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 hungry_joe
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 73
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why are men reluctant to get involved with someone who has kidsPage 2 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
"That doesn't always work....
Remember, a lot of single moms will not introduce the kids to the people they're dating until they know how it's going.... I'd rather not date, come to like, maybe start falling for a woman only to find out her "little angel(s)" are the spawn of Satan... then what? Do you then write off all that dating and start looking all over again... aside from the waste of time, it ends up hurting either, you, the woman or both of you... not a good plan...."

That's why it is called dating. Sucks, but sometimes you just have to write people off like bad debt.
 grkboy
Joined: 3/20/2008
Msg: 78
why are men reluctant to get involved with someone who has kids
Posted: 6/16/2009 2:57:17 PM

im a single mum of 4 twins and two older girls, i luv socailising and have no problem meeting men and am totally honest from min one .its 3 or 4 months in they get cold feet and run why is this? we all want the fairy tale but it just dosnt seem to happen for us ,beautiful strong independant woman


You might want to try writing a better profile. You say practically nothing about yourself, so I imagine the guys who are approaching you are only going by your photos.

As for single moms, I think it's silly for guys who don't like or want kids to get involved with these women, as if the kids will become some side thing they'll never have to face or deal with. If you want to be childless, then seek out childless women. If all the women are either too ugly and all the pretty ones have kids...then that's life....deal with it.

As for you cdenn, I think if you work in sales and marketing, you need to apply some of that to your profile. Say more, speak out. I think that's probably why you're not meeting the right guys.

I'd also perhaps look to single dads as well. Find someone who understands your situation. It's hard for instance to make the single childless outgoing yuppie type see attraction in a single mom because he might be used to being around younger and childless women who can do anything on a whim. You need to find the guy who is different and would more understand and embrace your lifestyle.
 grkboy
Joined: 3/20/2008
Msg: 80
why are men reluctant to get involved with someone who has kids
Posted: 6/16/2009 3:28:41 PM
But you understand my point though. Regardless if you want children or not, if you don't want someone else's kids, then don't even bother with single moms.

Again...astounds me when I see guys who don't want to deal with another man's kids, but yet they hook up with single moms, then later have issues.
 8soldierfalcon8
Joined: 2/16/2009
Msg: 81
why are men reluctant to get involved with someone who has kids
Posted: 6/16/2009 3:37:21 PM
I tend to avoid single mothers like they carry the swine flu.
 DocElffington
Joined: 1/20/2009
Msg: 84
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why are men reluctant to get involved with someone who has kids
Posted: 6/17/2009 2:53:57 PM

Women are by far stronger willed than men. NO, I'm not knocking you men, I'm just saying.


I call BS on this one!

Just because you SAY you're not knocking us men doesn't justify doing exactly that!

Maybe YOU are strong-willed. But I know plenty of weak women with no will at all.

Women carry a baby to term and deliver because it is just their lot in life. Men have not been given the option.

I've given birth to rock-solid and jagged kidney stones multiple times. Imagine large chucks of sharp glass coursing through your body. That crap HURTS!

But for me to say that I'm more strong-willed than other people, for doing that? It's all BS!!

I did it because it had to be done. And believe me.......I was glad when it was over with!
 ic3y369
Joined: 6/4/2006
Msg: 86
why are men reluctant to get involved with someone who has kids
Posted: 6/18/2009 11:08:36 AM
wow thats quite a story... and yet... its so common i hear that thing all the time...
but, not worded that way... lol
madly in love... XD
 hungry_joe
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 88
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why are men reluctant to get involved with someone who has kids
Posted: 6/18/2009 3:05:03 PM
Making me rethink about getting my dual citzenship from Canada. Under the new law they passed. I could get a check every month though I may not want one, yet it might go to a woman's child, that I was considered a father figure for. Ya'll have crazy laws up there. I thought NC laws were bad.
 hungry_joe
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 93
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why are men reluctant to get involved with someone who has kids
Posted: 6/18/2009 6:56:14 PM
Not impressed with government run health care. I have it here, with the Veterans Adminstration. What a nightmare. I swear the doctors are more interested in killing me then helping me.

I like Canada too. Like Canadain women too ;). Jenn I'm neither a Marxist or a Socialist. I feel it actually an impediment to human development. Command economies always fail. Socialism fails because it takes away human insentive to work hard. However socialism works on a micro scale. In groups of under 250 ppl. If I had to label myself I am an Enlightened free thinker. I like Smith, Locke, Hobbs, Plato, Decartes (damn his algebraic graph lol) , Kant...etc.
 hungry_joe
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 95
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why are men reluctant to get involved with someone who has kids
Posted: 6/18/2009 7:44:48 PM
Read Foucault's theories on the scacried and profane for an archticture course I took.

As far as your beleif. In theory it would be nice to have a utopia. But as I am sure you know when Moore named it he intentionally called it No-place. For it can only exisit in heaven or the minds of men. A country will bankrupt itself if it tries to set the floor of existance. For you see the goals will continue to move. Inflation will march on. Don't forget about human sense of entitlement. As discussed ealier. For example what America calls Social Secuirity was orginally called OSDI Old age Survivors Disablity Insurance. It was never meant to be a pention program. It was to supplment savings, protect widows and orphans form being exploited, and to provide for the non-ablebodied. I can go into more detail, but I am sure we don't want a public finance course right now. This is why Command economies always fail. And socialism does not work on a Macro scale. I believe humans are given free will to make choices, good and bad. It is our job to educate people so they can make informed choices. Last post for today bedtime for daddy.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 98
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why are men reluctant to get involved with someone who has kids
Posted: 6/19/2009 9:23:10 AM
Have you considered that it has little to do with your kids? Things start out, both people present themselves as the person they believe themselves to be. At round 2-3 months, that best foot forward veneer starts cracking and they discover that they aren't suited to you.

Everyone goes through this, kids, no kids, one kid, four.
 hungry_joe
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 103
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why are men reluctant to get involved with someone who has kids
Posted: 6/19/2009 1:46:22 PM
but u know what now that my ex isn't spending all my money I will have enough to go to a sperm bank... it'll cost me a heck of a lot less money... and I won't have to put up with any crap.

You don't need a sperm bank just paicence. You know a good lookin' American could waltz into your life ;) Besides they would have to extridate him for loco parentis lol.

But seriously, the complaint isn't about all. But their are many that do look at men as a meal ticket, or use that law aganist them. Therefore, we have to protect our interests. That is just being reasonable. There's an old saying one rotten apple spoils a bunch. That is what happened here, with a poorly considered and written law.
 hungry_joe
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 104
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why are men reluctant to get involved with someone who has kids
Posted: 6/19/2009 2:40:15 PM
Cuban you got my evil Capitlist mind going. That might actually make money :) I believe that fate is not predetermined therefore we have limitless options. Sometimes its about finding the crack in the door. Oh remember politicans are whores, they will do whatever you want for the right amount to money (contributions)
 SunshineTornado
Joined: 4/19/2009
Msg: 105
why are men reluctant to get involved with someone who has kids
Posted: 6/20/2009 3:51:52 AM
This is my very first post in a forum, so bear with me.
I may sound a little old-fashioned, but I wouldn't introduce my children to a date until I had a ring on my finger. At that point the man should love me enough to treat MY children as HIS own. Respect for all. And I certainly would not be having un-wed sex in a house with children. What sort of example is that? Avoid the issue of walk-ins altogether if you think of your role as parents first and lovers second.

I have one question: Do you even want kids of your own? It sounds like you would just think they are a burden.

Also, what are you doing at family events? Or more so, what are you doing babysitting her kids while she's out doing whatever with whoever? This doesn't sound right.

Just my 2 cents.



 MSINGU
Joined: 6/3/2009
Msg: 106
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why are men reluctant to get involved with someone who has kids
Posted: 6/20/2009 4:03:34 AM
In essence ,you can talk online forever or on the phone and still have no idea if they are telling you the truth,or if you will be safe on the first date.
Enjoy life and keep Dating ,always in very public places and away from children.
 MSINGU
Joined: 6/3/2009
Msg: 107
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why are men reluctant to get involved with someone who has kids
Posted: 6/20/2009 4:12:39 AM
There is many immature men in the world.
Why dont you ask them if they like or want kids?
If they go after 3-4 months,How do you know for sure its because of kids,That may be an excuse that they use,To abandon ship!
Why would you want them anyway?
From a mature woman,Enjoy your life young lady,Or you will have regets later.
 MSINGU
Joined: 6/3/2009
Msg: 108
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why are men reluctant to get involved with someone who has kids
Posted: 6/20/2009 4:23:52 AM
This is simply not true,I have lived all over the world,And even countries with govorment funded college, Its similiar!The real problem is men( or boys are not taking care of the children that they made).They been allowed to take off after having a child and the mother is left to care for the child.I believe if men Take off and leave their child,They should be imprisoned.The girls need to hold these men accountable at every point,This deprives the child only,and child support is not for the woman .Its for the child,Their future.
I have lived all over the world, Lack of discipline in men is the real problem-ALL OVER THE WORLD.I have seen it with my own eyes.Its sad
 MSINGU
Joined: 6/3/2009
Msg: 109
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why are men reluctant to get involved with someone who has kids
Posted: 6/20/2009 4:26:02 AM
You must be very young,
You are truly living in a Fantasy world !
 hungry_joe
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 111
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why are men reluctant to get involved with someone who has kids
Posted: 6/20/2009 7:03:38 AM
"I may sound a little old-fashioned, but I wouldn't introduce my children to a date until I had a ring on my finger. At that point the man should love me enough to treat MY children as HIS own. Respect for all. And I certainly would not be having un-wed sex in a house with children. What sort of example is that? Avoid the issue of walk-ins altogether if you think of your role as parents first and lovers second."

That is just silly not old fashioned. What about the walk-ins durring love making while married? It would be silly for a man to propose, to a woman with childern without meeting them. He has to know what he is signing up for, after all it is a package deal. I am all for not introducing the child, until things are serious, but engagement? That is a bit much. Oh, if you want to have un-wed sex, get a sitter and go to a hotel. Or his place if he doesn't have any childern of his own. Another solution to the walk-in problem.
 SantaCruzinCutie
Joined: 4/5/2009
Msg: 115
why are men reluctant to get involved with someone who has kids
Posted: 6/20/2009 12:34:58 PM
in response to m_church.. GIRLS! so.. you might as well not date or marry anyone, because if you happen to get to that point where you get married and he wants to start a family suddenly all these issues don't matter... because really GUYZ! whether you knock her up, or someone else did.. the issues still stand. to me, its a strong good loving man, a real man that will scoop up a woman he loves and love her kids unconditionally for the chance to spend the rest of his life with her... for instance.. MY STEP FATHER!!!! there are 7 of us. they have now been married for 12 years. so it does work, there are men out there that aren't pussies. you just have to be patient and write down everything you'd want in the perfect mate.. and when you date a guy ask yourself what's really important.. what can you overlook.. think about old and gray and helping eachother out to the porch to your rocking chairs so you can watch the great grandkids play.. THEN.. and only THEN.. will you be right where you belong. in his arms. the right guys arms.
so to all you nay sayers.. i say .. PFFFFT. and no wonder your still single.
 SantaCruzinCutie
Joined: 4/5/2009
Msg: 116
why are men reluctant to get involved with someone who has kids
Posted: 6/20/2009 1:13:01 PM
hannity.. just because he is divorced doesn't mean he was the one that broke commitment.. what if it was his wife that did? so laying blame automatically, just doesn't make sense. think before you speak. then you'll make sense.. maybe..
 SantaCruzinCutie
Joined: 4/5/2009
Msg: 117
why are men reluctant to get involved with someone who has kids
Posted: 6/20/2009 1:21:12 PM
girl.. i totally agree with you. it's why i have a hard time dating.. because i have morals. omg not that! lol i don't believe giving it up should be a part of a dating scene. thats something sacred you share with your husband. if you give it up all the time, to people your dating and such.. it's not any more special than it was the last guy you dated after you get married. that's to me, wrong. but, to each their own. :) just saying . go girl. i'm with ya on this one. totally.
 hungry_joe
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 120
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why are men reluctant to get involved with someone who has kids
Posted: 6/21/2009 9:02:55 AM
Hmmm, just read the last two posts. I think what the "debate" boils down to is home persepective. I.E. providing for a home (man's view) vs. caring for a home (woman's view) I know generalization. Sometimes they are needed to see the larger picture. So I guess in the end some men are reluctant because they look at women and their childern as too great of a challege, to provide for. Or, better stated that they don't wish to provide for the additional people, because men think about the practical side of the home, food, housing (rooms) etc.
 hungry_joe
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 122
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why are men reluctant to get involved with someone who has kids
Posted: 6/21/2009 10:39:53 AM
Pwench Who were you talking to?
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 123
why are men reluctant to get involved with someone who has kids
Posted: 6/21/2009 10:42:12 AM

m_church am i asking a man to help me raise my child... no... am i asking a man to be my meal ticket... heck no... am i asking a man to be a daddy for my adorable little girl... no she doesn't need a daddy... she's happy and thriving... and not going without... if i let a man into my daughter's life he will have to earn that position... and be a pretty amazing man....



i have 2 educational funds for my daughter... i put 100 away a month will be putting more away for her when I'm not making truck payments anymore... and u know what i'd have no problem putting another 100 away for someone else's child... u can always pick up more hours to make more money... i'll teach more piano lessons not a biggy. ..


I owe Jenn a major apology! Or at least i truly believe one is required. On a previous post I may...just a little bit suggested or implied we perhaps had just another one of those single mothers who believed they were entitled to something better without doing or making the effort themselves to foster that life.

I might suggest that a guy would be lucky to perhaps have a woman like this who is seemingly self sufficient and is also willing to embrace and have someone come into her life and her child life and adopt a role of being a parent. One only has to read or review her past posts and one never see's the usual refrain from single mothers about what the ex owes her or what the ex should be paying or contributing.

Jenn I really made a poor judgement of who you are.

Now it seems you may have socialistic views but unlike some you seem to lack the implied perception of entitlement.



No I don't consider another man's child baggage cuz I'm not going to refer to a child as baggage/snot noise brat or any other negative term... but if the child does have behavior problems u have to wonder about the parenting


Now I might disagree a little bit here. After having coached over 10yrs...I found one should perhaps look at both parents...the situation in respect to what or how much both parents are involved and the dynamics that exist between the 2 parents if there is a hostile separation. A difficult child may not be the simple result of parenting issues but a much larger picture. Each situation perhaps require an analytical review of the situation from different perspectives and one requires being open to realizing that one can easily make the wrong first impression?


I'm a difficult pain in the @$$... but have some admirable traits.


After reading what you have had to say over the past short while...I might suggest you are an individual to be admired. If either of my daughters grew up to be where you are...I would have tremendous respect for where they have grown as individuals.
 hungry_joe
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 129
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why are men reluctant to get involved with someone who has kids
Posted: 6/21/2009 12:01:41 PM
I've noticed that I get a more postive response when I have my profile set to single vs. divorced. It has less negative contetations. So that might be the reason.

As far as marriage being a civilizing force would you perfer arranged marriages, or people to say in destructive, toxic marriages. Future, you need a little modulation with your postion
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