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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > What do women over 50 find desirable and undesirable in a man's profi      Home login  
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 caddboy
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 76
What do women over 50 find desirable and undesirable in a man's profile?Page 4 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

But how many 50-plus men marry, ohdriver?
Yes, of course they do. Most men aren't Gaddflye, thank goodness. But I don't live in Desert's world. I would find it very depressing to be thought of as invisible just because I'm 53. I know it's old. But what can I do??


Trust me you are not invisible and you are not old. There are a lot of georgeous women from all over the world in these forums. "What can you do you say", just be you, that is a very desirable quality.
 chapter1
Joined: 11/17/2007
Msg: 77
What do women over 50 find desirable and undesirable in a man's profile?
Posted: 6/7/2009 6:02:47 PM
Here's a list of what not to write
Preperation-H user
Geritol taker
Polyester king
Denture cream addict
Early bird special frequenter
Coupons for all occasions
Vcr x xx and xxx rated vidoes
Talking about the one that got away
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 78
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What do women over 50 find desirable and undesirable in a man's profile?
Posted: 6/7/2009 6:04:13 PM
Sapphireeyes - Msg 98 & 100

The wise woman has spoken
 Karen0735
Joined: 3/14/2009
Msg: 79
What do women over 50 find desirable and undesirable in a man's profile?
Posted: 6/7/2009 7:10:19 PM
I'd like to read something more genuine; walks on the beach, sitting by the fire, or holding hands are very predictable elements of some profiles. Am I to believe that some men write in generalities...what they think women would like to hear?

I'd love to read something more personal...a man's sensual side, something that excites him, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually; getting a glimpse of something I don't know...
 f1hawk
Joined: 8/24/2006
Msg: 80
What do women over 50 find desirable and undesirable in a man's profile?
Posted: 6/7/2009 7:54:36 PM
Here is a post at the heart of the question... but only half of it.
In the interetsts of a positive discussion, what not to write in a profile doesn't help much. If you are a woman over 50 & actually have to read the "huge responses" (50 to 150???), how do you very quickly separate those worth replying to?
NOW, if you give a formula that works well, will that make your job of reviewing the multitude of responses somewhat more difficult.???
It seems to me that the less clues you give on a good profile results in an easier weeding job.
So its still up us guys, & how creative; maybe surprising & how creditable your profile is.
But a comment on the intro line and a sense of the brevity/succintness in the profile would help to enhance the "screening process"~! for you ladies?
Any offers?
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 81
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What do women over 50 find desirable and undesirable in a man's profile?
Posted: 6/7/2009 9:22:48 PM
Regardless, how interesting and accurate your profile is, you will still get many emails from readers who don’t bother reading your profile. It happens with both genders – I hear this complaint from women about men, and I have experienced it personally when receiving emails from women - “like your pix – wanna chat?”

What is happening in the society (yes, even outside of POF), that we are all becoming more and more visually oriented. Not only our eyes are drawn first to the colorful pictures, but scanning and processing an image by our brain is much quicker than reading a few paragraphs. In the era of overnight parcel delivery and instant decision making, many people don’t want to be bothered by reading a full page profile description.

Just look at the phenomenal success of Youtube. Same with eBay. I recall the initial auction listings 10 years ago, containing one small and really poor picture and equally lousy item description. Today, most listings are decorated with several big pictures, beautifully lit, taken with the latest generation of cameras, and augmented to perfection in Photoshop.

I think, we can apply same analogy to the dating sites. The orientation is becoming more visual, agencies are providing space for more pictures, and the pictures are getting bigger and better. What’s next? Larger pictures, Video clips, Skype button, direct hot link to your photographer who can fit your portrait with a new hair style or a fashionable tattoo, and perhaps even some private viewing windows – available to the EXTRAORDINARY SERIOUS MEMBERS or when the correct password is supplied (or when a micropayment transaction is executed) .
---

if any of these suggestions are implemented on POF before I find the right one, please send my royalty payment for site improvement ideas directly to my Paypal account.
 f1hawk
Joined: 8/24/2006
Msg: 82
What do women over 50 find desirable and undesirable in a man's profile?
Posted: 6/7/2009 11:17:19 PM
Great summation "Tryagan".
We all know 1 pic is worth 1000 words... but the idea that this can create a more rapid 'screening' lies at the heart of the question.....
Can I make a better impression by pics to ellicit a reply from a female who may have to screen 50 to 150 suitors IN ONE DAY?
Do the women select who to reply to by my picture first off?
Is this risky, with most laymen having the capacity to not only reproduce pics that are not actually of themselves, or are 'enhanced in photoshop'?
OR... is better to have something harder to "fake" - like a paragraph of succinct thoughts that conveys overt messages as well as the 'thoughts between the lines' ?
The comminication technology for this & other dating sites will rage ahead; quite likely in the direction you have suggested. But for what is current & available to most now, what is the best way to connect to the minds of women who are blessed with sometimes overwhelming responses to their profiles?
Girls? any reflections here? Can you propose a competitive advantage for your screening of 'suitors'?
And is any seemingly genuine intent at chatting worthy of a reply - one way or another?
HAWK
 FriendlyFreeSpirit
Joined: 8/24/2008
Msg: 83
What do women over 50 find desirable and undesirable in a man's profile?
Posted: 6/7/2009 11:32:37 PM

Can I make a better impression by pics to ellicit a reply from a female who may have to screen 50 to 150 suitors IN ONE DAY?

Which goddesses are you emailing here? I don't know of anyone here who gets 50-150 messages from people they don't know in one day.
So, don't make it harder for yourself than it already is.
But as for which pics - we've told you guys. We like the same sort of photos you do. We like to see your face and your body. We judge though on different qualities. We're - well, I'm interested in a happy, relaxed expression, an intelligent gleam, teeth (please), hair style (not into comb-overs). I don't care about wrinkles. I don't care about facial hair, as long as it's well groomed. Body? Reasonable shape, although if you're super-smart you can get away with a big gut..
Lots of women aren't into "hobby" photos - fish, cars, bikes, etc. They don't bother me. But to be safe, it's probably a good idea not to go overboard on them.

Do the women select who to reply to by my picture first off?..OR... is better to have something harder to "fake" - like a paragraph of succinct thoughts that conveys overt messages as well as the 'thoughts between the lines' ?

I definitely look at the pic first (but I did go out with someone from here for quite some time and he didn't have a photo posted). I am interested in hobbies and interests, humour, wit, spelling and grammar (education). I'm looking for something in common.
I love the idea of overt messages, but that's just me. And succinct is really, really great.

Can you propose a competitive advantage for your screening of 'suitors'?

Enthusiastic about me is always good..lol..A genuine interest, rather than a cut-and-paste job.

And is any seemingly genuine intent at chatting worthy of a reply - one way or another?

Yep, why not? It's not going to hurt to exchange a couple of emails and if the conversation is not happening, you know to let it go. No biggie.
But really - all of this is a waste of time if you are just playing games. If you are really interested in dating and meeting in the flesh (so to speak), make it clear. Right from the start. Not pushy - women will bolt if you try to push them into meeting - but make it clear you're looking for the real deal.
Good luck!
 FriendlyFreeSpirit
Joined: 8/24/2008
Msg: 84
What do women over 50 find desirable and undesirable in a man's profile?
Posted: 6/7/2009 11:44:02 PM
F1hawk, I just read your profile and realised you're married and looking for a bit on the side - which explains why the women you're contacting are getting so many messages..
Honestly, you're offering nothing that every other married dude here is offering. Even married women looking for sex are still looking for some sort of emotional connection as well. If you can offer that, I'd suggest including it in your profile.
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 85
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What do women over 50 find desirable and undesirable in a man's profile?
Posted: 6/7/2009 11:44:08 PM
F1hawk – Msg 108


Can I make a better impression by pics to ellicit a reply from a female who may have to screen 50 to 150 suitors IN ONE DAY?

I would say it depends on the woman, but for most people (men and women) the answer is Yes. I hasten to add that we are talking about just the initial impression – same as when submitting a job resume to a prospective employer.


Do the women select who to reply to by my picture first off?

The proper wording would be – if the woman is bombarded by many contacts, most emails without attractive pictures will be discarded. In the above scenario, many emails even with attractive pictures might be eliminated.


Is this risky, with most laymen having the capacity to not only reproduce pics that are not actually of themselves, or are 'enhanced in photoshop'?

It is not only risky, but also unethical, and ultimately unproductive.

It’s one thing to improve the quality of picture by proper lighting, increasing the contrast, sharpness, and perhaps removing some obstacles behind someone’s head, and entirely different thing to make the person slimmer, taller, or even to perform full hair transplant.
 f1hawk
Joined: 8/24/2006
Msg: 86
What do women over 50 find desirable and undesirable in a man's profile?
Posted: 6/8/2009 1:27:29 AM
Insightful FSS......
I have not tried to connect with women that are looking for a potentially "exclusive & full relationship". My profile I hope makes it clear that I have no capacity to enter such a relationship. Nor do I want to.
But I get what you are saying about finding myself in a very competitive arena of the considerably fewer, but high demand group of women who have a strong libido (still - even at or after 45) but who, like me, want to make an 'addition' to their status quo in a way that doesn't threaten or unravel what for them is an ongoing relationship still worth preserving.
The insight I got from you was that these far fewer women may, whilst opening to a "supplementary sexual encounter" - may also feel the need to have this encounter at a meaningful level - which includes respect, a true sharing of the emotions of tenderness, some openness of sharing & finally, celebrating the release of true sexual satisfaction - which is a difficult thing to live without.
It would be my ultimate mission to do that in an environment nurtured by genuine affection, uncompromising intimacy, respect & committment to progression through to orgasm. Which of course is what I'd anticipate in return.
To put these thoughts into my profile would then be a challenge.. in terms of remaining succinct, having them read as genuine and not interpreted as a ploy to merely seduce them into a one-nite-stand!
Ahh... the risks in baring one's soul???
However the challenge is set, advice taken on board & the future awaits! The profile will be re-crafted!
I also appreciate the lack of "judgement" with which your advice was ministered! TY.
HAWK
 FriendlyFreeSpirit
Joined: 8/24/2008
Msg: 87
What do women over 50 find desirable and undesirable in a man's profile?
Posted: 6/8/2009 1:39:53 AM
It would be my ultimate mission to do that in an environment nurtured by genuine affection, uncompromising intimacy, respect & committment to progression through to orgasm. Which of course is what I'd anticipate in return

Grrr. I know you're horny, but read with your big head. I'm not talking about emotional connection just in the bedroom; even the most mature, "together" women who are looking for NSA might require an emotional connection of some sort out of the bedroom, especially if they are looking at more than a one-night stand.
Married women generally aren't just looking for sex per se. Most women - especially emotionally/sexually deprived, unhappily married ones - need to know they are valued for more than being a willing body with a smiling face. They need an emotional connection outside of the bedroom. I'm not saying it has to be a strong one, but most will want it.
But far be it from me to deter you or ruin your fantasy.
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 88
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What do women over 50 find desirable and undesirable in a man's profile?
Posted: 6/8/2009 3:22:03 AM
MissingMinx - Msg 115:

Try Again: Please don't throw your wee lollipop out of the pram, judging by some of the rather mean-spirited comments I personally have recieved from Gaddflye, he's more than able to look after himself!


Sorry for not understanding your phrase about lollipops. English is not my native language, and even Google and Webster dictionary couldn't help me with the translation. I tried to PM you directly, but couldn't get through your block, so please explain what you meant.

I don't follow and don't have to follow every one of yours and Mr. Gaddflye's posts.
Each forum thread is a separate entity and should be dealt with as such. To bring partial or twisted information from other threads only obscures the current thread. If in doubt, please check the forum rules or consult the moderators.

In this particular forum thread, I couldn't find any disparaging nor impolite remarks by Mr. Gaddflye, which unfortunately can't be said about your posts in this thread.

for instance -

The man is a huge, (boring yawn yawn yawn) fake!

This kind of personal attack is really not warranted in a civilized discussion.
 FriendlyFreeSpirit
Joined: 8/24/2008
Msg: 89
 Call me Ginny
Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 90
What do women over 50 find desirable and undesirable in a man's profile?
Posted: 6/8/2009 4:29:28 AM

Married women generally aren't just looking for sex per se. Most women - especially emotionally/sexually deprived, unhappily married ones - need to know they are valued for more than being a willing body with a smiling face. They need an emotional connection outside of the bedroom. I'm not saying it has to be a strong one, but most will want it.


Yes, FriendlyFreeSpirit, at least in my case this is true.

The ultimate need to feel attractive, to alliveate the pain of rejection on a deeply personal level, to experience the tender touch and intellectual acceptance are just as important, if not more, than the physical.

All the judgemental and often sanctimonious attitudes cannot match my own guilt, so are easy to ignore .

On topic, So what I find most desirable is a man who, having read and understood my interests in the friendship I am seeking, (Which I spell out in detail in my profile) still is attracted to what he finds. Everything else is secondary to that.


.
 f1hawk
Joined: 8/24/2006
Msg: 91
What do women over 50 find desirable and undesirable in a man's profile?
Posted: 6/8/2009 5:54:14 AM
Toward Msg114 & Msg 120:
I too go "Grrrr" in frustration that you ladies are way ahead of the info that might go into a profile or even a first off intro. The notions of being 'connected' at a fundamentally per to person level develops after contact & some extended interaction.... these things are not helpful nor expressable in a profile! These emotions flow FROM the interaction .... something that occurs later.
I do try to connect with the messages women have in their profile.... hoping I have seen the words accurately, but the intent of the words also - even more clearly. I hate wasting my time inappropriately. So am guided by "no strings attached" phraseology. This I do not read as 'one night stand'; more as 'I will contribute what I feel is possible in the circumstances I'm in at present'. I guess this is the basis of the first encounter... From there as adults, each brings their committment from then on.
This to me is still thinking/acting with my "big head'!
HAWK
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 92
What do women over 50 find desirable and undesirable in a man's profile?
Posted: 6/8/2009 7:35:08 AM
Tryagan, my daughter got a good camera when she was 16, it is now a hobby she loves and one she puts to use almost on a daily basis, between the camera and her cell phone there is always a picture being taken, in those pictures of her and her friends, the people are having "fun", they are often posted not cause they show the subjects in a good light but cause they show the environment in which the person exist and lives, the fact they have friends and are out doing "FUN" things ....this is the world she lives in....so the drive to have a more visual world online is making dating sites keep up with them, IMHO thats the best thing that could happen. It is helping to make online more real.

You can almost tell by the digital quality of a picture if it is current or not...so posting ten year old pictures are now quickly recognized.

However, I dont think women use a picture to eliminate someone...but more to focus in on someone...atleast I do.

When an individual feels the need to hide their appearance from the rest of the online society there is normally a reason for it....most of the time there isnt a good reason for it, they are married, otherwise involved, seldom is it based on looks...most that I have encounter online without a picture in their profile will quickly inform me about "how good looking they are." I actually say in my profile that if someone doesnt have a picture POSTED in their profile we would not be a match cause in the almost two years I have been on an online dating site I have found the individuals without a posted picture have been the individuals my life would have been better off without having ever spoken with. The individuals who have lied and mislead me on their intent on a dating site have been those without a picture...I think this is the reason so many feel so strongly about someone having a posted picture...it also helps make the person accountable for their online conduct....(and imho why the OP in this thread doesnt have a posted picture cause he would never want the sexist comments he makes here known to those who he encounters on a daily basis)

Another reason a picture is important is it can show an individual in their daily life...often you get a glimpse into their world, the background, hobbies, but more importantly to me..their smile, their confidence, the way they hold themselves, their attitude on who they are...

also on your comment about private viewing ...myspace has that already
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 93
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What do women over 50 find desirable and undesirable in a man's profile?
Posted: 6/9/2009 12:27:53 AM
Saphireeyes – Msg 122


my daughter got a good camera when she was 16, it is now a hobby she loves and one she puts to use almost on a daily basis, between the camera and her cell phone there is always a picture being taken, in those pictures of her and her friends, the people are having "fun", they are often posted not cause they show the subjects in a good light but cause they show the environment in which the person exist and lives.

Another reason a picture is important is it can show an individual in their daily life...often you get a glimpse into their world, the background, hobbies, but more importantly to me..their smile, their confidence, the way they hold themselves, their attitude on who they are...


Indeed, young people tend to use their cameras in more ways than we do - to capture and document all kinds of moments and time slices of their world. As you say, it is helping to make online communities more real, and the visual impressions of people in their elements stay also in our minds longer than just words and sentences.

I fully share your opinion on posting or hiding a picture in a profile, but different people are on POF for different reasons, so as long as everybody understands the rules or implications, I don't have any problems with profiles without pictures.

Thank you for making me aware about the private part viewing on myspace, err, ... the part on private viewing.
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 94
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What do women over 50 find desirable and undesirable in a man's profile?
Posted: 6/9/2009 12:36:23 AM
MissingMinx – Msg 125

Ah Tryagain, would that someone as gallant as you are being on his behalf had rushed to my rescue when Gaddflye was himself having a bit of a personal go at me, but nodoubt if you had witnessed that, then you would have been first in the queue ;-).

If English is not your first language, then you certainly would not understand Scottish idiom and irony, although if you visualise it you'll get the idea - I suppose "Keep your hair on" might be as close as you would get :-).

Thank you enlightening us on those rare scottish idioms, I’m sure there are other people on this continent, who weren’t exposed to these gems. They may come handy in future POF forum threads.

As to the gallant rescues or a need for mediation, you should educate yourself on the forum rules. This has absolutely nothing to do with you enduring injustice in the past.

Several times, I reiterated that we should stick to the OP, and as far as I could see in this thread, Mr. Gaddflye never initiated any arguments, nor did he attack other posters. No particular forum thread should be used as a battleground to fight unrelated wars. You can’t expect other readers to be familiar with thousands of other threads on the POF fora, and expect some kind of judge or jury. Not fair, but that's how the fora work. Which part of this do you not understand?

If you still think that we should use this thread for deep analysis of miscellaneous other posts and as a vehicle for revenge, you might want to check with the POF moderator board. While we are at it, why not bring up the reasons that led to current economic crisis and unfair treatment of Susan Boyle by the media?

And if you ever get unjustifiably attacked in some other forum thread, just email me and I’ll gallop to your rescue.
 PioneerValleyWoman
Joined: 7/26/2008
Msg: 95
What do women over 50 find desirable and undesirable in a man's profile?
Posted: 6/9/2009 7:56:56 AM
The first thing I want to know is a man's politics.
The second thing I want to know are his intellectual interests, if he has any. If he doesn't, I probably don't want to pursue the matter.

Some interests are a turn off. I will not list them here because they are MY turn offs and there are plenty of other women looking for men whose interests turn me off.

I do not want to hear that he is a sensual person. That frightens me but if he is honest in putting that phrase in his profile, then I will be honest and click on to the next man.

I also dislike emoticons, especially animated ones. Oh, I have used them myself, when IM'ing with my kids but these things that do push ups and spout flames and stick out their tongues really turn me off. The worst one in the dancing pickle.
 tinkerbellcgy
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 96
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What do women over 50 find desirable and undesirable in a man's profile?
Posted: 6/9/2009 8:08:34 AM

Women are like elephants - they never forget. Gaddflye is on the secret sheet-list - the one passed around in private emails. I've found myself defending him with the Posse (when there was a Posse) - he's articulate, smart and polite. What women don't like is that HE likes younger women for their attitude. L'amour de la vie. They think he is bragging when he expresses his taste for women - as though it were a crime.

Making a person the topic over the actual TOPIC is typical amongst the debate-challenged. Ad hominem attacks is a tactic, but a poor one at best, because those jabs always point back to the bankrupt argument of the attacker...but the preferred use of the tactic does serve to explain their assorted divorces.

Ahem, am I missing something here but isn't this posting a bit of the kettle calling the pot black in this instance?

On topic: What I like to see in a man's profile is humour and honesty.

I enjoy humour and if the man is so focused, serious and cut and dried in his profile, it signals to me that he isn't able to stop for a few sh*ts and giggles along the way which are very important in my world.

Honesty - this one probably tops humour. In my world, if you are separated, divorced or widowed, you are not single. You are separated, divorced or widowed. Using the word "single" when clearly you have not been single since you married is not honest and it matters to me. Kind of makes me think if he toys with a word, what else is he toying with but, hey, that's my thought and opinion and, seeing as that is my thought and opinion, I am entitled to it.
 somewherelaughing
Joined: 5/31/2009
Msg: 97
What do women over 50 find desirable and undesirable in a man's profile?
Posted: 6/9/2009 11:18:31 AM
Right on, thecatsmeoww! I hope I live long enough to see the day that a little pill is developed that increases the size and performance of a man's "above the belt" organs. I have dated three men from other dating sites who seemed to have at least a little ability in something other than the usual posturing to prove their manhood. I was wrong. I'm still looking, but with much skepticism. GUYS!! PLEASE LISTEN! We want to know what kind of man you are; in your character, in your beliefs, in your values and lifestyle. Women who only want sexual encounters usually don't join dating sites. They advertise(and expect compensation). So if that's what you want, you could at least be honest so we won't be wasting time. But I know I hope for too much. "Pay for play" isn't the modus operundi for a lot of you.
 Gaddflye
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 98
What do women over 50 find desirable and undesirable in a man's profile?
Posted: 6/9/2009 12:24:26 PM
Just a quick note. My friend and her girlfriends have already forwarded the screennames for some men's profiles which they like. Some profiles are quite good and are giving me some great ideas on how I can rewrite mine. Since my "coaches" are all very attractive in shape former model types within the early fifties age range from which I hope to attract the right woman for me I am hoping what they find attractive will yield results from the sort of women they are. Fishing for a date with an internet dating profile is quite analogous to actual fishing. As most of us realize one must use the correct lure or bait and correctly present it for the kind of fish one wants to catch. The wrong lure or an incorrect presentation will either not catch any fish to speak of or will attract fish other than what one is hoping to catch. Since I want to attract a "keeper" rather than whatever happens to bite for catch and release I need the correct lure/bait and approach.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 99
What do women over 50 find desirable and undesirable in a man's profile?
Posted: 6/9/2009 12:33:55 PM
Having been here a while myself, and having seen what Mr. Gaddflye posts
regarding women...I'm wondering why anyone is giving him the time of day...
let alone all these pages?
I can only assume he's having an off day and was just hoping to stir the pond.
And it looks like he was successful.

 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 100
What do women over 50 find desirable and undesirable in a man's profile?
Posted: 6/9/2009 1:18:15 PM
Oh my goodness.
I'm shaking in my flip flops.
I've yet to figure out why short messages are not allowed
but long rants with less to offer are.
anyways.


PS...does anyone else find it ironic that Mr. Gaddflye comes to the very
women he reviles in previous posts to ask for their advice?
ahahahahahahahaha!
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