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 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 112
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So is love a choice?Page 15 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
I'm not trying to change BS's mind (or anyone elses for that matter) I'm just trying to get her to understand what we're actually talking about here.


Zangie...I don't think B.S meant it that way..My understanding of her post was for all the people that are advocating that "we have no choice as to WHO we fall in love with" these people shouldn't be judging the "poor me" posters that make the wrong choices....I think this is what B.S meant...but it's best if she explains it.....
I don't think you'll find a post where I judged a "poor me" poster. You will find me pointing out (or trying to educated) where they didn't listen to a man that was subtly telling them that he didn't want a committed relationship with them.. which by the way, doesn't mean he doesn't have love for you in any form.. it just means he doesnt' want to be in a relationship with you (huge difference) But.. BS would NEVER understand that.. If you want to educate the "poor me" then steer them to looking within so that they actually KNOW what they want in a partner and what kind of relationship they want with him. . "only the foolish can be fooled"

I think people who are unwavering to the extreme (obsession?) can only fathom loving someone if they are guaranteed love in return. My brain doesn't work that way I am enlightened.,(?) spiritual (?) enough to know that love is mine to give but it is not mine to take. So... I go about my life and when my universe aligns just right .. that is when the person I have "fallen" for and have given my love also wants to give his love to me and that is when a relationship is formed and it lasts as long as both are still loving. That's the definition of a "good picker" to me, and that is why I have have no regrets related to when I fell in love and with who and how chose to offer it...

Apparently BS is more concerned about other posters as well as herself and their inability to accept that love is a gift to be given.
If you can give a gift any gift with no expectation of getting one back.. then you'll understand what I'm trying to convey.

*Kimbo is one of the most spiritual male posters around here.. So (without actually checking) I'd have to say that for him to rag on anyone just for the sake of it.. I'd say once again one has failed to comprehend his intention. Like I said you can choose to believe that 2 +2 = 5 .. but it doesn't make it correct.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 114
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So is love a choice?
Posted: 6/13/2009 8:26:24 PM
buzzzzzzzzzz.. buzzz, bu buzzz. Bloody fly !

Is irratation a choice? *ponders* *still pondering* ... Nope, it's provoked.
Maybe love isn't by choice or by chance.. it's provoked Edit: Whatever.. Being irratated screws up my focus.. so.. off to work on being open to laughing .. instead...laughing feels nicer anyway. IMO.
 innocentantic
Joined: 7/22/2006
Msg: 116
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So is love a choice?
Posted: 6/13/2009 9:46:18 PM
We cannot choose our emotions. We can choose how we express our emotions. I choose not to believe in fear and fear-based emotions. This did not immediately preclude me from experiencing worry and anxiety, self-doubt, etc.... but eventually they mostly faded away, because I ceased to BELIEVE in them. So I guess in this sense choice can have an effect on emotions, but it's not as if you decide what kind of emotional response you're going to have to situations in your life... things happen... emotions respond... the brain says "what's going on??? oh, right, I'm sad..."

Of course, love is not an emotion. Love doesn't just creep up on you as a response to something. Love is a psychological (and if you wish to call it spiritual, fine) perception. We believe it manifests itself in any number of positive and affectionate emotions, but it is not an emotion itself, rather it is a regard, a state of interacting with and thinking about another person. Because of this mental disposition, we will experience several "loving emotions" like a warm feeling in the chest (anticipation, excitement, pleasure), fantastical musings about our lovers (rosey mental sunglasses and dreams), concern (anxiety and empathy), but these won't happen unless we've CHOSEN to respect the person, and CHOSEN to be vulnerable enough to this person to make a bond of such a caliber that we would feel love.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 117
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So is love a choice?
Posted: 6/13/2009 9:59:24 PM

WG…I don't know if this is possible with intimate relationships as such...it's the old cliché of loving someone unconditionally, I believe it's possible to give with no expectation of getting back, but the results are disastrous, with one party harboring a lot of resentment...love is energy and needs to flow constantly, otherwise it becomes stale and eventually non existent...
.. e.g. I once gave a leather jacket to one of the secretaries at our office because she liked it so much and it was a little big on me.. I didn't expect her to get me one that was a better fit. If I kept giving her stuff, over and over when we really didn't have any relationship outside of work.. well that would be a little creepy and I'm sure it would be her that would even start to resent getting the stuff.. see where common sense comes in. If the giving becomes unconfortable for either the giver or, the receiver than where's the fun in that.

And you're right.. I did receive something back which was a good feeling when she was so happy about getting it. If anyone ends up always giving to the point where you feel resentment.. then you should choose to stop giving to that particular person unless you are certain you'll get something back... If the giving becomes un-fun, then there's a good reason to stop it.

IMO The Love we give is unconditional .. It's the relationship that we put the conditions on. and that's why I often laugh when people say you should love unconditionally because not very many even understand what it means.

Edit: We put in place conditions on one another that, if they're violated it will most likely end the relationship.. but the love part still doesn't disappear. After I've mourned the loss of a romantic relationship my love for him just morphs into at state of indifference until a sweet memory brings it to the surface for a fleeting moment.. or, sometimes into the kind of love you feel for a platonic friend.

*Wavezzz to giggle* :0)
 sweetest
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 120
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So is love a choice?
Posted: 6/14/2009 7:44:10 AM

Funny that you brought that up though, who is to say that because we are evolving away from our natural insticts we dont actually recognise love for what it is anymore.

^^^Captain! We have a problem!


Who you love is not a choice.
Love is innate.
The drawing together contrived only by nature.
Our evolutionary path and success ensures that the love finds us quietly leaving no tracks...we cannot fight what we cannot see. Our heart's criteria different
from some itemized checklist of the usual suspects...that remain secondary.
If you want to go along or not - that's the only choice after love finds you.

The origin of love always needs to be your heart....if you continue make love something more about being a 'considered decision', or cross-checking through an amazing array of super duper quality control issues, you constantly work from a position that is as far removed from love, from the innate, from the 'imperceptible knowing' which is really nature alive in usyou that risk loving 'well' in the fullest sense of the word.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 121
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So is love a choice?
Posted: 6/14/2009 2:36:12 PM
^^ I suspect that is close Rick. To my view it is whether we trust our feelings or our thinking. In truth, both come into play.

IME *most* times (certainly not all) people who try to think their way through love do not seem to trust their feelings. << Least ways that's how it was for me back in the day when I thought I could think with my heart rather than feel with it.
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 122
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So is love a choice?
Posted: 6/14/2009 6:54:41 PM
^^^ Yeah, Rick, I kinda said that too...it is probably the case to some extent...though I know a pretty left (logic) brained person who agrees there is no choice..so, as usual, nothing is absolute...lol..but, I am wayyyy right ( emotion) brained..and so do I...

The whole concept of love is hard to categorize or pin down to begin with...don't think there will be a general consensus..been an interesting topic to say the least...

On chemistry...I don't know, and maybe someone who does will let us know...but, I believe chemistry is actually involving chemical reactions...which may be in all parts of the brain, and not limited to the parts that determine the right or left thing...

For what it's worth..there is so much about the brain we still don't know, that the whole is love a choice thing may be due to parts we haven't discovered yet..or may have nothing to do with the brain at all...
 TopChuck
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 124
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So is love a choice?
Posted: 6/18/2009 9:18:41 AM

Love is a verb. It's an action one takes continuously until it's automatic, but retains the element of choice. (this made a lot more sense in my head and I don't feel like writing a paragraph to explain my theory right now, but ---love is something you do or don't do)


Sounds like the start of one of my posts, Sheila. It would have been flattering if you had copied and pasted; you would have massaged my huge male ego and probably expressed the way the verb form of loving works.
 TopChuck
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 125
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So is love a choice?
Posted: 6/18/2009 10:17:50 AM

How is love not a choice? I choose how I feel about someone...I don't see how love could not be a choice..


Maybe humans are programmed to love, as the natural state?

Maybe when we don't love, it's because we find a logical reason not to love?

Maybe that choice we exercise is based on logic that is triggered by the initial feeling?

The feeling is still triggered by something, we could call "the cause", even if it's involuntary. An involuntary impulse is by definition, uncontrollable.

Would that not make the "love" something we didn't choose, even though we decided not to allow it to continue to be manifest?

Doesn't that mean that "loving" is a choice, but the state of "love", isn't?

Or, is apathy the natural mind state that has to be changed by a stimulus that evokes the feeling of love?

Either way, how could "love" be unconditional, if some stimulus, a "condition", caused it?
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