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 adam_lounsbury
Joined: 9/16/2009
Msg: 352
Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?Page 6 of 27    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27)
and as a side note most ladies turn the nice guy they are looking for into their best friend, see it a hundred times, all the ladies i know that know that are always looking for this guy or that guy tend to be the type of guy they made a best friend out of.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 353
Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 10/22/2009 12:00:23 PM

Its kinda hard to avoid them when most men are like that.

Men are men. They are wired differently. If "most men" turned into women who happened to have Adam's apples and penises, "most men" would be gay.

I'd be the first to tell you that not every involvement I have with men has turned out well. Actually only one did...that one was spectacular. And he died. A couple of situations have been downright awful. Some have been disappointing. Some just weren't meant to be, couldn't get off the ground, or just faded out. But to say that "most men", or "many men" are "ugly in their ways",and that women would have to be nuns to avoid 'most men" who are ratb*st*rds of the first degree? I find that appalling.
You need to go into each new dating/relationship/flirtatious friendship situation realizing that it probably WON'T turn out to be 'happily ever after'.That doesn't mean it has to suck, or that you have to be resigned to getting used,abused,jerked around,etc.
Finding the love of your life is a PROCESS. And sometimes it just isn't meant to be forever,because something goes wrong.
However, I'm not going to suggest that you change your attitude or opinion of men, because sometimes a period of anger or at least disillusionment is part of a much greater Process,and unless you LET it kill you(so to speak), it WILL make you stronger.
Cindy O
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 355
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Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 10/22/2009 9:11:37 PM

Your words John.........
Are you more than just a pretty face? In southern California, finding pretty women is easy, but I'm looking for a woman with some actual substance, too. If you think that's you, then read on. If you don't, well, you might want to consider checking out the local bookstore's self-help section...

Just sayin'...

{Just sayin what? that your all that and your so perfect that you only want a perfect women.?)

So, basically, you are saying that it's not only wrong for a guy to just want to "get laid" but it's also wrong for a guy to want a woman with substance?

You're hopeless. Really. You're so enamored with yourself and your belief that you're so superior to men that you fail to see reality before you. All I have seen from you thus far is negativity.

I pity you. And I will waste no more time responding to you and your misandrist statements.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 356
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Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 10/22/2009 11:12:43 PM

Just because I voice my feelings does not mean I am a bitter angry person.

No, it's the fact that all the feelings you voice are full of bitterness and anger that makes you a bitter, angry person.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 358
Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 10/23/2009 7:00:59 AM

now an example of the nice guys profile- nice, honest, hard working, good with kids, loves animals, have traveled and would like to do some more.......blahh blahh blahh and so on. sounds kinda boring doesn't it,

If I'm attracted to him, actually this sounds exactly like a guy I'd respond to, and I've dated a few guys just like this. That's IF I'm attracted. That's usually the bottom line.
 _ApprenticeSoulMate
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 360
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Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 10/23/2009 9:10:18 AM
I find that in my dating age group (50's & 60's) it doesn't really matter how decent or indecent the guys are, the women just don't have time for a relationship. It's not a fault, just a fact. Between their job, their kids they want to visit, their grandkids they want to babysit, a few girlfriends they want to see, one or two solo hobbies and some volunteer work the time available for a relationship is 4 hours on a Saturday night twice a month. I admire them for the full and complete life they have built for themselves, but they are kidding themselves and everyone else to say they are looking for a relationship. They just don't have the time. JMHO
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 362
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Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 10/23/2009 9:58:13 AM

I just don't get how men that act accordingly and abide by the so-called rules of conduct most ladies expect can win this game if we're supposed to be respectful and yet somehow evoke deep-seated lust.

Well, perhaps it's a matter of thinking that you must "act accordingly." I see a lot of myself in your post. I used to be the kind of guy who felt like I had to act a certain way to get people to like me.

I've learned the basic truth, though -- trying to get someone to like you is an exercise in futility. Someone will like me and some will not. Clearly, Kateri up there thinks I'm some sort of swine. But in the end, it doesn't matter at all if someone likes me or not, because I like myself, and I'm going to be around myself a hell of a lot more often than I am with anyone else.

If that woman didn't feel a "spark" with you, then all I can say is to move on. If she didn't feel a connection with you, then it's on her to continue wading through life in the attempt to find the guy who is the right fit for her. And if she doesn't, well, it's no skin off your nose, right?

But I do agree with you when you say that some people aren't good at picking people that are right for them, and I congratulate you on being astute enough to notice that in yourself.

It reminds me of a story related to me about a year ago by a couple that I had met. A friend of theirs was a bit of a fun-loving guy and was attracted to women who excited him. His life was a string of relationships with women who were fun, outgoing, and, in the end, cheated on him and broke his heart.

He could have gone the route of so many people on this forum and started blaming the opposite sex for all of his ills. Instead, he looked inside himself. He started to ask himself what it was about those women that attracted him. Basically, he went after the women who loved to party. Stands to reason that such women wouldn't be the type to find one man and settle down. Eventually, they just got bored of him and looked for excitement elsewhere.

So he decided to force himself to find a woman who *didn't* excite him. He found a woman who was just a little too demure and quiet for his tastes, but who had a lot of very good qualities. She may not have provided the "spark" that all those other women had, but nonetheless he found himself falling in love with her. She was the one he married.
 dcyw
Joined: 9/11/2009
Msg: 368
Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 10/23/2009 1:34:52 PM
I think all the decent guys are married--even at the age of 56 I'm having a hard time finding someone that doens't lie or just want sex--I'm not even looking for marriage-just want an honest faithful person to do things with.. Good Luck---do they think we're desperate being on a dating website?
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 370
Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 10/23/2009 2:22:55 PM

...........yet you're single and looking on POF?

Not really, no. I don't look anywhere, I tend to get involved with people by accident not planning cause I don't think being single is something to avoid - but if I was going to look, it'd be offline.

Evidently they weren't nice enough or they didn't love the same animals you did.

Wrong on both counts. They're still nice, and still like animals - you do know people break up for reasons other than niceness and common interests, I hope.

The bottom line is: You're still single so they didn't work out.

Yep...and your point is? Everyone single now isn't with someone anymore they used to be with - um, so?
 yourstillhere
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 372
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Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 10/23/2009 2:57:21 PM
^^^^^^^whew!!!^^^^^^

......glad I picked "yourstillhere" as a profile name instead of.......


:)
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 374
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Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 10/23/2009 5:17:01 PM

We do like those profiles, however if we think he's ugly what's the point?!

I'm sorry, but looks do matter even when you get older. You look at different things, but you are still looking at looks.

I can cetainly understand and accept that.

However, given the topic of this thread, it's one thing to say "yes, there are decent men who are single but I haven't found one I'm mutually attracted to" and another thing to say "all the decent men are married or gay." The latter is nothing more than an insult to all the single guys in the world.

Frankly, I have little time for whiners. If you want to believe that there are no decent, available men out there, all you're going to do is sabotage your own efforts. You're going to walk into all new encounters with that pre-programmed belief and you're unconsciously going to start looking for all the negative traits about the other person to confirm your suspicions. And, inevitably, you're going to find plenty of negative traits. After all, none of us is perfect.

However, if one adopts the attitude that there are plenty of single men out there, and it's only a matter of time and a bit of effort before you find one that you're compatible with, pretty soon you're going to see great guys coming out of the woodwork.

I've noticed such a thing myself. For years I thought my bad luck with women was because women have no taste. I was one of those "nice guys" whining about women always ending up with "jerks." Finally I realized that women were never the problem. *I* was the problem. I finally accepted responsibility for my own lot in life.

And you know what? I've noticed that a lot more women are attracted to me these days.
 DocElffington
Joined: 1/20/2009
Msg: 375
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Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 10/23/2009 5:19:19 PM
Just because I voice my feelings does not mean I am a bitter angry person. Its better to let things out then harbor them.


That's fine. Unless you have a dualistic personality (aka; bi-polar), then your words express your feelings and thoughts. Your words make you out to be a bitter and angry person.
People that have a positive outlook on life and others, tend to live satisfying and fulfilling lives...........whatever there station in life may be.

I'm sure you don't want to be characterized based upon the actions of others. Don't promulgate it yourself.

I'm reading these posts and all you're doing is ranting about the good guys being taken or are gay. However, I have yet to see why a decent guy would want to put up with you!

Seriously, what do you have to offer a decent guy, besides your hate and discontent and therapy sessions?
Your posts scream of ISSUES that a decent guy would just assume to avoid!


Shiny, happy people tend to attract shiny, happy people and become shiny, happy people together.
Depressing, pessimistic people tend to be depressing, pessimistic people...alone.


And there is obviously a level of disconnect between your profile and your forum posts.
 NYCman530
Joined: 7/6/2009
Msg: 377
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Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 10/23/2009 6:13:54 PM
The title of this thread is just as ridiculously stereotypical as it would be if it was called "Decent women: Are they all either taken or lesbian?"
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 385
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Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 10/25/2009 9:51:44 PM

Guess when you are fuzzy you ask these types of questions LOL

I only get fuzzy when I'm left on the kitchen counter for too long.
 jamesUSMC
Joined: 2/14/2008
Msg: 388
Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 10/25/2009 10:36:49 PM
Amen to that dude! Women complain that there are no decent guys, its because they look right past us.
 matt9629
Joined: 10/23/2009
Msg: 392
Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 10/26/2009 5:43:24 AM
Coolchick,

Are you fooking for real? If so, enjoy a nice long and SINGLE life. The David Beckham's of the world have many many options when it comes to partners... Hope you like competing with other women with better looks and more money than you.

I'm not saying that to be mean... I'm just telling you the truth.

David Beckham merely "decent"?

Pffftt.... You're undateable with the frame of mind you're in.
 matt9629
Joined: 10/23/2009
Msg: 393
Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 10/26/2009 5:54:30 AM
No your just far to shallow to see the good men.
David Beckman decent*keels over laughing* the good men are the quite ones the ones who didn't get noticed in school or in adult life. xD GL finding a David Beckman and keeping him suger!


PS: I figure you weren't told this enough yet the good ones usually arent near the look standards of David.
 Ahoytheredave
Joined: 8/29/2006
Msg: 395
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Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 10/26/2009 6:22:57 AM
It would depend on what you call Decent. Chances are, the ones you want to have are invisible to you and the men you are attracted to are pretty much the opposite of decent. I would speculate you have a selfish outlook as demonstrated by the "taken" part of your question. You want what someone else has. The truely decent guys are not selfish but giving and faithful. Probably not something you have experience with as you are more used to taking and being taken. Do some volunteer time and get practice at giving of yourself. It will open your eyes to the invisible decent guys.

Just read the posts on this thread. The decent guys have put up with getting dumped for bad boys. I tend to see women who have a history with bad boys not so much as damaged goods but being self-destructive. A lot of decent guys would like to try but I really doubt the selfish self-destructive streak can be fixed by anyone other than the woman herself. As for the bad boys and players, their behavior is rewarded. Why should they change?
 Ahoytheredave
Joined: 8/29/2006
Msg: 398
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Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 10/26/2009 8:24:41 AM
In other threads, I have mentioned a college room mate who was the most successful player I have ever known. Since I lived with the guy, I learned a lot from him that few would ever see and certainly no women would see. He proved that chemistry is something you create. You study a target and create the chemistry for that target with all the appropriate lies and romantic trinkets. Once you have her formula, you don't have to be so careful and whatever you do is filtered in her vision and you can do no wrong. He proved he could be caught in lies and cheating and get away with it. I've known other players but he was in a league by himself. What he got from the women was far more than just sex. It was everything from laundry to money. He would have one girl clean the room and she would be impressed by how well he kept his laundry. Another would do his laundry and be impressed at how well he kept the room. If he was some Marlboro man or rich it might make more sense but he wasn't either. Bill Clinton had political power for women to blame but this guy didn’t carry such an excuse.

On a positive side, I don’t think he was abusive other than the deceptions but that can have its hazards. A fiancée moved into a dorm with one of his one-and-only’s and fight soon broke out. Neither of the girls knew he was studying “biology” with another one-and-only at the time. I thought this would finally break the spell but nope. He lied his way out of it with both the fighting girls and still kept one-and-onlys elsewhere. When a see a woman claim she can see through someone, I get a laugh although the whole lesson is depressing.
 njbris
Joined: 10/17/2009
Msg: 401
Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 10/27/2009 3:52:06 PM

Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?


Why is it that when a woman thinks this way about the male gender, most people will just shrug their shoulders and think oh well she is having a hard time. In other words she will still be socially accepted

But when a man is thinking this negative about the female gender, he has issues, he hates women, he hates his mum, he is not normal, or his attitude is the fault and not the women. And with that, he will be a social outcast.

What it comes down to is that when a man is negative, it's his fault and he needs to change but when it's a woman who is negative, there is only a very small minority out there who would consider it being her fault and she having to change.

When will social equality prevail?
 njbris
Joined: 10/17/2009
Msg: 405
Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 10/27/2009 6:29:42 PM
Heh, I can play this game to


Men are More Likely Than Women to Be Victims in Dating Violence, UNH Expert Says
http://www.unh.edu/news/cj_nr/2006/may/em_060519male.cfm?type=n



DURHAM, N.H. -- A 32-nation study of violence against dating partners by university partners found that about a third had been violent, and most incidents of partner violence involve violence by both the man and woman, according to Murray Straus, founder and co-director of the Family Research Laboratory at the University of New Hampshire. The second largest category was couples where the female partner was the only one to carry about physical attacks, not the male partner.

Straus’ new research also found that dominance by the female partner is even more closely related to violence by women than is male dominance. These results call into question the widely held belief that partner violence is primarily a male crime and that when women are violent it is self defense.

“In the 35 years since I began research on partner violence, I have seen my assumptions about prevalence and etiology contradicted by a mass of empirical evidence from my own research and from research by many others,” Straus said. “My view on partner violence now recognizes the overwhelming evidence that women assault their partners at about the same rate as men. However, when women are violent, the injury rate is lower.”

Straus will present his controversial research at the Trends in Intimate Violence Intervention conference in New York City May 22-25, 2006. This research is part of the International Dating Violence Study, a multinational study of violence against dating partners by university students. A consortium of researchers around the world collected data from 13,601 students at 68 universities in 32 nations.

In the paper, Straus calls for an end to the focus on men as the only perpetrators of dating violence, saying the refusal to recognize the multi-causal nature of the problem is hampering the effort to end domestic violence and ignoring half the perpetrators. As recently as December 2005, the National Institute of Justice refused to consider applications for funding that dealt with male victims.

“Changes in policy that acknowledge men are not the only perpetrators of partner violence are needed immediately,” Straus said. “It is time to make the prevention and treatment effort one that is aimed at ending all family violence, including spanking children, not just violence against women.”

Straus is the author or co-author of more than 200 publications, including "Beating the Devil Out Of Them: Corporal Punishment By American Parents and Its Effects on Children." More information on the International Dating Violence Study and papers reporting results are available at http://pubpages.unh.edu/~mas2/.



Women are Just as Likely as Men to Commit Domestic Violence...
http://www.mediaradar.org/research.php#waj

U.S. CENTERS FOR DISEASE CONTROL AND PREVENTION
Differences in Frequency of Violence and Reported Injury Between Relationships With Reciprocal and Nonreciprocal Intimate Partner Violence
http://www.ajph.org/cgi/content/abstract/97/5/941

MELANIE PHILLIPS
Man Beaters Behind Closed Doors
http://www.fact.on.ca/news/news0011/ti001119.htm

RICHARD GELLES
The Hidden Side of Domestic Violence: Male Victims
http://www.breakingthescience.org/RichardGelles_MissingPersonsOfDV.php

MARTIN FIEBERT
References Examining Assaults by Women on Their Spouses or Male Partners: An Annotated Bibliography
http://www.csulb.edu/~mfiebert/assault.htm

RICHARD B. FELSON and MAUREEN C. OUTLAW
The Control Motive and Marital Violence
http://www.unboundmedicine.com/medline/ebm/record/17691548/full_citation/The_control_motive_and_marital_violence_

RENEE McDONALD
Estimating the Number of American Children Living in Partner-Violent Families
http://smu.edu/experts/study-documents/family-violence-study-may2006.pdf

MURRAY STRAUS
Processes Explaining the Concealment and Distortion of Evidence on Gender Symmetry in Partner Violence
http://pubpages.unh.edu/~mas2/V74-gender-symmetry-with-gramham-Kevan-Method%208-.pdf

NICOLA GRAHAM-KEVAN
Distorting Intimate Violence Findings: Playing With Numbers
http://pubpages.unh.edu/~mas2/V74-gender-symmetry-with-gramham-Kevan-Method%208-.pdf

MURRAY STRAUS
32 Nation Study of Dating Violence Finds Female-Only Violence More Common than Male-Only
http://pubpages.unh.edu/~mas2/ID41E2.pdf

....the rest of the links for the sources below are found in this link when you scroll down
http://www.mediaradar.org/research.php#waj


Men Sustain Over One-Third of all DV-Related Injuries...

ABC 20/20
Men Battered by Their Wives

JOHN ARCHER, Ph.D.
Sex Differences in Aggression Between Heterosexual Partners: A Meta-Analytic Review

LEONARD PAULOZZI
Surveillance for Homicide among Intimate Partners – United States, 1981 – 1998


...But Men are Less Likely to Report the Incdent...

DAVID FONTES, PSY.D.
Violent Touch: Breaking Through the Stereotype

GEORGE ROLPH
Domestic Violence and the Male Victim


...So Media Coverage is Often Biased...

CATHY YOUNG
The Other Aggressor in Domestic Violence

GLENN SACKS
Baseball Player's Domestic Violence Arrest Demonstrates how Men are Presumed Guilty in Domestic Disputes


...Which Allows the Myths to Continue.

DONALD G. DUTTON
The Gender Paradigm In Domestic Violence Research And Theory: Part I: The Conflict Of Theory And Data

DONALD G. DUTTON
The Gender Paradigm In Domestic Violence Research And Practice Part II: The Information Website Of The American Bar Association

DONALD G. DUTTON
A Call to Revive Psychology and Science in Domestic Violence Research and Practice

RICHARD GELLES
Domestic Violence Factoids

WENDY MCELROY
Domestic Violence: Behind the Stereotypes

GLENN SACKS
'Fatal Fathers' Myth Promoted in Wake of Peterson, Hacking Cases

SUSAN SARNOFF
The Institutionalization of Misinformation: VAWA II
 Fort Garry Dark
Joined: 11/25/2005
Msg: 408
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History
Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 10/27/2009 9:13:51 PM

No man wants to admit that their gender has major problems.


Thats a broad brush. Men aren't perfect - I don't think women are either.


A real man knows that there are a large percentage of men are down right sick.


I sorry that is your experience. I think there are a lot of good guys out there.

Good luck to you.
 justatool
Joined: 3/20/2009
Msg: 409
Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 10/27/2009 10:46:29 PM
How does one get on the second list?
 njbris
Joined: 10/17/2009
Msg: 410
Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 10/27/2009 11:17:02 PM

How does one get on the second list?


Last time I checked, most average women put most or not if 99 percent of average men on their "second list" while they are just the average woman themselves who are most probably no better than the next Joe Blow who emails them or most average men AND women on this site.

Yet, we hear the same old complaint, "there are no decent men left."

Can anyone hear chauvinism and narcissism?
 adam_lounsbury
Joined: 9/16/2009
Msg: 411
Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 10/28/2009 1:37:26 AM
[Line, Since we are sharing memo's here's one for ya. Instead of the good guys crying no one notices us. Why don't the good guys start helping stop abuse and supporting, and protecting abused women? That;s a good start to show you really are a good guy, cause you get it. You are not defensive because you know men can be really mean. But your one of the good guys that would never do this. So then impress women by standing up for them instead of accepting the abusive behavior in society. Remember 95% compared to 5% men abused. ITs a bit unbalanced don't you think? I wonder why? It must be women ask for it right? ]

well i do agree the stats are way off balance, but as for the nice guy caring.....

lets see i have suffered 2 broken noses, broken arm, broken ribs, and have spent much of my time and money helping abused and battered women. which dont get me wrong it something i feel i need to do, its part of being me, but what gets me is that most end up going right back to the same guy. it just blows my mind.

so some of us do step out and do the right thing, not all nice guys are spineless.
sorry for the bad english and poor grammar.
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