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 AUTHOR
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 165
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When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?Page 5 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
another co-dependent, dysfunctional relationship!

OP, why do you care? If she has to spy on her man and then, when she finds out what "supposedly" upsets her, she does not know whether to go or to stay? I''d say she needs therapy. Why her? Because she is the unhappy one who is wanting to leave or to have things change? He, it appears, is quite happy to stagnate--or so you imply.

As to him or to porn, my only concern is that the industry recruits foster kids and runaways and the targets (johns) are also a bunch of sad sacks. If all that were not my concern, then I'd ask why the computer and not her for sexual expression? If there is no chemistry, honesty or trust between them, why bother staying there (either of them) at all?

But again, what I think is irrelevant. What you think is irrelevant. What all of pof thinks is irrelevant. What she thinks, is what she should act upon. If not, she likes the drama of it all! Always easier to point the finger, than tp question one's own motives, picker and why s/he attracts addictive personalities attractive. Martyr? Victim? Illusion of upper hand?

Sad.
 GWSmith
Joined: 12/18/2008
Msg: 167
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 7/28/2010 12:25:32 AM
Installing a key logger on someone's computer without consent is illegal; she was not just wrong to be doing it but she was also breaking the law. What he was doing might be disgusting to OP and her'friend' (with as much as she defends her I start to wonder) but what she was doing is just plain illegal and immoral. He should be dumping her!

If she couldn't trust him she shouldn't have let it get so serious in the first place, she was looking for a reason to breakup and boom magically one appears. So just break the **** up already. So the guy indulged in fantasies; maybe because he couldn't get what he needed from her but liked the relationship and wanted to keep it; he might have been ashamed or afraid to admit that she couldn't give him what he wanted. Its still wrong of him to lie but OP's girl stuck the man between a rock and a hard place and then set a fire underneath it as soon as she installed the key logger.

Dude has problems of his own but I still get more upset about the keylogger.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 168
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 7/28/2010 7:33:34 PM
Personally, I agree that the keylogger was a MASSIVE privacy intrusion. If you are in a relationship and start feeling the need to cyber snoop or follow somebody or have them followed-or do an EXTENSIVE background search, the damn relationship is already dead in the water, why waste the time and money playing "gotcha"??! Just move on!
Cindy O
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 169
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 7/29/2010 8:42:21 PM
buy him a month subscription to his favorite kink, and leave. consider that you dodged that bullet quickly and cheaply.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 171
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 8/30/2010 6:23:02 PM

Okay, so why do the police go UNDERCOVER to catch criminals?

If my memory serves me correctly, without going all back thru this thread, the OP's friend who installed privacy-invading software on her (at the time) boyfriends computer,is not a member of law enforcement. And if looking at standard porn on a computer is a criminal offense, they're gonna need a bigger jail( a whole HELL of a lot bigger).
Look, we all know that hardcore porn is not one of the finer elements of human entertainment pastimes. And I hold out absolutely nothing minus zero, no limit-to excuse porn that involves children, animals, or people being harmed.
Yes, it sounds like the OP's friends' guy is someone highly dumpable. But snoopware, spying, prying? Nope. And-as others have pointed out, keylogger software could also be used to committ identity/private information theft, all it would need is ONE discrepancy on a bank statement, one unfamiliar charge on a credit card,or error in the statement-and the boyfriend would have grounds to have her investigated, if not arrested, for identity theft or facilitating same.
Cindy O
 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 173
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 8/30/2010 11:10:22 PM
You have to understand the double standard of our genders.... it's only ok if she does it. If HE did it - the roles were reversed here - the same women screaming that what she did was ok - would be screaming for his head for violating HER privacy.

It is illegal to intentionally install malware / spyware / trojans / anything malicious on a computer that is not yours. I hope he pressed charges and sent little princess's ass to jail - but I doubt he did.
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 174
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 9/2/2010 7:49:00 AM
Visiting the occasional porn site would not bother me,but someone visiting one every night for hours would be of concern to me and would probably be the reason the relationship would end.
 DartmouthRunner
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 175
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 9/2/2010 1:24:40 PM
Both parties are crazy and should be avoided by all.

On the key logger issue, I asked a friend of mine who is a lawyer. Nobody, I repeat nobody, is allowed to do that without the explicit permission of the owner of the computer. Yes, she was given permission to use the computer, surf the web, facebook, email, etc. However, as my friend was saying she is not allowed to install software without permission, especially in the case of software that tracks and logs everything including personal information.

I was given a real life example, where something like that was done before because someone didn't trust their partner so they installed a key logger on their partners PC. Anyway, the person found out things they did not like and the relationship went to hell. The person who owned the PC actually got a restraining order on their former partner, the key logger was the thing that sealed the restraining order. They essentially hacked all of the persons personal accounts, emails to read messages and bank accounts to see what/who they were spending money on.

As my friend told me. He can give me permission to use his car but that doesn't give me the right to go out and install my own stereo, spoiler and paint job with his car.

Key loggers are not a legit or legal way. In all honesty, if you don't trust a person enough to the point where considering installing such software is a clear sign that you need to break up.
 andy1961
Joined: 6/15/2006
Msg: 176
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When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 9/6/2010 4:19:12 AM

All this happened to "a friend" eh?

Uh huh.


My thoughts entirely.

"Friend" my ass!
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 177
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 10/4/2010 4:42:25 PM
[qu0te] (whenwillthiswork26) Anyone can install a keylogger on any computer they have authorized access to, such as a parent installing one on a teenager's computer. She was allowed to use his computer any way she wanted.

Absolutely wrong.

Parents have authority over, and a responsibility to, their children. You simply cannot liken ANY other relationship to a parent/child one, or justify any actions by arguing that parents can and do, do this-that-or-the-other to/with their kids; therefore, it's okay for anyone else.

Scary, that some adults "think" this way...

Dr. ES
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 178
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 10/4/2010 4:46:13 PM

(wwtw26) When someone gives another person full use of his computer,
he is giving up all rights to privacy on that computer.


Stop trying to argue a losing proposition.

What your friend did was wrong, and you know it. It doesn't make him right (it may be legal to look at on-line porn, and lying about it isn't illegal, but it isn't necessarily morally right -- especially the lying part).

Dr. ES
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 179
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 10/4/2010 5:05:32 PM

(whenwillthiswork26) You have to protect yourself. Just going on blind trust is foolish.
When you sense a problem you need to follow it up until you find
out what is going on.


Everything you say is absolutely right. What people have issue with is:

Why wasn't your friend able to make up her mindj WITHOUT resorting to a method of, at best, questionable legality? Is she only able to think of ONE way to solve her problems?

Dr. ES
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 181
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 10/20/2010 2:29:14 PM
Everyone looks at porn.Finding out my boyfriend looks at it would not bother me unless he did it alot.
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 182
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 10/21/2010 11:45:20 PM

Many people, whether for personal, religious or moral reasons, find porn distasteful,
or disgusting. Or are simply not interested in it, at all. I don't like porn & I don't date men who are into porn. It's
all about personal preference



We all like some type of porn.For women it's mostly our guilty pleasure of the trashy novel with the heaving bosoms with loins on fire.That's a type of porn with the visual images it creates in our heads.

The only type of men who do not like porn are either dead or asexual.Men who say they don't like porn,any kind of porn,are liars.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 183
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 10/22/2010 7:34:57 AM

We all like some type of porn.For women it's mostly our guilty pleasure of the trashy novel with the heaving bosoms with loins on fire.That's a type of porn with the visual images it creates in our heads.

Sorry to be the Bad News Fairy, but not ALL people like/watch/listen to/or have an interest in porn, whether soft or hard or in between. I've seen a portion of maybe ONE visual in my life and can't fathom reading any type of trash novel. Just not my thing. The only erotica that goes on in my head? Definitely no need for outside source ~ I go straight to the memory bank (and NO, memories are not porn.)

The only type of men who do not like porn are either dead or asexual.Men who say they don't like porn,any kind of porn,are liars.

Wow. Such blanket generalizations. Sigh.
 DudeistPriest
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 186
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 10/22/2010 11:01:45 PM
UNBELIEVABLE! It's a bad thing for him to look at porn sites, but she has no problem with hacking his computer and collecting confidential information? He needs to see if he can press charges against her. She sounds like a wack job.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 187
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 10/23/2010 7:18:10 AM

(verygreeneyez) Sorry to be the Bad News Fairy, but not ALL people like/watch/listen to/or have an interest in porn, whether soft or hard or in between.


Then, I guess I'm the Double-Bad News Fairy:

It all depends on how one defines "porn". I mostly agree with you (not EVERYONE looks at porn; not doing so is unusual, but I don't think it's "weird").

A lot of people would be OUTRAGED to know that Harlequin romance-type novels are considered "girly-porn", for example (mostly by pi$$ed off/frustrated guys...).

Dr. ES...
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 188
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 10/23/2010 11:51:58 AM
"She wonders if she should end it with him."

I'm sure HE ended it with HER

She was never going to get a pole and a strippers outfit
and pretend she was his MOTHER and proceed to pleasure herself

How can a normal person, who is not getting paid, compete with a webcam $lut?

I'm sure he used the intrusion of his "privacy" against her and broke it off
The ONLY instance she would be wrong for doing so, is if she DID NOT find
any evidence in the computer, she suspected it, she looked and she found, and she had acces to the computer, so no charges can be produce here, if she indeed had authorization from him to use the computer.
B U S T E D!!

He is better off without her and living in his fantasy world
and she is better off without a perv for a BF
That and smoking/drugging/drinking is something NOBODY gives up
for a GF/BF, EVER, doesn't happen.

Sometimes, things just work out themselves
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 189
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When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 10/23/2010 6:46:11 PM

She felt she needed to know before she became further involved with him.
People have a right to find out what is going on with their significant other
when that person is hiding something.


While I am fairly certain that there is far more to this story....
Of course she has a right to know, but I can not imagine why the starting point wouldn't be to ask him, rather than to install a keylogger. imo, if he was so distrusted that this was the necessary step, she should have ended it anyway. If your so is hiding something, and they remain your so, I would venture a guess that it is you who have a problem that need be resolved prior to embarking upon another relationship. Just sayin'.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 191
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 10/24/2010 10:15:08 AM

(forumfishie) The ONLY instance she would be wrong for doing so, is if she DID NOT find
any evidence in the computer, she suspected it, she looked and she found, and she had acces to the computer...


And, would OP's friend have 'fessed up and apologized? I think not.


He is better off without her ...


No argument here.

Dr. ES...
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 192
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 10/24/2010 1:20:03 PM
"Define "a normal person" and why call the woman on the computer a webcam $lut??

Normal, as in a woman who doesn't think getting on a pole, pretending is this guys mother and pleasuring herself at the same time is normal behavior.

Can you picture your mother doing that?
How about your sister?
Your daughter?

I can't, not "normal behavior" in my book, that's what a perv's mind came up with
to get excited, seeing his own mother on a pole excites him, not normal, at all, but maybe in some people's family it's the norm.

"She may not even like what she's doing but it pays the bill...don't be so quick to judge?!"

If she doesn't "like" it this is a free country, unless she has a gun pointing at her, I can think about another 1000 jobs she could be doing instead of playing sick fantasies for complete strangers infront of a camera.
What is the PC term then instead of web cam $lut? What should I call her?
Sick, perverted sex fantasy "provider"? Pole technician?

hey, to each it's own, if you are into that too, more power to you, enjoy the pole show


He got caught, good job on her part.
I've never seen a guy telling a cop, but why did you have to look in my computer?
They just go to jail, in handcuffs, for being child molestors, but here, she cought him, she is not a cop and it's just pornography, which I suspect all the people here complaining about the intrusion also have in their computers, so you blame her?
Nice try, the guy is a perv, nobody wants to live with ONE
 LinuxD
Joined: 12/6/2008
Msg: 193
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When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 10/24/2010 4:19:01 PM
To end ALL speculation about what is and isn't AUTHORIZED ACCESS read the following links. The first is the FEDERAL guidelines the second provides links for each State in the union. I'd think twice if you were planning to play private detective.

http://www.s3inc.us/hacklaw.htm

"Unauthorized access" entails approaching, trespassing within, communicating with, storing data in, retrieving data from, or otherwise intercepting and changing computer resources without consent. These laws relate to either or both, or any other actions that interfere with computers, systems, programs or networks.

http://www.ncsl.org/default.aspx?tabid=13494

the old argument that what she did is justified because she found something doesn't cut it. Thats akin to saying Just because someone points an unloaded gun at you that they shouldn't be punished. The punishment is the same. She broke the law period.

While he may have have a problem with porn and some fantasy/Mommy issues that is no excuse for breaking the law. He didn't break any laws. She did.

They both have issues they need to deal with. Total and epic fail on both parts.


as OP is from Califona i assume the incident took place there. Here is what the law says.
California
PENAL CODE
SECTION 484-502.9

502.10
(10) "Computer contaminant" means any set of computer instructions
that are designed to modify, damage, destroy, record, or transmit
information within a computer, computer system, or computer network
without the intent or permission of the owner of the information.
They include, but are not limited to, a group of computer
instructions commonly called viruses or worms, that are
self-replicating or self-propagating and are designed to contaminate
other computer programs or computer data, consume computer resources,
modify, destroy, record, or transmit data, or in some other fashion
usurp the normal operation of the computer, computer system, or
computer network.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 195
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 10/26/2010 3:20:21 PM

"She may not even like what she's doing but it pays the bill...don't be so quick to judge?!"


(forumfishie) If she doesn't "like" it this is a free country, unless she has a gun pointing at her, I can think about another 1000 jobs she could be doing instead ...


Don't be coy. You realize that, in this economy, that is a foolish statement of mammoth prop0rtions.

Even with an economy that's just purring, that's a specious argument.


He got caught, good job on her part.


I agree that it's a good thing that they found out their incompatibility at this stage. He's a porn addict, and she's a sneak who's not above breaking the law to get her way.

Dr. ES...

(it never ceases to amaze me what passes for considered argument around here... funny, though)
 Simon4567
Joined: 10/9/2010
Msg: 196
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 11/11/2010 9:34:52 PM
keylogger? If it is wrong for him to be sneaking around on her, then is it ok for her to be sneaking around on him? I don't think so. I think she should have found a better way of going about this.
 DartmouthRunner
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 198
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 11/12/2010 12:53:55 PM
@ginamontecino

You are missing a key point in all this. What he was doing was legal, what she did was not. I'm not saying that he wasn't being an idiot for not being honest with her. Her act of installing a key logger on his computer without his explicit permission crossed a huge line. That gives her access to all his private information like banking, passwords and other personal information.

If the roles were reversed for you and you had a significant other who suspected you for something and decided to use the exact same methods. Would you be okay with it? I doubt it.

In all honesty, she did not have any trust in the guy in the first place and that should have been more than enough reason to leave him.
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