Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 justwant2no
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 7
Mothers Day/Father’s Day…..or better Family DayPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Ogreeneyes - I am so sorry for the lashing you've gotten. I did not see your OP as offensive in any way, as some seem to have taken it. I loathe 'Hallmark' holidays (Valentine's, Mother's, Father's, Grandparents!) I've been an orphan for 30 years. Mother's day has always been a b*tch. And while, no, I never objected to the practice, I can certainly understand your point. And don't think you should be blazed for it.
As for suggestions; I think any male role model could be your child's 'Dad for the day' - to make a card for, or focus that attention on; Uncle, grandfather, neighbor, friend. Or why not yourself? My daughter and I joked for years that I would walk her down the aisle when she got married - then she up and eloped at the Justice of the Peace (stole my thunder - but probably best to not offend her biological father). And I agree with the poster who said, it's only as big a deal as you make it. Diffuse and redirect - that's my motto! I've got a daugher with high functioning Autism Spectrum Disorder - and if she starts to obsess about something, I've got to go into diffuse and deflect mode - works every time! (Think 'shiny objects'! ;-)
This Sunday is Father's day. My ex told my (12 yr old) daughter he 'has to work' Sunday (he hasn't had her since March), so we're off on a holiday/adventure of our own. She'll be so distracted, she'll never notice.
Remember, OP, a family is more than just a mother and father and child. Just like a home is more than a roof and four walls. A family is the people who love and care for one another - whomever they may be.
Peace.
 iherdcats
Joined: 6/15/2006
Msg: 8
Mothers Day/Father’s Day…..or better Family Day
Posted: 6/18/2009 6:25:32 AM
gee, people, what is with all the stomping?

mother's day and father's day always happen on a sunday, not a school day.
it is a friggen hallmark holiday!
generally celebrated in north america and some parts of europe... maybe australia and nz....

many children are brought up by people other then their bio parents, like grandparents, aunts, uncles, and in foster care.

why do we need to bring this so called celebration into the school system?
it is a commercial celebration, keep it in the market place.

besides that, why do we need a certain sunday in the year to sell flowers to our mums or ties to our dads? is this not a situation that needs daily and weekly appreciation?
~~
from ask.com
you think Mother's Day is too commercialized, you're not alone. The woman called "the mother of Mother's Day," Anna Jarvis — the person who did the most to make Mother's Day a national holiday — thought so, too. She considered the printed greeting card "a poor excuse for the letter you are too lazy to write" and in fact ended up spending her inheritance campaigning against the holiday she had helped to popularize.

But that was later. Her personal PR campaign for Mother's Day kicked off in May 1907 in Grafton, West Virginia (called the birthplace of Mother's Day), when she held a memorial for her mother in her church. The service took the form of an appreciation of her mother and those of all the attendees. The idea went statewide two years later and nationwide in 1914, when President Woodrow Wilson established Mother's Day as a national holiday.

One could say it was in Anna Jarvis's blood. Her mother, also called Anna Jarvis, was an early proponent of Mother's Day activities. At that time, after the Civil War, the day was less about showing appreciation for the woman at home and more about promoting pacifism and social activism.

If the two Mrs. Jarvises were the adoptive mothers and caregivers of Mother's Day, its birth mother was Julia Ward Howe, an abolitionist, feminist and poet who was the first woman elected to the American Academy of Arts and Letters. In 1870, she issued her Mother's Day Proclamation, which begins:

Arise then...women of this day!
Arise, all women who have hearts!
Whether your baptism be of water or of tears!

The proclamation then calls for women to "now leave all that may be left of home" to attend an international "general congress" whose purpose is:

To promote the alliance of the different nationalities,
The amicable settlement of international questions,
The great and general interests of peace.

As Ms. Howe later put it: "Why do not the mothers of mankind interfere in these matters, to prevent the waste of that human life of which they alone bear and know the cost?" So, ironically, the original Mother's Day was about urging women to put on hold their caring for hearth and home, husband and children, and work instead on making the world a better, safer place.

(father's day)
This celebration, on the third Sunday in June, has no basis in tradition; it was invented in the 1970s in imitation of Mothering Sunday/ Mother's Day, for commercial profit. Greetings cards and gifts are given.
~~~

Peace all!
 babydoll127
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 9
Mothers Day/Father’s Day…..or better Family Day
Posted: 6/18/2009 6:53:59 AM
I'm sorry OP for the lashing you've gotten so far. I've come to realize that POF forums aren't really a safe place to ask for advice.

I feel for your daughter and I understand how you want to shield your child from harm. I also believe that mothers day, fathers day, valentines day, sheesh even ground hogs day are waaaay too commercialized. Unfortunately though, this will probably never change considering the schools have taken all the other holidays away so they're gonna stick with the few they have left in order to celebrate well......something!

My advice is to take the time to just talk with your daughter and reassure her that although her dad might not be around, she is still well loved by many. If there is a male figure in her life such as grandfather, uncle, etc, maybe she can make something special for them. Just remember that this day and age, she is NOT ALONE and I'm sure there are a few others in her class who do not have a father around as well. If it concerns you, maybe next year you can talk to her school teacher (in private) prior to fathers day and explain the situation. Maybe the teacher can not put so much emphasis on "dad" but can tell the children that they're making crafts for fathers day and they can make it for their dad, or grandpa, or anyone they want to, etc...

Hope it goes more smoothly for ya in the next few years. And happy fathers day to YOU this sunday!!

Dont mind the tards on this site, they're just vultures waiting for ANYTHING and/or ANYONE to devour...
 Dolphin7777
Joined: 6/26/2007
Msg: 11
Mothers Day/Father’s Day…..or better Family Day
Posted: 6/18/2009 7:35:37 AM
Hey mom, I have to say I was in your shoes a few years back. My children's father was in and out of their life, and continues this behavior today. Kinda dad that calls to see his kids only when its convenient for him, which is about 2x a year, if my poor children are lucky. Although, my children were younger at the time, that all this took place. It was harder for my boy (6now), my daughter (4now)didn't even care. She hardly saw him as a baby/toddler that it never fazed her. But my son took it the hardest. Cried all the time asking for his father, when there was nothing momma could do to force the jerk into their lives. I used to send those "daddy gifts" to his parent's home, since he never had a permanent residence, until I realized my children's birthdays and holidays rolled around and their father never mailed not even a card, phone call, nothing. So I stopped mailing them and just kept them as memories. After all, I ended up being momma and daddy for the 4 years, until I met my fiance (2yrs now) thanks to Plentyoffish. So hang in there. There are truly many of us that live through the pain of seeing our children suffer because of their other non-custodial parent. God bless D.
 funone571
Joined: 4/18/2006
Msg: 12
Mothers Day/Father’s Day…..or better Family Day
Posted: 6/18/2009 7:56:38 AM
Hey OP I can absolutely understand where you're coming from only for me it was Mother's Day that gave my youngest the most problems. At one point he hadn't seen nor talked with his mother for almost 2 years. He made his gifts for his mother and we held on to them till she finally showed up again and he was able to give them to her. Making the gifts and keeping them for her was a good thing for him because he learned that it was ok to love her even though she wasn't there. The reason she wasn't there was by her choice and not his/ours and making the gifts and buying the cards helped him deal with her absence.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 16
view profile
History
Mothers Day/Father’s Day…..or better Family Day
Posted: 6/18/2009 9:37:15 AM
I do not know if you have a constitution there in the grate white north, but we have one in the USA and it calls for a wall of separation between church and state. By doing the Lord's Prayer or any prayer in the public schools it is not separation. This is a bad thing!

"Tolerance of that which is different is I believe a social attitude that is critical to teach our children. When non Christians voiced their concerns, we could have added their holidays into the mix and used them as an opportunity to show our children how to embrace and appreciate other people's customs but we didn't do that."

Do you have any idea how many different beliefs there are? And if your doing the Lord's Prayer every morning you need to cover all the other ones every morning too and also cover that there is no god. Or how about this we just leave the church out of the schools. That's what we do in the USA because that is one of the things our country is built on. The constitution. To this day it not completly followed as there are still football teams that get rid of players that will not pray with the team, but for the most part that is history here and that is what tolerance is about. 15% of the USA does not believe in a god, can't make us put up will there is a god BS at the schools unless you want to hear us come back at you with there is no god and then you all so need to make room for the flat earth people and the flying monkey people well not room to cover them all, it's a long list of beliefs, but if you do one you need to do all the others equaly.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 17
view profile
History
Mothers Day/Father’s Day…..or better Family Day
Posted: 6/18/2009 10:16:12 AM
Personally, I think schools these days spend way too much time focused on everything but education. Birthdays, Halloween,Christmas etc have ZERO to do with making sure Johnny can read and write.
I feel strong armed into sending EVERY kid in class a valentines card, send in 25 cupcakes 2-3 times a year for bake sales and get the "Please Mommy its school store day" once a month. Our PTA spends more time fund raising than anything else, and what do they do with the money? They sponser magicians, dance troups and more bake sales.
One year my kids had a Christmas party in school, scouts and ballet all in one week ALL expecting a grab bag gift or food donation. Enough is enough.
Today my 5th grader is having 5th grade Olympics!!! 8 weeks of summer vacation and they are getting a day off a week before. Nice.
 NotInnocent
Joined: 9/7/2007
Msg: 19
Mothers Day/Father’s Day…..or better Family Day
Posted: 6/18/2009 11:40:59 AM
That's ridiculous! My son's dad isn't in his life either, but I don't think they should stop celebrating the dads who are in their kids life or the guys who take the position of male role model!!

Why don' t you be a parent and explain to your child that dads come in many shapes and forms. The male role model in her life is grandpa (or uncle or friend or whoever) and that is who they can celebrate fathers day with! My son always missed his dad, always cried a little that he couldn't give his gift to his dad, but he was always happy to give a gift to my brother, his uncle. He loves spending time with him. I explained to him that someone dads can't be dads, but here we have your uncle and your grandpa who love you and take care of you. I told him he could get them something if he chose to and he did.

You are misguided, you also need to step back and stop blaming others for your lot in life. It's not the schools job to shelter your child, it's not society's job to keep your child from any emotional conflicts, it's not the school or society's job to explain about dads to your child; its YOURS!

It's ridiculous that they eliminated all the holidays from school, next we won't be able to say the pledge because the illegals have a problem with it. family day huh? What about the orphans we might offend or those in foster care?? No matter what you do it will offend someone.
 lorelei540
Joined: 8/14/2008
Msg: 20
Mothers Day/Father’s Day…..or better Family Day
Posted: 6/18/2009 11:54:06 AM

It's ridiculous that they eliminated all the holidays from school, next we won't be able to say the pledge because the illegals have a problem with it.
The U.S. is the only first-world country that has a commonly used pledge of allegiance. At least it isn't compulsory, thank goodness. Pledging allegiance to a flag is pretty silly if you think about it.
 heterotic
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 21
Mothers Day/Father’s Day…..or better Family Day
Posted: 6/18/2009 12:02:45 PM


It's ridiculous that they eliminated all the holidays from school, next we won't be able to say the pledge because the illegals have a problem with it. family day huh? What about the orphans we might offend or those in foster care?? No matter what you do it will offend someone.

The school district I was in is no longer is allowed to say the pledge of allegiance. When I was a junior in high school they stopped reading it aloud over the intercom partway through the year. Kids at one of the elementary schools were not allowed to wear crosses to school unless they were hidden. We were not allowed to celebrate any religious holidays in school. Prior to those rules, my high school celebrated the majority of religious holidays, including Christmas, Hanukkah and Kwanzaa.

There was a prayer circle before school that had to be moved off campus because of parents complaining about exposing their children to a religion other than their own, if they had one.

I am not religious at all, but I find this to be ridiculous.
 NotInnocent
Joined: 9/7/2007
Msg: 22
Mothers Day/Father’s Day…..or better Family Day
Posted: 6/18/2009 12:16:54 PM
Actually.. I'm not even sure if they say the pledge anymore in my sons school.. It never occurred to me that they wouldn't so I never thought to ask. We say it every pack meeting with the scouts though..

A few posters up... who said pledging allegiance to a flag is silly..

You're not pledging to the flag itself, but what it stands for. It's the same as anything else. If you believe in religion you have a religious icon that stand for that religion, if you have a favorite sports team they have a mascot or symbol that you wear or show off to symbolize your allegiance to that team..

I personally WANT my son to be exposed to different types of religions. I show him pictures of what people in other wear and we talk about what they believe alot. I don't want him one day to come across a full fledged Muslim and do or say something insulting. I want him to see the diversity the exists among people, to accept it and to chose his own path for himself. I do not want him to develop tunnel-vision.
 funone571
Joined: 4/18/2006
Msg: 23
Mothers Day/Father’s Day…..or better Family Day
Posted: 6/18/2009 12:35:17 PM

Pledging allegiance to a flag is pretty silly if you think about it.
It never ceases to amaze me how quickly people forget things. Right after "I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America" comes the line of "And to the republic for which it stands". The flag is simply the symbol of the nation that you are declaring your allegiances to. And just for shits and giggles the definition of a republic is "a state in which the supreme power rests in the body of citizens entitled to vote and is exercised by representatives chosen directly or indirectly by them." It's funny how a lot of those elected to office have forgotten their purpose for being there.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 24
view profile
History
Mothers Day/Father’s Day…..or better Family Day
Posted: 6/18/2009 12:42:27 PM
"You're not pledging to the flag itself, but what it stands for. "

What does it stand for? The USA is founded on the bill of rights and the constitution. Those are the documents that should be followed and the freedoms they bring. When the symbol becomes more important then the freedoms it is silly. This includes the "under god" part of the pledge, which does not sit well with lots of people that care about the constitution and the rights it protects. Remember the attempt to add an amendment that would protect the flag from being burned and all the people saying how important it was. All I could think is wow there are people so dumb they think the symbol (the flag) is more important then the freedom (the right to protest or burn the flag). When people put a symbol before the freedoms it is silly and sad.
 heterotic
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 25
Mothers Day/Father’s Day…..or better Family Day
Posted: 6/18/2009 12:51:53 PM
I should add that the reason they aren't allowed to say it is because it references God.

The meaning of the Pledge o' Allegiance has nothing to do with this conversation.
 funone571
Joined: 4/18/2006
Msg: 26
Mothers Day/Father’s Day…..or better Family Day
Posted: 6/18/2009 1:18:11 PM
On January 14, 1969, Red Skelton touched the hearts of millions of Americans with his "Pledge Of Allegiance", in which he explained the meaning of each and every word. Red Skelton's recitation of the "Pledge of Allegiance" was twice read into the Congressional Record of the United States and received numerous awards.

RED SKELTON: "I remember this one teacher. To me, he was the greatest teacher, a real sage of my time. He had such wisdom. We were all reciting the Pledge Of Allegiance and he walked over. Mr. Lasswell was his name... He said": "I've been listening to you boys and girls recite the Pledge Of Allegiance all semester and it seems as though it is becoming monotonous to you. If I may, may I recite it and try to explain to you the meaning of each word:

I

Me; an individual; a committee of one.

Pledge

Dedicate all of my worldly goods to give without self-pity.

Allegiance

My love and my devotion.

To the Flag

Our standard; Old Glory ; a symbol of Freedom; wherever she waves there is respect, because your loyalty has given her a dignity that shouts, Freedom is everybody's job.

of the United

That means that we have all come together.

States

Individual communities that have united into forty-eight great states. Forty-eight individual communities with pride and dignity and purpose. All divided with imaginary boundaries, yet united to a common purpose, and that is love for country.

And to the Republic

Republic -- a state in which sovereign power is invested in representatives chosen by the people to govern. And government is the people; and it's from the people to the leaders, not from the leaders to the people.

For which it stands

One Nation

One Nation -- meaning, so blessed by God.

Indivisible

Incapable of being divided.

With Liberty

Which is Freedom; the right of power to live one's own life, without threats, fear, or some sort of retaliation.

And Justice

The principle, or quality, of dealing fairly with others.

For All

For All -- which means, boys and girls, it's as much your country as it is mine. And now, boys and girls, let me hear you recite the Pledge of Allegiance:

I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic, for which it stands; one nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

Since I was a small boy, two states have been added to our country, and two words have been added to the Pledge of Allegiance: Under God. Wouldn't it be a pity if someone said that is a prayer, and that would be eliminated from schools, too?"

YouTube video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LPbIls0iOnI
 funone571
Joined: 4/18/2006
Msg: 27
Mothers Day/Father’s Day…..or better Family Day
Posted: 6/18/2009 1:26:18 PM

The USA is founded on the bill of rights and the constitution. Those are the documents that should be followed and the freedoms they bring.
I couldn't agree more freetime
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 28
view profile
History
Mothers Day/Father’s Day…..or better Family Day
Posted: 6/18/2009 1:46:33 PM
Does that mean you think the under god part does not belong in our schools?

"two words have been added to the Pledge of Allegiance: Under God. Wouldn't it be a pity if someone said that is a prayer, and that would be eliminated from schools, too?"

I see that as a violation of the seperation part of the constitition. I have used my freedom of speach over the years to say that I think this part is just wrong and when asked why I have said because there is no god. Now I support every ones right to believe in a god, just as long as it is not mandated. When children have to leave a classroom or plays on a sports team have to opt out of a group prayer it put a target on them. I have never had a problem with a target being on me, but I do not want one on my kids. Over the years I have had to fight because people were upset over my views. Now do we need this in our schools? 15% of the USA does not believe in a god, they should not have to put up with a pledge recognizing a god, but even if it were 1% it would still be against the documents the USA was founded on. If you read deep about the founding fathers thoughts on this it is clear at least some believed freedum from religon was/is as important as freedom to religon.
 lorelei540
Joined: 8/14/2008
Msg: 30
Mothers Day/Father’s Day…..or better Family Day
Posted: 6/18/2009 5:40:21 PM
It never ceases to amaze me how quickly people forget things. Right after "I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America" comes the line of "And to the republic for which it stands". The flag is simply the symbol of the nation that you are declaring your allegiances to.


I'm not pledging my allegiance to the flag or to the nation. I don't have to. As a citizen it is my right to not publicly go around pledging my allegiance to things every time a ceremony begins. And it's my children's right not to have to do that either.

False patriotism is right up there with false modesty. It's bullsh|t, like buying a yellow made-in-China magnet for your car and thinking you've done something virtuous. A lot of people put their hands over their hearts and recite things without thinking. I'm not one of them.


And just for shits and giggles the definition of a republic is "a state in which the supreme power rests in the body of citizens entitled to vote and is exercised by representatives chosen directly or indirectly by them." It's funny how a lot of those elected to office have forgotten their purpose for being there.


So vote them out.
 lorelei540
Joined: 8/14/2008
Msg: 31
Mothers Day/Father’s Day…..or better Family Day
Posted: 6/18/2009 5:43:37 PM

I personally WANT my son to be exposed to different types of religions. I show him pictures of what people in other wear and we talk about what they believe alot. I don't want him one day to come across a full fledged Muslim and do or say something insulting. I want him to see the diversity the exists among people, to accept it and to chose his own path for himself. I do not want him to develop tunnel-vision.
Enroll him in religious education at a Unitarian Universalist church. He will be introduced to all kinds of religious traditions, and all of them are treated with respect.
 NotInnocent
Joined: 9/7/2007
Msg: 32
Mothers Day/Father’s Day…..or better Family Day
Posted: 6/18/2009 6:06:05 PM
That's a great idea.. there are none in this area though. :~(
 iherdcats
Joined: 6/15/2006
Msg: 33
Mothers Day/Father’s Day…..or better Family Day
Posted: 6/19/2009 5:45:01 AM

That's a great idea.. there are none in this area though. :~(


there are plenty... Englewood, Hackettstown, Lincroft, Monclair, Morristown, Newton, North Branch, Orange, Paramus, Egg Harbour City, Princeton, Ridgewood, Summit, Tom's River, Titusville, Crosswicks, Wayne... Hey NoInnocent google UUA
 NotInnocent
Joined: 9/7/2007
Msg: 34
Mothers Day/Father’s Day…..or better Family Day
Posted: 6/19/2009 8:00:03 AM
Yea I did.. and they are all about an hour from me. I like church, but not enough to drive an hour for it.


A few posters ago... You are correct, it is your right if you don't want to recite the pledge, then you don't have to. I don't make my son say the under God line. It's our right not to. It's other people's right to say it.
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 35
Mothers Day/Father’s Day…..or better Family Day
Posted: 6/19/2009 9:25:16 AM
OP, i realize you are coming from a place of wanting to protect your childs feelings.
But children that do have fathers have the right to celebrate and honor their fathers.
My kids father died, they will never see him again, yet for some odd reason im the one volunteering to head up the fathers day bash this Sunday. Maybe because i think we should honor the fathers who ARE here, and being real fathers. Instead of crying woe is us i am going to devote my day to ,aking sure the fine gentleman who are fathers have a kick ass day.

If we can get through fathers day after losing our family patriarch to death, anyone can.
You can bet if someone tried to stop the motherts day festivities i would be one pissed off little vixen.
Keep her home if you must, maybe thats best since the damage is done.
 heterotic
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 36
Mothers Day/Father’s Day…..or better Family Day
Posted: 6/19/2009 9:29:02 AM
[qoute]
My kids father died, they will never see him again, yet for some odd reason im the one volunteering to head up the fathers day bash this Sunday. Maybe because i think we should honor the fathers who ARE here, and being real fathers. Instead of crying woe is us i am going to devote my day to ,aking sure the fine gentleman who are fathers have a kick ass day.


I think we should honor the fathers that WERE good fathers, too.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 37
view profile
History
Mothers Day/Father’s Day…..or better Family Day
Posted: 6/19/2009 9:46:02 AM
OP, as much as it is difficult to listen to our children hurting, the world they live in is going to hurt them and the reality of your childrens' lives is that at this time they do not have a dad. This has happened throughout history, particularly during eras with wars like Vietnam. People talk about the death toll of that war but how many fatherless children did that produce? There are also widowers raising children should they abolish Mother's Day when it is up to the child/parent to make those holidays valuable?

Your job is to help your child deal with it, to remind your child that grandpa is uber kewl and a lot better than most people's dads. My dad is in his kids' lives but my children still consider me both their mother and father because he chooses only peripherally to be in their lives. Does your ex wish he was a different person?

This isn't about changing the holiday, it is about helping your children cope with the hand life has dealt them. You won't go into your specific situation so I'll assume possibly drugs and/or mental illness. It is not a lie to tell your children your daddy wishes that he was well so that he could spend time with you even if you know he is not actively thinking this way if he is using or if he needs meds and is not on them.

What you see as a bad thing may actually have been very good for your daughter. If she was sitting on those feelings or not trying to let you know about them because she didn't want you to feel badly, it is much better that she had this usetting experience and got them out rather than having them seep out here and there throughout the rest of her childhood and however many years of her adulthood she should choose not to deal with them. You cannot change the situation, you can change your response and help your daughter with hers.


What is wrong with the man?

Some parents are parents when it is convenient for them. I know a couple who married on Mother's Day, they spend their anniversaries out of town and their children are home alone. The pastor and his wife recently went to Israel, coincidentally when their son was confirmed and baptized when they were out of town.

Several years ago my daughter had an incident with her dad. I was upset that she was put through the events but when I told one of her teachers her reaction to it, she said, I know you want things to be "normal" for your child, but that kid isn't going to take shit off of anybody. She was quite right.

The world is not an easy place, as much as it pains us to see them hurt, it is beneficial to them to have you there to talk to and help them learn to make lemonade.
Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  >