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 True_Gem
Joined: 12/10/2011
Msg: 101
sex on the first datePage 5 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
Big Fun Wave,

The problem I have with that is when men or women are not honest and play games. I personally don't feel it's right to lead someone on into believing it could be more when you already know it won't go further but still continue to have sex with them. Sex should be fun but not a game. The only problem I have is when there is deceiving and disrespect involved. If your honest and let the guy or girl know your intentions and they agree then fine...but you have to remember some people don't view sex the same way so you have to respect all.
 hifiguru
Joined: 4/2/2010
Msg: 102
sex on the first date
Posted: 1/31/2012 1:04:02 AM
First date sex is great wether it happens or not. If it happens the night was worth it and there is no further drama since I am not going to pursue a relationship with a girl who puts out on the first date. If she can resist when we get hot and heated on the first date then that moves her up the chain and gives her more longterm potential.

What I think is really funny on this site is all the girls who say they are not looking for sex, but invite me over on the first date. That is just an invitation to have hot dirty sex and move on
 True_Gem
Joined: 12/10/2011
Msg: 103
sex on the first date
Posted: 1/31/2012 6:01:11 AM
Hi Hifiguru

Read my earlier post. That's because your an immature man that views women and sex a certain way and not all men think like you. Are you being honest with these women upfront? It doesn't seem like you are.

If she puts out on the 6th date, what's to stop you from dumping her then too. Exactly my point, it doesn't matter whether it's 1st or 50th.



 Big_fun_wave
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 104
sex on the first date
Posted: 1/31/2012 1:39:28 PM
thetnews, yuo neid two go bakc two englisg claas and leurn how to speel and wright! That's my best impersonation of you (lol).

However, yeah True_Gem, I can sorta make sense what your saying. But, hifiquru and so many others that think like him and that last dude who I take it wasn't into any spelling B's, are just drama seekers! Your assuming attitude, in stating that women who put out on a first date are not relationship material, is somewhat shallow and inaccurate.

Just because you met one or more woman who you had sex with on a first date that didn't go further than that, doesn't mean all are the same. However, from some of my past experiences, that was the case. That seems to often be the case, where if two people have sex fast, then that's usually just what one or both were seeking.

And a side note on the heels of what I just wrote: I often wonder if many people were this complicated back in the 1920's or 30's and so on, or if it's a bi-product of today's world/society.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 105
sex on the first date
Posted: 1/31/2012 1:39:51 PM
^^^thetnews^^^^ What language IS that? Your profile confused me even more! I thot mayb u wer a four-inner

As for the Thread ...I say sex BEFORE the first date!

Seriously....We're friends until we have sex...I don't date.
 rec_diver
Joined: 11/13/2011
Msg: 106
sex on the first date
Posted: 1/31/2012 4:02:37 PM
Hey at least thetnews makes it clear what he doesn't want.

"LOOKING FOR FUN AND NO BLACK WOMAN I DO LIKE BLACK WOMAN BUT DONT WANT TO MEET ANY HEAR"

Send them over to my profile, thanks.
 rcp72
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 107
view profile
History
sex on the first date
Posted: 1/31/2012 4:22:13 PM
I think that human nature is unpredictable. Most of the time when I go on a first date sex is far from my mind. Yes I am observing the woman but that is natural but in my mind I am concentrating on dialogue. Most of the time. Then there are times where physical attraction is unbearable and uncontrollable that sex becomes a part of the date. I dont see anything when two people are physical attracted to one another and want to test the flowers and see out they smell. We are all adults and if that happens it shouldnt belittle or discredit a woman. Out of the woman I dated the sex issue is put on the back burner.
 Big_fun_wave
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 108
sex on the first date
Posted: 1/31/2012 4:41:50 PM
Oh god, i just read his whole profile in Borat's voice. Now I can't stop laughing.


How did you do that chrissyjd, listen to his profile in Borat's voice? I gotta hear...please tell me.
 anais987
Joined: 12/14/2010
Msg: 109
sex on the first date
Posted: 1/31/2012 6:28:38 PM
It's double standard just like anything else when it comes to sex!
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 110
sex on the first date
Posted: 2/1/2012 9:55:01 AM
If a women sleeps with me on the first date, I wouldn't think she was a whore. I would think I am a very handsome man.
 goodkindacrazy
Joined: 3/3/2009
Msg: 111
view profile
History
sex on the first date
Posted: 2/1/2012 1:20:27 PM
I hate all the games associated with meeting someone and trying to establish some kind of relationship. I don't want to play them but it seems I am almost forced into it. I don't sleep with every man I meet. Very seldom on a first date do I feel comfortable enough with someone to sleep with them but it has happened and when I did there was no second date. So now, if I really like someone and would like to see them more than once, no first date sex.

One guy even told me, after the sex of course, that he wouldn't see me any more because I put out too soon. Why did I have sex on the first date? Because I really liked him and wanted to have sex with him. The chemistry was there, we were both grown consenting adults and I had been honest about what I wanted out of a relationship. I had even stated that I did not want a one-night stand. Why shouldn't we do what we both wanted? But because I didn't follow some unstated time schedule on when its acceptable to put out I was no longer considered relationship material. I didn't have sex with him thinking that I would be getting a relationship out of it, I did it because I enjoyed his company. I guess it is a little naive to think that he would understand that me having sex with him that night was a testimony as to how much I was attracted to him. While I tell myself that I wouldn't want to be with someone with that kind of attitude, I have found, based on personal experience and what I have read on the forums of a few dating sites, this double standard (man is still relationship material after sex on first date but not the woman) is embraced more often than not. I even read about a key and lock comparison. A key that opens many locks is a master key. A lock that can be opened by many keys is just a cheap lock. What upsets me most is the automatic assumption that I opened for a lot of keys. Why are they not thinking that they were just the right key for the lock?
 dondea
Joined: 12/10/2007
Msg: 112
view profile
History
sex on the first date
Posted: 2/1/2012 1:43:11 PM
Goodkindacrazy, it's kind of sad some men play games and use double standards. I can understand why you won't have first date sex anymore. Thank goodness you weren't able start a relationship with this type of turdhead.

Best of luck in your search for the right guy!
 Big_fun_wave
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 113
sex on the first date
Posted: 2/1/2012 3:00:17 PM
One guy even told me, after the sex of course, that he wouldn't see me any more because I put out too soon. Why did I have sex on the first date?

Ok, now I'm convinced of something. This is the only way (pof forums) I have ever heard so much about how men apparently say this: That they won't see you again or be interested in you (woman) further for having promptly put out! What I'm convinced of, is this is just the game playing only sex seeking males way out of any further possible commitment he thinks a woman may expect, after having had sex.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 114
sex on the first date
Posted: 2/1/2012 3:38:12 PM

I don't want to play them but it seems I am almost forced into it. I don't sleep with every man I meet. Very seldom on a first date do I feel comfortable enough with someone to sleep with them but it has happened and when I did there was no second date. So now, if I really like someone and would like to see them more than once, no first date sex.

You're only ``forced'' to play games because you don't really believe what you said about:

Why did I have sex on the first date? Because I really liked him and wanted to have sex with him. The chemistry was there, we were both grown consenting adults and I had been honest about what I wanted out of a relationship.

If you really had taken that seriously, you'd realize that you had sex with him because you liked him and wanted to have sex with him. Instead, you had sex with him because you expected something more than just sex. If you only have sex when you want sex and you don't expect anything else, you can never go wrong because you'll always get exactly what you expected.

I had even stated that I did not want a one-night stand.

But, you said you liked him and wanted to have sex with him, so I'm not sure why that was so bad. You also found out up front that he holds a double standard and that he wasn't relationship material.

Why shouldn't we do what we both wanted?

Apparently, you both did do what you both wanted to do. Your objection is that you didn't get more than that out of it.

While I tell myself that I wouldn't want to be with someone with that kind of attitude, I have found, based on personal experience and what I have read on the forums of a few dating sites, this double standard (man is still relationship material after sex on first date but not the woman) is embraced more often than not.

What difference does it make if you read on the forums or found out through personal experience that there are men with that attitude? Does that change your mind about not wanting to date men with that attitude? If you don't want to date men with that attitude (and you shouldn't want to), then you don't want to, regardless of whether or not you read that there are men with that attitude.
 Dwayne331
Joined: 1/12/2012
Msg: 115
sex on the first date
Posted: 2/1/2012 4:10:18 PM
No she's not considered a whore if she's over a certain age its ok, a grown woman knows what she want. We all grown and sexy so lets do grown folks business.
 True_Gem
Joined: 12/10/2011
Msg: 116
sex on the first date
Posted: 2/1/2012 4:40:54 PM
Goodkindacrazy, I definately agree there is a lot of double standards when it comes to men and women. Also a good example as to how men and women view and think entirely different in certain situations as he was seeing you as "easy" for putting out on the first date and assumed you do it with everyone else, or it was just his easy way out after getting what he wanted and in your case, you were just attracted to him and enjoying the moment. The key analogy is pretty interesting, i'll admit. lol

The battle of the sexes will probably live on forever haha Just the way it is!
 SeaCatcher
Joined: 9/11/2011
Msg: 117
sex on the first date
Posted: 2/1/2012 4:46:10 PM
85032luck is absolutely right as far as I'm concerned. I'm quoting him because what he says bears reading again: sex on the first date [has nothing to do with her morals... believe it or not some women want sex on the first night as well.
now a guy may say she's a whore cuz she slept with him the first night, however he was there too having sex with her, which makes him a manwhore.
what makes him stick around or want to build a relationship, more of what she looks like in the morning and how she performs in the sack, if she rocked his world -he definately will come back for more, and more and more. ]
 BMB81
Joined: 1/2/2012
Msg: 118
sex on the first date
Posted: 2/1/2012 5:42:21 PM
Don't do it, just lie and say you're on your period and can't if you actually like him. Unless, he's a dirty sailor named Eric, then he'll want to do it even more. Seriously, I slept with a sailor named Eric on the first date and I was like, yea, I'm never going to see you again, it was weird for me. Then a month or so later, we talked again, we started seeing each other. Apparently every woman he'd ever had a relationship with he slept with the first night, guess he wanted to see if the sex was good enough to keep her around. Would probably still be seeing him to this day if he didn't get different orders. Things just work out sometimes, but I would definitely tell most women not to do it because you just don't know. You need to get to know someone first or the sex is just meaningless. I waited a while before I slept with my ex husband and it lasted ten years, so there ya go. It's just my opinion though.
 goodkindacrazy
Joined: 3/3/2009
Msg: 119
view profile
History
sex on the first date
Posted: 2/1/2012 8:21:32 PM

If you really had taken that seriously, you'd realize that you had sex with him because you liked him and wanted to have sex with him. Instead, you had sex with him because you expected something more than just sex. If you only have sex when you want sex and you don't expect anything else, you can never go wrong because you'll always get exactly what you expected.


So your answer is to never have any expectations so I won't be disappointed? That just won't work for me. I will always have expectations. I don't expect a guarantee of any kind of relationship. I do expect to enjoy the sex. I also expect not to be thought a whore because I want to enjoy sex even on the first night. I don't think that is too much to ask for.


Apparently, you both did do what you both wanted to do. Your objection is that you didn't get more than that out of it.


My objection was that he now considered me less than someone who would have made him wait.


What difference does it make if you read on the forums or found out through personal experience that there are men with that attitude? Does that change your mind about not wanting to date men with that attitude? If you don't want to date men with that attitude (and you shouldn't want to), then you don't want to, regardless of whether or not you read that there are men with that attitude.


Because I find sex gets better with someone over time, I would prefer a steady partner than a string of one night stands. If I play it safe and hold off I may not find out that he subscribes to the double standard. If I do find out later, I may decide that all of his good qualities out weight that. Also, while I know I shouldn't, there is a part of me that cares what other people think of me. So while I might not like rules, I will play by them.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 120
sex on the first date
Posted: 2/1/2012 8:54:57 PM
So your answer is to never have any expectations so I won't be disappointed? That just won't work for me. I will always have expectations.

No, my answer is to not overvalue something to the extent that your expectations are unrealistic. You may expect to buy a house for a dollar, but the fact is, you'll wait a long time if you're holding out for a one dollar house.

I don't expect a guarantee of any kind of relationship. I do expect to enjoy the sex. I also expect not to be thought a whore because I want to enjoy sex even on the first night. I don't think that is too much to ask for.

No, it's not, unreasonable, but what you're advocating is catering to those who would think of you that way because you had sex and you didn't get a guarantee of a relationship.

Because I find sex gets better with someone over time, I would prefer a steady partner than a string of one night stands.

Why are those things mutually exclusive? Nothing stops you from having sex when you want to have sex and developing a relationship when one develops. I've had several one night stands turn into relationships.

If I play it safe and hold off I may not find out that he subscribes to the double standard. If I do find out later, I may decide that all of his good qualities out weight that.

That means you're just helping to perpetuate that double standard.

Also, while I know I shouldn't, there is a part of me that cares what other people think of me. So while I might not like rules, I will play by them.

In that case, you're accepting the rules other people impose on you and you have no reason to complain. As I see it, no matter what I do, someone won't like me because of it, so I might as well do what I want to do.
 goodkindacrazy
Joined: 3/3/2009
Msg: 121
view profile
History
sex on the first date
Posted: 2/2/2012 8:36:42 AM
Why are those things mutually exclusive? Nothing stops you from having sex when you want to have sex and developing a relationship when one develops. I've had several one night stands turn into relationships.



That means you're just helping to perpetuate that double standard.


I am not going into it thinking that this is just going to be a one night stand and then later realizing that I want more. I already know that I find more enjoyment in a steady relationship. I choose not to risk eliminating the possibility of much more enjoyable encounters later down the road. As for helping to perpetuate the double standard I don't think I am. I feel I have a better chance of changing that persons mind if I am around long enough for him to get to know me and see for himself that just because a woman will have sex on a first date it doesn't make her less of a person. Lets say that I do have sex on the first date and never see him again because he ascribes to that double standard, what have I accomplished? He will still ascribe to that double standard and I will have no chance of changing his mind, plus I will have yet another one night stand under my belt.

Edited to add:

In that case, you're accepting the rules other people impose on you and you have no reason to complain. As I see it, no matter what I do, someone won't like me because of it, so I might as well do what I want to do.


Of course I have the right to complain. Isn't it in the constitution? (JK) Seriously, society puts in place all kinds of rules and if I don't like certain rules I prefer to work within the system to change those rules. Open rebellion would be a last resort for me. That is not to say that I won't ever side step some of those rules.
 LMO1190
Joined: 12/24/2010
Msg: 122
sex on the first date
Posted: 2/2/2012 10:41:08 AM
Good for you, Why bullshit ??? :O)
 angela566
Joined: 1/15/2012
Msg: 123
sex on the first date
Posted: 2/2/2012 11:20:39 AM
yep. call her a whore and get tested for std's.
i think its dirty and disgusting and morally wrong to sleep with some one on first date.
a guy has to respect you and actually think if he wants to be wioth you and take you home to meet family etc.
like really, going to spread your legs as soon as you meet the guy?
may as well work the streets
 christyis4real
Joined: 7/6/2011
Msg: 124
sex on the first date
Posted: 2/2/2012 1:38:15 PM
<----------is a wannabe hooker (according to the clueless one above me)


I am sorry, but what world do you friggin live in? Get real.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 125
sex on the first date
Posted: 2/2/2012 2:04:42 PM
It's the ones who trade sex for respect, security,love and a relationship that are the whores...they have sex in EXCHANGE for another thing be it feelings or whatever.

The women who have sex because they WANT to are the only ones who aren't whores. They aren't using it as a commodity.
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