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 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 74
Girls making the first move???Page 4 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Bottom line is most you like won't like you back - and most who like you, you won't like back. Since men tend to make the first move more often, the guys women don't like are the ones messaging, I'd say a little over 80% of the time.

Women have a choice:
1. Pick from the guys incoming, most of which aren't their type, just to kill time or in hopes one will pan out.
2. Pick no one and go read a book (at least that's productive)
3. Step up to the plate and message the guys they like.

If a guy wants to be in category 1, that means that he's ok with a woman talking to him though she really wants someone else or just isn't all that into it. Anything else will be seen as too picky (especially by guys not getting picked, duh).

Guys if a woman's interested, she'll respond. If she isn't she won't. Why isn't relevant. If offline is better for you - then by all means sign off and get out there. Online isn't for everyone...it's mostly for people who are already doing well offline and want to add to their choices.
 voicebridge
Joined: 9/24/2009
Msg: 77
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Some insight on women approaching on POF
Posted: 10/13/2009 12:28:21 PM
The women that have contacted me first on POF (a handful) have been epic fail for the most part. Attractive, interesting profiles, but the execution is marginal at best.
Their msgs typically have no reference to my profile and include something along the lines of "hi, saw your profile. Let's chat", but with gross grammar mistakes and boring sentence structure.

At first I thought it was a mass msg, but apparently you need to be an event planner for that.

I've been responding to these msgs, and sometimes the sender won't even read her own response back!

I've only been here for a few weeks, but I am starting to realize there are a whole different set of rules. I'm not snobby, but I put some effort into my contacts, which may in fact, be ruining my chances!

I would say women should probably stick to sending decent signals and looking pretty.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 82
Girls making the first move???
Posted: 10/20/2009 10:16:24 AM

Us guys want you to make the first move.....

But in a way that makes it seem like we made the first move.....

Remember the Greek wedding movie about the head (of the household) and the neck? It applies here as well.

Good luck with that. There are few women who are willing to make a move who won't want to take the credit. And why not? Don't see the big deal there.

If you want the credit, make the move - regardless of gender.
 Sunsation1
Joined: 7/8/2009
Msg: 85
Girls making the first move???
Posted: 10/20/2009 10:35:08 AM
In todays society and with new rules and safety concerns, many men are more careful about making a first move. It would be nice if women felt the same desire and weren't afraid to make the first move, or maybe make it obvious that they are interested... I like assertive and intelligent women that aren't afraid of making that move...
 m14shooter
Joined: 10/2/2009
Msg: 86
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Girls making the first move???
Posted: 10/20/2009 3:05:08 PM
I like it. Read my profile as I have it on there a couple times. I don't have a type and I date tall women, short women, thin women and overweight women and I am after what is between the ears. I think women have a look they repeat in dating so I tell them if I favorite you I would like to talk to you and add me as a favorite and I will contact you if you fit what I am looking for and I have only not contacted one woman. Just got tired of hearing I'm not your type.
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 89
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Girls making the first move???
Posted: 11/3/2009 6:22:31 PM

...What will become of the world if those things happen?

Sarah Palin will be the first woman president?
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 90
Girls making the first move???
Posted: 11/3/2009 7:11:18 PM
Nevermind!
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 92
Girls making the first move???
Posted: 11/3/2009 7:20:18 PM
I happen to use a lot of sarcasm, and the second half of it resembled such, but wasn't acompanied by any type of warning that it was sarcasm. Since few here have a sense of humor, I assumed it was a straight forward answer.

It just doesn't always translate well in a message board - offline is better.

I'll delete.
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 93
Girls making the first move???
Posted: 11/3/2009 10:12:36 PM
I say go for it too.

Take 50 men and line them up against a wall and 50 women and line them up against the opposite wall. If given the choice, would you prefer to be the one choosing from the 50 men or would you rather hope that the one man that you wanted picked you?

You definately increase the odds of getting what you want by putting your pride aside and making the first move. This goes for both sexes. Why do you think men have taken this lead all these years? You thought it was they loved the chase?
 yourscooter62
Joined: 9/27/2009
Msg: 97
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Girls making the first move???
Posted: 11/6/2009 12:34:31 PM
I hoping helen does when i meet her!! hehehe
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 101
Girls making the first move???
Posted: 11/8/2009 7:35:14 AM
Let's look at this...

At least when a woman makes the first move on here it does show to the guy that she is at least in some way INTERESTED, so therefore he is at least flattered by the attention.

When a man makes the first move here or anywhere else it shows the woman he's at least interested in some way, and therefore SHE is at least flattered by the attention. It's the same thing in reverse.

On the other hand when a guy messages a woman ( because he is interested in her in some way ) she in most cases wont " fancy " him so she ignores him....end of.

When a woman messages a guy here in most cases he won't fancy her and probably won't respond (tho who cares what he does if he's not interested anyway - we're not as picky about getting a response).

When she recieves a message from a guy SHE fancies she will of course lap up the attention.

Why wouldn't she? When a man recieves a message from a woman he fancies he probably will too.

She WILL of course make the first move on a guy she thinks is very good looking but will generally ignore the not-so-good looking guys.

It amazes me that some men are still discovering women tend to go with what they are attracted to (or what's good looking to us), when not only is it a given but these men probably do the same thing. If you have attraction to a woman, it doesn't end there - she also has to be attracted back. It's a two way street. Why is this so hard to understand?

Generally most men love the attention they get from the vast majority of women. I know i do but this doesnt happen very often.

Again, women like attention too - none of this is gender specific. Sure women tend to get more attention than men overall - but it's men who create this dynamic.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 102
Girls making the first move???
Posted: 11/8/2009 8:31:55 AM
There are men and women that are equally picky...however even if women are more picky, it's usually because they don't want to date for the sake of dating. If you're not into the guy, why put him through it, or you? If a woman's ok with being single she can be as picky as she wants - same goes for men. Maybe more men should be picky.

The response rate is 1-2 per 10 messaged, so honestly - you're getting exactly the right amount. Read or not isn't relevant to non response - if they felt you weren't a match, a non response is an outcome.

Women DO NOT always get more responses than men - if a guy isn't interested he's just as likely to delete and move on - the only reason it seems like men get less is that men complain more. If anything most women would rather not have response specifically stating how uninterested a guy is - what's the point of that? We see that as redundant. We'd rather not get one, which is probably why most women don't send one either.

I don't want anything in my inbox but responses from guys WHO ARE INTERESTED IN RETURN. The rest are just false alarms. Pfft.

Ugh - no offense, but the reply isn't the bottom line here - it's not the point of messaging women - the point is to meet someone who is interested in you, not tally up the responses from women who aren't. Trying to control how/when women who don't want to talk to you respond to you is a wasted mission.

Send messages and then delete from the send box so you don't keep track of crap that you have no control over.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 103
Girls making the first move???
Posted: 11/8/2009 8:52:55 AM

why do your friends have to be TALL, HANDSOME and ATHLETIC, friends come in all shapes and sizes.....these are of course your preferences for what you are looking for regarding friends . I could understand just a little more if you were looking for dating/boyfriend.....lol.

Actually most men tend to misread my profile. I'm not looking for anything literally, as I'm not one to search - and I don't care what form friendship comes in - the rest goes for men I tend to be interested in should I see someone I want to date. Since my profile says talk/e-mail, however nothing applies unless/until I see someone I want to message. That's just letting guys other than what I listed know what I normally go for.

However my personal profile and interests have nothing to do with this conversation.

There are loads of women i see on POF who i like/fancy and would LOVE to get to know better so i message them to which most of the time i get no responses..........when iam messaged by ANY woman i still reply.

I already responded to the whole response thing. Not interested is not interested, regardless of how someone decides to convey it. If someone didn't give you a gift, how would you like it? No gift at all, or an empty box giftwrapped? I mean, the form it comes in is so not the point. If YOU message, that's great for you - some people don't. What others do isn't your concern.

Yes i think guys will moan more as we have more to moan about. A lot of women in life know they can reject or turn down many guys and still get what they want............this is not possible for a lot of men however.

You don't know what women get, what women do, how many men they turn down, how many men care. All that matters is what goes on in YOUR life. If a woman's interested good - if she's not, next! That's all that matters - not what women do, who they date, how they sign on, what socks they wear, etc. All that is speculation and irrelevant if they aren't interested.
 BigBee77
Joined: 4/14/2009
Msg: 121
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Girls making the first move???
Posted: 12/5/2009 8:49:15 PM
There is NOTHING wrong with that. Hell if you see something you like then go for it. If you aren't the type to take things too personal, then what do you have to lose. You will either fly or crash and burn. If you crash and burn, all is not lost. You dust yourself off, hop on the next plane and eventually you will get on one that will fly (metaphorically speaking). This applies to men and women. It would be GREAT if more women made the first move, it would be lot easier for the guy. Personally, it doesn't matter to me. I was taught that REAL men go after what they want. All a female got to really do on her end to make it easier for me is to give me ANY SUBTLE CLUE OF INTEREST. After that, it's on from there.
 Musique08
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 124
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Girls making the first move???
Posted: 12/6/2009 11:04:32 AM
Girls making the first move is FINE. I don't even think about it.... it's cool whoever makes the first move.

I started talking to my boyfriend, and we are BOTH so glad that I did!
 _allen_
Joined: 6/14/2009
Msg: 125
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Girls making the first move???
Posted: 12/6/2009 11:15:36 AM
It's great when a woman makes to first move. It takes all of the guess work out of my part. It can be pretty hard trying to read the signals woman give. How am I to tell if she is interested? Most of us guys get tire of, "going out on a limb".

Dating remindes me of what Vince Vaughn said in Wedding Crashers:

Janice, I apologize to you if I don't seem real eager to jump into a forced awkward intimate situation that people like to call dating. I don't like the feeling. You're sitting there, you're wondering do I have food on my face, am I eating, am I talking too much, are they talking enough, am I interested I'm not really interested, should I play like I'm interested but I'm not that interested but I think she might be interested but do I want to be interested but now she's not interested? So all of the sudden I'm getting, I'm starting to get interested... And when am I supposed to kiss her? Do I have to wait for the door cause then it's awkward, it's like well goodnight. Do you do like that ass-out hug? Where you like, you hug each other like this and your ass sticks out cause you're trying not to get too close or do you just go right in and kiss them on the lips or don't kiss them at all? It's very difficult trying to read the situation. And all the while you're just really wondering are we gonna get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions? Perhaps play a little game called "just the tip". Just for a second, just to see how it feels. Or, ouch, ouch you're on my hair.
 coveredinpaint
Joined: 7/13/2009
Msg: 128
Girls making the first move???
Posted: 12/10/2009 9:01:36 AM
My experience with women making the first move is generally a bad one. If a woman shows me even slight interest, and I like her back, then I'll begin pursuing her as much as she pursues me. If I don't like her, and she continues to pursue me, then it is just annoying.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 129
Girls making the first move???
Posted: 12/10/2009 9:32:00 AM
^^^Exactly, it has to be mutual, and "full duplex". Both have to be wanting to make an equal amount of effort to get to know the other person. If one is "meh" about it, it never goes well.

For women who show interest, it's important to step back and allow a guy to meet you halfway. If you don't you'll never know if he's interested or just bored.

That also goes for men who pull the thing where they continue to try even though they've been told directly it's not going to happen.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 133
Girls making the first move???
Posted: 1/11/2010 8:17:30 AM

Early on she was fairly 'agressive' and up front with trying get with me...

Once we started seeing each other I realized it basically pointed to her somewhat "controlling" nature...

The difference there is "chasing" or "harrassing" as opposed to just letting a guy know you dig him and then allowing him to either make a move or decline the interest.

So I prefer to keep nature the way god intended....men to call the women....unless the woman just wants a booty call or something...then its ok...

Nahhh too confusing. Men can call for that too...if that's what they want.
 classy_persian
Joined: 3/20/2009
Msg: 135
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Girls making the first move???
Posted: 3/17/2010 7:12:07 PM
Basically the girl would be doing what the guy is expected to do. There's goods and bads to it.

Let's start with the bad part. If he's not interested, he'd be trying to figure out a way to avoid hurting her. He's not delicate enough to manage that, so she gets hurt and he feels guilty for a while. This has happened to me before, I hated it.

But in reality you're just experiencing what every guy goes through quite often. Look at it like a guy would, "oh well, whatever, let's move on to the next."

The good part is, if your looks are better than average, for example if you're not fat and don't have any major skin problems, you've pretty much sealed the deal with 99.9% of the guys you could asked out. I've been asked out before and things went pretty well.

Unless, you've chosen someone from than 0.1%. In which case I'd say you're better off not going out with him.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 139
Girls making the first move???
Posted: 3/18/2010 5:03:36 AM

I agree with womaninprogress. I used to be quite the feminist, but so (too) many times I have approached men and they displayed the 'meh' factor. I once read a dating question similar to this one and the second part of the question was, 'But what if he hasn't noticed me yet'. The advice giver said, 'Believe me he's noticed you. Take the time it took for you to notice him and size him up then divide it by 10'. That's the time it took for him to notice you then stick you in the 'I'm not interested in her' category. He's noticed you, he's not interested.

I don't know about all this, but you mentioned me so I'll respond.

My point is that either men or women who approach and try to close the deal without the input of the person they're intereted in are going to experience a lot of rejection.

I may approach and initiate conversation, but I don't do it with an agenda, and I won't corner a guy asking if he's interested, trying to close the deal, asking him out right away - because I don't like to be cornered that way and I know how annoying that is.

I'll do what I respond well to; I'll make general conversation, declare attraction non confrontationally, read body language and allowing the guy to actually have a chance to respond without his defenses up.

If he's into me, that's a bonus - he'll let me know by wanting to find me or want to continue talking when I attempt to end the conversation - if he's not he'll let me know by politely letting me walk away. I don't even have to think about it. No harm done; I just had a harmless conversation and went on with my day.
 Im an Angelfish
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 140
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Girls making the first move???
Posted: 3/18/2010 10:48:38 PM
I completely agree with your point of view. However, my experience is that it is the wrong thing to do if you really like the guy. I have met men that I have genuinely liked and I know they were interested in me...I also noticed a corelation of how long before I slept with them and the length of our relationship! The men I got to know longer, or talked/texted/messaged for a while, the guys who I stood up, made excuses,etc. (because I was still pretty new at the online dating thing) stuck around. It was almost the exact amount of time when I first made contact and first slept with them that our relationship subsided. I chose that word on purpose cuz there was no big blow out fight or drama of any sort. We just..kind of..fizzled out. The calls/texts/messages became few and farther between. I am not one to go chasing after a man or throw a fit because I am not getting the attention I want..so it just goes nowhere. And I really hate that because I love sex..but the old tried but true cliches come to mind. Deny it, ask men, they will lie about it, but the fact remains, if you like them, don't do it on the first date!
 SJBoxing408
Joined: 2/16/2010
Msg: 142
Girls making the first move???
Posted: 3/21/2010 12:27:25 AM
would be awesome. it shows that the girl's interested
 liam6369
Joined: 2/4/2009
Msg: 143
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Girls making the first move???
Posted: 3/21/2010 8:35:18 AM
I think women should do it more often. Once you do make it clear as to what you want. No hints. go for it!
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 145
Girls making the first move???
Posted: 3/21/2010 5:30:12 PM
^^^That makes me a joke. Should I be insulted?

I think it was a complaint about the scarcity of such ladies, WIP, not an insult.

My post points to context. They may be scarce, but they do exist. : P
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