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 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 485
When should the woman offer to pay?Page 14 of 35    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35)
Msg 580
That's the problem. It shouldn't be assumed or expected that a man should always pay because he asked. In particular when a woman had some input on the details of the date. Or when a man had asked the same woman out multiple times. Not all people follow the who asks pays theory. When women have asked me out, only 1 woman offered to pay for the entire date because of that reason. Didn't bother me.

P
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 486
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History
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/28/2015 8:02:22 PM

When should the woman offer to pay?


When it's my birthday! Any other time is up to her.

@123...This thread has drifted into the classic gender debate.
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 487
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/28/2015 8:06:21 PM


Right... If you can't afford to pay half of the date, don't date. Why should a guy buy you dinner so that later in the week you can bang some other guy? No. If people were actually a little more committed of the idea of getting to know someone before kicking them to the curb because the next guy was better, then it would be different. But to expect a stranger to spend their money on you so that you'll completely forget they exist after that date, what makes you so special that you deserve that?


Oh, f*ck. Look who's back.

You were so much cooler when you're weren't here.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/27/2014
Msg: 488
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/28/2015 8:21:29 PM

But to expect a stranger to spend their money on you so that you'll completely forget they exist after that date, what makes you so special that you deserve that?

Generally I don't accept dinners or anything more than a couple of drinks from strangers. There'd have to be some real interest and intent to go further for things to get that far. Although, I've gone out with a guy here on POF who was the sweetest, we went on a first date and I told him I only wanted drinks but he insisted on dinner AND dessert. No idea what made me so special, I was surprised myself.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 489
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History
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/28/2015 8:22:28 PM
Hey..I am glad hes back. This place was getting boring. Now we need only Hawking back and Demidor and I will pop the corn!


But to expect a stranger to spend their money on you so that you'll completely forget they exist after that date, what makes you so special that you deserve that?


Obviously the guy does! Sir! half the problems guys have, THEY created. If women expect anything it is because PRECEDENCE exists CREATED by guys. I also get use to something and it becomes normal for me to expect it.

Stop being dense about it, if you ask, PAY... but don't spend A LOT of money (don't feed the fish). Silly to take a gal you don't know to someplace expensive and expect her to pay. I t was YOUR idea to ask and go to that PLACE.


@Crook..call me Joey (like KJ does) because your talking to 2 Joe's gets confusing!(3 if you count Mungojoe)
 newoldgirl
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 490
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/28/2015 8:23:22 PM

To each their own. I know people that find it awkward and tacky to ask for separate checks.


I agree, but I find work colleagues always do this. I have never asked for separate cheques with a friend or date. Never will.


Again, for the dense ones in the crowd, the Original Poster said in his Origaninal Post (yes, years ago) why can't SHE pay after 13 or 14 dates.

This Oringinal Post is not about cheapskates or going Dutch or 2 buck coffee. It's about when (date 15? date 20? never?) does the woman blow the cobwebs off her wallet and pay?


Funny story about this. Dated a guy for a few weeks. First date, coffee, tea. I offer, but he insists. I drop it. I thank him politely as I always do.

Second date, nicer restaurant, I offer, but he says no way. I drop it. I thank him.

Third date pizza and a movie. He pays for the meal, even though I offered. I beat him to the ticket machine and pay for the tickets for the movie. We thank each other.

Fourth date...miscommunication time. Long story short--through texting (stupid texting) and the fact that he was a terrible communicator, he got the idea that because we were going to have dinner in a restaurant inside a hotel, that we were going to be spending the night together in the hotel. When we met in the parking lot he had an overnight bag, and I was like WTF?! Arrrggggg! So awkward. We have this super uncomfortable conversion, going over the texts and whatnot until he realizes his mistake. I feel bad; he feels stupid. Bad scene.

He insists he still wants to go for dinner. I say fine, but my treat. And, I say can I pay back for the hotel parking? He had handed me a paid parking voucher for the lot when I pulled up beside him. He says well, I got the parking passes when I went in and paid for the room! He had gotten there early and went in and got us a $450 room. Yikes. After I insisted that he at least try to get his money back, the hotel refunded half the cash.

We go for dinner and it turns out to be super fancy and expensive. After the meal I asked the server for the bill, but he had paid for it while I had gone to the restroom. It was a very expensive night for him! He was very gracious about it, but I felt really bad. I think we both would have felt less bad if he had let me pay some of the times when I had offered.

Moral of the story: dating is expensive, and there is no reason for it all to be on men.
 LLove2LaughToo
Joined: 3/5/2011
Msg: 491
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/28/2015 8:27:36 PM

123nightmoves:
He's talking about the 15th date. Chances are, you've done drinks, you've done dinners, you've done dinner and a movie, you've probably had sex a dozen times, met her friends, met her cat (or dog). Does he keep paying every time you got on a date? The OP is asking "how come I'm still paying for every date?"


She's probably one of those people who feels entitled, and has crabs in her pockets/purse.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 492
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/28/2015 8:29:23 PM
someone get NDT back, and then it'll be fun. otherwise its like a town with one lawyer--he starves b/c he has no one to cross swords with. Sorry pigster, but you only give the same response in the arguments, NDT had the voice of experience. and hysteria, too.

gotta agree w/ Joey-from-the-block. Some guys do create their own pickle. I know I tend to pay b/c its "expected" and I don't feel like making an issue out of it. So I can't complain when it happens, I bought into it (pun intended). but I can afford to shell out some shekels. back when I was 18 and alone, I didn't need to so much, b/c hey, I had my own place and no roomates. instead of expensive dinner, I could offer a movie on VCR and spaghetti dinner. for someone wanting to ditch the parental units, that could be a good enough "night out".

now we're older, and we have our own place (theoretically). so its not as great an offer.

as for the original question, do you date someone for years and always get the check: sometimes, its just fun to treat someone. let them have a free night. I would like to think that someone who cares for me, wants to treat me from time to time. be the social director of the relationship every now and then. or just wants to control where we go, to a place/event they want to try.

no one wants to date Mr. Right (down the middle). But sometimes, you want to be with someone who wants the pleasure, joy even, of being the treat-ster. if you're deadass broke, then fine, date within your social-economic group. Hopefully find a partner who, like you, is realistic and honest about life, and the two of you can admit, "hey, let's make it a rental-movie night, we're both broke."
 tangofish
Joined: 6/16/2015
Msg: 493
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History
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/28/2015 8:33:44 PM

Even if they are self-induced? Bit unfair

^^^^while I kinda understand the reasons for these comments, being flippant about it doesn't help


Its a joke, not a very good one.
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 494
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/28/2015 8:41:27 PM

Sir! half the problems guys have, THEY created. If women expect anything it is because PRECEDENCE exists CREATED by guys.

I beg to differ. I know that in my case, I learned how to treat women from ............. (drum roll).............. my mother and my sisters. Yep, the whole traditional "have to court"/"have to prove yourself to" women was drilled into me starting at adolescence (along with all of the supporting song lyrics on the radio). I am older and wiser now.

-----
Tango,
Just for clarity, mysticus_amatrix's comments on being flippant were directed at me and not the self induced quote. If you were already clear on that, then you were wrong about the humor not being good - the gal I chat with in Florida thought it was hilarious.
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 495
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/28/2015 9:00:29 PM

Hey..I am glad hes back. This place was getting boring. Now we need only Hawking back and Demidor and I will pop the corn!


Bah, Demidor was a Demibore. I met Hawking last night, though. Very likable guy, actually.
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 496
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/28/2015 9:01:54 PM
Here's my perspective from OLD too long...

A decent woman will decline a 3rd or 4th date.

She respects you and doesn't want to waste your wallet or your time.

Kudos to these gals :)
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 497
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/28/2015 9:33:19 PM
Fourth date...miscommunication time. Long story short--through texting (stupid texting) and the fact that he was a terrible communicator...
---------------
One thing I don't understand about that entire fiasco, is why either of you thought there was a point to going on a fourth date. Essentially, nothing about the first or second date seemed to even warrant a third date.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 498
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/28/2015 11:13:54 PM
This issue makes such a huge flap here. Weirdly, this is one thing I've never had a problem with, the whole "who pays" thing. It's so simple!

Check comes, woman offers to pay half. If guy turns it down, offer up the tip.

The end.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 499
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When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/28/2015 11:22:53 PM
I am with Clooneys,

The guy is prepared to pay out hundreds of dollars on dates including an expensive hotel room as well. I have to wonder why he would go to those lengths with a relative stranger, unless he was wanting to show off his largesse or make you feel obligated.

As for texting, you choose to use that medium even after three dates when it is difficult enough for men and women to always comprehend each other and without body language or voice intonation, more misunderstandings occur than usual.

However, after four dates you still were not interested in bedding him????. How many more would it have taken? If I am interested in a guy I wouldnt be waiting any longer than three dates, I can tell you.

I agree he should have let you contribute something along the way but some men are not comfortable with that.
 Whatsamatterbaby
Joined: 5/6/2015
Msg: 500
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/28/2015 11:41:48 PM

However, after four dates you still were not interested in bedding him????. How many more would it have taken? If I am interested in a guy I wouldnt be waiting any longer than three dates, I can tell you.


BAH HA!! You said it, Sister!
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 501
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/28/2015 11:52:35 PM

IF a real man invited me on a date, it would emasculate him for me to offer.



Cheap shot to insult someone's manhood or womanhood.

I don't think it is very easy to emasculate a man who is secure in who he is, anyway. No man could make me feel less of a woman by allowing me to buy him a meal or a few drinks.


+87...... A Woman buying Me a Drink or Meal, won't affect My Manhood in any Way.....
Also, If I'm out with a Lady & She offers to buy me a Drink, I'll Graciously Accept...
I feel to do otherwise, would be a slap in Her Face, an Insult.... That I'm too good to Drink Her Whiskey.....
 Eternitygracesme
Joined: 5/18/2015
Msg: 502
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/29/2015 3:18:11 AM

This is 2009, not 1946, and the last girl I dated offered one time - not paid, but just OFFERED - once, in maybe 13 or 14 dates.


The man I'm presently dating -- and it's early in dating -- refuses to allow me to pay for his invitations, including tips and beverages along the way. I did visit his work with breakfast and coffee and the offer was appreciated as much as his time and dates are appreciated by me.



After a while, spending $50 every go of it just got, well, irritating, when there wasn't even a $5 footlong offer back.



$50 for the entire dinner -- or just her portion -- for every date? If she's shagging you and allowing you to sleep over and making home cooked meals in between the dates, I'd say you shouldn't complain.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 503
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/29/2015 3:55:08 AM

After a while, spending $50 every go of it just got, well, irritating, when there wasn't even a $5 footlong offer back.


If you've been dating her long enough that it bothers you or doesn't seem equitable just stop. What possesses someone to continue doing something they dislike when they can stop whenever they decide it's not what they want.

I can't imagine dating a woman 15 or 20 times and the relationship hasn't got past the point of worrying about how the tab is handled.

 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 504
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/29/2015 7:00:13 AM
The woman should offer to pay when she's consumed something....naturally. Stuff like this is pretty simple.
 123nightmoves
Joined: 6/2/2015
Msg: 505
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/29/2015 7:07:42 AM

I've only dated a few guys who weren't in my income bracket but would still want to pay their wack.


How does one determine someone's income bracket? Or, are you guessing?
 newoldgirl
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 506
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/29/2015 8:03:05 AM

I am with Clooneys,

The guy is prepared to pay out hundreds of dollars on dates including an expensive hotel room as well. I have to wonder why he would go to those lengths with a relative stranger, unless he was wanting to show off his largesse or make you feel obligated.

As for texting, you choose to use that medium even after three dates when it is difficult enough for men and women to always comprehend each other and without body language or voice intonation, more misunderstandings occur than usual.

However, after four dates you still were not interested in bedding him????. How many more would it have taken? If I am interested in a guy I wouldnt be waiting any longer than three dates, I can tell you.

I agree he should have let you contribute something along the way but some men are not comfortable with that.



I WAS into him. Unfortunately, I had my period.

Which I would have TOLD him if he had texted . "Hey, I sure did enjoy the kissing last night. How about tomorrow night I book a room?" but No...he makes some stupid joke about my kisses keeping him warm.

I am very, very reluctant to text people that I don't know well, because you can miss or misinterpret plenty. Case in point :(
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 507
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/29/2015 12:48:49 PM

dating is expensive,


Certainly will be if one goes to expensive places:


We go for dinner and it turns out to be super fancy and expensive.


I'm guessing it didn't say "Motel 6" or "Super 8" on the sign by the street.
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/13/2015
Msg: 508
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/29/2015 4:58:35 PM
She's gets offended if I offer to pay- that solves the problem. Lucky me.
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 509
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/29/2015 5:30:33 PM
When SHOULD the woman offer to pay?


When she is driving the car, on the tollroad, and at the toll booth
that barricade gate drops down in front of the car ?

You pull up to the gas pump and reach into your back pocket for your wallet. You suddenly realize you forgot your wallet, AND the fuel gauge is sitting on empty?

It's your birthday?

She opens her front door inviting you in, and her little ankle biter dog, comes flying at you from nowhere, latches on to your lower leg, ripping your pants and drawing blood?

When you're in jail and you need someone to bail you out? Pay the bail?
(LOL She may or may not feel she SHOULD pay for your bail.. It may more likely be ,"Good luck with that!)


LOL Just a few suggestions!
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