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 AUTHOR
 witty_
Joined: 9/29/2007
Msg: 26
POF LessonsPage 2 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
1. My opinion is just that........mine. Your opinion is yours. Neither may be right or wrong, but there is no need to bash each other for what we think.

2. I have good intuition. I have only met good people through PoF.

3. Just because there is no picture, doesn't mean the person has something to hide. There is no risk in contacting a person without a picture.

4. Some people don't wear enough clothing in their pictures.

5. Some people wear too much clothing in their pictures.
 phoenix_cinder
Joined: 6/4/2007
Msg: 27
POF Lessons
Posted: 6/25/2009 2:23:03 AM
"clicking" online and "clicking" in person are 2 completely different ball games. How many times have you chatted to someone off of POF and its like sparks fly, you can talk and talk for hours. Then you eagerly await to meet this person and when you finally do, it's nothing, no chemistry, no connection.....nothing.

Now consider the opposite, you don't really click too much online, you find it difficult to converse. How do you know if you are magnetized electrically if you met in person or not?

Chemistry online is great but is nearly irrelevant.

Do not base the potential spark that may or may not ignite in person solely on emotions consciously or sub consciously created from what you read on your 19' monitor.

The only connection that should matter is the connection created when in the physical presence of another.
 ratherBgolfing
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 28
POF Lessons
Posted: 6/25/2009 5:13:48 AM
Assume people are not quite as unmarried as their profiles would indicate.



Now THAT is funny.

My rule of thumb: The longer you wait to meet, the less likely that person is going to be who you thought she was. Remember, writing messages back and forth does not serve for a true assessment of character. You can only really judge that by meeting in person. Emailing gives a person the opportunity to think about what he/she is saying and "dress it up" to sound as good as possible.
 ritawayward
Joined: 4/17/2007
Msg: 29
POF Lessons
Posted: 6/25/2009 5:45:08 AM
You can only really judge that by meeting in person.


People can and do "dress it up" in person every bit as much as they do online!
Not everyone, but the ones who are the least bit practised acquire the skills to "sound as good as possible"
without any lead time to " think about what they are saying".
THEY have had years to master that before their face to face meet ever came along!

I have had nothing but success(and by that I mean good quality, like minded people to date) insisting on a minimum of a month of steady contact by email, webcam, phone(in that order) before meeting. I limit it to no more than three months( for LD) and no less than a month,locally. 90% of the people who were not what they claimed fell apart thru TMI or getting caught with their claims being mixed up or wrong, without my meeting them! That ALWAYS take several conversations and I'll be damned it I am going to jeopardize my career and finances by having several coffee meets with one person to find out someone is not what they say they are!
 Fa que
Joined: 2/10/2009
Msg: 30
POF Lessons
Posted: 6/25/2009 7:15:46 AM
Wonderful way to waste time.

Doesn't work. Sure maybe .009% find success, the rest wallow in the mire and forget that the real world exists and MAYBE just maybe if you engaged someone "out there" you would "connect".

Trolls abound. Be wary of instant posting "newbies".

Good place to bounce shite off each other, and watch the shenanigans.
 ritawayward
Joined: 4/17/2007
Msg: 31
POF Lessons
Posted: 6/25/2009 8:59:54 AM
Well thats nice and the norm or agreed upon way of "Success" but it's not for everyone, as I said.
I don't TRY to argue you with examples out of your way and its pointless to example me(with yours) out of my positive outcome!

I don't want a long term co habitation relationship!
I can get those any day of the week OFFLINE!
Certainly had my fair share of offers from too many, very nice people.

Those who write off this approach always seem to factor in the idea that this includes NEVER meeting IRL!
Not so, in my case and many others. We just limit who we meet to those we have found to have REAL potential,
rather than coffee meet everyone who "sounds like" they have potential via one mail and/or call or two.

I want a varied assortment of long term friends and suitors to date and thats what I am getting with my approach!
Did the long term thing for a few decades from very young.
It's my turn to enjoy variety and travel!
MOST people never want or dare to take a turn at spreading their wings independant of a romantic "partner".
Doesnt make it right or the only way!
Sure wouldnt know it by the comments here.
If it's so great keep it! What y'all defending it so riqorously here for?

Thou doth protest too much.

 charminC
Joined: 3/29/2009
Msg: 32
POF Lessons
Posted: 6/25/2009 9:10:20 AM
I believe men need to invest their time in order to respect someone and ultimately want a relationship. If a man isn't willing to spend that month getting to know you, then he's only after one thing.

^^

I concur
I find too many are too pushy with no respect to the idea of a hands-off friendship route
I could be the greatest friend who is happy to give my shoulder, an honest thought and whatever else needed if only I was respected as just a friend yet to this day no matter how i keep my boundaries clear, they push.. meh

and for online stuff..sadly but surely. ...thick skin

cheers people
 BonnieB
Joined: 10/25/2004
Msg: 33
view profile
History
POF Lessons
Posted: 6/25/2009 10:42:22 AM
My lessons learned are to trust my online instincts..
... yes, partly by photo (shame on me), partly by the written word (snob that I am).. but I've never yet been totally off-base when I listened to those instincts.

Even if the "chemistry" is not there, I have never yet met one man, or woman for that matter, whom I liked online that I disliked in person or vice versa.

I believe that most times that the 'signs' are there, in the eyes, between the written lines.. you just have to know how to read them.

and..



Hence I have concluded from POF:
# of women that want to date short men = # of men who want to date fat women.


I'm not quite sure how to read this.. that few women want to date short men and that few men want to date fat women .. or that, fortunately, short men like fat women and vice versa



B.
 lovnlife
Joined: 3/8/2009
Msg: 34
POF Lessons
Posted: 6/25/2009 4:26:40 PM
There are alot of people with bigger problems than mine. Communication in the normal face to face manner is a dead art. Finally that alot of people are single for a reason that is usually very apparent quite quickly.

One world welcome to it.
 Bellaâ„¢
Joined: 5/7/2009
Msg: 35
POF Lessons
Posted: 6/25/2009 7:48:39 PM
I'm hoping that the guy that just sent mo-mo and me the identical heartfelt (copy and paste) letter
saying he's the 'real deal' learns his lesson.

What a dumbass.
 Temptation50
Joined: 5/13/2007
Msg: 36
POF Lessons
Posted: 6/25/2009 8:24:50 PM
I've learned very few look like their photos, in fact the very ones that complain about it post a 15 yr old picture??......Like WTF?

I've learned that some forum posters blow a gasket and come back as some other weird alter ego a few days later........:tongue, like we could'nt tell eh?
 mo-mo
Joined: 6/10/2007
Msg: 37
POF Lessons
Posted: 6/25/2009 8:29:53 PM
I have learned that some fishies are really brilliant.......
I mean Bella and I are both "STUNNING" who could resist the two of us ?
If he was really lucky he might even get a threesome ..... Too bad about the cut n paste thing.
 bcboy72
Joined: 3/16/2005
Msg: 38
view profile
History
POF Lessons
Posted: 6/25/2009 8:55:01 PM
^^ Am I still candidate for the father of the lesbian love child?

Lessons? Well...messages this long cannot be posted.

Meh..you take the good with the bad when dealing with the online world. A lesson for one may not be the same for another.

Oh yeah..don't copy and paste messages. It doesn't work... *shut down again*
 ~JaneSays~
Joined: 5/6/2009
Msg: 39
POF Lessons
Posted: 6/26/2009 8:46:13 PM
Another lesson . . . do not take posting too seriously.

This is just forum life and in a few weeks it will be all different.

I am still working on not being baited because as soon as some one disagrees with me I want to defend my point. This leads to all types of inanity.
 easyas123abc123babyyouand
Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 40
POF Lessons
Posted: 6/26/2009 8:48:56 PM

I'm hoping that the guy that just sent mo-mo and me the identical heartfelt (copy and paste) letter
saying he's the 'real deal' learns his lesson.

What a dumbass.


that is just soooooooo friggin funny.. think Karma, ladies.. lol lol lol
 * L *
Joined: 7/13/2007
Msg: 41
view profile
History
POF Lessons
Posted: 6/26/2009 11:49:59 PM
I'm hoping that the guy that just sent mo-mo and me the identical heartfelt (copy and paste) letter
saying he's the 'real deal' learns his lesson.

What a dumbass.


you two too eh ? ....guess he likes rainbows! ...hehehe..ahem
the real deal needs to get reel......
 pro-filer
Joined: 5/9/2008
Msg: 42
POF Lessons
Posted: 6/27/2009 12:00:36 AM

because as soon as some one disagrees with me I want to defend my point. This leads to all types of inanity.

Yup. Some years ago I realized I was expending entirely too much energy 'defending' my point to strangers all over the world (not on POF, on other discussion forums). Entirely dumb on my part, so I made a conscious decision to state my point, once, as clearly as I could, offer clarifications if it seemed warranted and then drop it. Took a while, and I still get caught up sometimes, but I've gone from a terrier that would not let go to someone who has been called "reasonable" on occasion. :)
 pro-filer
Joined: 5/9/2008
Msg: 43
POF Lessons
Posted: 6/27/2009 12:37:43 AM

the less teeth the terrier
the worse the bite gets

That's not what the guys I've dated have said.
 Entzauberung
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 44
POF Lessons
Posted: 6/27/2009 12:52:31 AM

... I've gone from a terrier that would not let go to someone who has been called "reasonable" on occasion. :)

This said by the one of the most reasonable persons I've encountered here.

It is an admirable quality.
 rockondon
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 45
view profile
History
POF Lessons
Posted: 6/27/2009 1:00:19 AM
Don't send the same copy/paste letter to girls that are on each other's favorites list
 Fa que
Joined: 2/10/2009
Msg: 46
POF Lessons
Posted: 6/27/2009 8:43:40 PM
You get what you pay for.....
 ~JaneSays~
Joined: 5/6/2009
Msg: 47
POF Lessons
Posted: 6/27/2009 9:01:30 PM
Okay, I have done really well at not taking objections about comments people made about me today and there were several. My POF lesson is sticking.

I am staying out of that tolerance thread now because it has turned ugly. Yup, I am not going to get defensive. People do not change their minds I have found when I have defended myself so it is more or less pointless.

There was a cryptic post from someone who deleted herself today about me understanding something I didn't. I said nothing. The lesson here is that people can come and go in the blink of an eye. I guess we are all just passing through and will invariably move on. It is just a matter of when.
 Goodbye_Girl
Joined: 1/13/2009
Msg: 48
POF Lessons
Posted: 6/27/2009 9:05:31 PM

You get what you pay for.....


^^^ and that my friends is zero....
I have learned to expect very little from internet dating sites...
 witty_
Joined: 9/29/2007
Msg: 49
POF Lessons
Posted: 6/28/2009 7:41:10 AM
I think it should be " you get what you give".

If you are positive, happy, and show that in your profile and your forum posts, you will in return, get positive results.

Negativity breeds........ and breeds quickly.

 * L *
Joined: 7/13/2007
Msg: 50
view profile
History
POF Lessons
Posted: 6/28/2009 3:08:18 PM

Don't send the same copy/paste letter to girls that are on each other's favorites list

^^^^ lmao -- very good advice ....hahahahaha
however i guess some fellows are jsut tired of thinking and try to get as much mail/male out there as possible - hoping one female might bite ..... whatever works!

oh and network , network ..ask your friends first if they dated him ......
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