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 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 17
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Emotionally unstable partner: how to deal?Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
i think you are suffering from analysis paralysis. there is also bipolar two while you are at it, which appears to be like anxiety depression but responds to different meds. there is no mania as we all have learned it to be, but night tremors, sleep issues, freezing anxiety, etc. post trauma is an umbrella diagnosis which rules out the hereditary nature and pinpoints it to an incident or series of incidents or toxic situation. it enables one to not be the victim of an endless label that does not peel off the vessel. one also learns to identify "triggers" and avoid/manage them, as they are externally produced. nonetheless, the behaviours overlap.

rune is right. bottom line, it's his issue and how one relates to someone with depression or whatever else, depends upon how the person handles his or her depression. i went with someone for three years who not only did not handle it well, but he mistreated me when he was "down"--not physically but in terms of withdrawal, snappiness, diminshed communication, etc.

i do have some friends who have depression or are bipolar 2. i've also been an advocate for children with the full range of diagnoses. you are not defined by the diagnosis, but you define how you manage it "ultimately". for some, it takes a longer time than others. they manage it, they communicate both the good and the bad. they announce when the time is a bad time and make it up to me, when it gets better. they let me know what i can or cannot do for them. i do the same with my lymes disease if i'm having a flareup or not much energy on a particular day.

that all being said, you don't have a relationship going until you relate--in person. you do have a possibility. in the meanwhile, get your own ducks in order. you are still very young. you both have a lot to learn "in the real world".

i wish you the best. just don't be an enabler. do a term paper on that one, please!!! it can save you years of stress.
 Luri
Joined: 5/26/2009
Msg: 19
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Emotionally unstable partner: how to deal?
Posted: 6/16/2009 5:21:07 AM

It sounds like he has manic depression, which is easily controllable by prescription drugs. The thing is, a lot of people are scared by any sort of psychological disorder....but it doesn't mean he is crazy. Like he says, there is just a chemical imbalance in his brain. Most people find some sort of balance in their emotions but manic depressives are either euphorically happy or really down in the dumps ( without medical intervetion). edYou need to research the subject more so you understand it properly, and then think hard if you can live with someone whose moods are unpredictable and then make a decision. As far as I am aware, manic depression is genetic.


As a seasoned advocate (over 20 years) for people and families with mental/emotional illnesses, I 've observed that only some are easily treated and stabilized with medications, and psychotropic meds often present their own difficulties that affect relationships. Most need regular and extensive counseling, as do their families, and it's not about 'crazy'...it's about dealing with the interweaving of lives with this particular wild card tossed into it.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 20
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Emotionally unstable partner: how to deal?
Posted: 6/16/2009 5:26:27 AM
Unless he is treated and treatable, he will drain the life out of you. I would offer friendship and nothing more. He's told you about the depression, has he told you about the anger and the things he will say to you when he is in one of his moods?

Really doesn't sound like he is on meds, run Forrest run comes to mind but yup, the taking a step back is essential unless you want to be sucked into the insanity vortex with him.

And here's a clue, one of the reasons that they now call manic depressive bipolar is that not all people have the manic episodes or they have them but not in what is the stereotypical manic format. Bottom line, you never know who is walking through the door or on the phone. It's no way to live.


As a seasoned advocate (over 20 years) for people and families with mental/emotional illnesses, I 've observed that only some are easily treated and stabilized with medications, and psychotropic meds often present their own difficulties that affect relationships. Most need regular and extensive counseling, as do their families, and it's not about 'crazy'...it's about dealing with the interweaving of lives with this particular wild card tossed into it.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 25
Emotionally unstable partner: how to deal?
Posted: 6/16/2009 6:17:44 AM
Would you want a student pilot flying the plane unassisted on your next trip, particularly if they'd never flown that plane before? Or a student anything, particularly at 20 years old, not having completed studies, hands on experience or life experience in charge of anything? I would think not. The saying is true - a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. The OP doesn't really know this fellow and certainly none of the responders do and yet so many are so willing to offer some fly by night diagnosis. Relate your story to your psychology professor and see what that individual has to say. I'm sure it wouldn't be to continue with, as you put it, your "mind fvck" with this individual while you are supposed to be concentrating on your studies. As far as I'm concerned, this is a recipe for disaster with you trying to diagnose and help someone you don't have the qualifications for and by fragmenting your own mind by attempting to deal with it while you should be concentrating on studies, if you hope to do well in them.
 CookieLady66
Joined: 11/7/2008
Msg: 26
Emotionally unstable partner: how to deal?
Posted: 6/16/2009 12:50:18 PM
If he's not on medication or seeking assistance with his "disorder", RUN LIKE HELL!
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 27
Emotionally unstable partner: how to deal?
Posted: 6/16/2009 12:59:52 PM

I am transitioning into a strange informal long distance relationship



though we've really fallen for each other.


Just a couple of observations. Unless you have already met in person, and I mean here, flesh and blood. Not cam. Not phone. Text or email, in person. You've fallen for an idea in your head of this guy. Same thing about him. Most of the time, when you meet, you have to start from scratch because either one falls out of love, suddenly the sparks are gone and one or the other starts the disappearing act. If you don't believe me read the plethora of forum threads on this subject.

Second, you may have what I call the "puppy dog syndrome" where you think you are falling but because you have the "nurturing" personality that feeds on rescuing guys, or making them better you think you are in love.

These are observations only. So if you are already questioning how you feel about this guy, try to find yourself a real guy in your area instead of a long distance one.
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