Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 looking2be2
Joined: 1/20/2009
Msg: 33
Appearances & Money Matter?Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Would have to say that I want a man that is financially responsible. So in that sense...money does matter. But to be primarily looking for your sugar momma or daddy....that is wrong.

As for the messy apartment...hopefully it is all unpacked and boxes removed. ..LOL. But women will judge on how you keep your place. As long as you don't have things growing from things that are no longer identifible, things should go well...

As for appearances...like everyone...within the first few minutes you will already know if you are attracted to that person. So being clean both body and clothing...always good.
 NoQuarterGiven
Joined: 3/18/2009
Msg: 34
Appearances & Money Matter?
Posted: 6/14/2009 10:11:08 AM
Yes appearances and money matter, but so do other things.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 38
Appearances & Money Matter?
Posted: 6/15/2009 11:52:40 AM

I'm not a millionaire but if I were I still wouldn't buy an expensive car.


Believe it or not a car becomes a reflection of your lifestyle. So it's not so much about how much money you spend on the car, but what type of person does it reflect you are. For instance, I am an outdoor type of guy, that for real has to go to places with bad roads. So I drive a Jeep. I could have gotten the Lexus, the Porche, or Land Rover versions, but it's not me. I could have gotten the smaller SUV's but they look too wimpy for my taste.
 NotElvisJunior
Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 39
view profile
History
Appearances & Money Matter?
Posted: 6/15/2009 6:23:07 PM
What does it mean about me then that I specifically went out of my way to buy a black, 1987 Ford Crown Victoria 2-door with red velour interior?

I'm almost afraid to find out!
 Mickchick
Joined: 12/18/2006
Msg: 40
Appearances & Money Matter?
Posted: 6/15/2009 8:08:18 PM
I don't care how much money a man makes or has - that's his! I earn enough to take care of myself and pretty much go where I want to (hey, I'm talkin' Longhorn Steakhouse here, not Ruth's Chris!) I was the sole support for myself and my late husband the last two years of his life, and I didn't have a problem with that, though maybe that was because he was always a hard worker prior to his illness, and he pulled his weight around the house until he physically couldn't anymore.

Since then I've dated two guys who didn't have a place of their own to live and were rooming with someone else. For that matter, so was my late husband when I first me him. DLH and one of the other two had ratty looking used cars. Didn't matter to me - A car is not an indicator of a person's nature/wealth, in my book. What got me with the first guy was the pouts that would come when I didn't buy him "presents" or brought him back funny, goofy rememberances from wherever I had been, and when the second one started bringing stuff over to "show" me that he had in storage and then it became pretty clear that he was looking for a woman who would put a roof over HIS head and support him (he was a contract employee, and didn't have steady work).

As for looks- when I met my husband through a mutual friend, I knew the friend wanted us to get together, and I just did NOT find him physically attractive - receding hairline, on the short side, and beer belly, but we started talking and ...while the physical chemistry didn't hit right away, by the time we went our separate ways that day I KNEW I was in danger of falling in love with him, and I was right! The physical chemistry turned out to be there, too! OH, and don't get me started on his clothes! Tommy lived in t=shirts pulled over long sleeved shirts, sweat pants, tennis shoes and ball caps! H.S. grad, but smart as a whip.

One of the guys I dated since my husband died - same thing as far as looks - wasn't physically attracted to his looks at all, but his personality absolutely sucked me in for quite some time. Great dresser and had an M.B.A. Took me a while to discover he was an alcoholic and an abusive alcoholic at that, and even longer to acknowledge that things weren't going to work out (Presents boy)

Last guy - great looking, great dresser, instant chemistry, intelligent - luckily, got out before I got in to deep - the wanting to move his stuff in less than two months after I had ever laid eyes on him put the fear of God into me!

So I guess my answer is - appearances and money don't really matter to me in the long run. The individual behind the appearances and money (or lack thereof) does ...
 Trubird
Joined: 3/15/2008
Msg: 41
Appearances & Money Matter?
Posted: 6/15/2009 8:35:15 PM
FF, You took the words out of my mouth, or your reading my mind. I would much rather have a little cottage full of love than a huge house empty. Maybe it's being of a "certain" age that shows us what is truly important. Anything can be taken away from you in a blink, especially money. If you have that one & only by your side than life is good. All I want is to matter. Thats it !! I honestly don't give 2 Sh**'s about income or looks. But try telling that to a man and he will think your hiding something. I do live in Cali and we are all not alike. I'm happy you found someone. Gives me hope.
Cyn
 ImAHotMess
Joined: 7/11/2008
Msg: 45
Appearances & Money Matter?
Posted: 6/16/2009 6:38:17 AM
Money is not an issue for me with a man, all I do ask is he at least be living on his own, not off and with mommy and daddy, and that he lives within his means. I also am not one of these women who needs to be wined and dined. I prefer to stay home to be honest. But some of these guys I ahve met simply LIE about their situation, and cannot even take anyone on a date. (no car, no lisence, no job). Those are the ones that worry me!!! Seriously, if you do not have your shit together, you do not need to be lying and trying to date. But to judge a man on his salary? Not cool. I do not think it really matters where you are from necessarily, it matters how you were raised. And the type of people you associate with. I know there are things different in all states, I have lived in a couple. Overall, people are almost the same everywhere. Just hard to weed the good ones out. The biggest thing I have notcied living in the South vs. the Midwest (which I did not last to long in) was weather and things to do..not so much personalites. People stayed in too much in the cold, ate horrible and I found it to be a "bigger" state. Other than that, money is money no matter where you live.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 46
view profile
History
Appearances & Money Matter?
Posted: 6/16/2009 10:37:28 AM
Then you have never been to Colorado, which is considered one of the fittest states in America........

Being fit and trim does matter to me, and I gravitate towards those that are fit and trim as well.

Money matters also, because if I can not afford to invite you out and pay for it, then I should not be dating. The same thing goes for you inviting me out, and so, yes money does matter, and if you can not afford it, then the two of you need to be much more creative when seeing one another.

Now, does this mean that you have to be totally fit, or totally wealthy? No, just fit enough to get my attention, and financially secure enough to keep it.....

Just my opinion.......
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 48
view profile
History
Appearances & Money Matter?
Posted: 6/22/2009 7:29:51 PM
You know, people are stupid. Number one, the women didn't stick around to ask you questions and good analogy btw about not getting on the plane that crashed.

Many people that have money, I mean real money, you don't know it because they choose to live in modest digs, drive modest cars, and otherwise not put themselves into the position of so many people in this country that bought homes, cars, blah, blah, that they could not afford. These are the folks that pay cash.

Be patient, the woman that has enough sense to realize that you took her to an upscale restaurant because you could, gasp, actually afford it will turn up one of these days.

Would be kind of karma if they wound up marrying guys they thought were great catches only to find that they were mortgaged to the hilt and really didn't have a pot to piss in .
 farscapeprincess
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 50
Appearances & Money Matter?
Posted: 6/22/2009 8:02:52 PM
OP, sorry to hear you got first hand experience with golddiggers in the OC. Really I am. I have a friend from that area and have been told that they're crawling all over the place. A lot of superficial and fake people. A snapshot of that is/was that show called The Real Housewives of Orange County. Can't tell you how many times I rolled my eyes.

Women seem to judge a man by what kind of car he drives as if that's the most important thing in life. I guess they never learned not to judge a book by its cover.
 NotElvisJunior
Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 52
view profile
History
Appearances & Money Matter?
Posted: 6/22/2009 10:07:19 PM
13571113: I could totally believe that - was hanging out at a bar at the shore with two friends, and we ran into this guy that one of them knew. Guy's decent looking, but in his 50s.

Later on, we saw him at a table chatting up a rather attractive 25 year old. She was definitely interested.

I am going to guess that it wasn't his white hair, but his white Mercedes, that drew her in.



packagedealx3: yeah, definitely hear you about the "pay cash" types. Ok, I admit, I drive older, unimpressive cars PARTIALLY because I have weird taste in cars, but also because I think new cars are a horrible investment (and there are precious few that even remotely interest me), and because I refuse to pay the rapacious insurance rates for full coverage on a new enough car.

I'm glad that the women who are interested in wealth can't see past my car - I don't want them to see my house and decide that they deserve a chunk of it!
 mcbobly
Joined: 8/28/2005
Msg: 55
view profile
History
Appearances & Money Matter?
Posted: 6/26/2009 11:58:05 PM

Appearances & Money Matter?

They certainly do, if you don't have one or the other or in some cases, both you're destined to be alone for a very long time. How often do you see one sex going out with the other if they are less than good looking or have very little money, NEVER. And if you believe that old stand by BS line "it's all in the personality" then you've got serious issues.
 rangeangel
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 57
view profile
History
Appearances & Money Matter?
Posted: 6/27/2009 4:35:31 PM
WOW...how accurate...just a little side bar to this discussion...there are so many people out here looking for the right guy or gal and the outside appearance seems to be the real "gotcha" on the compatibility chart... I am a woman in the "fluffy" catagory ...for good reasons (health issues) however I am fun loving ..have a good job ...take care of myself and my adopted grandaughter...but when it comes to guys or gals posting the first thing you see all the time is "wanted slim and good looking" guess what people these are the relationships that end up on the losing end of the bargain.

I am divorced because I gained weight when I got sick. However, my ex thinks the world of me...respects me and cares about me ...but it was more important the the package looked ideal instead of the relationship...

If anyone is out there that wants to love someone for the the inside values...give me a call...

Have a great day!
 NotElvisJunior
Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 58
view profile
History
Appearances & Money Matter?
Posted: 6/27/2009 7:02:46 PM
Excelsuir wrote:

Not Elvis: I too love older cars. Older folks agree that many new cars do have bells & whistles but aren't built to last, and the smallest piece of plastic costs thousands to replace. Now I'd never drive a Ford Pinto, but, I'd pay good money for Chevy Novas or Chevy Camaro, the older model Mustangs of course. I also love older model Chevy pickup trucks, those were great vehicles.

Oooh, I really REALLY shouldn't respond to this because this will then transform into the "Classic American Cars" thread....

On the other hand, I will give a lot of newer cars kudos for lasting way longer than the typical perception is, though, yeah, the "little plastic doohickey costs $1100" is a bit grating.

Put me down as a fan of late-60s through mid-80s American cars, though (even with some of the "quirks" they had)
 techgirl27
Joined: 9/5/2005
Msg: 59
view profile
History
Appearances & Money Matter?
Posted: 6/27/2009 8:04:57 PM
They're #1 and #2 on men's lists too. These days if she don't make as much money as he does, and isnt a high flyer that can pay his bills and retirement contributions, then they walk the other way.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 61
view profile
History
Appearances & Money Matter?
Posted: 6/30/2009 6:03:49 PM
Of course they do......everything matters, it's just to what extent. Money and appearance matter to you too maybe just not to the extent they do to someone else.
 xFuriousx
Joined: 12/19/2008
Msg: 65
Appearances & Money Matter?
Posted: 7/1/2009 6:34:56 AM
If a girl or guy your dating dumps you because you don't have much money(BUT YOUR HAPPY WITH WHAT YOU DO HAVE) that sounds like THERE personal money problem and something THEY should be trying to change and maybe they should go back to school and work towards that goal of making more money for THEMSELVES and when THEY finally graduate and get there high paying job and have money then problem solved and you can date...right?
 inbruges
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 66
view profile
History
Appearances & Money Matter?
Posted: 7/1/2009 10:16:10 AM
I'm surprised the OP's date said she needed a 'wealthy man' -- that's plain rude. Yes, she's stating what she needs, but its still bad form.
I find women don't ever actually talk about money-- they talk about lifestyle, i.e. what they'll require to be happy -- vacations, SUV, private schools, 3000 SF home in the suburbs. Good thing you usually get to hear about that right upfront. The women who have to have these things to be happy can't hide it. Why should they?
Part of having 'standards' and 'not settling' means different things to different people. Of course, those women's standards means a great, carefree lifestyle with unlimited use of a wallet full of credit cards. I've seen too many great husbands have money troubles when he has a down year while she continues spending what she's used to spending when he's having a good year. My ex's white knuckle desire to appear wealthy despite finances killed us. And there are many in that same boat.
So, as a man, you learn the lesson and make your standards about love, companionship, listening, and compatibility and don't settle on those much more important standards -- while she looks for a more wealthy man!
One of my favorite sayings I've heard from a woman after that when I asked about what she thought about money was "Hey, it is what it is!"
 jewels1887
Joined: 1/16/2009
Msg: 72
Appearances & Money Matter?
Posted: 7/1/2009 11:49:24 PM
I agree wholeheartedly with those who comment on what "bad form" it is to quiz someone on their financial status on a first date. That said, OP, if I understand what you've written about your second date, it sounds like she was saying that she expected monetary parity--what she did for your children she'd want you to do for hers. Is it possible when she saw the wreck your apt., she wondered if you might be looking for someone to take care of your home and even your children? I'm turned off if a man's home is a pig sty. It makes me feel they can't take care of themselves or their belongings and, worse yet, might be on the hunt for a woman who will do so for them. And yes, I've learned that to me money does matter. I've found it's generally not good for me to become involved with a man who earns significantly less than I do. I've been in two such relationships and both have gone the same way. Since they couldn't afford a ticket to the Eagles concert or the price of the cruise or dinner out more than once a month, I either had to pay both our ways or go with someone else. I began to resent that less and less money was going into my 401K because I had to pay for two Eagles tickets, two cruises, two steak dinners . . . I had to admit to myself that one of the reasons I went to school for so long and worked so hard was so I could enjoy concerts, theater, traveling, etc., AND I was happiest dating or partnering with a man who also enjoyed these things and could afford to participate in them. I hope that doesn't make me hopelessly shallow.
 inbruges
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 74
view profile
History
Appearances & Money Matter?
Posted: 7/2/2009 3:37:25 PM

And yes, I've learned that to me money does matter. I've found it's generally not good for me to become involved with a man who earns significantly less than I do. I've been in two such relationships and both have gone the same way. Since they couldn't afford a ticket to the Eagles concert or the price of the cruise or dinner out more than once a month, I either had to pay both our ways or go with someone else. I began to resent that less and less money was going into my 401K because I had to pay for two Eagles tickets, two cruises, two steak dinners . . . I had to admit to myself that one of the reasons I went to school for so long and worked so hard was so I could enjoy concerts, theater, traveling, etc., AND I was happiest dating or partnering with a man who also enjoyed these things and could afford to participate in them. I hope that doesn't make me hopelessly shallow.


Wow jewels -- do you realize if a man said the same thing about being able to put less into his 401k, that women would avoid him because he's cheap? I think you're starting to understand...
 chemzero
Joined: 5/27/2009
Msg: 77
Appearances & Money Matter?
Posted: 7/5/2009 9:17:52 AM
You bet your life they do. As much as women deny it it's their sole criteria for deciding who they TRY to date. And I say try because they soon find out that no matter how good the appearances are, there is nothing else there to have a long meanigful relationship.

This site is very funny and entertaining. I get such a kick from reading some profiles. Now while having high goals is a good thing, may lose track and forget this is reality as in real life and not reality as in a tv show. How do you explain average looking 50 year old women who are about 5 foot tall, demanding nothing less than sexy hunky guys at least 6 foot tall? HEy lady, maybe that swhy you're profile has been on here 2 years running. Most of us guys are not any better either, but I still think many of us guys have the sense to avoid gorgeous looking women (if the pics are even real) because we know that other than the good looks they have zero to offer to a relationship. Though maybe I am being bad by laughing at these women. They are disillusioned and doesn't make me any better by judging them, but i just needed to voice this.

Cheers
 tbuddha
Joined: 2/28/2005
Msg: 78
Appearances & Money Matter?
Posted: 7/5/2009 2:00:11 PM
Hate to say it, but you're kinda living in the wrong state if you don't like superficiality. A lot of the women that are hooking up with you are going to be superficial because you are good looking and you'll draw a lot of empty shell women that just want to be seen next to you, and don't care about who you really are. It's sad, but true.
 tbuddha
Joined: 2/28/2005
Msg: 79
Appearances & Money Matter?
Posted: 7/5/2009 3:50:51 PM
^^^hey, settle down. I was posting to the OP, who's from Cali.

TXWheels isn't good looking either.
 chemzero
Joined: 5/27/2009
Msg: 81
Appearances & Money Matter?
Posted: 7/5/2009 7:06:30 PM
Eski-bro, I totally agree with you. If a woman finds a guy hot, he can lie, cheat steal fool around and all is forgiven. Even on a dumb VH-1 show like Daisy of Love, the guy got busted having a girlfriend and she still wanted to keep him around, leaving even the host Riccki Rachtman shocked at how stupid she was. Whats ironic is that the women that are so picky and find most of us above average guys inadequate tend to be severly lacking themselves. 50 year old 5 foot tall women with below average looks and 4 kids and they wont settle for less than 6 foot hunks, as their profiles say. And men are always accused of being the shallow ones. If we looked at reality, men at least write to average women, women don't repsond to average guys. Who's shallow?
 chemzero
Joined: 5/27/2009
Msg: 82
Appearances & Money Matter?
Posted: 7/5/2009 10:47:24 PM
It was never said that every woman is that way. Just saying that most on THIS SITE are that way. And its not just me talking, but a lot of guys saying the same thing.

As for you not meeting the right girl. If a girl judges you by your car and bank account and condo she NOT the right one for you, or any other nice guy for that matter. But face it, if you had the fancy car and luxury condo and big bank account you'd have a lot more women, even if they were the wrong one.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  >