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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Single Mothers W/ Children: Do you do anything to compensate for the      Home login  
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 MikeCOM38
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 26
Single Mothers W/ Children: Do you do anything to compensate for the extra work of dating you ?Page 2 of 19    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19)
carolann0308,

Good luck finding a man who will do all the extra work required to date you for nothing in return. Good luck.
 DragonRider29
Joined: 10/2/2005
Msg: 27
Single Mothers W/ Children: Do you do anything to compensate for the extra work of dating you ?
Posted: 6/10/2009 10:02:32 AM
Why do you consider it work?
Why must you be compensated for this work?

When I meet a woman who has children, if she does things for me at the expense of her children, I end the relationship!
A woman's children must come first, when I read profiles, I am far more attracted to the ones who point out they have children and these children are part of the deal, these children come first, those are the ones I want to talk to, they do have their priorities straight!
I've raised a child by myself, I know what it takes!
DR
 MikeCOM38
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 28
Single Mothers W/ Children: Do you do anything to compensate for the extra work of dating you ?
Posted: 6/10/2009 10:24:24 AM
Thank you caz2009 for your constructive criticism.

You are correct. I am not used to dating a single mother.

I am used to being the most important thing in the woman's life and she is the most important thing in my life.

Dating a single mom is very different. I am not an ass for not liking it. I am not an ass for not wanting to deal with an EX in the picture.

Most traditional relationships do not have the kids before the marriage. Most relationships do not have an EX involved in the picture that requires daily communication. These are remnants of a broken and unsuccessful relationship. I have never been around this kind of broken or unsuccessful relationship and it does not make me a loser. It makes me normal.
 rockondon
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 29
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Single Mothers W/ Children: Do you do anything to compensate for the extra work of dating you ?
Posted: 6/10/2009 10:32:36 AM
Hey MikeCOM38, I'm curious what type of compensation you provide to your dates for their having to put up with, as justwant2no so eloquently put it, a "shitstain."

Personally I far prefer single moms over single women with no kids. They understand and appreciate the benefits of children, and I consider myself blessed, not infringed upon, when a woman brings her kid(s) along. I like alone time like anyone else as well but ultimately, kids are a blessing.
 tiffjean
Joined: 4/27/2009
Msg: 30
Single Mothers W/ Children: Do you do anything to compensate for the extra work of dating you ?
Posted: 6/10/2009 10:34:08 AM
What do I do to compensate the man I am dating? I date him. If that's not compensation enough, then he is not worth my time and not a person I would have in my son's life.
 MikeCOM38
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 31
Single Mothers W/ Children: Do you do anything to compensate for the extra work of dating you ?
Posted: 6/10/2009 10:39:36 AM
I have been dating a single mom for four months. I absolutely love her. She is the most fascinating woman I have ever met. I just dont like her kid or her EX-bf. The kid is a constant whiner and the EX-bf is an intrusive component that I do not like.

Of course I have been through breakups before. I ended a ten year long relationship earlier this year. We did not produce any children nor will we intrude into each other's relationships ever again. There is a big difference in persisting wreckage.

I am going to have to accept the child and the EX or I am going to have to leave.

People on this board are very extremist and unrealistic in my opinion.

You got to be kidding me to think that people dont like be appreciated or compensated. I think the work compensated may have irritated some people. I am just saying that men are going to want to have sex on a regular basis during a relationship and once a week isnt going to cut it. The man is going to go somewhere else. People in relationships want to be with their mates on weekend nights. Spending all the weekend time with the kid isnt going to cut it. I am not being selfish here. I am bing realistic.
 MikeCOM38
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 32
Single Mothers W/ Children: Do you do anything to compensate for the extra work of dating you ?
Posted: 6/10/2009 10:42:13 AM
Obviously, I have hit a neve with you caz2009. You seem to be obsessed with me.

I am single as I am not married. I am not engaged yet I only speculated we will be married.

I bet you are obsessed with me and this post because you know there is a lot of truth in what I am saying. We live in a competitive marketplace for everything including mates. You are at a serious disadvantage to finding and keeping a mate if you are a single mother. I would strongly suggest you start compensating your men - maybe they will stay around rather than go find someone else.
 justwant2no
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 33
Single Mothers W/ Children: Do you do anything to compensate for the extra work of dating you ?
Posted: 6/10/2009 10:44:38 AM
OP - I see by one of your posts that you have the intention of marrying this woman. In the interest of sparing the divorce courts, might I suggest showing her this thread? Your attitude reeks of that whole tit for tat mentality most adults would like to have left on the playground and is not suitable for a mature adult relationship. I don't know who I feel sorrier for, her or her kids.
 MikeCOM38
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 34
 Butterfly~Effect
Joined: 12/12/2008
Msg: 35
Single Mothers W/ Children: Do you do anything to compensate for the extra work of dating you ?
Posted: 6/10/2009 10:48:27 AM
Dear MikeCOM38;

You sir, are a pathetic, attention seeking troll...

Please, return to hiding under your bridge....
 MikeCOM38
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 36
Single Mothers W/ Children: Do you do anything to compensate for the extra work of dating you ?
Posted: 6/10/2009 10:50:54 AM
Butterfly~Effect,

False.

I am stating that we live in a competitive market place for mates. That is a fact. If you are a single mother you are at a disadvantage in finding a mate because that man will have to do considerable extra work that he would not have to do with someone else. I know you dont like hearing this but it is absolutely true.

Why do you think so many single mothers are still single ?
 Butterfly~Effect
Joined: 12/12/2008
Msg: 37
Single Mothers W/ Children: Do you do anything to compensate for the extra work of dating you ?
Posted: 6/10/2009 10:55:26 AM

Why do you think so many single mothers are still single ?


Simple...because we have more integrity (at least some of us do) than to date someone like you.

Anyway...no more attention for you from me...

Good luck in future endeavors
 Butterfly~Effect
Joined: 12/12/2008
Msg: 38
Single Mothers W/ Children: Do you do anything to compensate for the extra work of dating you ?
Posted: 6/10/2009 11:02:51 AM
TallDarkPassionate....I am grateful you stated all the above...hopefully, anyone viewing your profile will now see you for who you truly are ...and if they are of any intelligence...they will run..quickly.

MTA: lol..I can see by your profile that you came to the conclusion that you are undateable as well...and you did it all on your own...*applause* *walks away*

another one to wish good luck and good bye too...
 Butterfly~Effect
Joined: 12/12/2008
Msg: 39
 MikeCOM38
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 40
Single Mothers W/ Children: Do you do anything to compensate for the extra work of dating you ?
Posted: 6/10/2009 11:37:47 AM
Butterfly~Effect,

His comeback was actually an excellent comeback and it was probably true.

You dont seem to be well acquainted with the truth.
 Butterfly~Effect
Joined: 12/12/2008
Msg: 41
Single Mothers W/ Children: Do you do anything to compensate for the extra work of dating you ?
Posted: 6/10/2009 11:43:23 AM
*laughs harder* walking away...

again, good luck ...to the both of you!
 CMonster
Joined: 12/4/2004
Msg: 42
Single Mothers W/ Children: Do you do anything to compensate for the extra work of dating you ?
Posted: 6/10/2009 11:47:15 AM

1) lack of free time
2) lack of alone time
3) lack of money ( money is spent on child )
4) s.o feels like 2nd place
5) no spontaneity
6) ex's drama

Except for #6 in your list, everything else is often the same concerns that creep up between married couples with children.
 MikeCOM38
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 43
Single Mothers W/ Children: Do you do anything to compensate for the extra work of dating you ?
Posted: 6/10/2009 11:50:46 AM
Yes, I agree that list does apply to married people BUT single mothers seeking to find a good man are not married. They need to compete with all the other women on the planet for the good man who will marry them. That is a very difficult challenge when they are bringing so much required work for the new mate into the relationship.
 MikeCOM38
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 44
Single Mothers W/ Children: Do you do anything to compensate for the extra work of dating you ?
Posted: 6/10/2009 12:00:01 PM
TallDarkPassionate,

The women on this thread obviously dont understand your point. Your point is a very good point. It is the crux of the problem. The women here dont understand it. They think they are entitled to a good man. They are wrong. They dont understand they are competing in a market for a man and they have a significant disadvantage. They wont change. They wont keep a man.
 DragonRider29
Joined: 10/2/2005
Msg: 45
Single Mothers W/ Children: Do you do anything to compensate for the extra work of dating you ?
Posted: 6/10/2009 12:02:05 PM
Mike,
you say you are dating a woman with a child.

Invite her in to read these threads, if she has any integrity, your problem will be solved instantly.

But actually I think you're just blowing smoke, seeking reactions.
But somebody doesn't say anything unless it comes from their heart and your thoughts on all of this, makes you a very dangerous person to a child, whether it be someone else's or yours.
(Comes from understanding abusive people and the way they think)

But it is wonderful to see the reactions of all these people to this, there are some wonderful parents out there.
DR
 MikeCOM38
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 46
Single Mothers W/ Children: Do you do anything to compensate for the extra work of dating you ?
Posted: 6/10/2009 12:03:22 PM
I think the fact that Butterfly~Effect and caz2009 both appear to be good looking women without men proves that single mothers are at an incredible disadvantage when it comes to finding a man.

Usually, good looking women have an incredible advantage when trying to find a man. Good looking women hardly have to do anything to find a good man. They can just pick the one they want.

Butterfly~Effect and caz2009 are both good looking women yet they cannot find a man. Despite this obvious disadvantage related to having children with another man they refuse to work harder to find a man and keep a man.

They will be single until the kids are out of college.
 CMonster
Joined: 12/4/2004
Msg: 47
Single Mothers W/ Children: Do you do anything to compensate for the extra work of dating you ?
Posted: 6/10/2009 12:06:26 PM
Of course, but with married couples it is presumably both of their children, and a sacrifice that both the man and the woman need to make for their kids. The point is when a presumably childless guy is dating a single mom, he is making sacrifices, as opposed to when he dates a similar but childless woman, for kids that aren't his.

You're right but like you said earlier, Mike's message isn't really being received as he intended. Perhaps its because of the use of the word "compensate." Nowadays there's a high correlation between compensation and money. All I was pointing out was that his list of issues could be the same with married couples along with single fathers as someone else said earlier.

The situation isn't gender specific. Lack of time spent together, lack of resources, lack of appreciation and lack of excitement/interest does make it difficult to keep an established relationship together; consider what type of effect it would have on a couple without any history together who are attempting to create a relationship from scratch.
 MikeCOM38
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 48
Single Mothers W/ Children: Do you do anything to compensate for the extra work of dating you ?
Posted: 6/10/2009 12:09:44 PM
I agree with you that the word compensate was not the best word to use. I also agree that I am not being well received. I was just trying to make the point that single mothers need to make up for all the work required by their potential mate. I think this is a true statement. I think the women on this message board hate that fact. They hate the idea that they are competing for a man.

A Good Man is Hard to Find just like a good job is hard to find. Finding either one requires a lot of work. If you are a single mother with a child from some other man you are going to have to work even harder.
 MikeCOM38
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 49
Single Mothers W/ Children: Do you do anything to compensate for the extra work of dating you ?
Posted: 6/10/2009 12:37:30 PM
Ad hominid attacks will not compensate for your extra baggage.
 Yankee_Girl
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 50
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History
Single Mothers W/ Children: Do you do anything to compensate for the extra work of dating you ?
Posted: 6/10/2009 12:39:49 PM
Maybe I am more effort to date because I have children. No one has ever complained to me about it before. Therefore, I have come to the conclusion that I am so freaking worth it.
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