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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > How important is chivalry in an relationship to you?      Home login  
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 ispeakthetruth
Joined: 6/13/2009
Msg: 26
How important is chivalry in an relationship to you?Page 2 of 21    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21)

Hey....if I get to the door first, I'm opening it for him and whoever else might be following behind.


Go back to my post, I edited it and added CAR. If it makes no difference for you then perhaps hook up with the men on here who are advocating for equal rights for dating. Because treating you equal in dating is no better than treating you equal as a co-worker in the workplace :D
 cooldude
Joined: 4/26/2004
Msg: 27
How important is chivalry in an relationship to you?
Posted: 6/18/2009 10:17:17 PM

Go back to my post, I edited it and added CAR. If it makes no difference for you then perhaps hook up with the men on here who are advocating for equal rights for dating. Because treating you equal in dating is no better than treating you equal as a co-worker in the workplace :D


Lol...oh,ok, change it to "Car door" when it works more to your advantage, when the building door didn't. Its funny you changed the question, when you found out it didn't get your expected answer.

Here's my view on opening car doors. I have two vehicles. One that unlocks doors automatically and one that does manually.

If I take my truck, I unlock the door for her first so she does not have to wait outside till I get in to do it. If I take my other vehicle I just unlock both doors from the controller. But either way I let her open and close the door. I have closed the door on a few foots before so I let them do that now for safeties sake.
 ispeakthetruth
Joined: 6/13/2009
Msg: 28
How important is chivalry in an relationship to you?
Posted: 6/18/2009 10:23:57 PM

Lol...oh,ok, change it to "Car door" when it works more to your advantage, when the building door didn't. Its funny you changed the question, when you found out it didn't get your expected answer.

Here's my view on opening car doors. I have two vehicles. One that unlocks doors automatically and one that does manually.


No, no...in my head i automatically thought CAR door but didn't think it would be misinterpreted that i left the word car out. but did so ...sorry.

building door, of course i would expect responses like "whoever gets there first."

first it was semantics, now it's technicalities - automatic or manual...
 blindwonder
Joined: 9/16/2008
Msg: 29
How important is chivalry in an relationship to you?
Posted: 6/19/2009 3:12:11 AM
I myself believe in treating women with respect, honor, and courtesy. While I don't mind independence it's good to do even small things such as getting a cup of tea. There could be overdoing it I suppose and those boundories need to be established. Perhaps it's a mutual willingness to be good to each other more then anything?
I've also a selection of swords appropriate to this thread. *grin*
 2Irish1
Joined: 9/1/2008
Msg: 30
How important is chivalry in an relationship to you?
Posted: 6/19/2009 12:25:03 PM
I've stayed out of this thread because anyone who's read my postings already knows my thoughts on how a gentleman/ gentle man behaves...

So, any comment I would make would just seem as self agrandizement.

This is a thread asking for a womans point of view....i.e.polarized..
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 31
How important is chivalry in an relationship to you?
Posted: 6/19/2009 12:52:41 PM

Do you still believe in the ideals of chivalry in an relationship? Or, do you think chivalry is demeaning and condescending?

For me? It's mandatory. I like something more "traditional" and in return? I offer the same. To each their own.
 2Irish1
Joined: 9/1/2008
Msg: 32
How important is chivalry in an relationship to you?
Posted: 6/19/2009 1:42:47 PM
Ok..ok..ok...I'm hooked....just reel me in...k..?

Chivalry is not dead....it may be reeling...from the sexual revolution and the misconceptions that were bred in it's infancy....but, men are still men...women are still women...and very little seperates us...(sorry couldn't hep' myself)...

I like treating a woman as special...and I like a woman treating me as "special"....yep...I'm a romantic savant...it's the differences that are the attraction...and some of the similarities...
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 33
How important is chivalry in an relationship to you?
Posted: 6/19/2009 1:51:07 PM
First and foremost, a knight was at the center of what he did, a warrior. A man of the sword. While some monastic knight orders, such as the Knights Templars were to be celibate, knights in general were not. At the center of what made them a knight was not whether they opened door for ladies, but their word, honor and deeds.

Those things are as alive today as they were back them. Only today the warrior does not necessarily goes to kill a foe, he goes and competes. If you ever see a bike race, you will see all the different colors, and warrior like people warming up getting ready to risk wrecking for what? To win some trophy made out of cheap metal? No, to prove his valor. Not to others, but to himself.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 34
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How important is chivalry in an relationship to you?
Posted: 6/19/2009 2:01:55 PM

This is a thread asking for a womans point of view....i.e.polarized..

To unpolarize the thread, isn't there a female side of this? The nurturer, the woman who dare I say cooks, or is concerned about someone when he is sick, might even offer to take care of him or bring him some meds. Women were traditionally taught to take care of everyone around her with little thought to themselves. Don't men complain about women who are no longer women?

Both boil down to being thoughtful and considerate.
 2Irish1
Joined: 9/1/2008
Msg: 35
How important is chivalry in an relationship to you?
Posted: 6/19/2009 2:07:06 PM
^^^^ Thanks PD....I always come to conversations with a monosyllable man viewpoint...in this case....having to recognize that there is a female perspective to chivalry...
 Puppydog54
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 36
How important is chivalry in an relationship to you?
Posted: 6/19/2009 2:13:25 PM
Makes me think of the woman who, when a man opened a door for her, said in a haughty tone, "You don't have to open the door for me because I'm a woman!" He replied, "I didn't. I opened it for you because I'm a gentleman."
 Magic_Fish
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 37
How important is chivalry in an relationship to you?
Posted: 6/19/2009 2:22:26 PM
I don't think chivalry is dead (I've seen it in my son) but I don't necessarily expect it 99.9% of the time from a date. There are times though when I appreciate it. Case in point, if I'm on a date with a guy and he has a vehicle with heavy car doors. At that point, yes, chivalry is important to me. I truly appreciate it if he opens and closes those doors, 'cuz I hate to think what would happen if it (the door) hit another car and damaged both vehicles.

But, does he need to stand when I enter a room or remove his hat (of the baseball kind) in my presence? NO. Nor does he need to walk on the street side of the sideway - but IF he chooses to do so, it's not an issue with me, either.

Honesty, integrity and compassion are far more important qualities IMHO.

MF
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 38
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How important is chivalry in an relationship to you?
Posted: 6/19/2009 2:48:22 PM

To unpolarize the thread, isn't there a female side of this?

No, chivalry is pretty much a one-way street these days.

Those things you mention can no longer be expected by men of women. In fact, it wouldn't be an overstatement to say the last several decades has been a monologue by women, informing men of all the things they can no longer expect from women anymore.

The old social contract has been ripped to shreds, by women. (The whole liberation thing wasn't men's idea.) And that's why chivalry is dead and women killed it: the knights which always come up in threads on this topic had their female counterparts appropriate to their time; such women no longer exist for the most part.

That's why the thread is polarized: from the title it's clear it's being addressed to women. I.e., what the man can do for the woman. This is what sets chivalry apart from common courtesy and manners.
 *topchef*
Joined: 8/2/2008
Msg: 39
How important is chivalry in an relationship to you?
Posted: 6/19/2009 3:47:55 PM
I dont need chivalry, it is often appreciated....but I am quite capable of fighting my own battles, and I definitely dont need to be rescued. However.....manners....it would be nice if people could just display some good manners and respectful etiquette.

I dont need to listen to you making arrangements on your cell phone to meet your buddy at the peelers, or anything else for that matter. Please.
 *topchef*
Joined: 8/2/2008
Msg: 40
How important is chivalry in an relationship to you?
Posted: 6/19/2009 7:42:21 PM
Chilvary is nice, dont get me wrong...it is truly appreciated, if not somewhat cliche. I believe...however, deep, and profound caring and intimacy comes in a different package.

This short story will explain....

Years ago, a good friend was stricken by a tumor on her spine. She was in great pain and basicly bed ridden. She had a successful surgery and today lives a normal and healthy life. But during those tortous weeks of her recovery, while she lay imobile in a hospital bed, her new husband, who was at her side constantly, took care of her. I'm not talking about bringing magazines and a clean nightgown from time to time...I mean really took care of all her needs.

She shared with me, that even during her most vulnerable moments, while she remained in traction, incapable of moving, her husband attended to her most feminine needs. Without going into graphic detail...I'm sure you can appreciate what I am getting at.

That gents...that is chivalrous, gallant, tender, honest and loving. And anyone who can manage that for their loved one is aces in my book.
 aliveone1
Joined: 9/4/2008
Msg: 41
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How important is chivalry in an relationship to you?
Posted: 6/19/2009 9:34:28 PM
I've felt both ways about it. When I was very young, I used to get vehemently angry when a man would try to help me with anything because I thought he was only offering his help because I was a woman and he thought I couldn't do it. To be fair though, I was offended when a woman offered help too. Too proud and independent for my own good!

For years I tried to save the world and everyone in it single handedly. I would take in very needy men and work tirelessly to nurse them back to health and boost their self esteem, and clean their apartments and cook for them, laundry.... most of the time getting no real moral support, or even commitment in return. That seriously got old! There wasn't an ounce of chivalry in any of those guys! lol

I have to say, I am now very pleasantly surprised and even grateful when someone, especially a man shows any traditional "chivalrous" behavior. It's a nice gesture. I'm like, my God, SOMEONE ( other than me) is thinking of someone other than themselves! Well, aren't I the lucky one! I now say thank you with the same sincerity that I used to use to scorn anyone offering a helpful hand.

Thanks all you chivarous men and women out there!
 cooldude
Joined: 4/26/2004
Msg: 42
How important is chivalry in an relationship to you?
Posted: 6/20/2009 3:16:39 AM

And the above poster goes on how to say ".....it would probably irritate me after a while, if done constantly". WHY is that??


Perhaps it might be conceived that they can't do it. I see how it could be annoying for some women after long enough. Some people like to do things for themselves or they want it done a certain way. But if they decline it should be respectful too. No thanks, I prefer to do it myself.



That IS the problem. MOST women have forgotten HOW to be a woman.

You forgot how to act and accept things as a woman.


To me those phrases sounds way too condescending. Its not up to you or anyone else to decide what character traits make a man or a woman or how they should act. Each person gets to decide for themselves.

Telling them they "Forgot" in itself also seems controlling. Its a nice way of telling them they are wrong and that their opinions don't matter.
 Dumpling-Girl
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 43
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How important is chivalry in an relationship to you?
Posted: 6/20/2009 3:35:17 AM
I think the majority of women DO appreciate chivalry, and it's a shame that often when a man meets just one or two of the fiercely independent type that doesn't show appreciation for the intent of the gesture (whereas I'm the fiercely independant type that DOES appreciate chivalry), that they just give up on the whole chivalry thing in one fell swoop. Hang in there guys. It is not a lost art. And it's especially relevant to dating interactions (as opposed to, say, how you act with female co-workers).
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 44
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How important is chivalry in an relationship to you?
Posted: 6/20/2009 5:50:26 AM
^^^^^Amen to that. Yesterday when I was waiting outside yet another building for one of my children I saw a high-school aged couple and the young man moved to the girl's right side, putting himself next to the peope they passed, a bit like the side of the street thing, and I wondered if he was even aware that he had done it. Another young man waited at the door substantially longer than one would be expected in order to hold it for my daughter.

Men that truly are this way do it without expectation, it is so ingrained that they just do it much like my inclination to cook someone a meal even if he has been paid for whatever he did around my house. My daughter and my sons open doors for people and I don't have to tell my teenagers to give up their chair for an adult.
 bgrumling
Joined: 2/28/2008
Msg: 45
How important is chivalry in an relationship to you?
Posted: 6/20/2009 7:23:55 AM
well i am form the south first. second my mother instilled the following in me. third i ahve learned some on my own. so here goes what i believe and yes women love it:
always open a door for a woman ( car door or otherwiase). and wait till she is through the door or buckled to close the door for her.
hold her jacket while she puts it on or takes it off. (espacally if its leather and she has a black dress on)
if you are out and its cold, give her your jacket and the previous rule applies.
let her have control of the remote or radio, even if you cannot stand opera or oprah.
in a returant pull her chair out till she is seated and then push it in.
let her order what she wants first and then you order.
let her take the first bite of any meal, weather at home, fast food or a resturant.
make her plate for her at home.
walk on the outside when i a parking lot or sidewalk.
stand up when she comes too and walks away from the table or to it or the same with when she comes in a room.
make her orgasam the center of sex.
guys we hate this one but play love songs around her.
never ever ever say anything harmful or disreapectful to a woman espacally in public.
never cuss around a woman, and if someone does, tell them there re ladies present.
when she needs a freind be a freind.
always even if you think she is wrong back her 100 percent in public.
never let your buddies or family say anyhting derogitory or demaning or sexual to her, defend her and take a stand.
listen to her hope dreams ideas thoughts desires plans wants and needs.
be her best freind.
cover her with a blanket when she falls asleep on the couch or carry her to bed.
light her ciggerette.
be her best friend.
always genuinely compliment her. dont be afraid to show her how you feel.
see thats how chilvery should work. and ladies i know they are out there because thats me. and there are other guys out there like that also.
 bgrumling
Joined: 2/28/2008
Msg: 46
How important is chivalry in an relationship to you?
Posted: 6/20/2009 7:28:31 AM
peta:
please
eat
the
antilope
men hunted meat for thier women in the stone age, now they hunt in the local grocery store while driving thier classic car or suv. its still chilvery
 SylvanSwan
Joined: 8/5/2008
Msg: 47
How important is chivalry in an relationship to you?
Posted: 6/20/2009 9:30:55 AM
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Do you still believe in the ideals of chivalry in an relationship? Or, do you think chivalry is demeaning and condescending?


I love it. I don't know what kind of chivalrous acts that a man could do that would be considered demeaning, but I'll let you know if I ever come across it.
 forum101
Joined: 2/5/2008
Msg: 48
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How important is chivalry in an relationship to you?
Posted: 6/20/2009 9:59:33 AM
youngsnowbird "fell asleep in the middle of his post .. What did he say...?

Go back and read it. you might learn something.
 forum101
Joined: 2/5/2008
Msg: 49
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How important is chivalry in an relationship to you?
Posted: 6/20/2009 10:32:21 AM
I get a big kick out of watching my sons, 19 and 20. When they have their girlfriends over to our house and get ready to take them home. Scurrying around the house, making sure they have their purse and jackets, then to the passenger side of the car to open the door for her.
When I asked one of them, he was like "whats the big deal"? "she likes it".

I remember one specific guy I dated. We dated 6 months. One night we exited a nice restaurant, I was dressed in a mid thigh length dress, jacket and 4 inch black strappy sandles. It was sleeting when we came out. Trying to run across a gravel parking lot, he goes to the drivers side, unlocks, gets in and reaches over to unlock my door. Im standing there in the sleet, legs bare except for the pantyhose, and I had to lift my leg almost a foot and a half to get into his van. Anyone out in the lot could see the dress hike up almost showing my butt, as I got in.
When I asked him about it, he was flabbergasted. He had never given it a though. This man is in his 50's. Time does tell, there cropped up quite a few of little inconsiderate, downright rude, even disrespectful, actions on his part.
 Green Eyes In Florida
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 50
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How important is chivalry in an relationship to you?
Posted: 6/20/2009 11:15:42 AM

Chivalry and manners CAN be used to blindside. He turned out to have anger issues, mental and/or emotional and/or alcoholism as well as financial problems. SOME people will put on certain behaviors to try and cover these up.


You said it sister!!!!! That's a really good observation on your part.
Glad you found out sooner rather than later!!!

~~Beth~~
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