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 eschec mat
Joined: 3/3/2009
Msg: 201
What a Dirt Bag!!!!!Page 9 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
^^^^^You are about the OP's age, beautiful, smart, and you get it. I tried to email you, but you only have 75 mi. I totally agree with what you are saying. The OP probably has learned by her immature actions and hopefully will meet someone she is a better match with.
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 202
view profile
What a Dirt Bag!!!!!
Posted: 7/3/2009 8:40:10 AM
Given ALL the circumstances to which we've been made aware, labeling a man a 'dirtbag' in this case is simply not justified.

I'd also like to point out something else: He said that he was there with a girl with whom he was having his fourth date--obviously, after three dates he didn't consider himself in an exclusive relationship with her because he'd dated the OP (ONE time). He was free to be wherever he wanted to be--with whomever he chose. So, for the OP to get her panties bunched is unreasonable.

Gotta track those feelings back to the origin--why was she upset? Had he given her reason to believe that he was not seeing anyone else? We don't know. Had he asked her to be exclusive? The OP doesn't say.
Why didn't the OP text him and say, "Hey! You made it here! Enjoy the show!"?, and deal with her feelings in a mature manner? No idea.
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 203
What a Dirt Bag!!!!! (NOT alone)...
Posted: 7/3/2009 10:08:15 AM

Lots of assumptions going on in regards to this thread. One major one is that I am you said. Wrong!!! I'm engaged to be married.

And I am the person? I guess it's possible to have two IDs and post to the thread as someone else. But why would someone do that? I simply feel like OP was handed a raw deal. Yes, I feel she over-reacted. But everyone is acting like she had no reason in the world to have her feelings hurt and I disagree with that.

Ifxp...I am lots older than you. That's the way of it. In my age bracket and amongst my is just considered bad behaviour to do as the gent in this thread did. Plain and simple.
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 204
What a Dirt Bag!!!!!
Posted: 7/3/2009 12:26:07 PM
There have been a variety of reactions to this thread and many of them quite divergent. One thing that kind of bothers me is that people have been pretty “creative” and have used a lot of license when it comes to what OP ACTUALLY wrote. I think it would be good to stick to the text of what OP originally wrote.

Some have said, “Well maybe he ran into the second gal at the concert.” How can that be when OP wrote that he told her that the second gal suggested they go to the concert. Not that I believe that’s what really happened…but it pays to read the original post carefully and stick to the text.

Some have said…well they only had ONE date. True enough but there was a subsequent date already scheduled as of Friday night for Sunday.

One could ask, “Well why did OP even mention to the concert to the man she had dated on Friday?” Her wording was that the concerts happen EVERY Saturday. Even though she was already scheduled to go with friends, perhaps she was suggesting that they go as a couple on ANOTHER Saturday or at least putting that possibility out there.

Honestly I can truly understand her not wanting to introduce him to her friends at that point. I just think it was too soon. But in her post she did not say she told him that. It pays to notice carefully what OP said and did not say. And let’s face it…she already had plans. If she had a first date on Friday and had another date scheduled for Sunday…personally a date 3 days in a row with someone I had just met would be a bit much for me. I mean who knows…maybe she wanted the oppourtunity on Saturday to talk with close friends about the great guy she had a date with on Friday night. But I don’t guess that would be too easy to do if he were there.

Maybe OP over-reacted about the situation but then again it’s not something that happened to us. It happened to her and I can imagine it was kind of a slap in the face. OP did what I KNOW I would have done, she cancelled the date for Sunday and suggested that since she wouldn’t be going out with him that maybe he could take his Saturday out. I think when all is said and done, it’s not so much a question of did the guy do something that was wrong and thoughtless…I think he did!!! But I think the question is, did OP over-react and I have to say…yes, I think OP did over-react. But like I also said…that’s easy to say because it didn’t happen to ME.

Yes I agree with all above, and note that you've made some intelligent points that are actually based on fact, instead of assumption, as you have pointed out has been done quite liberally by posters on this thread who might benefit from actually *reading* OP's posts before commenting

To those who are pointing out that she doesn't "Own" him after one date...What are you implying? That a man "Own" his wife? NO! No one "Owns" anyone.

It is fine and natural for either gender to date more than one person, especially in the early stages where there is no exclusivity. However normal people do not go out of their way flaunt their various current dating partners in front of the other ones.

The fact that this basic norm eludes so many of the posters on this thread tells me indeed they have difficulty with basic manners, courtesy and they lack social graces, and is probably the reason they are single. And the fact that so many people who lack basic manners are out there, is probably why those of us who are courteous towards those we're dating, are single; we don't want to date them.
 eschec mat
Joined: 3/3/2009
Msg: 205
What a Dirt Bag!!!!!
Posted: 7/3/2009 1:00:52 PM
Ya know if I went out with a man once and wanted to see that concert, I sure as heck would go. The man has no rights to me. If I received an immature text message, I sure as heck wouldn't go out with that person again. But the icing is posting this thread.

I don't get how people think you are married after one date. Was he supposed to ask her permission? Get real. His date wanted to go, so he went. If it was me, I would have done the same thing and I always dated one person at a time. I am quite happy in my relationship with someone I don't question if he is an alcoholic, that doesn't fall asleep on me, is reliable etc. After all these months of dating him, I know that we are great together, never had doubts or posted questions about him or our sex life. I have read the threads, I do remember what some people have written on other threads and amazed they think that they are in good relationships or have the answers when they have had obvious problems. Oh heck, I don't hide, I even post photos of not just me, but both of us. So I know that I am good with dating, didn't have the problems some people on this thread have had and will have obviously.
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 206
What a Dirt Bag!!!!!
Posted: 7/3/2009 3:09:14 PM
Eschec…you said you always dated one person at a time. But that was not the case with the fellow mentioned in this thread. I’m not positive what the connection is there.

Yes…I created one thread not long after I joined POF. I was concerned about the drinking habits of a man I had begun communicating with. That thread was so helpful to me. It gave me ideas and thoughts that I hadn’t come up with on my own and I’m grateful I started that thread.

I feel pretty sure that I would have come to the conclusion that the fellow with the drinking problem was really not the right one for me, even without the thoughts and advice of other fishies. But never-the-less I was glad for it and now I have met someone who is really super and we are quite happy with one another. Maybe I will post some pics of us together also…when we get some pics taken. Don’t have any at the moment.
 Miss Blueberry
Joined: 6/11/2009
Msg: 207
What a Dirt Bag!!!!!
Posted: 7/4/2009 7:47:49 AM
Tracy...This guy is obviously a player...don't even waste your time blogging here...POF is full of people (note: I said who play these type of games. Give it a month and you won't even remember his name! And perhaps may have found a great man...
Joined: 3/10/2008
Msg: 208
What a Dirt Bag!!!!!
Posted: 7/4/2009 10:09:40 AM
My point is that maybe since he knew I would be there with my friends he could have taken his date somewhere else. ...

Because You were bothered by it... right? Honestly.
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 209
view profile
What a Dirt Bag!!!!!
Posted: 7/4/2009 11:15:37 AM
You could have walked up to him and her, said hello all friendly. Introduced yourself to her and chatted pleasantly, then turned to him and said..."See you on our date Sunday!" and walked away, leaving him to explain it all to her. Truth is a ****!
 Happily Ever...maybe
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 210
view profile
What a Dirt Bag!!!!!
Posted: 7/4/2009 11:58:23 AM
Now let me get this straight; you and he dated exactly once, you told him about something that he had a genuine interest in (the jazz concert) but didn't want to go there with him because of a prior commitment, he then booked another date and took her to the concert instead. And that makes him a dirt bag!!?? Maybe I missed something there. Its not like you told him about a small restaurant that you enjoyed and that you'd be at that night, and he showed up there with a date. I'm thinking at this concert there were a few thousand people, so what were the odds he would run into you at all? It was just plain bad luck on his part, although given the way it obviously bothered you so much OP, and then the way you overreacted, perhaps in the long run it was good luck for him the way it happened.
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 211
What a Dirt Bag!!!!!
Posted: 7/5/2009 9:31:30 AM
You went out once and didnt have any commitment.....helloooo
Might have been a little tacky on his part but he didnt do anything wrong.
Joined: 5/14/2007
Msg: 212
What a Dirt Bag!!!!!
Posted: 7/5/2009 10:03:20 AM

i dont understand a 30 year old whining about some guy like shes 16 and he came to the prom with another date...get over it

I think that from Ifxp76 sums up the bulk of the replies here (from both men and women) on the topic.

I simply feel like OP was handed a raw deal. Yes, I feel she over-reacted. But everyone is acting like she had no reason in the world to have her feelings hurt and I disagree with that.

BarbiDahl, I would never argue she is entitled to her feelings - our feelings are our own, they aren't neccissarily "right" or "wrong", they just *are*. And most of us (hopefully) are mature enough that if our feelings our hurt in some way, sure, maybe we vent to a few close friends or family or something - but to come on a public website calling the guy a "Dirt Bag" for it? That's immaturity.

She was not "handed a raw deal" - she *created* a "raw deal" in the responses here by her own immaturity in lashing out in public calling the guy a "Dirt Bag" when in they eyes of the obvious majority here he wasn't. She had the opportunity to invite the guy along, she didn't, he went with someone else, and her "feelings were hurt"... boohoo, apparently in her eyes he can't have a life, or date others (although she *says* in a followup post she "didn't expect him to not be dating others"). She chose to take a self-centered "its all about me" position, rather than understanding the guy is "new in town" and looking to get out, meet people, do things, and explore this new place he's living in. That, in her eyes, is apparently "only OK if its with her, or not anyplace where they might meet if he's with someone else". Pffft. And then, again immature, rather than asking him about it, she's *accusing* him over it right off the bat... as if she owns him, even though she didn't know until *after* who it was (and it could have been his sister/cousin/etc). Heck, if a woman showed that amount of jealousy to me after one date, I might very well tell her my sister was a "date", just to get rid of her!

One could ask, “Well why did OP even mention to the concert to the man she had dated on Friday?” Her wording was that the concerts happen EVERY Saturday. Even though she was already scheduled to go with friends, perhaps she was suggesting that they go as a couple on ANOTHER Saturday or at least putting that possibility out there.

So he's not ALLOWED to go to the concert unless he is in the company of OP? Ridiculous. Not to mention, the woman he went out with, I assume is also a local & he is new in town, so why then would it be so hard to believe that the other woman suggested the outdoor concert as a date? Sounds like something that many people go to , given the fact that it's a large venue (a couple of football fields large) as opposed to a concert in a park.

And apparently, CanDache, if her and her friends made a routine of going to this outdoor concert almost every weekend, he could *never* go in her eyes - after only one date he would need to "check in" with her forever after to make sure she wasn't going. God forbid he have his own life!!

Especially given the guy is "new in town", yet he can't be introduced to her friends yet. Whats she afraid of? Maybe he'll hit it off with one of her friends, like her better? Maybe he'll actually become friends with some of her friends, maybe they have things in common, and they'll start doing things together that they have in common, without the OP?
Joined: 7/26/2010
Msg: 213
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What a Dirt Bag!!!!!
Posted: 10/1/2011 10:40:35 AM
WOW! Truth hurts, but that doesn't mean YOU have to hurt people. I wouldn't want you angry with me, 'cause I have lots of truths that can still hurt me very much, being far from "a perfect person" as anyone can be. I was impresssed with your scenario. That would have been the nicest way to get back at him. But I don't think there was any reason to get back at him. So he dates more than one person at a time. And he let his date pick out a place where he knew he shouldn't go; poor judgement should only be an a small indicator of his character, neither should be deal breakers. My mom use to hide her engagement ring when my Dad came around 'cause she like Dad more than her fiance. That was terrible of her; she was far from perfect, but all is fair in love and war as they say. I'll tell you what; if she was more into "Dirt Bag", she would not have focused on his faults, but would have made sure to keep that date with him. If I'm wrong about that, then I really feel sorry for her 'cause she's not in tune with her true self.
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 214
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What a Dirt Bag!!!!!
Posted: 10/1/2011 11:14:58 AM
My first thought was that you obviously liked the group, I am guessing depending on who it was that more or less than 50% of the audience was female too

So its hardly beyond the realms of possibility that she did infact ALSO want to go to see this too rather than as implied "he deliberately" took her there "knowing" you would see them

That would almost definitely happen if it was an episode of friends or seinfeld, but back in the real world not so much

Get over yourself already

You had been on one date, hardly the basis for exclusivity either in a dating sense or even a sexual one really

Chances are she could have already been going there anyway and actually invited him

Its also pretty likely he called to see if you were going hoping that maybe you and your friends had made other plans

But either way the two of you were strangers who got on a tiny bit and may or may not have met again which equally may or may not have led anywhere

Hardly the basis for "claiming" part of the town where you live as being off limits to him if youre going to be there, even after the end of a long marriage that would be taking the piss never mind after one measly date
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 215
view profile
What a Dirt Bag!!!!!
Posted: 10/1/2011 11:48:12 AM
you have met him one time so who cares if he took someone else,you are acting crazy over nothing
Joined: 2/12/2011
Msg: 216
What a Dirt Bag!!!!!
Posted: 10/1/2011 12:40:15 PM
that sucks OP. i guess he likes her more than you if he brought her to that jazz concert on their 4th date from your idea. i hate guys like that.
Joined: 1/30/2011
Msg: 217
What a Dirt Bag!!!!!
Posted: 10/1/2011 12:48:09 PM
Whaaaaaaaaaaa...crying that someone who she doesn't even know yet decides to go have some fun, after he was hinting at spending a good time with you. The last I saw, you're not from royalty.
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 218
What a Dirt Bag!!!!!
Posted: 10/1/2011 2:43:42 PM
I've got a different theory as to why the OP says it was "too early" for the guy to meet her friends, and that's why he wasn't invited to join them. It's obvious OP has a jealousy streak, so she was probably afraid the guy might find her friends more attractive and was afraid he might be chatting up one of the friends or one of her friends might be hitting on the guy. As for sending a text "I see you". How old is she-10 years old? I'm surprised the guy actually responded. If it was me and I got a message that looked like it was written by a juvenile delinquent, I would've deleted it and block the number.
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 219
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What a Dirt Bag!!!!!
Posted: 10/1/2011 3:20:20 PM
This thread is ancient so I doubt the OP is even checking in anymore, but oh well. It sounds to me like this man was hoping you'd invite him to the jazz concert when he called you on the Saturday, OP, and you didn't. (I'd actually think a group setting would be quite appropriate for newer dates, so I don't understand why you didn't want him to meet your friends, but that's just me).

It's not like the guy showed up at a restaurant that he knew you were going to that evening and sat at the next table with a date. Or, say, came into your place of work with a date. It was a large concert, from the sounds of it, so what would the odds be of even running into you there?

If it had been an event in a smaller venue, like a small club, where he knew you'd see him, then I'd guess he simply wasn't that interested in the first place.

I can't fathom why you texted him like you did, though. I agree with the posters who said that was juvenile. I'm surprised he even replied back.
Joined: 3/24/2011
Msg: 220
What a Dirt Bag!!!!!
Posted: 10/1/2011 5:09:12 PM
*Opinions Vary*, and 'tracy...' has hers !
My advice to her would be to avoid the 'serial-daters' with a 3-volume 'Black-Book', and find a guy that would make Her his exclusive priority...
worthy of her beauty and intelligence..!!
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 221
What a Dirt Bag!!!!!
Posted: 10/2/2011 7:23:57 PM

He implied he'd like to go with you, but you felt it was too soon to let him meet your friends. For me, once a woman says "no", it's up to her to do the next "asking". He made another date. Smart choice on his part, IMO.

I second that.

At this point; I probably ACTUALLY 235th that.
Joined: 9/16/2011
Msg: 222
What a Dirt Bag!!!!!
Posted: 10/2/2011 8:31:03 PM
I agree. he was not a dirt bag. you didnt invite him to go so why cant he go with someone else?
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 223
What a Dirt Bag!!!!!
Posted: 10/2/2011 9:07:38 PM
the dude was just straight up disrespectful. Exclusive or not, you don't take someone that you are dating to the same spot with someone that you are also seeing on the side. Either way the dude was a player and he got what he deserved.

Should have thought of that before he wanted **** up a good thing with the op.
Joined: 4/6/2011
Msg: 224
view profile
What a Dirt Bag!!!!!
Posted: 10/2/2011 9:48:08 PM
At least he did it in the wide open.
People on those sites are all serial daters. No matter if tey are
20, or 77 years old. This dating , and meeting in "real life" is a power trip to them.
It`s crazy, but very true. They are addicted to dating , and sleeping with multiple people at the same time. That satisfies their ego`s, and gives them"make believe power"
Yeah right, they are nothing but young, and very old idiots, who think they can outmart women,lol
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 225
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What a Dirt Bag!!!!!
Posted: 10/3/2011 8:36:56 AM
I wonder how many of the blokes would be falling over themselves to console the "poor poor" OP (as well as also managing to point out how edibly scrumptious they think she is) if she was a butt ugly overweight bruiser or if the genders were reversed lol

The frequency of

"Theyre a scumbag, shag me instead coz I wouldnt be like that"

quite blatantly pathetically desperate toned posts like that on this place is almost enough to make someone feel embarassed about being male on this kind of site
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