he had been begging his wife to take him back. That finally sealed the deal for my friend and she realized that she deserved so much better.
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 25
Do Cheaters Regret or Reform
Posted: 12/8/2009 4:54:36 PM
I was in another forum involving cheating and I read a post there-
I think this pretty much explains it:


The perception of "cheating" is that its sexual or girl and guy chasing. And by all appearances it could very well be. But the truth is--its a psycological issue for men AND women. Its mostly a deep seated issue from childhood--SOMETHING that led to feelings of insecurities--no love--no dignity--emascilation--feeling unneeded--feelings of diminshed worth--abuses--SOMETHING has gotten into the brain of a person and they will go thru life with these stigmas or anger or needs for revenge---its an infantile desire to be recognized--EVERYTHING ABOUT IT IS AN "IMMATURITY"---and as a further sign of immaturity--the "cheater" will either blame someone else--or cry and beg forgiveness.

They will only do it again because the root causes are TOO STRONG for them to overcome. The urge is too great. The urge would overpower the resistance. It would make no difference how happy they were with their partner at home--it would not matter about their children--the cheat would just HAVE to cheat for the satisfaction of the need that it fulfills.

It has nothing to do with them leaving a beautiful woman at home--or being bored--its the capacity to NOT say NO to the temptations. It can boost the ego--it can be exciting--it can be blind revenge--it can be feeling " wanted"--it can be reassuring to an aging male OR female with insecurities.
There is never a "sane" reason for cheating.

We always are trying to find the "answer" to why. Why they do it is something
that is very very deep in thier psyche. I think that if you have been cheated on
and you have gotten away you should be relieved to know that is was nothing
you did to "drive" them to do it.
They just are what they are. The sooner you get away and on with your life
and find that someone who has a moral code equal to your own the better
you will be.
 thebestlady
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 26
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Do Cheaters Regret or Reform
Posted: 12/26/2009 12:50:24 PM
Woman or men would have to pay their partner back for the lost time. Money if that would hurt or time to help them get their life back
 licoricecat_1
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 27
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Do Cheaters Regret or Reform
Posted: 12/26/2009 1:21:11 PM
Cheaters usually tell the new person that their ex was not affectionate enough with them and blocked them from intimacy for years or that their ex was having an affair. With my former boyfriend, he told me he is in the process of a divorce and will be in 2 weeks. It is a "clean" divorce and that each side" just decided" that they no longer "love" eachother. So naturally, I believed him since his kids are all adults and married. WRONG.....It was a messy divorce!!! to say the least. He has gone there for ALL holidays without me. He refuses to bring me to any event that has happened with his grandchildren even plays at school. I was EXCLUDED for 4 1/2 yrs! and he would always say to give him more time----his family is not ready for me....and like a fool, I would give him more time. What I did not know is that he was cheating with others from POF who once they met me told me that nothing happened. The point is: Whether anything happened or not-----He still HID anyone from my life....Women and Men. I was not allowed to know anyone from his life. I WAS EXCLUDED!!!! How one-sided. I introduced him to all my friends---male and females and introduced him to all of my closest family members. Then he humiliated me to all of them. He also humiliated me in group settings by making undermining statements and acting like he is not with me. All the while he professes with utmost sincerity, tears and depth his love for me.... I am usually a good judge of character----and my employment includes assessment-----but I was totally taken on this one. He fools many and when I run into him----it is scarey because I still in a crazy way----have feelings for him...
Whether I have feelings or not----I realize that he needs alot of help because he doesn't seem to know how to be honest with himself or others.
Cheaters always cheat---unless they have someone to be accountable to that is blantently honest with them and knows their games but still loves them. Cheating is like an addiction to some people.....THEY GET AN ADRENALINE RUSH IF THEY DO NOT GET CAUGHT. When they get caught and when they want to change---they have already lost the relationship.
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 28
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Do Cheaters Regret or Reform
Posted: 12/26/2009 6:43:09 PM
Can cheaters change or reform...maybe...maybe not.... but in my case they are going to do it with somebody else.
 VintageLve
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 29
Do Cheaters Regret or Reform
Posted: 12/28/2009 3:50:00 PM
THEY just move on --------- MEN and women are both bad . for different reasons ..
I can only coment on myself and my exsperiances . Most control freek men will cheat so ive noticed . They want control once they control one women they want to control 2 more till they have a little harem of women and rotate the cycle for there lets say pleasure married of course and indulging in multpule lies and deciet playing like they want love and a relationships yet giving nothing to it only words no real actions sex of course and then when u wise up they move on and make u to be lets say the one who doesnt beleve them and all along there the dog no regrets no refrom Just karma will get them.
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 30
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Do Cheaters Regret or Reform
Posted: 12/28/2009 4:38:23 PM
Of course people regret cheating. They still continue to cheat, though, even after regretting. They don't just cheat on you. They cheat on almost everyone they ever dated.

What I have seen, is that people don't reform. They change.

When they stop cheating, they don't just stop cheating. They have a change of attitude. They change their dress, their speech, the way they treat their parents, who they socialise with, everything. Then they stop cheating, because they are no longer the same person. They are then a different person, one who doesn't cheat.

But this is a new person, and that person is not the person who dated you. They have different likes and dislikes. You probably won't want to date them, and they might not want to date you. They are a new person.
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 31
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Do Cheaters Regret or Reform
Posted: 1/5/2010 9:13:08 AM
i am 38 and have never cheated, nor have i been cheated on, but in answer to your question, i believe cheaters can reform, if they choose too, its like anything else anybody can change, everyday is a new one
 sarniafairyboy
Joined: 6/19/2010
Msg: 32
Do Cheaters Regret or Reform
Posted: 8/12/2010 4:27:25 PM

Its mostly a deep seated issue from childhood--SOMETHING that led to feelings of insecurities--no love--no dignity--emascilation--feeling unneeded--feelings of diminshed worth--abuses--SOMETHING has gotten into the brain of a person and they will go thru life with these stigmas or anger or needs for revenge---its an infantile desire to be recognized--EVERYTHING ABOUT IT IS AN "IMMATURITY"---and as a further sign of immaturity--the "cheater" will either blame someone else--or cry and beg forgiveness.


I realize that that these may not be your words ms. curlygrl, and I agree that deep seated issues from childhood cloud our judgments later in life, however, many people have deep seated issues from childhood, and not all of us use that as an excuse for our actions (good or bad) once we are adults.

I think it comes with awareness and what experiences you have allowed to come into your life.
"It's an infantile desire to be recognized" leads me to say.......a person can hold onto what has happened in his/her childhood and they can use it as a weapon later in life (consciously or unconsciously) or they can become aware of what it is they are doing to mess up their lives. Patterns are hard to break and even harder to become aware of, but I can't accept the argument that people cheat because of "deep seated issues from childhood."


yeah, yeah yeah -your therapist says..

"It's a product of the Prozac & your co-dependent ways"

"It's all your parents' fault -after all you didn't pick them!"

guess what? my Give- a-Damn is BUSTED!
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