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 Verissa
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 54
Should we try to love someone unconditionally?Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
When I was younger I use to use that word "UNCONDITIONAL" on a regular basis. I love my children unconditionally, they could do anything and I will always love then no matter what. I may not always like them, I may not always want to be around them, but I always love them as their mother. I cannot say that I could ever love anyone else unconditionally. There are always conditions where someone can kill the love we feel for them...sometimes they just sever it for a while and we still have feelings for them but there is always an opportunity to sever it in it's entirety and lose it forever.
 Lup
Joined: 8/15/2008
Msg: 56
Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/3/2009 4:22:51 PM
we can and should strive to love unconditionally. unconditionally means that all you want from them is their well being and making them happy, or stepping away if that is necessary. to love unconditionally you have to have a lot of confidence in yourself, and trust that regardless of the future, that life has great things awaiting for us -- you and the other person. is respecting the others person's decisions, and some of those decisions will not incorporate you, n being happy for them, cause that is what they truelly desire, and you want them to take that step, and that decision makes you happy, cause you also want to be as happy as them.

you can't make someone else love you, but you can love someone else. love is not being attached, or being possesive. love is... :) haha.. unconditional. if it is not unconditional, then it isn't love.
 djRice
Joined: 3/4/2008
Msg: 57
Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/3/2009 4:25:18 PM

"to love someone because you need them is immature love.
To need someone because you love them, that is mature love"

i think when it comes down to it, unconditional love cannot exist. the relationship needs a system of checks and balances. if you love someone, no matter what they do, you're opening yourself up to be a doormat. (read: abusive relationships, infidelity).
thats not fair to yourself, or the one you're with.


beautifully said
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 61
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Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/3/2009 5:02:27 PM
I think the idea of conditions is that a person only loves another when they do or don't do something, "love" (or loving actions) are given as a reward for good or acceptable behavior. Kinda like a doggie treat...haha.

We can still love someone but decide it's best not to continue to be in a relationship with them. People who have healthy self esteem will avoid a toxic relationship or a relationship or person that's turned toxic because they value themselves. We can love things that aren't good for us to put it another way.

I don't think it's so much deciding to love someone unconditionally or not as it do we love them after we know them well, just as they are? Once you start with the "but" lists....well he's a great guy...but.....from my experience that's when it starts to go south.
 Lup
Joined: 8/15/2008
Msg: 63
Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/3/2009 5:32:36 PM
I totally agree with bucsgirl.

Just cause one loves unconditionally, it doesn't mean that we will nod to everything the other person does. it just means that we love them, and we want the best for them, and we will show our love most of the time to them... by our actions. Sometimes those actions may deviate from what "love" should be.

if you think that by loving unconditionally, that you will be hurt or used by the other person, then you just have low self esteem. you are not confident enough to love, and you will never do so, cause you are afraid.

anyhow, thats my 2 cents.
 alinux
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 64
Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/3/2009 5:51:05 PM
of course ..but 'LOVE (nice feelings)' are all we need (with the rite person, of course) ......... unconditional, etc .. who carez ..jus luv.
 Lup
Joined: 8/15/2008
Msg: 67
Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/3/2009 6:21:05 PM
the secret is time and focus.. :)
 Gideon_70
Joined: 9/9/2005
Msg: 69
Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/3/2009 8:21:37 PM
I think you are asking for a lot of pain. Now, please don't misunderstand me, I am not saying you should not do it.

Love is great, and will solve all problems in the end, if you stick with it. But if you are divided, and not organized, and not solid in the things that let ever lifelong married couple make it all that time, then you will find that the love you have will become a burden.

Does she love you at least as much? You sould know, solidly, if she does.

Does she love you enough to follow you when your desires and hers differ? Does she love you enough to close her mouth if you say "Stop," in the middle of a disagreement with another person? Does she respect you or demand that you respect her? Look up the world Respect if youare not sure, it probably means something other than what you think.

I read this about new style marraiges, and old style marraiges where the man was the head of the household...

"There is a difference between patriarical marriage and modern marriage. When life is going normally, they are sort of the same, but when life turns strange and scary, when there's a crisis, suddenly the two are completely different."

In the patriarical (man as the head of the household) marriage, when crisis comes, the marraige gets tighter and stronger. In the modern "50/50" marriage, when trouble comes, the married couple turn on each other with blame, anger, and eventually the diference in how to handle it will rip them apart. There can only be one head, everything in nature works that way, marriage does as well.

So is she willing to be the all important body adn let you be the head?

If she is, and is willing to do so for the rest of her life, then you and she will have long and happy marraige. If not, you will be sitting here trying again, and again, and again, for the rest of your life.
 sanddallor
Joined: 8/30/2008
Msg: 73
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Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/3/2009 11:13:42 PM
Unconditional love is a journey, not a destination. New cliche???

I say that because few if any of us could ever reach that in it's purest form, but we should always strive to love more unconditionally, even if it means learning to temper it with prudence...for example, though we may learn not to be resentful against somebody who repeatedly does the same thing, it doesn't mean we keep giving the rope to do it again! SD
 mcwr
Joined: 3/24/2009
Msg: 78
Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 8/4/2009 2:53:10 PM

Should we try to love someone unconditionally?


No. I don't love people that I can't trust or respect, and I don't really care for much of my family for that matter. I will only love someone that I can trust and respect.
 txredbull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 79
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Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 1/29/2010 6:45:28 AM
I've struggled with this. I wish that I knew the answer.
I understand the unconditional love you have for your children and for a pet. They are definitly real...and they are definitly "unconditional"...especially for your children.

I just don't know about love between the sexs. I have read that true love and a marriage who's roots are guaranteed in success is "unconditional". If its conditional, than one partner believes they will be able to change the other or "keep" the other person from changing. How else could they guarantee the "conditions"....for the person changes out of the conditions and poor there is no more love. Since this is very likely to happen in the course of a lifetime, it would ensure no marriage or long term relationship would work.

However, having tried this, I can tell you that there are certainly conditions I need to stay happy. So I wonder if I'm even capable of this at his point. I tried to ignore conditions and I was not able to do it....
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 82
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Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 1/29/2010 8:22:13 AM
in my opinion ,if love is not unconditional its not love at all
 txredbull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 83
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Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 1/29/2010 8:24:40 AM

There are those who do not reveal their true nature until they are sure you are in love with them and/or dependent on them in some fashion.


Yep...but your still guessing it seems to me that this is the source. Sometimes people change. Do you think its possible for people to hide thier true nature for 3 years? 6 years? Perhaps? But there is also the possibility they just changed...or you changed and something that was a small requirement 3 years ago becomes a big one. Then what?

When you marry someone its till death due you part. In "goodtimes" and "bad". In "sickness" and "in health". Seems they are trying to say "conditionless". They list as many conditions as they can come up with before people fall asleep in the ceremony.

I don't think parent child love has conditions at all...thats why you still see a mother love their son who has murdered 5 people and sits on death row.
 txredbull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 86
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Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 1/29/2010 8:43:10 AM

I tend to love unconditionally. However, loving unconditionally does not mean that one has to stick around! :) Loving unconditionally is not about doing everything and being everything for the person. Loving unconditionally is about accepting the person as they are, and still caring about them, and feeling for them. One can accept that a person is a thief, a no-good, a whatever, and just tell them kindly that one will always love them (and one does), but that one prefers to move on to someone who is more deserving.


Ok, poster...I don't understand.
You love the person unconditionally but choose to "move on"....Yeh, I'm definitly confused about your definition of Love????

I would never "move on" from my children.

Love means "committment". So eventhough they are always drunk, sleep around, are pigs, defecate all over the house, have no sex drive, are lazy and do nothing but watch tv, could care less about you in the least.... You STILL love them unconditionally. Right? Thats unconditional love. I tried it...hung in for a long time...and then realized I was really failing at it and it was killing me. I don't know what this means anymore now. That I can' t love unconditionally (?) or no-one really can and the ones who think they can are "Fools" fooling themselves.
 blue450
Joined: 7/24/2009
Msg: 89
Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 1/29/2010 10:20:20 AM
You can have the same range of Feelings & Emotions for a thousand people and you move on to the next when it's over. Why limit yourself ....it never lasts and settles into dull/boring routine. I prefer an "update" with someone new. To me thats "Healthy"
 hamster-dance
Joined: 12/26/2009
Msg: 94
Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 1/29/2010 11:05:56 PM
The only people you should love unconditionally are your kids. And maybe your pets. Even if your kids (or pets) are truly awful you can love them but set boundaries for your own protection.

But when it comes to a relationship there are certain "conditions" that no one should put up with, such as violence. Other people have their own deal breakers, that some others may not have. Some would automatically leave over cheating, and some would not. Regardless, it's healthy to have your own conditions for love and to stick to them. Loving someone doesn't mean you're expected to compromise your safety and well-being.
 Minau
Joined: 9/2/2007
Msg: 95
Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 1/30/2010 1:57:07 AM
When you truly love someone...you do love them "unconditionally"...you don't have a choice on the matter...you just do...whether you decide to live with the questionable/intolerable behavior is another matter...but I would imagine that if the feelings were mutual...the behaviors in question are workable...in merging two lives...some changes/adjustments do have to be made in order to work...but that would require both parties to work on it.
 curiousaboutu77
Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 97
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Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 1/30/2010 3:23:53 AM
I think that a persons number one priority is to try and love themselves unconditionally rather then love someone else unconditionally as most people struggle with this. This will make you far happier in life rather then then the happiness you would feel by loving someone else unconditionally. When you don't love yourself unconditionally you may leave yourself open to receiving treatment that you don't want nor like or stay in situations that aren't good as examples because you don't love yourself enough.
 Chathamman
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 99
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Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 1/30/2010 4:45:37 AM
I think it all comes down to what your definition of the word love is. Personally I think the work is over used. People use love to describe their relationship to everything. I love pizza, my car, my house, Italian food, etc. I guess if unconditional love exists it would be for your children. Mostly because when your child does something wrong you remember he/she is a child. We all had our learning experiences as children. I think discussing unconditional love for children is off point here. This is a web site devoted to dating/relationships. For me, in order for me to love someone I have to respect them and they have to respect me. So I guess what I'm saying is for love to exist it HAS to be mutual. If you're in a relationship with someone and they break one of the covenants of your marriage or do something that is contrary to your level of commitment is there love? You may love someone very much but when this person cheats, abuses, or is addicted do they love you? Is it your definition of love? We've all known people who say I love my spouse but I need this outside diversion. Whatever it is. It's usually the attention of someone else. For love to exist your partner has to care for you on a level where he/she would not do hurtful things to you and would find a balance in life that nurtures your relationship. We've all heard the stories about how someone has made a mistake in a relationship. A mistake is forgetting to return the movie rental. Having an affair, striking someone, abusing drugs or alcohol are not mistakes. What that means is this person doesn't "LOVE" you like you love them. There isn't a spoonful of sugar in the world that will make this medicine go down. So when we discover that the person we love has done that is contrary to our well being it's time for us to redefine our definition of love.
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 100
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Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 1/30/2010 5:29:01 AM

And if perchance we find someone whom we believe is truly special, then we try to [give that one extraordinary person our unconditional love.
but then....how is THAT not "conditional"...you've already added the "condition" that the person has to be "truly special", and "extraordinary"....THOSE are conditions...that you've already put on your "unconditional" love.

I've always said that "unconditional" love comes from ONLY 2 places...God, and your parents...EVERYONE else expects some decent behaviors from you.

I once read a very good (and eloquent) description of "Love Thy Neighbor"...I believe it was from C.S. Lewis, but not positive....I'll try to dig it up when I have time; but it was something like this:

To "Love your neighbor", which means EVERYONE , as you love yourself does NOT mean that you get all warm and fuzzy when you see them or that you hug them and can't get enough of them....it simply means...that you WISH THEM NO HARM. Meaning.... that you do NOT hate them...that you wish them no ill, that you're not envious.

We "love ourselves"...in that we don't wish bad things to happen to us. We don't get those little twinges of..."couldn't have happened to a nicer person" when something bad happens to us...but we're often "glad" when something bad happens to someone else...we think they "deserved" it.

BUT: If you TRULY believe in "Unconditional Love": It's spelled out...EXACTLY here...what is required of YOU to do so:

Matthew 5:43 ~ 5:47 Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust. For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the do the same?
And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so?


So, if you believe in "unconditional love"....you have to give it to only those who "hate" you.
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 102
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Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 1/30/2010 6:13:40 AM
Always a good idea-!

But, if they continue to do things that hurt us, in the interest of self-preservation, best to get ourselves away from them. Then we can love them from afar!
 seperate1
Joined: 1/21/2010
Msg: 103
Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 1/30/2010 1:14:21 PM
its almost impossible, that means you love them irregardless of what they do and don't do; an i don't know anyone who fits that description, everyone wants something and if they don't get it USUALLY the relationship ends at one point or another.
 TiffLS
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 105
Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 1/30/2010 4:14:49 PM
I think you're mixing two concepts. Absolutely, we should love others unconditionally, but that's a different question than "should we make bad decisions because of that love?" Loving someone and wishing their best good does not require us to compromise our own values or make bad decisions.
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 106
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Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 1/31/2010 8:23:08 AM
The notion that love means providing an easy path of no resistence regardless of what anyone does is false,actions have consequences...the elimination of consequences is not love and it often leads to people's destruction.
 flowerforce
Joined: 9/6/2006
Msg: 108
Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 2/5/2010 3:38:58 PM
Yes we should try to love unconditionally. However I do not believe it is possible to do so. Do we need to forgive, compromise, listen. Yes! Even if we find someone truly special there will be conditions that we will not tolerate. Even with children.
I think the best we can do even with someone truly special is to talk about deal breakers
( behaviors that are unacceptable) from a SO and go to a couples therapist if things cannot be worked out.
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