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 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 2
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Women need to seal the deal as much as men.Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)

I am not sure if I can remain celibate until marriage


Sure you CAN, celibacy isn't fatal.....

You do sound like either a weak willed man or one who doesn't have self control.....not attractive qualities.
 varinia
Joined: 1/1/2009
Msg: 3
Women need to seal the deal as much as men.
Posted: 6/14/2009 3:42:22 PM
Have you heard the saying 'If the sex is good it's 10%, if it's bad it's 90%'?

Sex is a very important part of a relationship and I think it's important to make sure that you're both on the same page and compatible. I wouldn't dream of living with someone (or marrying them) without being sure that we have a great sex life.

And if a guy wants to wait that long, then more power to him, but he wouldn't be for me.
 WalkingInLondon
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 5
Women need to seal the deal as much as men.
Posted: 6/14/2009 3:48:29 PM
I won't buy a car unless I test drive it first, nor would I marry a man unless I knew the sex was great. I did that with my first marriage, waited until we were married, and the sex was HORRIBLE. It was so bad that I was totally miserable with him not only in the bedroom, but it affected me in other areas of the relationship, as he was a selfish man, with no interest in showing affection or being giving or ever seeing that my needs were fulfilled at all, and really grew to resent him.
Never again. I learned my lesson the hard way.
Beth
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 7
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Women need to seal the deal as much as men.
Posted: 6/14/2009 4:02:49 PM
I don't think having sex validates a relationship, neither does doing anything else.

If you have to give a woman sex to keep her, then what do you really have?

I think it takes much more to "seal a deal" (what a cheap phrase IMO). If you don't know what it is then noone here can help you. I know what it takes for me.
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 9
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Women need to seal the deal as much as men.
Posted: 6/14/2009 7:07:21 PM

At least when buying a car you can ask for a carfacts reports.


Light bulb goes off! SEXFAX!!!!!
Just type in your date's serial number..............


Where's BoBo when you need her?


 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 10
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Women need to seal the deal as much as men.
Posted: 6/14/2009 7:14:13 PM

Light bulb goes off! SEXFAX!!!!!
Just type in your date's serial number..............


Now that's just plain funny...thanks for the laugh!
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 11
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Women need to seal the deal as much as men.
Posted: 6/14/2009 7:16:37 PM

If you think, I am sexiest.

ummm, yeah, OP, you look okay but the word I think you want is "sexist"


Most men love language is physical affection plus we are visual creatures. Sorry, I don't remember all five of the love languages


Yes, I get stuck after physical affection and visual....I think most guys do.

OP, whatever works for you.......all I know is that when I love a woman enough to marry, I want her so badly that I can not see the harm in making love......but if you think that abstinence somehow proves your love, then do what you are comfortable with.
 catkin2007
Joined: 12/18/2007
Msg: 12
Women need to seal the deal as much as men.
Posted: 6/14/2009 8:14:06 PM
OP, I teach some of those classes you are referring to at our church. There is alot of information you are stating here that is not correct. While the classes say it is different for each individual, the only reference the classes make to not having sex is - you should refrain from having intimacy with the opposite sex until such time as you have taken the time to heal from your broken relationship. For some you will wait for the next commited relationship and for some of you - you won't. There is no perfect time table, its an individual choice, but if you do it too soon, you will bring baggage to a new relationship and cause additional harm and delayed healing to yourself and cause pain to others. That was a bit condensed, but please don't spout out information that says committed relationships are bad, or are dependent upon not having sex. That is not what is taught.

Yes, there are some christian based classes that say saving yourself for your next commited relationship is in line with God's plans for you - it also says in those classes that it is a choice between you and a partner and what your religious beliefs as a couple are. Yes, the bible teaches us to save ourselves... but as humans we don't always do what is best according to the bible.

The main teaching of those classes is to help you find healing. Some in those classes are going to chose not to have sex and others are not going to go without sex. To say either is wrong is not my place. All I want is for them to have healthy, baggage free relationships. It is not my place to decide if they have a christian life or otherwise. Those issues are between them and their partner and what their personal beliefs are.

From reading your profile OP, you need to take the time to put into practice those techniques you were taught in that class and heal the emotional scars of divorce before you move on to a new relationship. You need to do that for yourself. The reason... you admitted you are still healing - that means you are not ready for a new relationship and it would not be fair to expose your baggage unnecessarily to someone else. Also, there is nothing wrong with taking time to heal - in fact, it takes a wise man to admit he needs healing and take that time.

Don't let the baggage from an old relationship stop a new relationship from moving in a positive direction. Take time to heal and deal with the old... then you will find that when you do get out there and start dating again you have a better attitude and a better chance of having a good relationship - one that doesn't have baggage everywhere.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 15
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Women need to seal the deal as much as men.
Posted: 6/14/2009 9:11:52 PM
The core of my conflict is derived from biblical teaching versus cultural aspects towards sex.


IMO it's not a conflict...there will always be conflicting views between culture and religion....history proves that. You have to ask yourself why you're going to a christian institution/church when you have obvious conflicts with what they believe. It's something you have to answer for yourself. What actual help do you hope to find if you're conflicted about cultural aspects towards sex knowing that you're going to be exposed to abstinence before marriage.

I think the conflict isn't about the class...religion or culture it's within yourself and noone can help you with that.


"blunt nature of the advice in which I cruelly like." Cruelly LIKE? ehh...maybe you should google an S/M church (there has to be some)...not sure anyone else can help or if that's honestly what you really want anyway.

As I said before, if you can't control yourself or your desires, then you haven't developed a mature sense of self control.

It appears you're looking for a reason/excuse to let your pecker rule your life and then have an excuse/explanation for why.

Squirrel away some bucks to see a sex therapist.

"lol... Which head is smarter?" the LOL says A LOT! It's not funny at all....EGAD...you've reproduced! It doesn't matter which is smarter, even saying that...it's obvious which one rules your world.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 16
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Women need to seal the deal as much as men.
Posted: 6/14/2009 11:40:37 PM
sharki, wish you hadn't been exposed to bucslover's cheap shot. with you, brother.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 17
Women need to seal the deal as much as men.
Posted: 6/15/2009 7:29:24 AM
In the one side you have women that for some reason go through a series of one night stands and don't seem to really connect with the men. To them sex is just sex even when they seem or desire for it to be more. Then you have on the other side women that say no sex until some undetermined time where they feel very safe in the relationship with the man. But you hear over and over about these women that when they eventually have sex, their feelings are not there for the men and the relationship falls apart. Then there are women that are driven by passion, who are very selective, they don't jump into a sexual relationship unless they feel it's right, but they try to find out if it's going to work within the first to fifth date. The thing is that there are no guarantees.

For me sex is shared intimacy. If there's no intimacy, there's no relationship, so sex happens very quick in the relationship.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 18
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Women need to seal the deal as much as men.
Posted: 6/15/2009 8:21:43 PM
I don't have sex with strangers, which means it's going to be awhile as it takes time to get to know someone well enough to make that move. If they aren't that interested no big loss, obviously they had something much different in mind that I did.
 army3
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 19
Women need to seal the deal as much as men.
Posted: 6/15/2009 9:54:17 PM
See, in this army sanctioned class and R&R getaway I went to I learned that it's not all women, it's the ones you see. See, it's like differet worlds. I'm in the mil, which means that my life depends on the people around me and vice versa. The truth is crucial. Unfortunately, in the civilian world (the easiest place for me to go fishing) truth isn't a requirement, and trust is hard to come by. It is easy for me to just blindly trust people, while that waitress (for lack of a better geneal example) has a hard time finding guys tat tell the truth because she's hot and they aretrying to get her to bed as quick as possible. Well, waitress will hurt me with mistrust, or will take action on mistrust and hurt me, weather my intentions were pure or not.

The thing I'm gettin' at is the fact that in order to know a person, you must walk a mile in their shoes and see the world though their eyes. Only then will you know them. Only then will you be safe with them. My best advice, you want celebacy till marriage- look in the extreemely religious mixed with old school bin. Good luck finding that though.
 Arabianangel
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 20
Women need to seal the deal as much as men.
Posted: 6/15/2009 9:54:58 PM
Me thinks that guys that wait for sex till marriage are somehow disfunctional in that area...
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