Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 stevelfun
Joined: 10/23/2005
Msg: 165
Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?Page 4 of 27    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27)
No - we are not all taken or gay.

Where are we - busy being a 'crying towel', a nice guy with absorbent shoulders - effectively - a 'girl friend' with a penis.

That is what we do. Women don't feel we are worthy of their love. We are there for them to suck emotional support from so they can move on to the next guy that will play them.

THEN, when it happens YET AGAIN - they fall back and come to us YET AGAIN for their 'girl friend' with a penis. The sympathetic ear. The crying towel.

That is where we are.

'Nough said.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 167
Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 6/27/2009 6:23:47 PM
I don't find that a decent man is attractive to me if he has been a crying towel or sympathetic ear repeatedly for women who use and abuse him. He obviously enjoys these types of situations and/or cannot see the forest for the trees when it comes to choosing women to date. I do not tend to sympathize with his tales of woe/I am such a nice guy look what I did for all these women then they left me for someone else.
 Yr Man
Joined: 3/25/2009
Msg: 168
Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 6/27/2009 6:28:11 PM
I'm sorry to hear you are having such a hard time weeding out all the bad apples. Rest easy, though. Not all of us are indecent. I don't know about the gay part, I just know I'm straight. Alot of the "good guys" are going to be in a relationship, but some of us find ourselves back on the market, usually to our dismay. You just have to keep on trying. Just remember, if you don't give up you eliminate ninty-nine percent of the competition. Be especially careful not to become jaded. Nice guys don't like women that seem hard or cold. Hope you have better luck in the future.
 stevelfun
Joined: 10/23/2005
Msg: 169
Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 6/27/2009 7:21:15 PM
BTW - as an addendum to my prior post, I have had my fill of being the 'decent' guy.

I have lowered myself to new lows to accomodate an ever lowering standard in 'dating'.

Last week - I was asked to do a 'walk by'. I was told by the woman that I was meeting for coffee that she would observe as I went into the coffee place and that she would join me if she felt like it after seeing me. WTF And I am the one with the pics on my profile and she wasn't. LOL

All this bs is just too dang much.

This decent guy is going elsewhere.

The answer to the original question - we are not dating any more because of cr@p like this that we are supposed to put up with.
 Commonsens
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 170
Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 6/27/2009 7:31:50 PM
Well, because of lack of clear code of conducts, motus operentis, etc etc and that a lot of people simply cannot or will not fall back on their education, experiences or even (no pun intended) common sense; it becomes a meat market where no one clearly knows on what foot to dance but all wants the bigger steak. (Yurk! What next? wear a price tag? "commonsens on sale this week 8.99$ the kilo"...rofl...not!)

that is one side of the variable, another one is that people have forget HOW to communicate, out of extreme prudence, lack of confidence, influences etc etc etc.

and the list goes on.

So you have a whole bunch of people who all want the same things..but are all so much walking on eggshells that nothing is happening!
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 171
Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 6/27/2009 7:35:12 PM
This type of woman seems to attract many men, as they seem to feel special and worthwhile if they are worthy of her and view her as valuable and special since she could have chosen many men but picked them.....maybe good self esteem and conceit seem to be the same thing to some people...glad that you decided not to meet her..IMHO she seemed to be conceited and not worth your time.
 energy997
Joined: 2/15/2008
Msg: 172
view profile
History
Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 6/27/2009 7:56:13 PM
You know what, I'd concider myself a decent guy, and I'm still around. And i'm straight too. I've been here for a week and haven't really clicked with that many girls. I think it also has to do with the problem that there are way too many creeps that ruin a girls interest into online dating and we good guys don't even get the chance to impress the girl.

I think the biggest problem is girls just passing through the profiles when they get a message without even putting any effort into it. Most girls get so many messages that they don't even care that much anymore.

Just my two cents
 HVACtech
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 173
view profile
History
Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 6/27/2009 8:13:15 PM
My profile used to say I was here for "dating" ... i changed it to say "long term."
This brings up a good point of how the terms' subjectivity throws uncertainty into the mix. It also raises the question, "At what point does either declaration act as a detriment?"

How any one person interprets dating versus looking for a long term relationship is dependent upon any number of factors. Since menu selections are limited, we'd all do ourselves a favor by clarifying our objectives in our profiles. Something like:
"Looking to date first before I think about a LTR with the right person."
"I've been single long enough and want to establish a LTR, ASAP ... no time to waste dating."
"No intentions of anything resembling a LTR. Just want to date as many people as I can."
I'll admit, this would never eliminate the schmucks from showing up and wrecking the parade. But, at least in theory, it could reduce the number of incompatible responses.

Plus, there's a stereotypical categorization that naturally occurs. Yah, yah ... we all say we're careful not to paint with too broad a brush, but when you think about it, we really do. Let's say 2 PoF'ers are both looking to date before considering a LTR, but one declares "dating," the other "long term." Chances are the "dating" person will perceive the "LTR" person as looking to get serious right from the start. Conversely, the LTR'er will consider the dater as commitment-phobic.

A simple clarification helps clear the ambiguities. Okay, so it cuts down the number of contacts and your favorites list may be a little shorter, but it also helps keep curiosity-seekers to a minimum.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 177
Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 6/28/2009 7:17:02 AM
Many of us who are decent women do want to date, we are not lesbians, do not have fatherless children, or so much baggage that we could load it onto a ship and the ship would sink. Perhaps the decent men and women are just not meeting each other, or both are so closed minded as to what they find attractive as far as appearance or other traits that someone must possess that they are missing connecting with a good match.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 181
Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 6/28/2009 1:05:11 PM
She also might try accepting the fact that some men are always looking for someone better, getting to know someone before getting serious and emotionally involved with him, and realizing that it is not all up to him, she can be as not into him as he is not into her, and her attitude does not necessarily need to be readjusted.
 SwimminWithTheFishies
Joined: 6/29/2008
Msg: 184
view profile
History
Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 6/28/2009 1:32:23 PM
Most decent men run from women that stereotypically put ALL men down. It voices that she has issues and that she will never be happy no matter what.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 185
Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 6/28/2009 2:16:28 PM
And most decent women run from men who put all women down and who have dated only women who they say are psychos or users and abusers or gold diggers, etc. It says that they seem to attract women who have issues and/or the men seem to have a need to feel needed or like to be used and abused.
 Celtic Heart
Joined: 9/30/2007
Msg: 186
view profile
History
Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 6/29/2009 7:59:00 AM
Not all either gay or taken...some of us are hiding out in small Canadian towns, lol...and we have the same questions concerning women, ...it just seems the pool is getting smaller doesn't it ?
 Gangster Kitten
Joined: 4/3/2008
Msg: 187
Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 6/29/2009 8:37:30 AM
Hum, what about me? *sad face*

Decent guys are oft overlooked - as are decent women. Just how it goes, and you can't really do much to change that. I'm sure there are plenty of decent guys you know, that you're either not attracted to (which is perfectly fine btw), or you just don't notice them.
 stunt groom
Joined: 5/28/2009
Msg: 190
Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 6/29/2009 7:44:42 PM
^^^^
As long as it's about bashing men it doesn't have to make sense.. Try critisizing them and see how long the thread lasts.. Here's a suggestion for a thread 'Decent females- Are all the good one's taken or used up..?'

Post it ..see what happens..
 Pratch
Joined: 5/11/2009
Msg: 191
Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 6/29/2009 7:55:29 PM
A little late to the party, but I can't just go without posting.

I'd like to posit that I'm neither gay, nor taken, yet have had the most horrendous luck with dating of late.

Last 3 "dates":
3) after a month of conversation here decided she wasn't sure if she was ready to date (still hung up on her ex)
2) Story involving alien abduction told 8 hours into what had been an excellent first date (better to find out that soon, I guess)
1) 2 weeks of emails and phone conversation that was excellent. What had been the most mind-blowingly-awesome first date I'd had (7pm - 4:30am); a whirlwind week of incredible connection... followed up with her walking away and not explaining why after 8 days (after attempting to get some sort of closure on and off for a day, I flat out asked her to just block me).

So the other side of this coin becomes: where are the quality women? Where are the women who don't have serious issues? I'm definitely datable, know my best (and worst) qualities, and even my ex-wife doesn't understand why I'm having so much trouble (cordial split).

I've intentionally avoided bars and clubs, but I'm beginning to wonder if I shouldn't focus more on the "meat world" than online.

Fun story from a paid dating site: she hid the fact that she was bi-polar and off her medication for 2 months. Sure, there were signs, but I just thought she was hesitant to date after her bad marriage.

I swear I'm ready to pitch in the towel and just be a male harlot instead.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 195
Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 6/30/2009 6:04:48 AM
You are the cause of your lack of good catches is not a blanket statement?
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 197
Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 6/30/2009 6:21:13 AM
Decent is a subjective term. The last man I dated considered himself to be a decent man, however he told me that I was more decent and had more integrity than any woman he had ever dated. His idea of what is decent and mine were too far apart to be compatible.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 200
Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 6/30/2009 6:59:18 AM

but I'm beginning to wonder if I shouldn't focus more on the "meat world" than online.

LOL....of course you should, everyone should! Why would you be looking online more than IRL? No wonder you're frustrated.

People, online isn't the only place you should be looking, it shouldn't even be the place you look the most. It's designed to be a SMALL supplement to what you're already doing (so you can find the people you're not bumping into everyday that you've hopefully already talked to or considered). If you're not already doing something else offline - then yeah, this will suck for you.
 DeityZero
Joined: 6/3/2009
Msg: 203
view profile
History
Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 6/30/2009 11:34:38 AM
No we are still out there, but we keep getting rejection after rejection on here and other "good" dating websites. I put the same amount of effort into trying to get the girls attention whether its listed as long term or dating. Think of it this way, the two emails you got for long term were probably a lot more meaningful than the other 25 you got when you were still listed as dating. A majority of them probably weren't seriously looking for a relationship and probably just wanted to "have a good time".

Keep this in mind though. Us guys feel just as bad getting rejected time after time the same way you feel rejected when your emails dwindle to nothing when you switch to long term.
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 204
view profile
History
Decent guys:are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 6/30/2009 11:57:49 AM
The idea that all decent guys are married would have to mean that no one was decent UNTIL they were married.... and that's a little insane.

In fact, the recent Redbook/AOL survey of 35,000 wives showed the opposite: about 50% thought their hubbies were worse than when they married them; the percentage who were better was so insignificant they didn't even bother to ask about it.

So, almost by definition, a woman who wants to marry a man wants to ruin him. This is not exactly news, especially to many who have gone through a divorce.

In other words, the decent guys are all ling low so no women can get their claws into them. So they're out there, they just tend to make themselves invisible.
 niceguy53
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 206
view profile
History
Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 6/30/2009 1:25:07 PM
I'M NOT GAY. AND THE GIRL THAT STEALS MY HEART WOULD SAY HE'S MORE THEN A DECENT GUY
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 209
Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 7/2/2009 10:19:08 AM
Touchdown Bundy said:


Enough with the "I'm a decent guy" stuff. Every guy thinks he's decent, self-proclaiming it is needless. Every woman has her own idea of what is "decent" and you may or may not fall in that category. I'm sure even Jeffrey Dahmer thought he was a good catch.

LOVE the screen name!

Secondly, will you marry me?

IMO, you're completely right, Touchdown. Tang-wiches for everyone!
 eyez-ofa-angel
Joined: 6/24/2009
Msg: 210
Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 7/2/2009 10:23:07 AM
I am starting to think the same thing!! most guys I have ran into are either gay, dogs, just lookn to get laid, or they just want a babrie doll..a skinny girl that dresses in short shorts, and small dresses! Its hard to find a good guy out there...for me thats scary for my girls, im worried will they be able to find a good man, or are they goin to run into the problems im runnin into
 rapalaangler64
Joined: 2/4/2009
Msg: 211
Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 7/2/2009 10:47:20 AM
Well the way I see it, is that most women 60%, would rather date a good looking guy that is a bum, than a not so good looking guy who would treat them well. I see these good looking girls with young guys, who have not had a job in years, or are just out of jail, want the bad boy thing but when a good guy who is far from good looking comes along she won't even give the guy the time of day! Girls don't tell me this does not happen, You might not want to admit it but it is true. Why not look for a guy a few years older, with a steady job, and wanting to treat a woman the way she should be treated. But you go for the bad boy and three months later your pregnant on drugs out of work, and hes gone! ( This is of course the worst case scenario.) but it closer to true then most of you will admit. So when you look at my picture, just remember, I have a steady job no credit card debt, and a Bass boat, and single but not one of you would go on a date with me becaus I am not good looking enough for you!
Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  >