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 mcwr
Joined: 3/24/2009
Msg: 78
Should we try to love someone unconditionally?Page 5 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

Should we try to love someone unconditionally?


No. I don't love people that I can't trust or respect, and I don't really care for much of my family for that matter. I will only love someone that I can trust and respect.
 txredbull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 79
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Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 1/29/2010 6:45:28 AM
I've struggled with this. I wish that I knew the answer.
I understand the unconditional love you have for your children and for a pet. They are definitly real...and they are definitly "unconditional"...especially for your children.

I just don't know about love between the sexs. I have read that true love and a marriage who's roots are guaranteed in success is "unconditional". If its conditional, than one partner believes they will be able to change the other or "keep" the other person from changing. How else could they guarantee the "conditions"....for the person changes out of the conditions and poor there is no more love. Since this is very likely to happen in the course of a lifetime, it would ensure no marriage or long term relationship would work.

However, having tried this, I can tell you that there are certainly conditions I need to stay happy. So I wonder if I'm even capable of this at his point. I tried to ignore conditions and I was not able to do it....
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 82
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Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 1/29/2010 8:22:13 AM
in my opinion ,if love is not unconditional its not love at all
 txredbull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 83
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Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 1/29/2010 8:24:40 AM

There are those who do not reveal their true nature until they are sure you are in love with them and/or dependent on them in some fashion.


Yep...but your still guessing it seems to me that this is the source. Sometimes people change. Do you think its possible for people to hide thier true nature for 3 years? 6 years? Perhaps? But there is also the possibility they just changed...or you changed and something that was a small requirement 3 years ago becomes a big one. Then what?

When you marry someone its till death due you part. In "goodtimes" and "bad". In "sickness" and "in health". Seems they are trying to say "conditionless". They list as many conditions as they can come up with before people fall asleep in the ceremony.

I don't think parent child love has conditions at all...thats why you still see a mother love their son who has murdered 5 people and sits on death row.
 txredbull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 86
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Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 1/29/2010 8:43:10 AM

I tend to love unconditionally. However, loving unconditionally does not mean that one has to stick around! :) Loving unconditionally is not about doing everything and being everything for the person. Loving unconditionally is about accepting the person as they are, and still caring about them, and feeling for them. One can accept that a person is a thief, a no-good, a whatever, and just tell them kindly that one will always love them (and one does), but that one prefers to move on to someone who is more deserving.


Ok, poster...I don't understand.
You love the person unconditionally but choose to "move on"....Yeh, I'm definitly confused about your definition of Love????

I would never "move on" from my children.

Love means "committment". So eventhough they are always drunk, sleep around, are pigs, defecate all over the house, have no sex drive, are lazy and do nothing but watch tv, could care less about you in the least.... You STILL love them unconditionally. Right? Thats unconditional love. I tried it...hung in for a long time...and then realized I was really failing at it and it was killing me. I don't know what this means anymore now. That I can' t love unconditionally (?) or no-one really can and the ones who think they can are "Fools" fooling themselves.
 blue450
Joined: 7/24/2009
Msg: 89
Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 1/29/2010 10:20:20 AM
You can have the same range of Feelings & Emotions for a thousand people and you move on to the next when it's over. Why limit yourself ....it never lasts and settles into dull/boring routine. I prefer an "update" with someone new. To me thats "Healthy"
 hamster-dance
Joined: 12/26/2009
Msg: 94
Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 1/29/2010 11:05:56 PM
The only people you should love unconditionally are your kids. And maybe your pets. Even if your kids (or pets) are truly awful you can love them but set boundaries for your own protection.

But when it comes to a relationship there are certain "conditions" that no one should put up with, such as violence. Other people have their own deal breakers, that some others may not have. Some would automatically leave over cheating, and some would not. Regardless, it's healthy to have your own conditions for love and to stick to them. Loving someone doesn't mean you're expected to compromise your safety and well-being.
 Minau
Joined: 9/2/2007
Msg: 95
Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 1/30/2010 1:57:07 AM
When you truly love someone...you do love them "unconditionally"...you don't have a choice on the matter...you just do...whether you decide to live with the questionable/intolerable behavior is another matter...but I would imagine that if the feelings were mutual...the behaviors in question are workable...in merging two lives...some changes/adjustments do have to be made in order to work...but that would require both parties to work on it.
 curiousaboutu77
Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 97
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Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 1/30/2010 3:23:53 AM
I think that a persons number one priority is to try and love themselves unconditionally rather then love someone else unconditionally as most people struggle with this. This will make you far happier in life rather then then the happiness you would feel by loving someone else unconditionally. When you don't love yourself unconditionally you may leave yourself open to receiving treatment that you don't want nor like or stay in situations that aren't good as examples because you don't love yourself enough.
 Chathamman
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 99
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Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 1/30/2010 4:45:37 AM
I think it all comes down to what your definition of the word love is. Personally I think the work is over used. People use love to describe their relationship to everything. I love pizza, my car, my house, Italian food, etc. I guess if unconditional love exists it would be for your children. Mostly because when your child does something wrong you remember he/she is a child. We all had our learning experiences as children. I think discussing unconditional love for children is off point here. This is a web site devoted to dating/relationships. For me, in order for me to love someone I have to respect them and they have to respect me. So I guess what I'm saying is for love to exist it HAS to be mutual. If you're in a relationship with someone and they break one of the covenants of your marriage or do something that is contrary to your level of commitment is there love? You may love someone very much but when this person cheats, abuses, or is addicted do they love you? Is it your definition of love? We've all known people who say I love my spouse but I need this outside diversion. Whatever it is. It's usually the attention of someone else. For love to exist your partner has to care for you on a level where he/she would not do hurtful things to you and would find a balance in life that nurtures your relationship. We've all heard the stories about how someone has made a mistake in a relationship. A mistake is forgetting to return the movie rental. Having an affair, striking someone, abusing drugs or alcohol are not mistakes. What that means is this person doesn't "LOVE" you like you love them. There isn't a spoonful of sugar in the world that will make this medicine go down. So when we discover that the person we love has done that is contrary to our well being it's time for us to redefine our definition of love.
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 100
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Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 1/30/2010 5:29:01 AM

And if perchance we find someone whom we believe is truly special, then we try to [give that one extraordinary person our unconditional love.
but then....how is THAT not "conditional"...you've already added the "condition" that the person has to be "truly special", and "extraordinary"....THOSE are conditions...that you've already put on your "unconditional" love.

I've always said that "unconditional" love comes from ONLY 2 places...God, and your parents...EVERYONE else expects some decent behaviors from you.

I once read a very good (and eloquent) description of "Love Thy Neighbor"...I believe it was from C.S. Lewis, but not positive....I'll try to dig it up when I have time; but it was something like this:

To "Love your neighbor", which means EVERYONE , as you love yourself does NOT mean that you get all warm and fuzzy when you see them or that you hug them and can't get enough of them....it simply means...that you WISH THEM NO HARM. Meaning.... that you do NOT hate them...that you wish them no ill, that you're not envious.

We "love ourselves"...in that we don't wish bad things to happen to us. We don't get those little twinges of..."couldn't have happened to a nicer person" when something bad happens to us...but we're often "glad" when something bad happens to someone else...we think they "deserved" it.

BUT: If you TRULY believe in "Unconditional Love": It's spelled out...EXACTLY here...what is required of YOU to do so:

Matthew 5:43 ~ 5:47 Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust. For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the do the same?
And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so?


So, if you believe in "unconditional love"....you have to give it to only those who "hate" you.
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 102
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Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 1/30/2010 6:13:40 AM
Always a good idea-!

But, if they continue to do things that hurt us, in the interest of self-preservation, best to get ourselves away from them. Then we can love them from afar!
 seperate1
Joined: 1/21/2010
Msg: 103
Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 1/30/2010 1:14:21 PM
its almost impossible, that means you love them irregardless of what they do and don't do; an i don't know anyone who fits that description, everyone wants something and if they don't get it USUALLY the relationship ends at one point or another.
 TiffLS
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 105
Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 1/30/2010 4:14:49 PM
I think you're mixing two concepts. Absolutely, we should love others unconditionally, but that's a different question than "should we make bad decisions because of that love?" Loving someone and wishing their best good does not require us to compromise our own values or make bad decisions.
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 106
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Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 1/31/2010 8:23:08 AM
The notion that love means providing an easy path of no resistence regardless of what anyone does is false,actions have consequences...the elimination of consequences is not love and it often leads to people's destruction.
 flowerforce
Joined: 9/6/2006
Msg: 108
Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 2/5/2010 3:38:58 PM
Yes we should try to love unconditionally. However I do not believe it is possible to do so. Do we need to forgive, compromise, listen. Yes! Even if we find someone truly special there will be conditions that we will not tolerate. Even with children.
I think the best we can do even with someone truly special is to talk about deal breakers
( behaviors that are unacceptable) from a SO and go to a couples therapist if things cannot be worked out.
 2Irish1
Joined: 9/1/2008
Msg: 109
Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 2/5/2010 4:48:56 PM

Sex can be classed by some as sport.


And this relates to the OPost how???

Anyway, imo, interpersonal relationships, that have love involved, "nearly always" (cause someone will say they achieved it) invovle conditional love...

Perhaps the only unconditional love is that of a parent to their children...and even some parents place conditions on their love....

I'd placed conditions on the loving of my spouse, until the year she was ill, then it turned unconditional...yet, that in itself was a condition for being unconditional...she had to be ill...sigh...what a motley crew we are!
 Alabamalass
Joined: 10/31/2012
Msg: 112
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Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 1/14/2013 8:11:59 AM
I have concluded that being in love with someone requires compromise on the part of both partners. However, I have also concluded that one has to determine which "faults" in that other person one is willing ,or able, to accept and live with.
 Alabamalass
Joined: 10/31/2012
Msg: 113
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Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 1/14/2013 8:14:57 AM
I believe that "love" is sometimes confused with "need". Loving someone is very diferent than needing someone.
 J_bird61
Joined: 10/22/2011
Msg: 114
Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 1/14/2013 8:53:46 AM
Yes, there are conditions to a relationship. Every single one. Not just romantic love.
How much one is willing to overlook/deal with/work on depends on the person and the problems.
I've had this "unconditional love" theory thrown in my face but it seemed to me it was being used as a test of sorts.
More like "if you love me, I can do what ever I want and it shouldn't make you go away."
Which is pure BS.
So, I shy away from that "unconditonal love" theory. I don't believe it's possible in this environment - earth.
 makavali7dayz3
Joined: 2/15/2010
Msg: 116
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Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 1/14/2013 11:38:04 AM
Ideally, yes. I think unconditional love is the highest form on love and it only be obtained when both parties love each other in a pure and unselfish way. If someone cheated on me then i wouldn't be able to respect and therefore love them anymore. If they cheated on me they didn't love me uncondtionally in the first place. Unconditional love is something that has to goes both ways.
 supplygoodguy
Joined: 6/4/2012
Msg: 117
Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 1/14/2013 4:27:05 PM

Sex can be classed by some as sport.


yah like I say.. it's all fun and games until someone's penis or godiva falls off .. or you're tied into monthly payments for 25 years for a human you didn't want to produce.. ping pongin the shlonging.. ding dong.. the sperminators killed the wabbit.. yeah..



unconditional love .. no such beast.. .. we're monkeys with bling... we all got shiney needs and we all negotiate our needs.. so the idea of having unconditional anything .. nope.. hell the only person you can do that with is someone in a catatonic state or a cat on tonic and other things of altering abilities and a petty paws on high speed.

unconditional sounds like no standards and the only root word in that syllablic lullaby is "con".. now not con air.. that's got Cage in it and I will go unconditional full tilt with him..

as for reality and the squeeze for me please.. .. aw..loving someone unconditionally ah.. "no" and no way, no how.. .. lots of conditions ..lots of boundaries and lots of brains.. not an easy find.. but the only caught fish worth the reel..
 12thour
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 118
Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 1/14/2013 6:09:27 PM
nope...that is for your children and even then if they cut people up and put them in the freezer to eat later I think it is ok to boot them before they boil you.
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