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Joined: 8/31/2009
Msg: 111
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When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?Page 7 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
I have to say, if you're to the point you need to install spywear in the computer.... it's time to move on. Spying is so pase. Either you trust him or you don't. Either you are ok with his habits without spying on them or you arn't. You say she "was falling in love with" him. I wonder if she was just falling in "facination" with him. Some of us just can't help but try to "fix" they guy. Time to be done with fixer-upper men and find one that is healthy hale and honest!

I hope your friend finds peace,
Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 120
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When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 1/10/2010 12:48:17 PM
What would it say if she had found nothing on the computer after installing the key logger? Clearly a case of guilty until proven innocent. I cannot bekieve there are actually people fostering the idea that it is okay to spy on someone like this.

If this thread was the other way around and he had installed the key logger on her computer due to suspect behavior, you would all be screaming bloody murder. Probably call the police and get a restraining order. Clearly the thoughts and ideals of the self entilted woman under the bull chit of thier security in reality just being nosy.

She is not his wife at this point in time, has no rite to install devices to violoate this mans privacy.

And no, just because you let someone use your computer does not surrender my privacy. Soooooo glad I seen this thread, I know now to never let any female friend with potential on my computer, not becauswe I look at porn, but who know what you goof balls think you are entittled to do.

And just maybe, if she was doing her duties correctly, he would not be looking at porn.
But that is a whole other topic that most woman do not care to debate.

Again what was so illegal about him looking at the porn. Nothing. So he lied about it, I am sure you friend lies all the time when she says she is a good person, which we all know is a lie now, don't we, she is a sneaky, prying, nosy, self entitled, invasive liar.

Joined: 1/6/2010
Msg: 124
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 1/11/2010 2:38:18 PM

Should she have just ignored the whole thing
out of repect for his privacy? She did that for a long time, but
felt she needed to know before she married him.e

What other things could she have done instead? He was lying about all of it.

There's a difference between snooping and putting a keylogger on someone computer. Do you even know what a keylogger is? It's a program to steal people's private information from credit cards to their social security, it's what hackers use. Snooping itself is a normal human act when someone is in doubt of partner but it is not okay to install an illegal program that not only gets his history but his credit cards, debit cards, ss, account passwords ect. This applies to hiring a detective to trail him/her. A detective won't obtain personal information of the target only his actions.
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 132
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 1/12/2010 5:47:58 PM
every man is a porn pervert. The quicker you realize that all men are porn perverts, the happier you will be.
Joined: 1/10/2010
Msg: 142
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 1/17/2010 9:59:47 PM
Here's a perspective you might not have gotten..

Your friend is evil.

You said:

SHE installed a "keylogger" on HIS computer??

That would seem like a criminal act.

She is a psycho and needs to commit herself to an institution. the CIA is not much better than your psycho friend.

YOU need to choose better and SANE friends... Oh.. and stop bothering us REAL and SANE people with this drivel.
Joined: 1/10/2010
Msg: 146
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 1/18/2010 7:51:29 AM
This entire thread is SUPPOSEDLY about a "friend" who did a highly suspicious and in some states an ILLEGAL act.

She must be one fugly woman for him to prefer to be whacking on the web.

She spied = no trust


No relationship= Leave him instead of getting your SUPPOSED FRIEND to make a whole bunch of tripe here on a dating forum.

Oh.. DATING him.. nowhere did it say she was LIVING WITH HIM.

She performed a type of B&E on his computer since using a computer to type or to get online is NOT implied permission to download secret software.

How many of YOU would be OK with someone you were JUST DATING coming in and loading secret SPYWARE on YOUR computer?
Joined: 7/19/2009
Msg: 150
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 1/19/2010 6:18:42 AM
i seriously think everyone (men and women) have seen porn at least once whether they liked it or not. If they keep it to themselves and do not unwittingly talk about it in public, it is okay. I also think that they should admit to those close to them that they watch porn if they are okay with it. there are no goody-two-shoes in this world. everyone has a dark side.
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 151
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When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 1/19/2010 9:05:41 AM
I honestly don't know what is worse that one person lied to the other or that the other person SPIED on the other.

Doesn't sound like there is a lot of trust there. And if there is no trust in a relationship, there is no point in trying to have a relationship.....

As for guys and porn, the reality is all guys like porn. Even gay dudes.
Its a multi billion dollar industry. Remember, unlike General Motors, you didn't hear Vivid Video or Wicked Pictures asking for a bail out.

Men are more visual than women. It goes back to the stone age when men were out watching the fields hunting while women were back in the caves TALKING and laying the groundwork for civilization. Thats why women respond better to verbal stimulus while men respond to visual stimuli.

Thats why when you go to the bookstore there are car magazines, gun magazines, girly magazines, car and truck magazines, etc...when any guy allready knows what a car, gun, girl, car or truck looks like.

Personally I think it's the guys who LIE through their teeth about enjoying and using pornography who are the wierdos, not the honest people who admit to it. Do the words "Swaggart" and "Bakker" mean anything to you?
Lets face it. Without porn, bachelors would kill ourselves, LOL...
As for the guys dirty fantasy, maybe its just that. A dirty fantasy.
I used to live with a woman who had sicker fantasies than that.
Many people fantasize about stuff they would never do in real life, even when given an opportunity.
Go look at all the fakes and phonies infesting swinger dating sites for examples. LOL...
The reality is that if it were not for all the SICK DEMENTED PATHOLOGICAL LIARS out there who lie and lie and deny and deny their use and enjoyment of porn, this sad dude might not have been tempted to LIE to his girlfriend about his porn usage.
No matter what they say, if its a man and it has a sex drive it likes porn.
I learned that when I worked at a video store and had to deal with pastors and church deacons renting more of it than bachelors.
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 152
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When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 1/19/2010 9:15:53 AM
"I hope your girlfriend strips and masterbates late at night for other men."

Reality check adendum.

I mostly date swinger women.
Most of the women I date are doing a LOT 'worse' than that online every night with other men. And in person.
As I like these women and want them to be happy, it doesn't bother me. I would hope they feel the same way.

I learned a long time ago that nothing will destroy a relationship like jealousy.

Usually when one of my lady friends mentions having sex with somebody else, my first response is to get turned on, not jealous.
I dont see how anybody gains anything out of jealousy. Whether you are a swinger or a 'civillian'.

Also, there is no such thing as "Live one on one Sex" over the internet.

They may be talking or typing and masterbating, but that's not sex.
If he is going there and physically touching and interacting with her, its sex.
What you are talking about is marketing hype taking advantage of this guys' fantasy.
Seems like they both lied to each other.
If he had been honest and she had been understanding instead of resorting to G. Gordon Liddy tactics where would the problem have been?
Jealousy is the eight deadly sin.

If you are not on an internet dating site to meet people to date ma'am, just why are you here?

And for the guy who PRETENDS he doesn't like porn, why so embarrassed to show your face?
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 157
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 1/22/2010 3:12:25 PM

~OT~ I just hope people such as those mentioned in post #1 stay together ~ forever. Keeps them BOTH out of the dating pool. (Mutual respect is GONE for those two. She's a snoop, he's intimately-challenged. No good can come from that situation.) JMO
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 160
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When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 1/26/2010 2:07:51 PM
I tried that whole exchanging passwords thing with my ex girlfreind.

She found out that GASP - one of my old girlfriends was getting divorced.

I found out she was humping half of huntington and all of Ashland behind my back.....

There is a reason why people crave privacy....
Joined: 11/7/2006
Msg: 162
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When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 1/28/2010 12:32:35 PM
If he's lying now with simple things as internet porn,what kind of realationship is your friend getting herself into??? I agree with you, tell her to end this ,it will be less painful now,then years of emotional pain.

Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 164
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When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 1/30/2010 6:52:42 AM
Guys are visually stimulated creatures. No matter how hot you look, some of us will always be craving "the forbidden fruit", someone with bigger tits, leaner ass, different color hair or something.

Porn is not the issue. The LYING ABOUT IT, the COVERING IT UP is the issue. Why can't the gutless weasal just come clean and say "I like looking at other ladies what? I love YOU, honey! These ladies are just a fantasy--I'd never ACT on it" in true Arnold Schwarzenegger fashion, instead of slick-Willy Bill Clinton-speak "I did NOT have sex with that woman...Miss Lewinsky", even though he received numerous blowjobs from her. Deny, deny, deny. It's gutless.

But, for some of these guys, they WILL act on the fantasy, and sex is a form of addiction, so he really needs to look within himself, and ask if he's ready to be in a committed relationship WITH ANYONE. They've got some talking to do...
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 165
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When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 7/25/2010 9:38:55 PM
another co-dependent, dysfunctional relationship!

OP, why do you care? If she has to spy on her man and then, when she finds out what "supposedly" upsets her, she does not know whether to go or to stay? I''d say she needs therapy. Why her? Because she is the unhappy one who is wanting to leave or to have things change? He, it appears, is quite happy to stagnate--or so you imply.

As to him or to porn, my only concern is that the industry recruits foster kids and runaways and the targets (johns) are also a bunch of sad sacks. If all that were not my concern, then I'd ask why the computer and not her for sexual expression? If there is no chemistry, honesty or trust between them, why bother staying there (either of them) at all?

But again, what I think is irrelevant. What you think is irrelevant. What all of pof thinks is irrelevant. What she thinks, is what she should act upon. If not, she likes the drama of it all! Always easier to point the finger, than tp question one's own motives, picker and why s/he attracts addictive personalities attractive. Martyr? Victim? Illusion of upper hand?

Joined: 12/18/2008
Msg: 167
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 7/28/2010 12:25:32 AM
Installing a key logger on someone's computer without consent is illegal; she was not just wrong to be doing it but she was also breaking the law. What he was doing might be disgusting to OP and her'friend' (with as much as she defends her I start to wonder) but what she was doing is just plain illegal and immoral. He should be dumping her!

If she couldn't trust him she shouldn't have let it get so serious in the first place, she was looking for a reason to breakup and boom magically one appears. So just break the **** up already. So the guy indulged in fantasies; maybe because he couldn't get what he needed from her but liked the relationship and wanted to keep it; he might have been ashamed or afraid to admit that she couldn't give him what he wanted. Its still wrong of him to lie but OP's girl stuck the man between a rock and a hard place and then set a fire underneath it as soon as she installed the key logger.

Dude has problems of his own but I still get more upset about the keylogger.
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 168
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 7/28/2010 7:33:34 PM
Personally, I agree that the keylogger was a MASSIVE privacy intrusion. If you are in a relationship and start feeling the need to cyber snoop or follow somebody or have them followed-or do an EXTENSIVE background search, the damn relationship is already dead in the water, why waste the time and money playing "gotcha"??! Just move on!
Cindy O
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 171
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 8/30/2010 6:23:02 PM

Okay, so why do the police go UNDERCOVER to catch criminals?

If my memory serves me correctly, without going all back thru this thread, the OP's friend who installed privacy-invading software on her (at the time) boyfriends computer,is not a member of law enforcement. And if looking at standard porn on a computer is a criminal offense, they're gonna need a bigger jail( a whole HELL of a lot bigger).
Look, we all know that hardcore porn is not one of the finer elements of human entertainment pastimes. And I hold out absolutely nothing minus zero, no limit-to excuse porn that involves children, animals, or people being harmed.
Yes, it sounds like the OP's friends' guy is someone highly dumpable. But snoopware, spying, prying? Nope. And-as others have pointed out, keylogger software could also be used to committ identity/private information theft, all it would need is ONE discrepancy on a bank statement, one unfamiliar charge on a credit card,or error in the statement-and the boyfriend would have grounds to have her investigated, if not arrested, for identity theft or facilitating same.
Cindy O
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 175
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 9/2/2010 1:24:40 PM
Both parties are crazy and should be avoided by all.

On the key logger issue, I asked a friend of mine who is a lawyer. Nobody, I repeat nobody, is allowed to do that without the explicit permission of the owner of the computer. Yes, she was given permission to use the computer, surf the web, facebook, email, etc. However, as my friend was saying she is not allowed to install software without permission, especially in the case of software that tracks and logs everything including personal information.

I was given a real life example, where something like that was done before because someone didn't trust their partner so they installed a key logger on their partners PC. Anyway, the person found out things they did not like and the relationship went to hell. The person who owned the PC actually got a restraining order on their former partner, the key logger was the thing that sealed the restraining order. They essentially hacked all of the persons personal accounts, emails to read messages and bank accounts to see what/who they were spending money on.

As my friend told me. He can give me permission to use his car but that doesn't give me the right to go out and install my own stereo, spoiler and paint job with his car.

Key loggers are not a legit or legal way. In all honesty, if you don't trust a person enough to the point where considering installing such software is a clear sign that you need to break up.
Joined: 6/15/2006
Msg: 176
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When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 9/6/2010 4:19:12 AM

All this happened to "a friend" eh?

Uh huh.

My thoughts entirely.

"Friend" my ass!
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 183
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 10/22/2010 7:34:57 AM

We all like some type of porn.For women it's mostly our guilty pleasure of the trashy novel with the heaving bosoms with loins on fire.That's a type of porn with the visual images it creates in our heads.

Sorry to be the Bad News Fairy, but not ALL people like/watch/listen to/or have an interest in porn, whether soft or hard or in between. I've seen a portion of maybe ONE visual in my life and can't fathom reading any type of trash novel. Just not my thing. The only erotica that goes on in my head? Definitely no need for outside source ~ I go straight to the memory bank (and NO, memories are not porn.)

The only type of men who do not like porn are either dead or asexual.Men who say they don't like porn,any kind of porn,are liars.

Wow. Such blanket generalizations. Sigh.
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 186
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 10/22/2010 11:01:45 PM
UNBELIEVABLE! It's a bad thing for him to look at porn sites, but she has no problem with hacking his computer and collecting confidential information? He needs to see if he can press charges against her. She sounds like a wack job.
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 189
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When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 10/23/2010 6:46:11 PM

She felt she needed to know before she became further involved with him.
People have a right to find out what is going on with their significant other
when that person is hiding something.

While I am fairly certain that there is far more to this story....
Of course she has a right to know, but I can not imagine why the starting point wouldn't be to ask him, rather than to install a keylogger. imo, if he was so distrusted that this was the necessary step, she should have ended it anyway. If your so is hiding something, and they remain your so, I would venture a guess that it is you who have a problem that need be resolved prior to embarking upon another relationship. Just sayin'.
Joined: 12/6/2008
Msg: 193
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When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 10/24/2010 4:19:01 PM
To end ALL speculation about what is and isn't AUTHORIZED ACCESS read the following links. The first is the FEDERAL guidelines the second provides links for each State in the union. I'd think twice if you were planning to play private detective.

"Unauthorized access" entails approaching, trespassing within, communicating with, storing data in, retrieving data from, or otherwise intercepting and changing computer resources without consent. These laws relate to either or both, or any other actions that interfere with computers, systems, programs or networks.

the old argument that what she did is justified because she found something doesn't cut it. Thats akin to saying Just because someone points an unloaded gun at you that they shouldn't be punished. The punishment is the same. She broke the law period.

While he may have have a problem with porn and some fantasy/Mommy issues that is no excuse for breaking the law. He didn't break any laws. She did.

They both have issues they need to deal with. Total and epic fail on both parts.

as OP is from Califona i assume the incident took place there. Here is what the law says.
SECTION 484-502.9

(10) "Computer contaminant" means any set of computer instructions
that are designed to modify, damage, destroy, record, or transmit
information within a computer, computer system, or computer network
without the intent or permission of the owner of the information.
They include, but are not limited to, a group of computer
instructions commonly called viruses or worms, that are
self-replicating or self-propagating and are designed to contaminate
other computer programs or computer data, consume computer resources,
modify, destroy, record, or transmit data, or in some other fashion
usurp the normal operation of the computer, computer system, or
computer network.
Joined: 10/9/2010
Msg: 196
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 11/11/2010 9:34:52 PM
keylogger? If it is wrong for him to be sneaking around on her, then is it ok for her to be sneaking around on him? I don't think so. I think she should have found a better way of going about this.
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 198
When a man is a porn pervert and lies about it what to do?
Posted: 11/12/2010 12:53:55 PM

You are missing a key point in all this. What he was doing was legal, what she did was not. I'm not saying that he wasn't being an idiot for not being honest with her. Her act of installing a key logger on his computer without his explicit permission crossed a huge line. That gives her access to all his private information like banking, passwords and other personal information.

If the roles were reversed for you and you had a significant other who suspected you for something and decided to use the exact same methods. Would you be okay with it? I doubt it.

In all honesty, she did not have any trust in the guy in the first place and that should have been more than enough reason to leave him.
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