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 loribarrett
Joined: 10/23/2009
Msg: 126
Why did you get divorced?Page 6 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
my ex was cheating on me with a 18 yr old, and hes 37, and we had just had a preemie baby, my father died, they thought i had cancer, but ohwell to each his own.
 pitterpatterpop
Joined: 9/14/2009
Msg: 127
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 10/30/2009 7:51:55 PM

People with such attitude shouldnt get married.


How is that attitude? Its a simple statment, he gave her an ultimatium. Maybe he was a control freak?
 singlesuperdad
Joined: 8/26/2009
Msg: 128
view profile
History
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 10/30/2009 8:05:33 PM
have to agree, don't test me. make me choose between family or you and bye.
 notfrau
Joined: 10/13/2008
Msg: 129
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 10/30/2009 8:15:19 PM

I chose my mom over him.


Please read/quote the whole thing rather take just a small portion out of context.

No, that's why HE claimed we were getting divorced. Truth was we got divorced because of his behaviors with my children.

He did NOT give me an ultimatim, it's just he was not looking at things from any normal sense of reality.
 singlesuperdad
Joined: 8/26/2009
Msg: 130
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History
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 10/30/2009 8:17:15 PM
oh don't get me wrong I understand why. I was just commenting on the other post
 Daedalus32
Joined: 5/17/2007
Msg: 131
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 10/30/2009 8:23:32 PM
She left me when I caught her cheating. Told me it was over on my 20th birthday. Married the other guy the day after our divorce went final. Got hooked on drugs, overdosed and died on my 27th birthday.
 NappyKAT
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 132
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 11/1/2009 9:40:26 AM

Got hooked on drugs, overdosed and died on my 27th birthday.
Looks like you got married really young but I am sorry to hear this.
 Bell30655
Joined: 8/17/2009
Msg: 133
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:00:04 PM
Good question. I've been married twice... The first marriage lasted for six years and we had one child together, she had two with her first marriage. She had been married almost her whole adult life. She no longer wanted to be a mother or wife. She wanted to go out on weekends to clubs and enjoy life without responsibility.

During the separation and for about a year after the divorce she lived the life she wanted to. She let her kids from the first marriage go live with the father. We wound up doing joint shared physical custody on my daughter. The funny thing is that since then she has settled down, got married again and she has had another little girl. Now she and her new husband are my friends.

The second marriage? Well, that one was a mistake from day one. I'm not sure what I was thinking. We thought totally different and had different goals in mind. She had a lot of trouble dealing with my custody arrangements and the support that I pay. Mostly because her ex didn't pay her. Every other weekend she didn't have her younger children and I have my daughter every weekend. She finally drew a line in the sand by demanding that I not get my daughter one weekend so I could spend time with her instead... I crossed the line and my name changed to Respondent and hers to Plaintiff. She still feels she was right and well, I don't care any more.

I forgot to mention both wives felt that I worked far too many hours... Hmmm, neither of them complained every other Friday.
 louise1359
Joined: 6/15/2009
Msg: 134
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 11/29/2009 7:44:49 PM
I got divorced because I married someone I didn't love and who, it turned out, didn't love me. I thought no one else would want me (and he seemed crazy about me--pushing for more commitment almost from day 1. Now I know that is not a good sign; he was lonely and desperate and did not care about *me;* he cared about not being alone.) Our marriage was an ok partnership--not horrible in any way, except I wasn't physically attracted to him although I tried to make it work, I didn't have it in me to keep going any longer. I was afraid I'd cheat on him, so I left.

We have worked really hard to be amicable and it seems to be working--our kids are happy and comfortable with the new arrangements. Further changes will come, esp. if either of us takes a new partner. But I'm definitely happier, and although we were married 21 years, we weren't a husband and wife most of that time--at least 16 years. We were room mates and partners. Had I cheated on him, it would have gotten worse. I didn't want that to happen.
 fairydreamer
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 135
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History
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 11/29/2009 9:40:42 PM
I agree that marriage seems to have another whole meaning these days. When I got married, I thought it would be forever. I never believed in divorce, I always thought that you had to work out your problems no matter what. Well, after 18 years I discovered that some things you just can not work out. I could only do so much by myself to keep the relationship together. It is a two way street and both parties have to do their part or it can not be saved. I put up with a man that was controling, sometime physically abusive, often verbally abusive, and financially impossible. He would have his entire check spent on his toys before it came and nothing would be left to pay bills or buy food. Then tell me that was my problem, figure it out. Surprisingy the final straw was when he decided to use the internet as his own little black book. He even took my girls to meet some of his girlfriends so he could pretend to be the good little daddy and make me out to be the looser mom.
What is best out of this ordeal is my girls have seen me stand up to him finally and retake control of my life. They now know that his behavior is wrong and unacceptable. I think they know that I was willing to do what I had to in order to keep my marriage together but there is a point in which I could do no more. As far as them having longer relationships, I hope they are able to. But I mostly hope that they are able to see the early signs of an unhealthy relationship and end early on before they take those vows.
 legal_e-gal
Joined: 11/9/2009
Msg: 136
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 11/29/2009 10:37:42 PM
My ex had serious self esteem issues and used the internet to talk to other women to validate himself and I will take some blame and say that maybe I didn't say or do enough to make him feel like he was a king, but he was emotionally needy and constantly needed more and more. I turned a blind eye to it at first and didn't get to riled up over the harmless flirting over the net. Then I found emails that actually discussed meeting , and one to an ex girlfriend saying he wanted to leave me and be with her. When I called him out on it, he apoligised, said he didn't mean it blah blah blah. I continued in the marriage for 3 years, and was so paranoid about what he was doing, that I knew I could not live the rest of my life with someone I didn't trust so I asked for a divorce. We get along well now as friends and co-parents so it really wasn't a nasty divorce which I am greatful for.
 GoodGuy97415
Joined: 11/22/2009
Msg: 137
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 11/29/2009 11:52:22 PM
After 12 years, wifey decided she wanted to be single and come and go with no rules or responsibility. She was constantly drunk and or drugged up for the last 7 years of our marriage, as she couldn't get over the deaths of 2 family members and other BS that happened to her that she couldn't let go of.

Her drinking got worse and worse, and I hung in there as long as I could. When she said she wanted to be single and asked for a trial separation a week after our 12th wedding anniversary ... she immediately moved in with a single dad with one son who was in between our two girls' ages.

Try to explain that one to two little girls who thought their mom didn't love them and want to be their mom, but was living with a guy and his son. Needless to say they lasted all of 5 months .... he was looking for a stay at home girlfriend/wife and she wanted to party everyday. She is now finishing up with bad relationship #2 who is frustrated because she drinks everyday ... but he's Bi-Polar so all they do is fight. Crazy world.

Me and the girls are much happier and with the divorce hopefully finalizing pretty soon, we can all move on with our lives. I think the moment she realized what an idiot she was and what a good marriage she walked out on, was about the time that I had finally gotten over everything and came to realize that no relationship was better than a bad one. Surprisingly we are pretty good friends still, because we had dated for awhile and were best friends before we had gotten married. While I don't miss my alcoholic wife, I do miss my best friend.

I haven't dated once in the 9 months now because I am enjoying the single life and doing things with my girls that we always wanted to do but couldn't because mom didn't want to. But I am getting ready to start testing the waters so to speak.
 shesacountrygirl
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 138
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 11/30/2009 6:08:27 PM

My Ex had always been self centered but after the kids were born it seemed to escalate. He would make life altering choices that he felt comfortable with and never would discuss with me till after the fact. Small issues like walking out on 7 jobs in 10 years or taking 5 grand out of the bank to buy a new lawn tractor or a few new suits.
You see female guests on Oprah with closets full of clothes they have never worn, he was the male equivalent except it was tools, high end electronics and materials for household projects that somehow never got started. He completely wasted a great education that took the first ten years of our marriage to achieve. He turned 40 and decided to no longer be a Director of Engineering but to be a house painter, then a chauffeur, then a truck driver............it was a nightmare. Had they been hiring cowboys or Astronauts in NH he probably would have tried those jobs as well.
I got sick of being the only adult that worried about bills, saving for retirement or the kids education.


That's so close to being me I read it three times. Cept my ex was only into buying video games. If he'd spent any money on tools I might have been able to get something done around the house. Feeding and entertaining him became such a burden I eventually just had to tell him to go away.

While for richer or poorer may be part of the vows if they never contribute and always take I don't think it applies.
 kybbw32
Joined: 8/31/2007
Msg: 139
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 12/1/2009 8:05:44 AM
I have been divorced for 6 yrs now because he decided that he didn't want a family I am assuming. He chose to go elsewhere and do his thing and now he is paying for that. At one point I was very bitter toward him about all of if but it has only made me a stronger person and be the best that I can be for my children. He wasn't and isn't worth my time to be angry about it, I learned a long time ago that when we keep that anger, frustration,bitterness, and hatred toward others that have wronged us in some way or the other, we are still letting them keep a hold on us, foregiveness isn't for the other person it is for yourself so that you can move on and find happiness. Although I had those feelings for a very long time until I finally realized it wasn't doing me any good to feel that way and I couldn't feel that and be a loving/caring mother to my kids and they are what it is important and matter the most. In situations like this the best thing a person can do is turn to the Good Man Above and he is one that will never lead you astray, and never leave you!!
 daydreamin_honey
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 140
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 12/1/2009 11:50:26 AM
My ex husband and I were young and rushed things. We got married young, had our son young, didn't really know who we were yet ... flash forward a few years and we grew up and apart. We realized we weren't right together "that way" and split amicably so that our son would not have to see his parents fight like we both did as children. We maintained our friendship (we were best friends for 4yrs before we started dating) and are a great parenting team now.
 cntrymom0309
Joined: 12/4/2009
Msg: 141
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 12/8/2009 7:37:44 PM
I filed for divorce a month after my husband left me and our daughter. The reason he left is because he didnt want the responsibilty of our daughter and when I wouldnt give my daughter to my mom and leave with him he walked out on us.
 WindRoper
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 142
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 12/9/2009 6:56:07 AM
Which divorce? Heh!
The first time perhaps the better/easier question would be "Why did you get married?" We wanted to live together but my father was supervisor and that just wouldn't have worked out well. So like the young dumba**es we were we decided "Then we'll just get married instead." Had we been more mature we probably could have made a go of it but we also wouldn't have been in that situation. It's kind of a chicken-egg thing.
The second time I unwittingly married an alcoholic. Six months and I was out. I remarried him 2 years later when he swore he was sober. He wasn't plus he had become abusive. I suspect he thought he had a score to settle with me.
After that I guess I was rather jaded and figured I could just as easily marry someone for their ability to contribute toward my future goals as I could for love. So that's my bad. I shouldn't have done it. And, if you're gonna do it, choose well. I could work circles around the boy 6 days a week and twice on Sundays... and often did cuz I've yet to meet a more unmotivated person in my life. I cracked under the pressure of working full time, home-making, and raising 3 kids (4 counting him) without any help, support (emotional OR financial). So I decided I liked being alive and sane far more than I liked him whom I had come to not like at all.
The final time my husband fell off the proverbial wagon repeatedly and as the episodes became longer and worse in duration I had to cut him loose for the safety of my children and our financial future.
Mostly I guess I'm just not the marrying kind. I don't have the forgiveness and patience it takes to survive the worst part of 'for better or worse.' Having your love and trust abused will kill unconditional love IF it ever existed.
 pitufina_77
Joined: 8/13/2009
Msg: 143
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 12/9/2009 8:13:14 AM
Because he was spiritually, emotionally and physically abusive and violent.

My life has taken off since that blessed day when I told him it was over, even despite the two year court battle and the fortune spent on the divorce.
 singleagain66
Joined: 12/29/2007
Msg: 144
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 12/13/2009 5:40:51 PM
There was a post asking how come nobody will admit they was the one that cheated or fvcked up and I think it is because they will not be man or woman enough to admit that they mess up in anyway and be on a dating site looking to be with somebody.
 aksjfkdaj
Joined: 11/25/2009
Msg: 145
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 12/13/2009 6:26:51 PM
My ex was dishonest and abusive (verbally and physically).
 ValkyrieHJR
Joined: 8/8/2009
Msg: 146
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 12/13/2009 11:31:43 PM
Does it really matter why we got divorced? For whatever reason it is, we can't go back and change it. And the fact of the matter is that in today's society, there are too many people that look at marriage as something as simple as "going steady" was in high school. When things get too tough they "break up." and move on to the next relationship, where they will get serious until it too gets "too tough." and so on and so on.

I don't know how to instill the values regarding marriage that I want my kids to grow up with when my ex can't even try to work on ours. How do I teach my kids that marriage is the ultimate committed relationship, when I can't hold onto mine? An my ex thinks it's no big deal. And he thinks that way because so many people get divorced these days. So it must be okay for him to do it too.

We can tell our kids all day everyday, how important marriage is and how special. But unless they can see it for themselves, how are they going to actually know this? By learning it on TV?


Sorry for the short little rant, there. Just feeling a bit down tonight.
 outofthedesert
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 147
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 12/14/2009 3:48:24 AM
^^^you are correct. The media glamorizes affairs, cheating, sleeping around and they do it all in designer clothes or skinny jeans with the aid of makeup aritists and hair stylists. It is no big deal in film, because the characters always come out smelling like a rose in the end--losing their spouse/significant other--no big deal because the person they cheated with is always richer and better looking. If they do work it out, notice they are always wealthy--neither can afford the cost--money wise--not emotional-for it to end. In soap operas(glamorized smut), they run rampant with cheating. What kind of example does that set? Ever see a program about poor people in the backwoods driving their rusted pickup truck to cheat? No, but is happens there as well. It crosses all classes.

Notice how many people are separated and already looking for the next one and they have not even cleaned up the mess they are in (before I get screaming from the separated people--this is just my opinion--)you have not truly ended the relationship you are in. I know some have been apart for years and will never, ever get back together, but the majority of people choose not to date you until you are divorced because we feel you are still married and cannot move on should we want to marry you. For others, they like the safety of the inavailability because they don't want marriage anyway.

Regardless of the reason for the divorce, there is always pain and loss--your family is torn apart--even if it is the best thing for you--your financial status is altered greatly. I would never go back. My life is wonderful.

People not admitting that they were at fault...some of us did everything to keep the marriage together. We tried and what we did wrong? We chose badly. In some cases, two wonderful people did not make one wonderful couple. Those two individuals later became parts of wonderful relationships with other people. Could we all have done something better to make it work? Perhaps but it was not something we saw while in the middle of it all. As I have said before in a post, my ex said I was a wonderful wife and he could not have asked for more--was I perfect--NO, but it could have worked but by the time he figured it out--two years later--he had done so much, I would never entertain the thought of a relationship with him. So for the posters who think people are not admitting fault, for a lot of us, we did all we could but we could not do it alone.
 JulieAHunny
Joined: 8/29/2009
Msg: 148
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 12/14/2009 6:13:01 AM
Well, I tried to do the right thing and wait to get married, I was with my ex for 5 1/2 years (living together for 5 of them) before we got married... Then we got married and everything changed... He felt that a marriage certificate was also a certificate of ownership of me, and he started cheating on me. The first two times he cheated I tried to work it out (as I feel a marriage is important, and I'm stubburn and didn't want to walk away without a fight). But by the 3rd time in the 7 years we were married I had enough.. I don't want my daughter to think it is ok for a man to treat her that way. So I ened the marriage. BUT he and I are friends now, and are great co parents together. :)
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 149
view profile
History
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 12/14/2009 8:42:09 AM
Variety Is The Spice Of Life, might not be why I got divorced, but it is the reason I will never get married again. I mean who would like to spend the rest of their life eating the same meal every day, even if it is a good meal it would get boring quickly. That is what marriage is to some of us, the same old meal. Marriage is an outdated concept if you ask me, but it is clear there are still lots of outdate people in the world, so it will be around for those that need it. What seems so much sadder then divorce to me are the couples that stick together and you can just tell they hate each other. They don't have the courage to end it because they worry what others will think or because they fear losing their ass in court or some other reason so they just live with the pain. Then there is the last group, the ones we see a lot in the forums too; the group were one of the people in the marriage had the ball to end it and the other just will not let it go. Read this thread and you will see it repeated by a few posters.
 outofthedesert
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 150
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 12/14/2009 2:14:40 PM

Marriage is an outdated concept if you ask me, but it is clear there are still lots of outdate people in the world, so it will be around for those that need it.


Outdated for YOU and some others. Not necessarily outdated period. There are marriages where they stayed together and you could see misery all over them. But I have also seen marriages where there was joy all over them. To each is own....or not.
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