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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 p~s
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 101
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?Page 5 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
It isn't, I was being sarcastic.
 actualizing
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 102
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 8/2/2009 1:30:50 PM
OP really!!! Sexual fantasies, on cam or off, are just that - fantasies. It sounds to me like she has control issues. OYE!!! When people look for a reason why a relationship will not work, they'll find one. I can't believe how judgmental and intolerant some people can be!! OYE!!
 lovemesomemen
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 103
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 8/2/2009 2:34:32 PM
I think she should end it with him. Installing something on his computer to check up on him? That's just as pathetic as him spending hours online doing porn stuff and denying it.
 whenwillthiswork26
Joined: 11/13/2008
Msg: 104
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When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 8/2/2009 6:50:40 PM
To clarify this:

aside from the keylogger issue,

the man was spending hours every night having live, interactive cam sex.
I don't know if people realize what this is like but it's mutual masturbation
while watching each other on cam, body fluids squirting away.
He was asked if he did this and lied about it.

He was spending thousands of dollars a month, and was far from rich,
to pay for it. She had wondered at first why he was always many thousands
of dollars in debt on his credit cards. She had been considering marrying him.
 PeggyMc50
Joined: 4/22/2009
Msg: 105
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When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 8/3/2009 2:14:58 AM
Best advice to her, KICK HIM TO THE CURB, before she gets hurt even worse. My husband was doing the same thing, looking at PORN non stop on the computer, then he just dumped me after 15 years of marrage.
Computers and Internet are great for some pople, but others abuse it,and get adicted to porn, and prefer it over a real relationship,and that is the sad truth.
 p~s
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 106
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 8/3/2009 9:44:18 AM
What the hell is wrong with all of you?
Since when is porn and live cam sex the same thing??????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If it was just porn then maybe some of you defending the guy for it would be o.k but it is NOT JUST PORN!!!!!!
Live!!!!!! Get it???? He's paying some live girl like he would a hooker to sit there LIVE on cam and masturbate while he gets off to it....differnt than porn by a looooooooong shot.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 107
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When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 8/3/2009 10:22:44 AM

It's legal if she has authorized access to his computer which she did.

Just because something is legal doesn't mean it's right. If it had been my computer, she would have been dumped immediately.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 108
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When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 8/3/2009 10:26:35 AM

the man was spending hours every night having live, interactive cam sex.
I don't know if people realize what this is like but it's mutual masturbation
while watching each other on cam, body fluids squirting away.
He was asked if he did this and lied about it.

He was spending thousands of dollars a month, and was far from rich,
to pay for it. She had wondered at first why he was always many thousands
of dollars in debt on his credit cards. She had been considering marrying him.

I'm not defending what he did, but two wrongs don't make a right. If your trust for your partner is so lacking that you feel the need to snoop on them, then the relationship is already over even if you find out they have been spending the whole time looking at pictures of fuzzy bunnies and teddy bears. A relationship is over the moment trust is gone.
 Wyatt Earp1
Joined: 7/15/2009
Msg: 109
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 8/4/2009 6:44:04 PM
icsvortex on 6/16/2009 832 PM

Subject: When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Message: I would dump her for installing a keylogger in my computer. She might as well have gotten access to bank account details and the like while he was surfing the internet.

====================================================

Ditto. While he does have an addiction which she doesn't like, she invaded his privacy.
She is a control freak which will become more severe. I'd dump HER in a nano second.

"Every woman is a private detective waiting to happen"
 AKWriter
Joined: 8/1/2009
Msg: 110
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When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 8/5/2009 12:10:10 AM

If it was just porn then maybe some of you defending the guy for it would be o.k but it is NOT JUST PORN!!!!!!
Live!!!!!! Get it???? He's paying some live girl like he would a hooker to sit there LIVE on cam and masturbate while he gets off to it....differnt than porn by a looooooooong shot.

This is a great point -it doesn't justify her installing a keylogger onto his computer, but it DOES justify her dumping him.

The underlying point doesn't seem to be porn (which wasn't happening), the underlying point was that he was lying and that he was spending thousands of dollars on this shit.

Personally, it sounds to me as though they're both screwed up -I can't imagine paying for phonesex or porn (esp not porn -we have the internet, that shit's FREE), but if someone I was with was spending thousands of my dollars on anything behind my back -they're fvcking GONE! Doesn't matter what it is, to be honest!
 AKWriter
Joined: 8/1/2009
Msg: 111
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When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 8/5/2009 12:11:45 AM
Likewise for anyone who puts any malware on my computer.
 douglas.wilson1526
Joined: 1/11/2009
Msg: 112
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When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 8/5/2009 1:16:43 AM
This is funny, ok so first of all maybe the guy is embarrassed about being caught, Christ I would be. Second if she is so disgusted with his porn "perversions" then she should leave him, if she is just pissed because he is doing this with someone else and not her then tell her to go buy some sexy cloths and have a good time.

This is really an open and closed case,

Here is step by step instructions on how to solve this problem

1. Take each person and send them to a different room.

2. Ask question listed below to appropriate person

3. After asking question bring both parties into one room and give results of the "quiz"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. "pervert" do you forgive Ms. Keylogger for putting a keylogger on your computer and not telling you?

____NO ____YES

Dear Ms. Keylogger do you forgive Mr. "Pervert" for watching "porn" and lying about it?

____NO ____YES

If both parties selected YES then get in that bed and have a great time
If both parties selected NO then say bye and get on with your lives
If one party selected YES and the other selected NO then again say bye and get on with your lives.

See easy as one, two, three.
 moniquesc
Joined: 6/11/2007
Msg: 113
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 8/5/2009 11:56:20 AM

She felt she needed to know before she became further involved with him.
People have a right to find out what is going on with their significant other
when that person is hiding something.


I totally agree. If he is lying then she needs to cut him loose. It's not what he is doing that is the problem IMO, but the lies. If he will lie about this then what else will he lie about?
 mcwr
Joined: 3/24/2009
Msg: 114
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 8/5/2009 12:25:34 PM

She was able to tell he had some fantasies he was acting out with cam strippers, one of which was a fantasy that he is the stripper's "son", a little kid, and she-the cam stripper- pretends to be the mother, strips nude and wiggles around and masturbates in front of him, and he does the same with the stripper on cam.


Maybe he was sexually abused by his mother. In any case, they need to sit down and have a talk about it, so that everything is in the open. But, yeah, if a girl were doing a "live" cam thing, I would dump her.
 Ima_goofball
Joined: 8/2/2009
Msg: 115
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 8/7/2009 8:32:08 AM
Oh she needs to lace up her tennies and RUN!!!!!!!!!!!

I was with a guy like that, geeeeeeeeeeeeze! He was totally addicted to the fantasy. It's not a real good ego boost when your man would rather watch a cam whore and play slap the salami than pay you any attention and forget about the intimacy of the relationship, he's so used to pleasuring himself to the fantasy that a real woman will never be able to measure up.

I got to the point that I didn't care anymore and I even paid for him a subscription to paltalk so he'd leave me alone! Then I left!!
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 116
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When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 1/4/2010 12:39:49 PM
look the guy has issues,but me, i was in a long term relationship with my ex for 12 years, never once did i go through her purse, pockets or her computer
 geminijen77
Joined: 8/31/2009
Msg: 117
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When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 1/4/2010 3:44:30 PM
I have to say, if you're to the point you need to install spywear in the computer.... it's time to move on. Spying is so pase. Either you trust him or you don't. Either you are ok with his habits without spying on them or you arn't. You say she "was falling in love with" him. I wonder if she was just falling in "facination" with him. Some of us just can't help but try to "fix" they guy. Time to be done with fixer-upper men and find one that is healthy hale and honest!

I hope your friend finds peace,
Jen
 whenwillthiswork26
Joined: 11/13/2008
Msg: 118
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When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 1/5/2010 2:38:04 PM
Never once did you go through her purse, pockets or computer,
but did you ever suspect her of having nightly cam sex after you
went to bed and did you see thousands of dollars worth of unexplained
credit card charges to mytserious website companies, which she tried
to hide or lied about?
 IslandBound2010
Joined: 5/10/2008
Msg: 119
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 1/5/2010 7:43:15 PM
I'm a latecomer to this thread and haven't read all the posts (did read the original though), and the fact that she had definitive proof that he was doing this crap - and then had him lying through his teeth with his denials about it - is more of a reason to break it off with him than the porn itself.

OP, you created this thread awhile back...is your friend still with this putz?
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 120
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 1/6/2010 12:25:26 AM
He needs a 'mother' figure
She needs someone is one the same page sexually.
They both need someone else.
 Lavash
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 121
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 1/10/2010 9:14:52 AM
Same here. I was with an ex for 11 yrs and not once snooped on him. I trusted him with my life
Turns out, I wish I had snooped cause he was having an affair for an entire year with someone who had hiv.

My ex after this BF, well again, I trusted him. He was an upstanding man!
Then 2 yrs into, my gut was telling me otherwise. I got into his email and found out, he was on s&m web sites where he had pics of himself with dog collars on, and looking for gay anal sex.

I was shocked beyond repair.

I think in this day and age or easy cheating and sex due to the net, I think it's OK to spy in a partner.
Its SUCKS that it's come to this, but people are weak and have isssues and I would want to know who the heck I am dating before I commit.

Oh and on more thing, I was with my most recent ex for 4 yrs. Never snooped on him ever and just this past sept. He was telling me he was up late at night. My gut went nuts again and I installed a key logger on MY pc that he was using and yep, found out he was on single web sites looking for other women.

buh bye!

By the way, these were all professional, upstanding, and good guys! Or so I thought!

I say protect yourself. The old addage "if you don't trust them, then just don't be with them" is old school and will not protect you.
 whenwillthiswork26
Joined: 11/13/2008
Msg: 122
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When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 1/10/2010 9:31:43 AM
You have to protect yourself. Just going on blind trust is foolish.
When you sense a problem you need to follow it up until you find
out what is going on.

Imagine if my friend ended up marrying this guy and then
finding out he was a porn (cam sex) addict. He lied about it
and even after being confronted continued to do it.

No she dumped him and he is now with a new very sweet girlfriend
who has no idea what he does.
 someone11
Joined: 4/29/2008
Msg: 123
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 1/10/2010 10:07:34 AM

Is everyone who hires a private detective to catch a cheating spouse
messed up in the head too?


Yes. If there is so little trust in your relationship that you have reason to hire a private detective, why are you in the relationship? If you reach that point where you honestly believe your spouse or significant other is cheating on you, then it's already over - the trust is gone. A private eye finding evidence / no evidence won't make any difference long term - you think you are with someone who could and would cheat.

And what happens if you hire the detective (or install the keylogger), and they find nothing? Let's say this guy was up for hours every night taking an online course to better himself and wanted to surprise her with his diploma or certificate when he was done - would your "friend" have told him about the keylogger? Of course not, because then he would have dumped her controlling, privacy invading, no respect having arse.
 Lavash
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 124
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 1/10/2010 12:11:20 PM
Well then great if you find nothing. Then you can sleep at night!

I've been burned so many times, I will never just trust again. It's a sh&tty way to be, but it's that or be alone.

My guys were 3 totally different characters and not one of them seemed like they would ever do such sick things.
Everyone has skeletons, and I have NO issue with men looking at porn, but if they are crazy, I NEED to know!
 clockwork lime
Joined: 8/12/2009
Msg: 125
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 1/10/2010 12:33:09 PM

Well then great if you find nothing. Then you can sleep at night!

Knowing that you have just been totally dishonest with your partner?


Everyone has skeletons, and I have NO issue with men looking at porn, but if they are crazy, I NEED to know!


Just the same way I would NEED to know that the girl I am dating is a suspicious, neurotic, obsessive sneak who wouldn't think twice about invading my privacy because she lacked the ability to choose decent men to date in the past.
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