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 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 510
When should the woman offer to pay?Page 15 of 35    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35)
That gal that hasn't offered to pay after 10-14 dates must have a fetish for doormats...
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 511
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/29/2015 6:57:13 PM
^^^The fetish is for rich doormats.
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 512
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/29/2015 7:22:18 PM


dating is expensive


True when you're exercising all of your options. Agreed.
 newoldgirl
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 513
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/30/2015 7:03:08 AM

True when you're exercising all of your options.




I don't see dating as a cheap way to augment my entertainment budget. I always offer to pay but once in while, you meet a guy who simply won't hear of it.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 514
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/30/2015 7:43:30 AM
There are various scenarios in which I'd offer to pay:

1. I want to get the heck out of there fast, so paying is a way to terminate something quick and then follow up with "I'm not feeling well, I'm going to head home".

2. There's no chemistry but he seems a good prospect to keep around, network, and eventually friendzone. I wouldn't want him to think there's romantic interest, so I'd pay to lessen any expectation (of him paying) for future outings and such.

3. The venue is expensive and it seems obvious he is trying to impress me, but it's not something I feel he can keep up for long. I've had a few dates who have spent upwards of $200 on our first date, many of those dates included a bottle of wine. I'm not much of a drinker, especially of wine (I only like very sweet wine like Moscato, daiquiri wine coolers from Boone's Farm, etc), so I'm not the first to suggest we order drinks or a bottle of wine, it is usually their suggestion. If they spike up the bill, I don't feel sorry for them, for I keep it simple and if I order anything expensive, I'd offer to pay for it. I'm not going to stop myself from ordering something I'd like even if it's expensive, I'd just offer to pay for it.

4. They seem surprised when the bill comes, and start fidgeting counting money or seeing which credit card to charge it on. I'd offer to pay and never see them again. Don't come to a date unprepared, it is obvious you are struggling, please don't bring me into that sort of picture.

5. If I notice he is not having a great time, seem tense, or it is obvious he was expecting someone different or he won't get to further his agenda, I'd offer to pay as soon as I notice, so as to terminate the date early.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 515
view profile
History
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/30/2015 2:54:43 PM

as for the original question, do you date someone for years and always get the check: sometimes, its just fun to treat someone. let them have a free night.

Yeah, but I think the controversy is: Are you really TREATING her by paying? Or doing what you're Supposed to do? If you're doing what you're Supposed to do in the first place, then you're not "treating" her. Also -- if you've been dating for years, are you really TREATING her if Every Single Time you pay for her -- even subtracting your bday, fathers day, and steak & BJ day? No -- as actions speak louder than words or labels -- so you wouldn't be Treating her. If I replaced my old cat's food bowl with all the small bags of cat treats and did that as normal, is that his Treat? No.

Treat requires something that sticks out -- not a "Umm, yeah. I would hope you would not stand me up on that date. OH, it's a Treat that you actually showed up?" In reference to what you're saying, yeah, it's a Treat when SHE pays for the bill when you're doing so 95% of the time as an Expected Given to be graced by her presence. ;)

To the original question: When should the woman offer to pay? I agree a lot with what Belle said (shortened):

1. I want to get the heck out of there fast
2. There's no chemistry but he seems a good prospect to ... friendzone

Those are the two common reasons, I believe. When she has no interest -- I believe a gal is ethically responsible to split the bill (more or less pay for what She Ordered to consume). I would say the exception would be is if he offered to Take her out in at least an understood setting where she lacked interest, but agreed to do so anyway to give him a chance. Then yes, he should pay the whole thing regardless if there was Merely a lack of interest.

3. .... If they spike up the bill, I don't feel sorry for them, for I keep it simple and if I order anything expensive, I'd offer to pay for it. I'm not going to stop myself from ordering something I'd like even if it's expensive, I'd just offer to pay for it.

As a side note -- unfortunately there is a difference between feeling obligated to Offer to pay VS feeling obligated to Actually pay. I for one don't believe someone should offer to pay if they are going to feel disappointed at that person (or turned off) if they were to take them up on that offer.
 sundress1
Joined: 7/7/2015
Msg: 516
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/13/2015 7:18:34 PM
I offer to pay for at least what I ordered. Sometimes I offer to pay for the entire bill. Such as when my portion of the bill was more expensive. Or we went to a venue that was closer / more convenient for me. Thus he had already spent more time and money ( gas ) driving there.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 517
view profile
History
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/13/2015 8:24:48 PM
If on a first meet I would offer to pay my share, but some guys wont hear of it and so it would just be gracious to accept. I would not arrange a meal for the first encounter anyway but if we get along and want to spend more time together including a meal, I would still offer my share. A woman who accepts an exxy meal from a guy knowing she wont see him again is just not ethical or fair or as they say "meal whore."

I cant imagine a guy who would accept a woman paying for both him and her on a first meet
and it may well set the dynamic for the future. i.e. movie and pizza at his place or yours, always.
But then I am not of the modern generation.

If a guy invites me on an actual date then I expect him to pay for the outing. If we want to see each other again then of course I would reciprocate in some way.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 518
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/14/2015 6:37:52 AM

I cant imagine a guy who would accept a woman paying for both him and her on a first meet
and it may well set the dynamic for the future. i.e. movie and pizza at his place or yours, always.
But then I am not of the modern generation.


It's not a bad thing. It doesn't necessarily have a bad impact on any future dates. A small percentage of women on my first dates / meetings paid the entire bill for reasons including the ones sundress mentioned. I offered to chip in. But they insisted on paying. When there was another date, I paid for it.


1. I want to get the heck out of there fast
2. There's no chemistry but he seems a good prospect to ... friendzone


I realize that there are some women will only offer to pay on these situations. However I have been on dates when a woman paid for at least some portion of the bill and there was another date. I have also been on dates when a woman didn't offer to pay anything. It was obvious that there wasn't going to be another date.
 Eternitygracesme
Joined: 5/18/2015
Msg: 519
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/14/2015 8:04:49 AM


I cant imagine a guy who would accept a woman paying for both him and her on a first meet
and it may well set the dynamic for the future. i.e. movie and pizza at his place or yours, always.
But then I am not of the modern generation.


Exactly. Such an interaction does set the stage for the course of the relationship.
 daytripper02
Joined: 6/3/2015
Msg: 520
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/14/2015 8:29:14 AM
I've never paid for a first date or a second date. I have paid for a third date and other dates down the line. I don't have a problem with that at all.

As for:

Such an interaction does set the stage for the course of the relationship.


How so? If a man pays for the dates does it set the stage for the rest of the relationship? If he pays will she always expect to be treated to dinner forever and never have to pay?
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/13/2015
Msg: 521
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/14/2015 1:01:43 PM

I cant imagine a guy who would accept a woman paying for both him and her on a first meet
and it may well set the dynamic for the future. i.e. movie and pizza at his place or yours, always.
But then I am not of the modern generation.


I think that separate bills on a first date is going to be the way of the future for the younger generation. Now that men and women have equal opportunities to employment that's the way it should be.
 Eternitygracesme
Joined: 5/18/2015
Msg: 522
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/14/2015 1:37:53 PM

How so? If a man pays for the dates does it set the stage for the rest of the relationship?

Yes, paying for those initial dates do set the course of the relationship; it shows that he cares about her well-being.

Offer to go dutch and see where it leads.


If he pays will she always expect to be treated to dinner forever and never have to pay?


Maybe she treats him to home cooked meals at her warm, comfortable and inviting home? Maybe she offers to bring him coffee or lunch at his work or baked good created by her own hands for him?

Why would the aforementioned be less significant than his paying for dinners (of which he is also treating himself)?
 Eternitygracesme
Joined: 5/18/2015
Msg: 523
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/14/2015 1:40:28 PM


I think that separate bills on a first date is going to be the way of the future for the younger generation. Now that men and women have equal opportunities to employment that's the way it should be.


It means that people will expect to not to invest and commitment to a relationship they think they should have.
 BLonde^J^AngeL
Joined: 6/16/2015
Msg: 524
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/14/2015 1:53:18 PM

Now that men and women have equal opportunities to employment

do you really believe THAT to be true?



that's the way it should be.

in YOUR OPINION.

GOD did NOT DIE & PUT YOU IN CHARGE.
 daytripper02
Joined: 6/3/2015
Msg: 525
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/14/2015 1:57:10 PM
The separate bill thing is already here. I see it in the 18 plus age group now with my friends that have kids in college, university or new to the job market. They "hang out" in groups, mixed genders and it doesn't matter if their friend is a guy or a gal. They all pay their own way, even if they are dating. They just don't seem to bother with the ways of the past as far as dating, who pays, etc. This is a good thing. Us old folks put a price on things, including ourselves. The younger kids coming up are just as invested and want a committed relationship yet toss aside the "rules" so many folks over 40 cling to unnecessarily. Maybe "who pays" is going the way of the dinosaur.

The love a man has for his woman is not deminished because they split the bill and vice versa.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 526
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/14/2015 2:18:23 PM

I think that separate bills on a first date is going to be the way of the future for the younger generation.

That's fine, they can have that. I had vinyl records, cassettes, CD players, cassette recorders, beepers, Voice Stream, got wet at the pump, remember the days in which movies would play back to back on Cable and the buttons to press on the "fixed" box, was around when you called pay-per-view to order movies, had a game-boy, played with a Super Nintendo, saw Netflix start up, set foot at a Blockbuster, know what it was to rent out a VHS, etc.


Now that men and women have equal opportunities to employment that's the way it should be.


Equal opportunities does not mean equal opportunities, don't believe me? ask a minority.

So when equal opportunities translate to actual equal opportunities, equal salary for the same job, the elimination of discrimination, sexism, and judgement about our unfortunate ability to reproduce, have the courts hand custody accordingly instead of traditionally to women, the elimination of rape, lower the price of items for women significantly so that she can actually see the equality in salary, we rid ourselves of our traditional gender roles (women belonging in the kitchen, raising children, taking care of a home, babysitting, secretaries, etc), and also rid us of the expectation of working AND fulfilling the traditional household roles, make sex for women very satisfying each and every time, etc..............................................then we can say we have equal opportunities.

In the meantime, I am single and will "pass" on that offer.
 BLonde^J^AngeL
Joined: 6/16/2015
Msg: 527
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/14/2015 2:37:16 PM

The love a man has for his woman is not deminished because they split the bill and vice versa.


Men in my generation who want a serious loving relationship have no problem paying for meals, dates, vacations, gifts, etc.

I know a woman who is dating a man who wants to fund her going back to college & take her on a trip to Korea for Xmas.

I know another man who is in love w/ a woman who lives 1,000 miles away & sent her a paid round trip airline ticket & offered to put her name on the deed to his house if she moves in w/ him (he is widowed)

These are men who commit for love, not men who are looking to have a 50/50 business partnership.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 528
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/14/2015 2:44:44 PM
^^^Would these women be willing to treat men to those perks if they were the higher wage earner?
 BLonde^J^AngeL
Joined: 6/16/2015
Msg: 529
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/14/2015 2:52:02 PM

The love a man has for his woman is not deminished because they split the bill and vice versa.



Men in my generation who want a serious loving relationship have no problem paying for meals, dates, vacations, gifts, etc.

I know a woman who is dating a man who wants to fund her going back to college & take her on a trip to Korea for Xmas.

I know another man who is in love w/ a woman who lives 1,000 miles away & sent her a paid round trip airline ticket & offered to put her name on the deed to his house if she moves in w/ him (he is widowed)

These are men who commit for love, not men who are looking to have a 50/50 business partnership.




Would these women be willing to treat men to those perks if they were the higher wage earner?


No way of knowing, cuz they're not...so it would be speculative.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 530
view profile
History
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/14/2015 2:55:28 PM
Whats interesting here, is despite some moaning about guys who want to go dutch and complain about the bills, is the fact that MOST of these same guys are doing RIGHT by the women anyway. They are paying! End of story!

I have yet to hear a story where a guy said , thanks for the meeting, throws down his half and walks away. Legally a person is only obligated to pay what they order to consume for themselves. I would love to hear a story where a girl was forced to work in the kitchen to pay her half because her date refused to pay! Or the cops responded and wrote her s summons for Theft of Service!--muhahaha

At the end of the day, these guys aren't so terrible because they aren't doing that!
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 531
view profile
History
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/14/2015 4:00:41 PM
^^^
Indeed ;)...a bit of a role reversal wouldn't hurt anyone.

And "hello there"
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 532
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/14/2015 4:57:36 PM
^^^^

Darling, he can go Dutch and STILL not care about you just the same. Paying does not assert yourself as an equal, it just means he keeps more money in his pocket (or spends it on another girl). People tend to value what and whom they spend money on, because dollars are not unlimited.

I'm not opposed to paying my share, I just can't see it leading to romantic interest.

I'm sorry about what happened to you, but at least it didn't cost you anything but time. The same could have happened on your own dime.
 daytripper02
Joined: 6/3/2015
Msg: 533
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/14/2015 5:20:22 PM

Men in my generation who want a serious loving relationship have no problem paying for meals, dates, vacations, gifts, etc.

I know a woman who is dating a man who wants to fund her going back to college & take her on a trip to Korea for Xmas.

I know another man who is in love w/ a woman who lives 1,000 miles away & sent her a paid round trip airline ticket & offered to put her name on the deed to his house if she moves in w/ him (he is widowed)

These are men who commit for love, not men who are looking to have a 50/50 business partnership.


Men have been paying for eons. And some women gladly put a price on themselves and it works, it's the oldest profession and continues to this day.

Men will continue to buy brides from Korea or Thailand or Russia. There are men who will fund college or trips or expensive watches or cars because they are happy to pay for the gal on their arm, some is not done for love but for arm candy. Many times he is buying the companionship and it has nothing to do with love; he wants her and he can buy her. This isn't ALL, but some. And some women are easily bought and paid for, not ALL but some. Hell, women on welfare, disability, living on support payments or who have a low paying job who think they are entitled make me giggle as some are the same ones that discard a man for not being in her league or not high caliber enough for her. Where is common sense and realistic expectations? No, you don't have to settle, you have to be realistic. When you are bought and paid for it IS a 50/50 business partnership. When it's true love, it's a partnership.

There are women on here who have ragged on male posters for looking for younger women yet they go out with "older" men because they are wealthy or have a good pedigree. Funny how that works. When it comes to their own selection these women don't mind dating older, wealthier and successful. Yet an ordinary guy gets bashed for looking for a woman 5 or 10 years younger.

True love is true love and HE shouldn't have to pay for love in one form or another. Men in MY generation want an equal partner and they shouldn't have to show it by constantly paying for dates, meals, vacations, gifts just because I have a vagina. If I insist on paid for dates, meals, vacations and gifts I have put a price tag on myself and that makes me a whore. And I'm not a whore.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 534
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/14/2015 7:34:22 PM

Yes, paying for those initial dates do set the course of the relationship; it shows that he cares about her well-being.

Offer to go dutch and see where it leads.


Certainly going Dutch would be a dealbreaker for some women. But other women ( including some on this thread ) don't mind going Dutch. The larger point is there is a difference between wanting to pay vs being expected to pay.

Example A. A woman makes a genuine offer to split the bill. A man politely declines or says she can pay the tip.
Example B. The bill arrives and the woman doesn't offer to pay anything.

Example B wouldn't be a dealbreaker on the first date / meeting. But it can become one if a woman didn't offer to pay anything on future dates.


Darling, he can go Dutch and STILL not care about you just the same.


Of course that can happen. But the point is paying for a date doesn't necessarily mean that he is more of a gentleman or he will treat a woman better or he has more interest in her.
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