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 lorelei540
Joined: 8/14/2008
Msg: 3
Anyone have their date freak out on them?Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)

And I had no idea that I was coming across that way to her until she explained to me how it all went down. It was quite an eye opener, and I now realize why people don't want to get involved with others who are not yet divorced.
Or people who aren't over their relationship period, regardless of its status.

I think it's great that she took the time to explain it to you, and also that you were willing to hear how you came across. Bonus points for putting it here on the forums -- you know you're going to get raked over the coals for this one!

I would suggest for you that you cultivate more guy-friendships and other outlets for your emotions. It's normal to feel anger, disappointment, resentment, etc. toward your ex and about the relationship in general, you just have to make sure you don't bring that stuff into a new relationship. It's not fair to the new person, and a new person who puts up with it probably isn't a very healthy person either!

When a marriage ends, a lot of things outside the marriage end too --- relationships with neighbors, other couples & families, etc. There's a lot that people need to rebuild, and I think many people skip the part about creating new "other" relationships and are only interested in creating new romantic relationships. But we all need a varied social network, especially when we're working through difficult times in our lives.
 lorelei540
Joined: 8/14/2008
Msg: 5
Anyone have their date freak out on them?
Posted: 6/16/2009 9:43:17 AM

Yes, the feedback from her was wonderful, I needed to hear it, and it shows that we can communicate with each other very well. I am going to save my vents for another time, another place, and like you said, on other people. Especially so early on.

Excellent positive stuff, shows you're trying to move forward.


For what it's worth..probably not much..this divorce is really ugly..involving exhorbitant legal fees, numerous court appearances, and this past week I was hit with even more uglyness..after a period of relative calm..it's been going on for over 2 years now but will hopefully be over within the next few months.

Bitter negative stuff, shows you're still enmeshed in your marriage.

Old habits die hard, but truly moving forward is really worth it.
 Ottawa_Chicklet
Joined: 8/5/2006
Msg: 9
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Anyone have their date freak out on them?
Posted: 6/16/2009 12:39:20 PM

You're a married man. I wouldn't have dated you to begin with. Then you turn into a bitter, angry married man and some woman still wants to see you? I wonder what her problem is.
Makes me wonder what kind of woman is desperate enough to get involved with a bitter, angry married man who freaks out on a date and still considered him "basically a nice guy". Yeah, she's "special" all right LOL


Speaking of bitter, what happened to you??? Jeepers.

OP, it is obvious by your posts here that you do listen, and are open to positive communication. Also, it seems to me like you found a nice lady who has no issues with positive communication as well. That's what it's all about, I think.

Best of luck.
 itechman63
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 16
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Anyone have their date freak out on them?
Posted: 6/16/2009 2:05:47 PM
See, you may be over your Ex "romantically" as you reach this point in the twilight of your marriage but there is the transition period where the separation leading to divorce and the adjustment to being single that you have to get through. You can't help it, you have to go through it and it's going to take in waves of bitterness and resentment even if you aren't a bitter and resentful person.

You'll be up, down, backwards, and forwards at a moments notice during this transition. When a down wave hits it takes up space in your mind and restricts the positive flow into your heart.

I learned the hard way that you should move through the transition before dating.

She seems very patient and understanding. That's a plus but it could wear thin if these waves of resentment remain frequent in her presence.

Best of luck as you continue on your journey through the transition.
 itechman63
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 19
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Anyone have their date freak out on them?
Posted: 6/16/2009 2:26:42 PM

So it's not like I'm fresh out of the gate..


Nope, but you're still going through your divorce hence there are still issues occupying space as was evidenced by your vent during a date.
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 20
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Anyone have their date freak out on them?
Posted: 6/16/2009 2:58:12 PM
To add to what itechman42 wrote, it is important to remember, Steve, that as long as your estranged spouse can hurt you (you mentioned new ugliness this week), you will be in Red Alert status......it is easier to get over the anger AFTER the point where you know she can't hurt you anymore.....after the rulings and asset distributions are over.

I NEVER thought those feelings would go away......thank God they did.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 21
Anyone have their date freak out on them?
Posted: 6/16/2009 3:05:38 PM
To many women divorce, separation is the piece of paper. Until they see that you are as good as dog meat. The funny part is that even after the divorce is final, there may still be connections with the ex, for instance mutual debt, or unsold properties and stuff like that. Yes, you can liquidate them by the Court steps, but then you will be losing more and more money.

So dude, hang in there. And consider yourself lucky that this woman is understanding of your situation.
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