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Joined: 6/23/2007
Msg: 2
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Long Distance Relationships?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Sounds like you are trying to ride a dead horse.
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 8
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Long Distance Relationships?
Posted: 6/15/2009 4:40:50 PM
ldr's are tough.nothing can compare to in-person experience is if there's a problem after this short of a time then it won't last.
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 9
Long Distance Relationships?
Posted: 6/15/2009 4:43:42 PM
Unless you both are absolutely crazy about one another, it isn't going to work. If he has doubts after one trip, it's only going to get worse with each subsequent visit. And since he is the one who will be making the drive, how he feels about it is of paramount importance. All you have to do is be there when he shows up. Expecting someone to drive that distance every other weekend isn't feasible. If you were alternating the driving, then maybe it would be better. But how much time are you really going to be spending together with so much commuting?

I'm involved in an LDR with a man from Australia (talk about long distance), but both of us are willing to relocate if it works out. He is coming here for a visit and I'll probably be going there to visit him. We are considering our options as far as relocating. Neither of us will allow distance to prevent us from being together, should this work out as we hope it will. If neither of you can possibly relocate should the relationship become serious, then you are just letting yourselves in for heartache. Better to end it now when you both will suffer much less emotional pain.
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 12
Long Distance Relationships?
Posted: 6/15/2009 6:38:11 PM
Did the distance for two years.

There were tons of factors involved which I wont go into here.

Moved here and we lived together for four months.

Crashed and burned. The reasons it didnt last are besides the point- my point is it takes alot of tears, commitment, love
and everything in between to make it work.
Another thing is that you may share a ton of crap with each other about
each other but until you are face to face, vertical and everything else with
each other do you really really really know that person.

He had lots of things going on before and after he came here. I would do it
again but I dont know for sure. It pretty much sucked the life out of me
when it ended and it was very very heartbreaking.

I dont think you really know a person unless you are with them. He told me things
about himself and I basically blew alot of it off because I was in love.

I still am but on a different level now. LDR are very very intense and the feelings
for that person are even more.
When it ends it is crushing.

I think maybe he did you a favor.
Joined: 3/25/2006
Msg: 19
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Long Distance Relationships?
Posted: 6/15/2009 7:25:54 PM
I am not a fan of long distance relationships. I know that I could be faithful, but there are so many questions. It is not as though you guys met here and then he moved. But, it could work. It does sound like he may have been interested, but ended the relationship nicely.
Joined: 7/23/2008
Msg: 28
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Long Distance Relationships?
Posted: 6/20/2009 10:13:56 AM
This is why my profile says NOOOOOOOO long distance relationships. Unless you plan to move. Which I wouldn't do. Well I think you have your answer......
 stunt groom
Joined: 5/28/2009
Msg: 33
Long Distance Relationships?
Posted: 6/20/2009 12:20:32 PM

Sounds like you are trying to ride a dead horse.

LOL.. I'm afraid I'm going to have to steal that one..
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 57
Long Distance Relationships?
Posted: 8/12/2009 7:25:53 PM
I dont think you have to assume the worst, which is he met you and decided he didn't like you. If he drove the marathon trip he had a lot of time to think and a 6 hour trip had to be gruesome. Maybe he liked you, but decided the distance was just too much to deal with.

I'm curious. Did you offer to alternate visits with him or was it going to all be on him if you were going to see each other?

I've been in a couple LTR. Each lasted a good while. They failed when one, the other or both wanted something more and no one could make the move. Sometimes timing is everything. My kids are grown and I would have made that
Joined: 1/1/2009
Msg: 61
Long Distance Relationships?
Posted: 8/12/2009 9:28:31 PM
Long distance can be extremely frustrating, because everything has to be scheduled. I like to be close, if I'm in a relationship and it's hard if most communication is by phone/email.

Maybe it works for some, if there's the potential that one or the other would move at some point in the future. But I know that for me I would be the one expected to move, because my work is pretty much done by computer/fax/phone/email. I don't have to physically be where I am. But it was my dream to live in San Francisco and I'm not giving that up.

And knowing how much I can be into someone and how much of a giver I am, it's self preservatrion that keeps me from even considering being penpals with any guys that I might be intrigued with that are farther away ;-)
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 67
Long Distance Relationships?
Posted: 8/23/2009 2:56:03 PM
Have a "Fast Forward" conversation. What ever is keeping you apart today, will there become a day where you will be able to be together? What will be the details and conditions? Will you move there? He move to you? What about jobs? Will someone have to sell all of their home? Move away from their kids? The discussion will at least make you think about and talk about the future. If there is no future than what is the point of being exclusive and missing out on the chance to meet the one who is your future?
Joined: 3/26/2009
Msg: 75
Long Distance Relationships?
Posted: 8/24/2009 9:44:19 AM
LDR work if you're willing to move closer to him but then it ceases to be a LDR and becomes a SDR so essentially take the distance out and you got yourself something wonderful. Unfortunately welcome to the real world where one or more of your soul mates don't live within 10 miles of you. If you found a guy you like, what're the chances of finding another likable guy that's closer? Keep yo head up, send out resumes to every potential mate you can possibly find. And dump the LDR guy
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 76
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Long Distance Relationships?
Posted: 8/24/2009 10:14:38 AM
freckledtexan wrote:
I was really glad to see this post. I have avoided any long distance relationships by immediately replying, thanks but I want to find someone locally. I always wonder if I perhaps passed up someone special, but out of fear of the complications, I do it anyway. I don't know if I could handle someone living 5 hours away. Thanks for posting this one.

While I kind of agree with this thought, I have to admit I married a lady I was in a ldr with, so I think I have a valid perspective on this topic. First, as an earlier poster stated, a ldr can be more fantasy than reality, if there is no physical/intimate (that is near by relationship) to provide a foundation to build upon. In our situation we dated for a spell and then, due to career /education pulls, we moved to opposite ends of the country. We were apart for several years, and a couple of advanced degrees , untill we merged together again in KY.

Soon after that initial separation we did sort of fade from each other - distance is a hard thing to overcome, esp when time a resources to get together are scarce. But, when we reunited we were able to see each other, physically, on a more frequent basis, until one of us made the sacrificial move to be together and we subsequently married.

In todays world, if I had an ongoing relationship with a woman I would not be as afraid of a ldr as would be were this twenty years ago. For one, my resources are more available for more frequent visits; two, the internet revolution has provided a powerful tool for staying in touch, physically seeing each other (while not being able to touch) through Scype and other programs; and three, the drives I felt in my twenty's, while there, are not as strong as now days (oh, they're there, just tempered by time and reality). That is not to say that I would desire a permanent ldr - oh no, but for a defined term it would be manageable.

Another poster mentioned distances as low as 40 - 70 miles as too far. Well, that had me laughing. Out here in the great wastelands of flyover country, esp Montana, there can often be that much mileage just between towns. From where I live the next large town is 120 to 200 miles away. Those living in the lower central and the coast states have such large and close by populations, restricting yourself to "near at hand" actually can be an option. Out here, dating out of town is something one has to seriously consider.

{Where there's a will (and the desire), there is always a truck with four wheel drive and winter studs}
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