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 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 435
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When should the woman offer to pay?Page 12 of 35    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35)
What on Earth does YMMV stand for?
 Mz_Dressup
Joined: 11/15/2014
Msg: 436
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/28/2015 12:45:53 AM
Your mileage may vary.
 Eternitygracesme
Joined: 5/18/2015
Msg: 437
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/28/2015 2:55:55 AM

Again (yes it is my mission and my hang up) in an equal society between men and women t should always be 50/50, especially at first.


Ok -- so it should be 50/50 which means she shouldn't subsidize your meal if your portion comes to $30 and hers $10; order the same meal, equally and equally at cost. When she invites you to her home for dinner, she should determine the cost of your portion of the utilities, food, (and her time cooking it) and expect you to pay your fair share up front. Equality, right?

Yes, it's 2015; and in the US, women are equal, but many don't experience equality. Women are still harassed out of jobs and off college campuses. The sexual violence against them are either ignored or the assailants don't receive lengthy sentences, . Maternity leave? What a ****ing joke. Women have been subsidizing your comfort and rights long enough. These issues of equality (or lack thereof) and it brings a severe cost to these women -- not whether who pays for whose invitation to dinner.

If you're this cheap, you're not looking for equality -- you're looking for something more than what your cheapness buys.
 Eternitygracesme
Joined: 5/18/2015
Msg: 438
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/28/2015 3:09:25 AM

If you invited him out to dinner at a restaurant, would you pay?


Yes -- it's an invitation.


I think the vast majority of us would never ask someone to pay for dinner in our home


Yes -- because it's expected of us whom invite a guest over to cover that invitation -- gleefully -- even sending home extra food to the guest to ensure they have something for later. And for me, it's culturally inappropriate not to cover it.

Do you think the guest who is adamant on going 50/50 (of course, I don't engage this type of person, because their cries for equally is based on their cheapness, generally speaking) is going to really consider what expenses are entailed in the cost of my utilities, food, supplies, and everything as he occupies my home? No. He will expect My portion of his dinner bill is nothing compared to what I spend on inviting him to my own for dinner; and I cook well and use the wonderful ingredients -- I'm not cheap.

Most don't think of it, and others don't appreciate their worth; and there's a lot of here. They don't mind espousing equality and then subsidizing couch surfers and availing their homes as bed and breakfast inns to doable them to do everything but live up to equality -- that's if we're talking about the illusory "dating equality." That's their problem, and not mine.
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 439
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History
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/28/2015 4:13:37 AM
I to would like to know how women have subsidized my comfort and rights...as far as attitudes towards camps rape are concerned rape is rape so what is with this campus variety of rape.The solution is to allow those who are willing to defend themselves with deadly force.shoot the SOB and be done with it.....all the laws and attitudes in the world have no effect on criminals.....let the bodies of rapist start piling up and things will change.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 440
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/28/2015 4:28:56 AM

However, if I was to have three dates in a week and the meals lets say avg at forty dollars each I am expected to pay 120 dollars just to get to know someone?


Why are you so obsessed with this? By your own words you haven't had any luck here, so why the constant narrative on the 50/50 expectations?

You're worried about a flood and all you've experienced is drought. Seems like a lot of unnecessary worry over something that's highly unlikely to ever be an issue.
 8inscrew
Joined: 11/17/2014
Msg: 441
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/28/2015 4:39:20 AM
Strings..... you are being borderline misogynistic right now.
Don't you know if she says it happened, it bloody well did.

Never mind that this is about who pays for dinner.
See, even tho the majority of men are not rapists.....
They are potential rapists.

That's all that matters.
Oh... and of course the woman should not pay for dinner.
That's just common sense.

And not because women have been subsidizing men's comfort and rights for so long...
But because it's the gentlemanly thing to do.
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 442
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/28/2015 5:34:07 AM
I had a good laugh a couple of weeks ago. With all of the talk on here about not wanting to spend time and effort fairly dividing the dining check, I watched three older ladies spend 20 minutes doing precisely that at the end of their inexpensive (it was a local Mexican restaurant) lunch. Twenty minutes - hahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Two simple words to the server would have resolved the whole thing right at the beginning - separate checks. Mysterious words that my buddy and I use all of the time. My god, think of the time we have saved ourselves.

Of course I should pay - I potentially raped four women just last week and none of them were even aware.
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 443
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/28/2015 6:39:02 AM
More flippancy - since when did subsidy become a synonym for burden? Women have only ever been a burden in my life, never a financial (and only briefly an emotional) windfall.

Flippancy is what you get when you argue that men need to pay because some are rapists/criminals, because they need to somehow prove their worth (switch the genders on that and see how it goes), and if they don't pay then they are not gentlemen and are cheap b@stards. Lack of respect reaps lack of respect.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 444
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/28/2015 6:54:14 AM

Flippancy is what you get when you argue that men need to pay because some are rapists/criminals, because they need to somehow prove their worth


Lol....Joe, at least you're consistent.
 Whistle_Stop
Joined: 4/9/2015
Msg: 445
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/28/2015 7:06:28 AM
Well...Didn't you know Joe...the men that are generous with their money and pay for meals are men
of quality...would never think of 'raping' anyone....lol.
As for preparing a meal in my home for someone....when/if it has reached that point in a relationship.
He has probably helped me out by playing mechanic or repair man.....it balances out.
I pay my own way......I don't like to feel like I took advantage of anyone.
Just not me....
 123nightmoves
Joined: 6/2/2015
Msg: 446
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/28/2015 7:15:59 AM

Yes, it's 2015; and in the US, women are equal, but many don't experience equality. Women are still harassed out of jobs and off college campuses. The sexual violence against them are either ignored or the assailants don't receive lengthy sentences, . Maternity leave? What a ****ing joke. Women have been subsidizing your comfort and rights long enough. These issues of equality (or lack thereof) and it brings a severe cost to these women -- not whether who pays for whose invitation to dinner.

If you're this cheap, you're not looking for equality -- you're looking for something more than what your cheapness buys.


And this has what exactly do do with dating? You don't get paid maternity leave so that means a man will forever pay for dates. What comfort and rights have you subsidized lately? One idiot man rapes a woman so all men must somehow be at fault and pay for his sins? There are "severe" costs to being a woman so all men must pay for your company? What costs? You want "equal" until it doesn't suit you and then you want more.

No one said this guy is cheap. The OP asked a valid question - if he's dating someone for an extended time, 10 dates or 15 dates, when should she offer to pay?

As for dinner invitations, we've all been invited to a date's home for dinner and we've all cooked dinner for a date and no one is quibbling about this. BUT, if you were doing the cooking in your home for every single date you had with this person, say 10 or 15 dates in a row wouldn't you at some point think "I wonder if they will ever cook for me"?

In my opinion, there are far more entitled princesses out there than cheap men. I have never met a man who basically put a price tag on his company or his d1ck.
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 447
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/28/2015 7:18:27 AM

Well...Didn't you know Joe...the men that are generous with their money and pay for meals are men
of quality...would never think of 'raping' anyone....lol.

(Assuming sarcasm in what is quoted above)

LOL - yep, very good point.


As for preparing a meal in my home for someone....when/if it has reached that point in a relationship.
He has probably helped me out by playing mechanic or repair man.....it balances out.
I pay my own way......I don't like to feel like I took advantage of anyone.
Just not me....

Agreed. In fact, just yesterday I helped out a woman that I chat with in Florida. She accidentally broke the screen on another's tablet and she, of course, offered to have it fixed or replaced believing that it would be expensive. I did some quick google searches and found that ebay has several replacement screens for $35 or less (depending on the model of the tablet) and youtube has a video on how to replace it. It made her day.
 Peas_
Joined: 5/2/2015
Msg: 448
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/28/2015 8:39:26 AM
sigh, I find it extremely rude and manipulative for a man to question that I would cook him dinner and watch a movie at home on the first date. I always reply now, "It would have to be at your house, because I don't cook for losers on the first date."
 newoldgirl
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 449
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/28/2015 11:20:44 AM

I had a good laugh a couple of weeks ago. With all of the talk on here about not wanting to spend time and effort fairly dividing the dining check, I watched three older ladies spend 20 minutes doing precisely that at the end of their inexpensive (it was a local Mexican restaurant) lunch. Twenty minutes - hahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Two simple words to the server would have resolved the whole thing right at the beginning - separate checks. Mysterious words that my buddy and I use all of the time. My god, think of the time we have saved ourselves.


Arrrgggg! I hate that shit with a passion. Splitting cheques is so awkward and weird. When I go for lunch with colleagues, we ask for separate cheques. When I go out with friends, we just take turns. Since we go out regularly, it probably evens itself out over time.


but as I said it is my thing that if we claim we want equal rights for both genders we have to seriously re-align our gender roles, esp in romance and dating.


I think getting your boxers in a bunch over who pays for drinks is a waste of time. I have said before, I am always willing to pay, but not willing to argue over it. Who pays for coffee is sooooooo far down the list of the important things that need to happen to "re-align" gender roles, it is barely worth talking about it. PLUS, unlike violence against women, or wage disparity, it is VERY EASY TO SOLVE. Before you meet the woman , tell her it is your policy to go dutch on dates. If she doesn't agree you don't need to date her. "Problem" solved.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 450
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/28/2015 12:42:12 PM
Gotta remember to suggest " go POF" when planning those costly coffee meets. I am beginning to think that if he****rs over the coffee tab first meet most likely he's a 1 ply kinda guy. Thats what he means when he says he gets in touch with his inner self :)
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/13/2015
Msg: 451
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/28/2015 1:00:18 PM
^^^ I love the irony in this. Is not the women who's going ****rs over having the man pay the coffee tab first meet also a 1 ply kinda gal? It can go both ways.
 BLonde^J^AngeL
Joined: 6/16/2015
Msg: 452
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/28/2015 2:01:22 PM
IF a real man invited me on a date, it would emasculate him for me to offer. If I invited a man out t a concert or over for dinner, a plus 1 at a wedding, etc., I cover that.

I've not done Dutch, & no one ever asked me to. But I never asked men out on dates either.

My experience, if a man is into a woman, he asks her out to where he can afford to take her & wouldn't dream of offending her by putting any onus on her, other than to show up.
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 453
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/28/2015 2:07:40 PM
IF a real man invited me on a date, it would emasculate him for me to offer.
------------------
A real man would not feel emasculated by anything anyone could say. Any man who would feel less of man by a woman offering to pay is a wuss.
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/13/2015
Msg: 454
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/28/2015 2:07:40 PM

IF a real man invited me on a date, it would emasculate him for me to offer. If I invited a man out t a concert or over for dinner, a plus 1 at a wedding, etc., I cover that.


A real man is a man who doesn't get offended when a woman insists on paying for herself.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 455
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/28/2015 2:13:09 PM

it is VERY EASY TO SOLVE. Before you meet the woman , tell her it is your policy to go dutch on dates. If she doesn't agree you don't need to date her. "Problem" solved.

Exactly - why not just state this in your profile and/or mention it in first meet plans? This quickly weeds out any problems before you even confirm the day.
 newoldgirl
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 456
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/28/2015 2:16:43 PM

IF a real man invited me on a date, it would emasculate him for me to offer.


Cheap shot to insult someone's manhood or womanhood.

I don't think it is very easy to emasculate a man who is secure in who he is, anyway. No man could make me feel less of a woman by allowing me to buy him a meal or a few drinks.

One time, a man did take me up on my offer to pay on a first date. He also managed to avoid paying on most of our other dates too, however that was because he was a cheap ****er, not because he was making any particular statement about men's rights. Vastly different issue.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 457
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/28/2015 2:19:18 PM

A real man is a man who doesn't get offended when a woman insists on paying for herself.


A real man wouldn't of let the situation get to the point she has to insist. First time she asks tell her it's not necessary. If she asks again or says she would prefer to, let her.

Apparently the only time offended even comes into play for some is when she doesn't offer.
 BLonde^J^AngeL
Joined: 6/16/2015
Msg: 458
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/28/2015 2:44:53 PM
My experience, if a man is into a woman, he asks her out to where he can afford to take her & wouldn't dream of offending her by putting any onus on her, other than to show up.

That is MY experience & opinion. I also have my definition of a real man, which is a gentleman. After the 1st few dates, a classy lady will step it up as well. Also wouldn't string a man along for a freebie. That is tacky & rude (IMO)
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 459
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History
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/28/2015 3:24:09 PM
Men probably wouldn't have to have this discussion for the 123 millionth time if they would just INVITE women they don't know for a walk, ice cream, or a drink. If you guys go to a place to get food at YOUR own request, be prepared to pay, and ask yourself afterwards why you feel you need to feed perfect strangers (most whom you will NEVER see again)? Did the Marinara source on your beard help you? Or the bread crumbs on your fingertips?

It isn't going to build /escalate attraction and the majority of guys can stand to lose the calories :P! It isn't even just about the money, eating out does little to help form or build attraction. It might actually be on the same level, if not a bit better, as going on a movie date with a perfect stranger!

If you are inviting YOU call the shots! If she is inviting SHE calls the shots. It is about being with the person in REAL life, nothing more or less!

That being said...even if the gal asks you out, I think guys should pay....just keep it simple! The reason I say this is because I assume in most cases where the women invites the guy out, the guy was actually going to invite her out and she got tired of waiting( I use to get asked out a lot simply because I was slow to say "lets meet"). They should be awarded for having the courage in these cases imho ! Otherwise, it would feel like I am being awarded by withholding the invitation..a form of game playing! And except for twister, I don't recommend games on dates!
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