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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?      Home login  
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 p~s
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 101
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?Page 5 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
What the hell is wrong with all of you?
Since when is porn and live cam sex the same thing??????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If it was just porn then maybe some of you defending the guy for it would be o.k but it is NOT JUST PORN!!!!!!
Live!!!!!! Get it???? He's paying some live girl like he would a hooker to sit there LIVE on cam and masturbate while he gets off to it....differnt than porn by a looooooooong shot.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 102
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When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 8/3/2009 10:22:44 AM

It's legal if she has authorized access to his computer which she did.

Just because something is legal doesn't mean it's right. If it had been my computer, she would have been dumped immediately.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 103
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When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 8/3/2009 10:26:35 AM

the man was spending hours every night having live, interactive cam sex.
I don't know if people realize what this is like but it's mutual masturbation
while watching each other on cam, body fluids squirting away.
He was asked if he did this and lied about it.

He was spending thousands of dollars a month, and was far from rich,
to pay for it. She had wondered at first why he was always many thousands
of dollars in debt on his credit cards. She had been considering marrying him.

I'm not defending what he did, but two wrongs don't make a right. If your trust for your partner is so lacking that you feel the need to snoop on them, then the relationship is already over even if you find out they have been spending the whole time looking at pictures of fuzzy bunnies and teddy bears. A relationship is over the moment trust is gone.
 Wyatt Earp1
Joined: 7/15/2009
Msg: 104
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 8/4/2009 6:44:04 PM
icsvortex on 6/16/2009 832 PM

Subject: When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Message: I would dump her for installing a keylogger in my computer. She might as well have gotten access to bank account details and the like while he was surfing the internet.

====================================================

Ditto. While he does have an addiction which she doesn't like, she invaded his privacy.
She is a control freak which will become more severe. I'd dump HER in a nano second.

"Every woman is a private detective waiting to happen"
 AKWriter
Joined: 8/1/2009
Msg: 105
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When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 8/5/2009 12:10:10 AM

If it was just porn then maybe some of you defending the guy for it would be o.k but it is NOT JUST PORN!!!!!!
Live!!!!!! Get it???? He's paying some live girl like he would a hooker to sit there LIVE on cam and masturbate while he gets off to it....differnt than porn by a looooooooong shot.

This is a great point -it doesn't justify her installing a keylogger onto his computer, but it DOES justify her dumping him.

The underlying point doesn't seem to be porn (which wasn't happening), the underlying point was that he was lying and that he was spending thousands of dollars on this shit.

Personally, it sounds to me as though they're both screwed up -I can't imagine paying for phonesex or porn (esp not porn -we have the internet, that shit's FREE), but if someone I was with was spending thousands of my dollars on anything behind my back -they're fvcking GONE! Doesn't matter what it is, to be honest!
 AKWriter
Joined: 8/1/2009
Msg: 106
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When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 8/5/2009 12:11:45 AM
Likewise for anyone who puts any malware on my computer.
 moniquesc
Joined: 6/11/2007
Msg: 107
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 8/5/2009 11:56:20 AM

She felt she needed to know before she became further involved with him.
People have a right to find out what is going on with their significant other
when that person is hiding something.


I totally agree. If he is lying then she needs to cut him loose. It's not what he is doing that is the problem IMO, but the lies. If he will lie about this then what else will he lie about?
 mcwr
Joined: 3/24/2009
Msg: 108
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 8/5/2009 12:25:34 PM

She was able to tell he had some fantasies he was acting out with cam strippers, one of which was a fantasy that he is the stripper's "son", a little kid, and she-the cam stripper- pretends to be the mother, strips nude and wiggles around and masturbates in front of him, and he does the same with the stripper on cam.


Maybe he was sexually abused by his mother. In any case, they need to sit down and have a talk about it, so that everything is in the open. But, yeah, if a girl were doing a "live" cam thing, I would dump her.
 Ima_goofball
Joined: 8/2/2009
Msg: 109
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 8/7/2009 8:32:08 AM
Oh she needs to lace up her tennies and RUN!!!!!!!!!!!

I was with a guy like that, geeeeeeeeeeeeze! He was totally addicted to the fantasy. It's not a real good ego boost when your man would rather watch a cam whore and play slap the salami than pay you any attention and forget about the intimacy of the relationship, he's so used to pleasuring himself to the fantasy that a real woman will never be able to measure up.

I got to the point that I didn't care anymore and I even paid for him a subscription to paltalk so he'd leave me alone! Then I left!!
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 110
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When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 1/4/2010 12:39:49 PM
look the guy has issues,but me, i was in a long term relationship with my ex for 12 years, never once did i go through her purse, pockets or her computer
 geminijen77
Joined: 8/31/2009
Msg: 111
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When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 1/4/2010 3:44:30 PM
I have to say, if you're to the point you need to install spywear in the computer.... it's time to move on. Spying is so pase. Either you trust him or you don't. Either you are ok with his habits without spying on them or you arn't. You say she "was falling in love with" him. I wonder if she was just falling in "facination" with him. Some of us just can't help but try to "fix" they guy. Time to be done with fixer-upper men and find one that is healthy hale and honest!

I hope your friend finds peace,
Jen
 whenwillthiswork26
Joined: 11/13/2008
Msg: 112
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When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 1/5/2010 2:38:04 PM
Never once did you go through her purse, pockets or computer,
but did you ever suspect her of having nightly cam sex after you
went to bed and did you see thousands of dollars worth of unexplained
credit card charges to mytserious website companies, which she tried
to hide or lied about?
 IslandBound2010
Joined: 5/10/2008
Msg: 113
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 1/5/2010 7:43:15 PM
I'm a latecomer to this thread and haven't read all the posts (did read the original though), and the fact that she had definitive proof that he was doing this crap - and then had him lying through his teeth with his denials about it - is more of a reason to break it off with him than the porn itself.

OP, you created this thread awhile back...is your friend still with this putz?
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 114
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 1/6/2010 12:25:26 AM
He needs a 'mother' figure
She needs someone is one the same page sexually.
They both need someone else.
 Lavash
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 115
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 1/10/2010 9:14:52 AM
Same here. I was with an ex for 11 yrs and not once snooped on him. I trusted him with my life
Turns out, I wish I had snooped cause he was having an affair for an entire year with someone who had hiv.

My ex after this BF, well again, I trusted him. He was an upstanding man!
Then 2 yrs into, my gut was telling me otherwise. I got into his email and found out, he was on s&m web sites where he had pics of himself with dog collars on, and looking for gay anal sex.

I was shocked beyond repair.

I think in this day and age or easy cheating and sex due to the net, I think it's OK to spy in a partner.
Its SUCKS that it's come to this, but people are weak and have isssues and I would want to know who the heck I am dating before I commit.

Oh and on more thing, I was with my most recent ex for 4 yrs. Never snooped on him ever and just this past sept. He was telling me he was up late at night. My gut went nuts again and I installed a key logger on MY pc that he was using and yep, found out he was on single web sites looking for other women.

buh bye!

By the way, these were all professional, upstanding, and good guys! Or so I thought!

I say protect yourself. The old addage "if you don't trust them, then just don't be with them" is old school and will not protect you.
 whenwillthiswork26
Joined: 11/13/2008
Msg: 116
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When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 1/10/2010 9:31:43 AM
You have to protect yourself. Just going on blind trust is foolish.
When you sense a problem you need to follow it up until you find
out what is going on.

Imagine if my friend ended up marrying this guy and then
finding out he was a porn (cam sex) addict. He lied about it
and even after being confronted continued to do it.

No she dumped him and he is now with a new very sweet girlfriend
who has no idea what he does.
 someone11
Joined: 4/29/2008
Msg: 117
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 1/10/2010 10:07:34 AM

Is everyone who hires a private detective to catch a cheating spouse
messed up in the head too?


Yes. If there is so little trust in your relationship that you have reason to hire a private detective, why are you in the relationship? If you reach that point where you honestly believe your spouse or significant other is cheating on you, then it's already over - the trust is gone. A private eye finding evidence / no evidence won't make any difference long term - you think you are with someone who could and would cheat.

And what happens if you hire the detective (or install the keylogger), and they find nothing? Let's say this guy was up for hours every night taking an online course to better himself and wanted to surprise her with his diploma or certificate when he was done - would your "friend" have told him about the keylogger? Of course not, because then he would have dumped her controlling, privacy invading, no respect having arse.
 Lavash
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 118
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 1/10/2010 12:11:20 PM
Well then great if you find nothing. Then you can sleep at night!

I've been burned so many times, I will never just trust again. It's a sh&tty way to be, but it's that or be alone.

My guys were 3 totally different characters and not one of them seemed like they would ever do such sick things.
Everyone has skeletons, and I have NO issue with men looking at porn, but if they are crazy, I NEED to know!
 clockwork lime
Joined: 8/12/2009
Msg: 119
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 1/10/2010 12:33:09 PM

Well then great if you find nothing. Then you can sleep at night!

Knowing that you have just been totally dishonest with your partner?


Everyone has skeletons, and I have NO issue with men looking at porn, but if they are crazy, I NEED to know!


Just the same way I would NEED to know that the girl I am dating is a suspicious, neurotic, obsessive sneak who wouldn't think twice about invading my privacy because she lacked the ability to choose decent men to date in the past.
 Worbug
Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 120
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When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 1/10/2010 12:48:17 PM
What would it say if she had found nothing on the computer after installing the key logger? Clearly a case of guilty until proven innocent. I cannot bekieve there are actually people fostering the idea that it is okay to spy on someone like this.

If this thread was the other way around and he had installed the key logger on her computer due to suspect behavior, you would all be screaming bloody murder. Probably call the police and get a restraining order. Clearly the thoughts and ideals of the self entilted woman under the bull chit of thier security in reality just being nosy.

She is not his wife at this point in time, has no rite to install devices to violoate this mans privacy.

And no, just because you let someone use your computer does not surrender my privacy. Soooooo glad I seen this thread, I know now to never let any female friend with potential on my computer, not becauswe I look at porn, but who know what you goof balls think you are entittled to do.

And just maybe, if she was doing her duties correctly, he would not be looking at porn.
But that is a whole other topic that most woman do not care to debate.

Again what was so illegal about him looking at the porn. Nothing. So he lied about it, I am sure you friend lies all the time when she says she is a good person, which we all know is a lie now, don't we, she is a sneaky, prying, nosy, self entitled, invasive liar.


 someone11
Joined: 4/29/2008
Msg: 121
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 1/10/2010 12:57:55 PM
How about if I had a female roommate, and I installed a hidden camera in the bathroom because I had suspicions she was smoking pot in there? I would have footage of her showering, going to the bathroom, etc.

According to some people on here, that would be completely acceptable. Better to find out that she is doing illegal drugs in my home, right? In this case, her privacy doesn't matter as long as I find out what I want to know?
 Fearlessly
Joined: 12/4/2009
Msg: 122
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 1/10/2010 5:27:42 PM
depends on the porn, are we talking porn with fairly respectable acts/subjects? or like uderage subjects doing barely feasable acts?
 whenwillthiswork26
Joined: 11/13/2008
Msg: 123
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When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 1/11/2010 9:06:22 AM
^^^^It was cam sex with strippers. It was him spending thousand of dollars a
month on it including wiring thousands to the girls in other countries.
He lied about it when asked what was going on and they were making plans
for a wedding. He stayed up for hours on the computer after she went to
bed every night.

Should she have just ignored the whole thing
out of repect for his privacy? She did that for a long time, but
felt she needed to know before she married him.

What other things could she have done instead? He was lying about all of it.
 Havcer
Joined: 1/6/2010
Msg: 124
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 1/11/2010 2:38:18 PM

Should she have just ignored the whole thing
out of repect for his privacy? She did that for a long time, but
felt she needed to know before she married him.e

What other things could she have done instead? He was lying about all of it.


There's a difference between snooping and putting a keylogger on someone computer. Do you even know what a keylogger is? It's a program to steal people's private information from credit cards to their social security, it's what hackers use. Snooping itself is a normal human act when someone is in doubt of partner but it is not okay to install an illegal program that not only gets his history but his credit cards, debit cards, ss, account passwords ect. This applies to hiring a detective to trail him/her. A detective won't obtain personal information of the target only his actions.
 cmd1957a
Joined: 1/19/2009
Msg: 125
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 1/11/2010 3:20:12 PM
Installing spyware on someones computer that you're not married to? That is just wrong. I dont think there is anything wrong with confronting him about suspicious behavior. If you are planning to marry there shouldn't be secrets, but in my opinion this is way over the top.

Late nights on the computer, thousands of dollars of unexplainable expenses? Chances are it is either porn or gambling. It doesnt take a genius to figure it out and if you need to install software on his computer to confirm it then add lack of trust to the problems. I think there were enough red flags to rethink the relationship without invading his computer.
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