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Joined: 11/24/2005
Msg: 55
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Are men on here really interested in marriagePage 2 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
^^^^ You think we are less religious than the 50's? The Liberal 50's? The only thing that kept marriages together then were society frowned upon divorce and the woman basically carried the stamp on her forehead that said "DIVORCEE". It was also acceptable for a husband to hit his wife in those decades. Religion in the USA has been on the rise and the USA is the second most religious country in the west (Ireland is more religious) and still high even after you throw Asia in the loop. I don't think women would want to go back to those days of being barefoot and pregnant and keeping quiet. I wouldn't want that for my sisters or nieces. Maybe your correlation is wrong... the more religious the greater number of divorces? Hmmm, it fits the studies. But, probably not the reason. I haven't read about whether religion is on the decline in the last two years, but it would figure in well with the conservative movement as it did the conservative movement that ended in the early 50's. When you mix religion with greed, pompiety, corruption you are bound to create a society with problems and a lot of stress. If Europe is considered so liberal, why do marriages have a much greater degree of success there? You have countries and billions of non-Christians that have a much greater degree of success at marriage too! I don't think the lack of Christianity has to do with the problem, but rather our culture and society (morals, ethics, fundamental values that should be taught by parents and society, but instead, give the kid a game so he/she won't bother you) . There are a lot of reasons for failure, it's not a one fits all formula!!!
Joined: 3/25/2006
Msg: 56
Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 6/30/2009 2:40:15 AM
^^^ I won't claim to have the end-all answer or I wouldn't be here, that much is obvious. I don't think we're less religious, just more lazy about our relationships. I was simply refering to Christianity as a tool for a better marriage. It can work if you're into that kind of thing. Whether we as a nation chose to use *any* tools properly is entirely a different matter. We need tools to remain civilized, so that we may reflect back in time, like the 50s. Maybe I'm just old fashioned in that I feel that divorce should be something to be avoided instead of "a way out" hence it served well when it was taboo, it forced a higher percentage of people to work things through. Today divorce is just no big deal, half the people are doing it.

So why even marry if it doesn't matter to half of us?

It could very well be our culture and society simply is not improving in this area. What should we do to improve? Would the biggest improvement come from being more attentive to our kid's development?
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 61
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Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 6/30/2009 12:59:21 PM
Sagman, your memory of your deceased wife is frozen at the age she died. she too would have read the magazines and you both would have grown. how you would handle the bad times, you will never know. i would hope you would not have said: "nfw". because in and of itself, you've just put out a stop sign to any good women reading this thread.

as usual, ren has a good point! i do hope you find her ren. i work on my new relationship and take it in, one day at at time. that plus "yfw" is all a person can hope for. do not confuse hope with addiction. do not confuse the wrapping with the gift.

re the fears of loss of sexuality: i suppose plumbing does rear it's ugly head here and there. a lot is doable, including hormone therapy for men, as well as women . "sensuality" is not something you lose though. many very elderly couples walk along with their walkers, et al. but still hold hands every chance that they get!

love is love.
Joined: 11/24/2005
Msg: 62
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Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 6/30/2009 1:03:13 PM
Lineitup... I agree, we have become too lazy to maintain our relationships. Humans have a knack to do the easiest thing that waste the least amount of energy. It's our weakness (and a strength) for being an intelligent species. Today we treat marriage like a high school relationship. I think you're on the money when it comes to being more attentive to our children's development, the future is, afterall, in their hands. Personally, I also think our failing economy is secretly a good thing for many reasons, one of those being humility. I think we need to remember that it isn't the material things that makes us human and to show us what a great marriage we have. These tough times are showing a different face for a lot of marriages. Another benefit is parents spending more time with their kids. I think this is more of what you probably had in mind about the 50's, a return to family values. I agree that divorce should be avoided and used only as a last resort. Americans are too quick to throw in the towel.
Joined: 11/24/2005
Msg: 63
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Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 6/30/2009 3:56:06 PM
^^^^ Really sorry about your loss and it's very sad that you and your children were witnesses to it as well. I wish it was different for you, I really do! I personally don't think you're over your deceased wife. It's sounds more like you compare every woman to her and get upset they are not like her. I don't think there will ever be a woman that can fill your wife's shoes, every woman is different. I can't say dating has been 100% great, but I can say I have met some pretty fabulous women. I like that they are so different from each other and from the way us men think. Being negative or sour only turns people off and people who are negative only see they negative side of people. We're not perfect, we have our flaws. I don't know why you'd expect a good woman to contact you, why can't you try to contact them? I think your smart for recognizing you're not ready for marriage, but don't give up and try to enjoy dating a little more. Use it to do, see, try or taste things you've never had a chance to before.
Joined: 4/22/2009
Msg: 65
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Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 7/1/2009 3:08:19 AM
Over 30 more & mroe men are starting to think like women....
Stereotypiying single women 29-34 are looking for that settl-down-nest-marriage- feeling-
Joined: 11/24/2005
Msg: 66
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Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 7/1/2009 5:58:26 PM
SagMan4U... Glad to hear you're not giving up. I still think you sound a little negative, so I thought I'd see if your profile was too. Sorry, a man checking out a man's profile... so not me! But, I got curious... shoot me. Anyway, Maybe it's just the way you're coming off in this post, your profile isn't too bad and has a lot of posivites. I did notice you are in sales, which got me thinking about what you said about not sugar coating things... My guess is you put a positive spin on what you sell. And, dude, your a freakin grizzly! You should've called yourself the Iron Giant! I think the Jets can use some help there. Did you play college football at one time? Are you a vet? I noticed the US flag on your lapel. I am a vet, Army, so I notice those things. I also have to agree [from your profile] about women that contact us when they are much larger and obviously never exercised. I don't know why, but I get a lot of large women contacting me and then getting upset when I don't write them back. Block! But, I never had hairy chested woman contact me. Maybe you just have better luck than I do? lol Also, I think people on this website are more into the socializing aspect of it. I've had better luck with dating and having girlfriends from other sites, especially on a pay site. Here, it seems, people are more into endless texts, IMs, emails and occassionally phone calls, but rarely a meet up.
Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 76
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Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 7/14/2009 11:22:18 PM
I am sure a good number are. They just don't like discussing it up front. So maybe just don't mention it on the first date?
Joined: 9/29/2014
Msg: 79
Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 12/30/2014 9:53:14 AM
With pre nup yes. Without no.
Joined: 9/30/2012
Msg: 80
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Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 1/2/2015 10:43:37 AM
Have to agree. I've been married twice (first one I don't count, stupid mistake at 16 that took 3 yrs to get out of). Second marriage we were together 21 years and married for 19.

I don't have to get married again, nor am I really looking to remarry. Happens great, if not, ok too. I just don't see why I need a piece of paper to be in a committed relationship with someone? Legal things, etc that's why there's paperwork. If I die, I have a will. If I want my future partner to have something, I'll leave it in writing. Don't need a marriage certificate for that.
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 81
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Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 1/2/2015 4:31:35 PM
Okay, so I know that this is a very old thread being dredged up, but oh well...

First of all, I hear a lot of women claim that men don't want to marry. To them I say, just because he doesn't want to marry you doesn't mean he doesn't want to marry. And a lot of guys talk about how marriage is a bad deal for men. Well, that's true, if you pick the wrong woman.

I was married for a bit over two years and they were by far the best years of my life. Yes, I would like to marry again and no, it isn't a bad deal. But if i'm going to marry again, it will only be if I find someone every bit as fantastic as my wife was. That is a very high bar, indeed, but I won't settle for less because I see no reason to.
Joined: 10/31/2014
Msg: 82
Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 1/2/2015 9:14:18 PM
Extremely .............but I don't want to begin something until or unless I have enough of anything to put into it..... Time, patience... Money isn't everything, but it helps. Maybe someday -maybe not.
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 83
Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 1/4/2015 3:43:29 PM
I will cross the bridge when I get there. If a relationship progresses to the point where I can see myself spending the rest of my life with her, then I will consider marriage at that point.
Joined: 5/10/2012
Msg: 84
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Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 1/4/2015 4:25:56 PM
I've been on here for chasing 4 years. My MO is find a girl (anything will do i'm not fussed) get hitched and la de da.

So far i've never met a girl threw POF.

So.. I think the very question can be sent straight back at ya
Joined: 6/6/2014
Msg: 85
Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 1/30/2015 6:46:08 PM
What makes you marriage worthy?
Because off that bat, you arent loveable,
you are leaveable.
You gotta creatr the desire for a man to look at you and want only you for the rest of his life.
That takes a degree of skill that must be honed.
Guys dont love women like women love men.
you gotta have staying power,
you gotta be a favoritr couch or something..
Joined: 11/3/2011
Msg: 86
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Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 3/13/2015 10:46:51 PM
The average man in general isn't looking for marriage. If it happens it happens. Most men tend to think short term...not long term upon first meeting a woman.

Marriage tends to be a woman's thing. Well...the wedding anyways. Most women I assume see marriage as a bragging right among their peers. That's why they brag when they have the most expensive ring or the biggest wedding.

The average dude (30 years or younger) is simply looking to hook up with the hottest chick they can find. Older men (40+) may test the waters of marriage...depending on who they are. Most older men with money typically aren't looking for marriage because they have too much to lose. That's just in real life, I highly doubt many dudes come to POF looking to find a wife. There may be some, but not many.

Best chance to find a husband is really

A) in college or
B) in the church
Joined: 11/3/2011
Msg: 87
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Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 3/13/2015 10:51:35 PM

Someone explicitly looking for marriage is scary. It makes you feel afraid that they might pick you because they are driven to marry not so much finding that great love. I think men are even more sensitive to this. Personally I think the only marriage talk that should be had previous to being extremely serious in your LTR is simply finding out if they would be interested in marriage should they find their great love. As long as you know the guy is interested in that, back off of the topic. In this day and age people are "trying " to get it right, not get married just for the sake of getting married.
And honestly I have to say that nothing seems to make a man want to pin you down to be his one and only more than when you are independent and DON'T give off that I'm looking got get married vibe.

A man can tell if a woman is explicitly looking for marriage just by her conversation alone.

I've had women (mainly older women) ask me out right, what I do for a living and how much money I make annually. That's already a sign of "my clock is ticking, I don't want to grow old alone, and I need to find a husband asap" The average man with common sense can smell a marriage thirsty broad a mile away. lol
Joined: 10/22/2014
Msg: 88
Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 3/16/2015 4:55:48 PM
Just keep in mind the divorce rate for the first marriage is around the 50% mark , if men want to play that game with a 50% chance of not getting cashed in then that is their call . Also the rate goes up for every additional marriage .
Joined: 12/28/2013
Msg: 89
Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 3/17/2015 1:00:52 PM
I'm a female and I'm not interested in marriage. If I were a man I definitely would not be either :)
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 90
Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 3/20/2015 12:33:38 PM
I always thought a man's commitment was his greatest gift.

Married 3x here. Gotta learn new tricks now, lol

I won't neg the concept of marriage, but I won't be the one to ask for it first either.

Sure, I'll commit, but she'll have ask me to get married the last time, and be ok with being my 4th victim :)
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 91
Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 3/20/2015 1:28:36 PM
It's all an illusion of being able to stretch little moments of happiness into a lifetime of happiness.

I mean, who wouldn't want that? Wait for it............................not I captain, for I know there will be problems and I don't want to deal with them. If I can't get out as easy as I got in, no thanks.
Joined: 11/3/2012
Msg: 92
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Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 3/20/2015 3:45:29 PM
Marriage minded men.

I have been on this site for some time and have not come across anyone interested in marriage. I was wondering is there any man really looking for that? I have indicated to them that is what I wanted and it usually scared them away. I don't understand why that is so scary.

So, could I get any ideas as to how to approach the subject without causing them to run? It would be much appreciated. I am sure there a few people on here that are looking for the same things I am . I just haven't come across any.

Even though as stated by others that marriage for men is a unnecessary financial liability, men your age are still interested in marriage. The problem is those guys are professionals who delayed having children to complete higher education and establish a career. Even though they may be aware of the financial risks, most men will still take that leap of faith because;

A. The woman they will be ideally marrying has a career, a comparable salary and assets, thus lowering any financial obligations should a divorce ensue.
B. The finances paid to the woman should a divorce ensue would still benefit the children that the man and woman created from the marriage.

In your scenario, where you not only have a child, you stated you do not want any more children. That being said, you can see why most would not find it logical to place themselves in a marriage where they would not only be able to sire their own children, they would be financially penalized for some other man's child.

That's men considering you in the best case scenario, where say the bio-father consistently pays child support (lowering the potential husband's risk and financial contributions) and where he picks the kid up every other weekend (allowing actual unabated relationship/ marriage time).

Basically, the men who are the most compatible with you ( have kids and don't want more) are the most likely not wanting to get married. Conversely, the opposite is true.

I tend to see the OP's mindset as growing trend, where women (men too) make these poor life choices yet expect they can press a do over button and feel entitled to enjoy all the benefits marriage has to offer (financial stability, structure, cash and prizes at divorce). Yet at the same time not offering anything in return ( having more kids, a comparable salary) and whilst bringing negative, disqualifying marriage factors ( some other guy's kid, mediocre career, no free time, no assets).

Wasn't trying to be a Negative Nancy, but typically when I have seen women in your situation successfully establish a relationship that led to marriage, the common denominator was that they were open to having more children.
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 93
Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 3/20/2015 4:05:33 PM

I must be having a moment of clarity or something, but that totally makes sense, all of it.
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 94
Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 3/20/2015 8:29:04 PM
Clooney... I have only been married once and I proposed.

Got close a second time... he was separated for a few years, not yet divroced.
I asked him.... 'If I proposed to you, would you marry me?'
His answer.... 'I suppose so but I can't see the point.'

So what happens with us????

We need to find a third person to do the proposing?

p.s. Defacto or married....... both can still be very complex to end, especially if there is common property or children.

pps. I cannot have children, too old and have had the ladies operation.
Does that mean I am doomed and never marry again.
Not even to Clooney? Who is the most experienced groom I know.
3 practice runs enabling the 4th to be perfection.

Wedding ceremony on the beach at dawn... eliminating freeloaders so only the people who really love us will turn up.
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 95
Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 3/20/2015 8:32:51 PM

I've learned that being fussy is a good thing.

I earned that right.

If you were nearby?

At least you'd have a 5 star dinner, edible plant and breakfast in the am....lmao
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