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Joined: 6/5/2009
Msg: 70
Why did you get divorced?Page 2 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
Funny you should mention children. I raised my ex's kid from 8 to 22 years of age and he was a constant screw-up. I went the extra mile for that kid. Didn't spoil him too much, he is just one of those you see so many of, thinks the world owes him. I spent enough years trying to straighten him up. His Mom took up for him and supported his lazy ass and that was a major reason for my divorce.
Another reason was I got to a point where I wanted to be more active and she wanted to sit on the couch and read. I am too active for that.
I also believe one answer to your question about the next generation is staring you in the face. Computer dating seems to link people who are more compatible with each other as opposed to traditional dating. Hasn't worked for me yet, but I haven't tried too hard. I will find someone sooner or later. Just want a good one who is active and doesn't have a kid with a bad attitude!
Joined: 5/31/2007
Msg: 75
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 8/9/2009 2:09:54 PM

Yup, so providing for her not at all makes more sense.

Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 79
view profile
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 8/9/2009 9:04:43 PM
My ex found a friend from high school and had an affair
Joined: 7/1/2009
Msg: 80
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 8/9/2009 9:28:32 PM
ha ha thats awesome
Joined: 7/1/2009
Msg: 81
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 8/9/2009 9:30:59 PM
Its very hard to control bi-polar, know the first women who spoke of her x having this disease really tried to stick it out, and then chose it would be best for the kids as sometimes is to go ahead and get divorced.
but ixholla , you took vows through sickness and heath for better or worse??
Have you supported her, and gave the doctors time to regulate her medications?
sounds like when things got a little tough you bailed out on your wife

There needs to be a third party in all marriages for it to work, and that is god.
With out god in the marriage and your lives you forget the good things, you forget why you fell inlove in the first place.

this was what was awesome forgot to copy and past. not for the comment before
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 83
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 8/10/2009 6:58:03 AM
I could no longer handle the combination of borderline personality disorder, untreated menopause, and a diagnosis of MS. And before you are too quick to judge- she is the one who threatened to leave. I think it surprised her when I called her bluff!

Two years later, I couldn't be happier!
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 85
view profile
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 8/10/2009 11:03:15 AM
I am getting divorced because my wife found it ok as well to look online for other men and start calling them personally regaurdless of being long distant or not....and then the of course fact she cheated and slept with another guy and of course I gave the second chance and it happened all over again.....Fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me.....My Bad for caring i suppose....ladies I have alot to offer if anyone is interested :)
Joined: 7/24/2009
Msg: 86
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 8/10/2009 11:24:00 AM
I dated my ex-wife for a total of four years. We met in '93 and she was a beautiful, thoughtful, caring young woman. During our first year of dating she progressively became more paranoid about me cheating on her. I've never cheated on any girlfriend I've had, or my ex-wife. It got to the point where she was dropping in on me during classes and showing up to my labs to check up on who I was with and if I was where I said I was going to be. The final straw was when she threw a fit literally like a spoiled five year old when I was trying to finish an assignment that I hadn't been able to do because she was demanding that I spend so much time with her. It so happened that my lab partner was a woman and it was a printing class (art) so we had to schedule time on the equipment. Since I had been blowing off lab time to spend with my ex, the only times that were available were at night. The ex and I got into an argument about me spending time at the lab. She wanted me to blow off the class and just fail it and make up the class later. I tried to explain to her that my responsibility wasn't JUST to myself but to her, for our planned future together, and to my class partner, who's grade was partially dependent upon my participation. It wasn't a pretty argument and I left with the statement, "I don't know how long it'll take me to finish and I have to work tomorrow. We'll talk more about all this after work, but don't expect me home tonight before I have to get ready to go to work." My lab partner and I were busting tail to get the six projects that we needed to do done. There was another group in the lab with us and one of them pointed out that someone was trying to get my attention. It was my ex and she was tear/mascara stained, disheveled and just looking a mess. It was around 1:30am and I immediately had a panic moment, I thought something terrible had happened. I ran outside to see what was wrong and she stated, "I woke up and you weren't home yet, and you said you were going to be home tonight! Why are you spending time with that girl and not with me?!" I told her she needed to go home and that I needed to get my work done. She refused and started jumping up and down and pitching a fit. I broke up with her the following week after a great deal of consideration and discussion about trust issues and the like. I really did love her and didn't want to break up with her. I just couldn't handle the jealousy issues and paranoia. We stayed broken up for a year. I went to see a concert and lo and behold, who's right next to me, I kid you not. We ended up hanging out and getting back together. She seemed like she had really resolved a lot of her issues with paranoia etc. She had a change in her birth control and this seemed to help her greatly; she was back to the girl I met two plus years before. I proposed six months later and we married around a year after that.

We were married for four and a half years happily. From the months following us getting back together until the conception of our son, we were truly happy. A few weeks before finding out she was pregnant, she started an argument with me about some girl that was staying in the condo next door to us while on a short vacay at the beach. She spoke to me several times and was a little flirty and I was neighborly and friendly as well. My ex was reasonable for the most part, but still leaning in the direction of "why don't you just go hop in bed with her?" I hadn't seen the behavior in so long it caught me by surprise. We had all been drinking and I just chalked it up to the effects of alcohol and perception.

About 3 months into the pregnancy all physical intimacy stopped. I tried talking to her about it. She claimed sick, feeling bad, just not feeling sexy, whatever constantly. We talked about going to a counselor but it just never seemed to happen. Slowly but surely she became more distant and I was clueless.

Around the time my son was two, I discovered she was having an online affair with some dude in the military and had been doing so since about three / four months into the pregnancy. We split a year later after a lot of promises that she would break it off with him and counseling and such. We were separated for two years during which I attempted to reconcile with her and get her back to the table. I finally realized she was never going to get her heart back in it when I offered to bring her along on a business trip. I had left on a Sunday and had the idea that night after having dinner at a restaurant in Denver CO, that I thought she would love. I called her as soon as I got back to the hotel and offered to fly her out to Denver, put her up in a room at the hotel I was staying at, and my folks could watch our son for a few days while she was there. She began to cry and tell me how insensitive I was for bragging about having that wonderful dinner when she was at home, eating a three dollar TV dinner. !!! I found out a week later that her boyfriend moved from his post when he was discharged to be closer to her. Mystery solved, I proceeded to do everything I could to accelerate the divorce process.

So, yeah, I had seen issues on her part resolving trust, regarding faithfulness, and an overall sense of a bigger picture. I still went ahead with the relationship with her because of a desire to be with someone with whom I thought I could be happy. I guess you could say I was scared of being alone, but it was more than that. I really did believe that we had a chance. Her medication had a lot to do with it, I believe. The changes that happened after not being on it during the pregnancy and then what I felt to be a form of post-partem depression following the birth of our son combined with economic stresses that we were experiencing to bring about this massive thing she couldn't see past. She ran to something else.

Our society today says:
You have a right to be happy
If you're not happy, it's something / someone else's fault
You have a right to have what you want

I don't know where these bylaws are written, but someone needs to clarify them. None of us have a RIGHT to be happy. We have the right to pursue our dreams and to try to be the best that we can be in that pursuit. I firmly believe that the idea that it's someone else's fault is an evil rooted deeply in our culture in this day and age. If it's someone else's fault that means we're victims. I have bad news ... we're not victims. We're responsible for our own happiness and our sense of self. I WISH I had the right to have what I wanted. We have the right to have goals and desires and self determination. No one can take those away from you, you can only give them away.

In conclusion I would say that we're all responsible for being in the relationships in which we've taken part. We need to be teaching our kids to be less impulsive, understand commitment and make plans and back up plans, have goals and make sure that those goals are a part of their lives and the lives of those that they choose to join themselves.
Joined: 12/29/2007
Msg: 89
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 8/10/2009 4:06:47 PM
Long story short as it went this way I got Married Feb 2002 then went to Kuwait/Iraq in April 2003 and while I was gone she decided to look elsewhere for company in the bed. So before I came home from Kuwait/Iraq she wanted to leave because she cheated and thought the grass was greener with a married man and that was sometime around April 2004 when I got the call in Iraq. So when i got home from Kuwait sometime in May 2004 to try to make the marriage work which she didn't after two month I filed for Divorced which was final in Feb 2005.

Now if you want to know did I cheat the answer is NO as I have NEVER CHEATED on any female I have been with a day in my life. Now I have been ask by serveral females while I was there and yes as it maybe hard to believe I turned them down. Because at that time when I was married I was commited to being married and didn't want to do something I didn't want done to me but low and behold it did.But will that turn me off from trusting females I say not becauase every female is different.
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 99
view profile
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 10/26/2009 7:54:52 PM
[Didn't the vows include "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health"]

HEALTH, not hell! I am not willing to share personal details, but you are right, you haven't walked in those shoes. Besides, "love & honor" traditionally come before "for better or for worse", and I would venture a guess that those vows had been long broken prior to any thought of abandonment. More important than the vows, imo, is the effect on the children.

I absolutely agree that current trends view marriage as disposable, and commitment is merely a difficult word to spell, with little meaning behind it. Contentment is highly underrated, and a strong sense of entitlement has led to a weak work ethic, as marriage is hard work. I simply think you picked a bad example to make a point with.
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 100
view profile
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 10/26/2009 8:20:56 PM
Tito, you are human after all!
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 102
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 10/26/2009 10:44:51 PM
So these abusers never showed any inclination of their temperamental nature?
How long are you ladies getting to know men before marriage?
Do you feel worthless without a man so any man will do?
Joined: 2/19/2009
Msg: 107
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 10/27/2009 11:20:52 AM

What I see with my generation is that while we are still doing poorly in the picking a good mate area, I think we are doing better with divorce. Yes, there are still way too many grown-ups that think everything is about them but I am seeing a heartening number of people that are divorced, remarried, and it is like all the kids, are being raised by a team of 6 or more adults. I'm sure that people have their good and bad days but these people seem to honestly have come to like each other as well as the new spouses.

Well put packagedealx3: I come from your generation and agree that is the way we were raised. Except the paragraph above. What I see today are adults remarrying thinking everything is about them, my kids will not be with me forever, its my life, I'll do what I want with it...and the kids suffer in the new marriage. They not only usually have one dsyfunctional "real" parent but a new dsyfunctional "step" parent to have to deal with. And they can't go to the "real" parent that they live with, cause their too involved with themselves and their new "marriage" to care what the child thinks. So children are still suffering, in new ways, that I'm sure are screwing them up and they will in turn grow up to have some kind of dsyfunctional "marriage" themselves. Its still not all good out there. Of course, there are exceptions to everything I said here...just speaking from my experience of what I see around my area.
Joined: 10/22/2009
Msg: 109
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 10/27/2009 1:02:23 PM
I got divorced because i decided my kids and I deserved better than to be treated like dirt. My ex was not only mentally abusive but also slept with over 15 women that I know of over the nine years we were married. I finally realized that if I didn't leave my kids would think that our relationship was healthy and it was not. My tip for the kids of the future is to teach them right from wrong let them know that good people are still out there and that they deserve the good ones. Acknowledge that your child is more prone to accept a lesser if that is what they saw you to accept. It's a tricky thing to overcome for both you and your kid yet it can be done and done well. At least thats what I tell myself everyday.
Joined: 8/30/2009
Msg: 110
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 10/27/2009 4:27:58 PM
Glad you asked!

Actually I'm not-but I will answer anyway....

I dated and married a very nice, smart and loving woman. It went well for 4 years-then we had our first. No problems....2 years later my son-MAJOR depression for her. From that point it was a struggle. For a total of 21 years of marriage I was the primary one to 'work' on the marriage. Sometimes it helped, sometimes it did not-but we lived mostly happyly and did a great job of raising the kids....

Long story very short: While I was working for a time in St Croix 2 years ago she had a 9 month affair with a man I have known for 26 years-and a former bf of hers. For 2 years I tried everything she wanted-even an 'open' marriage.

Bottom line? She has changed from the woman I knew to a vindictive and deceitful woman that even her own 17 y/o daughter says she cannot respect anymore. Both of my teens have asked her to 'just stay away' from the house and to leave us to heal.

Mid life crisis? Maybe-he is a musician and married as well. She spends an awful lot of time at his shows and bopping him in his van.... (rolling eyes).

I am getting past all this as are my teens. But it makes me wonder what could have been if she would have just agreed to counseling....

my .02
Joined: 1/17/2006
Msg: 114
view profile
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 10/28/2009 2:51:02 PM
I was never married but common law for 5 years. the reason I kicked him out was because he put me in the hospital and endangered my child more then once.
Joined: 8/8/2009
Msg: 115
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 10/28/2009 3:25:27 PM
I am not divorced yet, but after 10 years of marriage I lost my job. My husband had not worked for most of our marriage and he made no effort to find a hob. When I got angry with him for not finding a job he decided he "wasn't happy anymore" and started looking for the girlfriends, and did not tell me how he felt. He met girlfriend #1, still didn't tell me. when i found out and confronted him he said he didn't know what he wanted, he didn't want to be with anyone, he still loved me, etc, all while looking for gf #2. When he moved out of here in July, he moved right in with gf #2, which he had been seeing for 3 weeks.
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 116
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 10/28/2009 7:23:34 PM
Funny how everyone who has responded to this thread are those who have been a 'victim' of the other spouses misdeeds and most decided to initiate a divorce because of that. These responses are typical.

Nobody is brave enough to say something like 'I fvcked up and cheated and beat the hell out of my spouse and spent all our money on drugs and gambling and they divorced me.'

I won't admit to that because that wasn't my case. I did admit in another thread to cheating but that's not entirely why I am initiating a divorce. I think he would be content to stay in it if he could. I just know that if I stayed, I'd still would be very unhappy and resentful. Like the R-kelly song says... when a woman's fed up, there is nuthin you can do about it.

But anyway I'm just sayin. It would be a nice turn for somebody to admit that they fvcked up or fvcked up constantly and that's why their spouse is divorcing them. Who the hell am I to judge that.

I asked a gentleman once why he divorced, and he straight up admitted that he got married in his 20's because she was pregnant. He admitted he cheated constantly during the relationship. He admitted that he was married to a good woman but either agreed or initiated a divorce because he didn't want to keep hurting her and also because he wanted to free to date other people.

Another guy told me that the major reason his wife divorced him was because he fondled their 13 year old adopted daughter. Now I know saying something like that on here or anywhee would not go over well at all, but I did appreciate his honesty.
Joined: 10/23/2009
Msg: 119
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 10/30/2009 6:11:30 PM
my ex was cheating on me with a 18 yr old, and hes 37, and we had just had a preemie baby, my father died, they thought i had cancer, but ohwell to each his own.
Joined: 8/26/2009
Msg: 121
view profile
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 10/30/2009 8:05:33 PM
have to agree, don't test me. make me choose between family or you and bye.
Joined: 8/26/2009
Msg: 123
view profile
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 10/30/2009 8:17:15 PM
oh don't get me wrong I understand why. I was just commenting on the other post
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 125
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 11/1/2009 9:40:26 AM

Got hooked on drugs, overdosed and died on my 27th birthday.
Looks like you got married really young but I am sorry to hear this.
Joined: 8/17/2009
Msg: 126
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:00:04 PM
Good question. I've been married twice... The first marriage lasted for six years and we had one child together, she had two with her first marriage. She had been married almost her whole adult life. She no longer wanted to be a mother or wife. She wanted to go out on weekends to clubs and enjoy life without responsibility.

During the separation and for about a year after the divorce she lived the life she wanted to. She let her kids from the first marriage go live with the father. We wound up doing joint shared physical custody on my daughter. The funny thing is that since then she has settled down, got married again and she has had another little girl. Now she and her new husband are my friends.

The second marriage? Well, that one was a mistake from day one. I'm not sure what I was thinking. We thought totally different and had different goals in mind. She had a lot of trouble dealing with my custody arrangements and the support that I pay. Mostly because her ex didn't pay her. Every other weekend she didn't have her younger children and I have my daughter every weekend. She finally drew a line in the sand by demanding that I not get my daughter one weekend so I could spend time with her instead... I crossed the line and my name changed to Respondent and hers to Plaintiff. She still feels she was right and well, I don't care any more.

I forgot to mention both wives felt that I worked far too many hours... Hmmm, neither of them complained every other Friday.
Joined: 6/15/2009
Msg: 127
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 11/29/2009 7:44:49 PM
I got divorced because I married someone I didn't love and who, it turned out, didn't love me. I thought no one else would want me (and he seemed crazy about me--pushing for more commitment almost from day 1. Now I know that is not a good sign; he was lonely and desperate and did not care about *me;* he cared about not being alone.) Our marriage was an ok partnership--not horrible in any way, except I wasn't physically attracted to him although I tried to make it work, I didn't have it in me to keep going any longer. I was afraid I'd cheat on him, so I left.

We have worked really hard to be amicable and it seems to be working--our kids are happy and comfortable with the new arrangements. Further changes will come, esp. if either of us takes a new partner. But I'm definitely happier, and although we were married 21 years, we weren't a husband and wife most of that time--at least 16 years. We were room mates and partners. Had I cheated on him, it would have gotten worse. I didn't want that to happen.
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 133
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 12/1/2009 11:50:26 AM
My ex husband and I were young and rushed things. We got married young, had our son young, didn't really know who we were yet ... flash forward a few years and we grew up and apart. We realized we weren't right together "that way" and split amicably so that our son would not have to see his parents fight like we both did as children. We maintained our friendship (we were best friends for 4yrs before we started dating) and are a great parenting team now.
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