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 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 535
When should the woman offer to pay?Page 16 of 35    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35)


I don't see dating as a cheap way to augment my entertainment budget.


Perhaps we differ here?

I don't mind paying and I'm hoping for a 9.5 weeks or Blue Valentine experience myself :)

I stopped dating to meet The One and the only expectation I have is that I will not be bored.

Haven't be let down ever since....
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 536
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/14/2015 8:19:57 PM
thefunnyguy71- Whomever initiates the date pays.
However, I would not play games and force a man to ALWAYS initiate a date.
If a man initiates the first date and pays, I am going to offer to pay for the next date, or go dutch.
I have gone dutch on a first date.
There are SO many people who are worried about this issue, that I ALWAYS clarify, even for a first date, who is paying.
I can only state this in terms of men, since that is who I date:
Knowing how difficult this is, I make an effort to NOT make a man feel like he always has to pay, or think that he is the only one who needs to clarify who is paying.
I wonder how much more relaxed dates COULD be if people would realize that they aren't the only one unsure and just step up and communicate with each other.
Really, if communication is missing from the beginning, BOTH parties are doing themselves NO favors, jmo.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 537
view profile
History
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/14/2015 11:42:40 PM
Some lonely and often older man will pay for the more desirable glamourous younger woman to be around. He can get an ego boost having her in his bed and on his arm, but in reality it is just prostitution and an exchange of sex for money, no matter how you clothe it. If both parties know the score, then fine. Love cannot be bought and those who think it can, are seriously deluded.
 Aprilikeswhiteroses
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 538
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/15/2015 3:36:52 AM

When should the woman offer to pay?


When we are traveling and his money has been spent...:-)
 Eternitygracesme
Joined: 5/18/2015
Msg: 539
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/15/2015 4:20:03 AM

The younger kids coming up are just as invested and want a committed relationship yet toss aside the "rules" so many folks over 40 cling to unnecessarily. Maybe "who pays" is going the way of the dinosaur.


They're free to arrange how their relationships however so they deem fit.

The only people I see who makes the arguments the most about who pays" are those whom do not pay. It means they don't want to spend the money and time and make the effort toward a loving, committed relationship. The value is placed on his contribution rather than hers which doesn't involve doing all of the outside dates. 50/50 is never really 50/50. An equitable relationship could mean he takes her on the dinner dates (whilst paying or his own meals anyway) and she does the home-cooking for their meals on the other nights.



The love a man has for his woman is not deminished because they split the bill and vice versa.


It depends on the type of relationship one seeks.



Certainly going Dutch would be a dealbreaker for some women. But other women ( including some on this thread ) don't mind going Dutch. The larger point is there is a difference between wanting to pay vs being expected to pay.


Should I expect my boyfriend to "go dutch" when coming to my home for dinner? Is my invitation diminished because it's at my home? Or is it expected of me and to still pay my "fair share" at outside venues?

As it were, my BF insists on paying for the dinners/dates. He insists on paying for the groceries for dinners I cook at my place which we negotiate because an invitation to my home is on me (he insists to pay for it) -- but he sees my value in my time and effort and he is worth it.
 Eternitygracesme
Joined: 5/18/2015
Msg: 540
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/15/2015 4:33:04 AM

I know a woman who is dating a man who wants to fund her going back to college & take her on a trip to Korea for Xmas.


It seems he values structure. To me, an education is better than all of the useless crap a man buys somebody just to keep her as a "commodity." She can go far with it personally. In this situation, your friend's man is investing in her.


I know another man who is in love w/ a woman who lives 1,000 miles away & sent her a paid round trip airline ticket & offered to put her name on the deed to his house if she moves in w/ him (he is widowed)


He's willing to pay the distance for love and accommodate her permanently through home ownership. Your friend is investing in her.


These are men who commit for love, not men who are looking to have a 50/50 business partnership.


I emboldened the above to outline the importance of this.
 BLonde^J^AngeL
Joined: 6/16/2015
Msg: 541
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/15/2015 4:45:09 AM

Some lonely and often older man will pay for the more desirable glamourous younger woman to be around. He can get an ego boost having her in his bed and on his arm, but in reality it is just prostitution and an exchange of sex for money, no matter how you clothe it. If both parties know the score, then fine. Love cannot be bought and those who think it can, are seriously deluded.


"the more desirable glamourous younger woman"--said woman would have many choices, so why would she CHOOSE
"Some lonely and often older man" when she can have Magic Mike XXL instead?

"He can get an ego boost having her in his bed and on his arm"--well both men & women enjoy being w/ a partner who they find sexually attractive in & out of the bedroom, there is nothing wrong w/ that!

"in reality it is just prostitution and an exchange of sex for money" that is belittling older man/younger women, that is belittling attractive women, that is belittling men who have discretionary income.

Love can't be bought, but it certainly can grow way easier in a relationship where the man can court a woman properly & where the woman is found worthy of such courtship on all levels, not just her looks.
 antirepublican
Joined: 12/31/2014
Msg: 542
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/15/2015 7:54:04 AM

Love can't be bought, but it certainly can grow way easier in a relationship where the man can court a woman properly & where the woman is found worthy of such courtship on all levels, not just her looks.


I disagree. For a minute, I'll try to set aside my image of properly courting -- some skinny dude prancing around in tights and curl-toed slippers in front of some chick in a dunce cap with a dish rag hanging from the point. Anyways...

The deeper and lasting connection thing is done. Over. Dead. A lot of people blame feminism, pay gap nonsense and Title IX for this. Those are just the flimsy excuses. What really happened was Reaganomics, David Stockman and catsup is a vegetable. There is no part of life that escapes the spreadsheet. No aspect of daily experience that can't be redefined to fit into an individual cell of it. Hence, the cash value of a vag. Prostitution is love at wholesale. Note how often people use the phrase, "what you bring to the table." It didn't used to enter into people's minds because what mattered was that you cared for the person. Nowadays, it is all important. A relationship's value is the total on the ten key. Get the legal department to examine the paperwork for loophoop holes. Might be able to negotiate a discount for no fellatio.
 daytripper02
Joined: 6/3/2015
Msg: 543
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/15/2015 8:01:24 AM
--The love a man has for his woman is not diminished because they split the bill and vice versa.--


It depends on the type of relationship one seeks.


Just what type of relationship are you seeking in reference to the above??

And we all know that Going Dutch when going to someone's home is just a b.s. statement. We're not that unrealistic.

So, for example, you've done the first meet (he paid), you've done 4 dates (he paid), you've had sex, you like each other and want to continue on.....when do you offer to PAY for a dinner at a restaurant? Let's leave the dinner at your home out of the equation as we've all had dinner at each other's homes or breakfast or something. When do you actually haul out the wallet and say "drinks are on me tonight" or "let me treat you to dinner tonight".

As to some putting a "value" on things or saying HE must chase or HE must show by paying for gifts, vacations, meals, dates, etc. his worthiness to me. Why? Is his company or his time or his effort any less valuable than yours?


The only people I see who makes the arguments the most about who pays" are those whom do not pay. It means they don't want to spend the money and time and make the effort toward a loving, committed relationship.


No, you're wrong IMO. It just means some question why the man is ALWAYS expected to pay. By your logic in these two sentences, women "don't want to spend the money and time and make the effort toward a loving, committed relationship." So, he pays for the "privilege" of her company and she sells the "privilege" of her company and we are back to the world's oldest profession.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 544
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/15/2015 9:56:49 AM

Love can't be bought, but it certainly can grow way easier in a relationship where the man can court a woman properly & where the woman is found worthy of such courtship on all levels, not just her looks.


In other words, love CAN be bought-unless your version of proper courting is going dutch or she pays more for the honor of dating the guy (which I have a sneaking suspicion, that's not what you mean). Why is it, proper courting for so many means the guy pays for everything? But if a woman voluntarily pays for everything in courtship for whatever reason, the guy is considered a bum and is seen as taking advantage of her. Newsflash-Disney fairy tales is not real life.
 Eternitygracesme
Joined: 5/18/2015
Msg: 545
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/15/2015 12:20:22 PM

And we all know that Going Dutch when going to someone's home is just a b.s. statement.


I know my value and worth -- so kindly leave ME out we .

Why would my effort and worth be second to that than what a man pays for a date? Is his contribution more significant than mine? In fact what I provide in home meals for him carries a great cost to me that goes beyond what my portion of an outside dinner would cost -- and he knows it. I consider an outside dinner and my home-cooked meals to be an equitable exchange of contribution, based on what we (as in he and I) feel is fair.

Feel free to build a relationship in which you are unappreciated. However, I won't.



In other words, love CAN be bought...


Relationships are an effort.

It seems some people in this thread don't want to bother.
 BLonde^J^AngeL
Joined: 6/16/2015
Msg: 546
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/15/2015 12:23:51 PM

The deeper and lasting connection thing is done.


In my case, no...but my last several dates/relationships since whenever were from IRL rather than online.



--The love a man has for his woman is not diminished because they split the bill and vice versa.--


It depends on the type of relationship one seeks.


Just what type of relationship are you seeking in reference to the above??

The type of men who pursue(d) me are not Dutch
I do not seek relationships; they seek me.


as we've all had dinner at each other's homes or breakfast or something.

I don't have dinner at a man's house until I already know him well & intimately.


As to some putting a "value" on things or saying HE must chase or HE must show by paying for gifts, vacations, meals, dates, etc. his worthiness to me. Why? Is his company or his time or his effort any less valuable than yours?

I don't ask or make demands, but if a man/my man offers to treat me, I wouldn't belittle his offer by saying no or trying to compete or top him.


So, he pays for the "privilege" of her company and she sells the "privilege" of her company and we are back to the world's oldest profession.

I'm not a hooker, neither was my Mother or Grandmother, who dated in an old-fashioned traditional way.


Why is it, proper courting for so many means the guy pays for everything?

No if I cook him dinner it is on my dime, or if I buy tickets to a concert...


Newsflash-Disney fairy tales is not real life.

Newsflash, for this Princess it is!
 daytripper02
Joined: 6/3/2015
Msg: 547
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/15/2015 12:30:16 PM
Reading comprehension...

{quote]Let's leave the dinner at your home out of the equation as we've all had dinner at each other's homes or breakfast or something. When do you actually haul out the wallet and say "drinks are on me tonight" or "let me treat you to dinner tonight".

As I stated above - leave the home cooked meal out of the equation. I've cooked and I've had meals cooked for me, so forget about the home cooked meal. When do you actually pay for a meal or drinks out? When do you say "let me treat you"? Or the vacation or gifts?

And relationships ARE an effort and both should be contributing to the partnership. Both. And we are ALL worthy and know our worth.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 548
view profile
History
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/15/2015 12:34:19 PM
I'm not sure if most of the posters are Canadian or American, but I live in Northern Ontario and I've never had a problem going "Dutch" with dates and girlfriends. Right now, we take turns buying each other things like meals. Money isn't a concern for us as long as we treat each other fairly. I don't take advantage of her and she doesn't take advantage of me. A woman should feel special because a man has options and he picked her to be his girlfriend, not because he paid for the first date and let her order the lobster.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 549
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/15/2015 2:02:39 PM
I think after the third orgasm in the first hour, they should offer to pay.
 Eternitygracesme
Joined: 5/18/2015
Msg: 550
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/15/2015 2:25:16 PM

Let's leave the dinner at your home out of the equation



No -- it's one of my contributions to the relationship -- as is his purchasing outside dinners. I have the right to include it in my relationship as part of the equation and as a point of view in such a discussion, here.

I won't marginalize myself to support your marginalization of me.



And relationships ARE an effort...



Indeed -- they are.

If you want to "go dutch" (I bloody hate this crass idiom) at outside dinners on his invitation and still assume all of the responsibilities when your date frequents your home and you find it an equitable, good for you. Feel as unappreciated and as "equal" as you wish.
 BLonde^J^AngeL
Joined: 6/16/2015
Msg: 551
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/15/2015 2:29:19 PM
https://youtu.be/Z_S2uHFnGfI

very enlightening...

"Becoming A Goddess in a Female Led Relationship"
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 552
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/15/2015 2:30:12 PM

When should the woman offer to pay?


Well apparently the way some look at it the proper way would be......once a woman responds to a first message an automatic deposit of 50.00 dollars is made on his paypal account to authenticate the genuine interest on her part, if however there is a discovered misrepresentation upon meeting on either parties part, the aforementioned automatic deposit is immediately refunded to said woman less fifty percent of any applicable tabs, fees and associated costs involved in said meet, all prior messages, texts and calls are null and void and all implications by said parties meeting are hereby reduced to hear se and constitute no legal standing in a court of common sense.

ymmv ;)
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 553
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/15/2015 2:47:00 PM

Men have been paying for eons. And some women gladly put a price on themselves and it works, it's the oldest profession and continues to this day.


“Men” who are 30, 40, 50, etc., have not been paying for “eons.” Why do you have to insult women who choose to do things differently than you choose to?


True love is true love and HE shouldn't have to pay for love in one form or another.


Seems to me if a man is IN TRUE LOVE with a woman, he does things out of LOVE for her. Oh but his love draws the line at his wallet…..


If I insist on paid for dates, meals, vacations and gifts I have put a price tag on myself and that makes me a whore. And I'm not a whore.


Apparently you can’t imagine a man who WILLINGLY GIVES to the woman he is in TRUE LOVE with. TRUE LOVE, to me, doesn’t mean nickel and diming every damn thing. TRUE LOVE doesn’t mean he thinks you’re a whore! Cripes! SOME men love to do things for women. Sorry you don’t know about that.

You’re just Saint Wonderful, giving of yourself constantly, while he gives….oh, right. He doesn’t. Or that makes you a whore.

I know you just wanted to use this opportunity to call women who do things differently than you do, whores. And by insulting women you think you look more appealing to the guys. Well why not? You’ve gone out of your way to make sure they know you’re a cheap date.


So, he pays for the "privilege" of her company and she sells the "privilege" of her company and we are back to the world's oldest profession.


SOME women don’t run around spreading their legs for every guy who buys them dinner.

I suppose you think going dutch-dinner then spreading your legs is somehow more honorable??
 daytripper02
Joined: 6/3/2015
Msg: 554
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/15/2015 2:56:33 PM
I'm going to use the word "you" a lot here. And for the "all about me" crowd, I don't mean "you".

In my statement about he pays for dinners and you cook...forget about "you" as in Eternity the person because I'm not specifically asking Eternity what she does, I'm asking all the women what they do. That was my intent from the onset. When do you offer to pay? When do you (every other woman except Eternity) treat him to dinner, a movie, drinks, etc.? If he is constantly paying for dinners or gifts or vacations or drinks how does this equate to the odd pot roast and a blow job?

To the men, don't you get tired of constantly pulling out your wallet? Have women treated you to dinner or drinks?

I don't care for the term Go Dutch either. I just don't believe that a man has to shoulder all the cost in dating or living together or marriage. If we are in this together, we share and we both give.
 tgif333
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 555
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/15/2015 4:11:02 PM
the last two women I had a meet and greet with said the EXACT same words.......

"nobody's ever asked me to go Dutch before."

I replied, "well you can no longer say that to the next guy can you?"

I informed the woman that it's on my profile that I go dutch on the meet and greet. the second one said, "if I would have noticed that I would have never agreed to meet you."

so I said, "but i'll bet you're glad you did. do you want to go out dancing on Saturday?"

she said "YES".

so don't be afraid guys. if they like you they'll agree.
 daytripper02
Joined: 6/3/2015
Msg: 556
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/15/2015 5:02:29 PM
1). I haven't insulted anyone for choosing to do things differently than I choose. You're a little over dramatic.

2). True love? Both should be doing things out of love. Both.

3). IF he's in true love...yup. But I highly doubt that after 8 dates where he paid and one pot roast and a blow job, it's true love. Like and lust maybe, but he still pays.

4). Saint Wonderful. Gee, that hurt.

5). There are lots of opportunities to call women (or men) all kinds of things but no, I don't around waiting to pounce and call someone a whore. Again,ma little over dramatic.

6). No, I wouldn't say I'm a cheap date. I'm also not a fvcking princess either.

7). Some women DO run around spreading their legs for every guy who buys them dinner. Some look only for wealthy and older and it works, for awhile. Some are gold diggers. Some...not all.

8). Honourable? More honourable? Neither is more honourable. We both know that.

Someone posted last night that he can bang a "6" with a dinner. He also said he could bang a "10" but it costs him 4
dinners. I think some guys haven't figured out.

This thread reminds me of the engagement ring thread where all the "I am woman, hear me roar" "I am equal" and "all men are pigs" crowd came out and still demanded that they wanted their man to buy the engagement ring. The question was - if she gets the ring, what does she give him. The odd pot roast and a blow job.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 557
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History
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/15/2015 5:23:53 PM

This thread reminds me of the engagement ring thread where all the "I am woman, hear me roar" "I am equal" and "all men are pigs" crowd came out and still demanded that they wanted their man to buy the engagement ring.


Actually my hot wife's mom (pro athlete) gave us matching wedding bands , for free! When there is TRUE love, there isn't a price on anything!

My best friends wife, from Ireland, hated America because she thought EVERY thing, including love was based on a monetary exchange. It sickened her so much that she made my friend promise to retire in Ireland when he does his 20 yrs (FDNY).

So it certainly isn't a whole global women deal here. Personally , I admire the Scandinavian system!
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 558
view profile
History
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/15/2015 5:31:27 PM

I don't care for the term Go Dutch either. I just don't believe that a man has to shoulder all the cost in dating or living together or marriage. If we are in this together, we share and we both give.


Most of the women I've met have jobs and want to pay for themselves or take turns. That doesn't mean you can't treat each other once in a while or get her a gift when the relationship evolves. It just means they're not milking a traditional model of dating that comes from a time when men worked and women stayed home.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 559
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/15/2015 5:43:59 PM

In fact what I provide in home meals for him carries a great cost to me that goes beyond what my portion of an outside dinner would cost -- and he knows it.


Where are your dinner dates to? The dollar menu at McDonalds?

I just cooked enough food tonight that would have fed 2 people, the 2nd half of it is my lunch tomorrow. I made broiled cod, rice, and carrots. Great tasting home cooked dinner that would average around $15 at the typical diner. The entire filet of cod cost me $5.40, the carrots were $1.25 for the bag, and the rice was about $3 for the box that there's still a lot of rice in. Total cost of a meal for 2: $9.65.

2 of the same exact dinner at a restaurant is a MINIMUM of $10 each, plus drinks, let's just assume a coke each. And tip. That's about $24 for the food and drink, plus about $5 for a tip, so $29 vs your under $10 meal. If you split the restaurant in half, that's 14.50 each. And that's aiming low for any kind of seafood. Leaving a difference of about $5.

So no, it doesn't carry a great cost beyond what your portion of an outside dinner would cost. If it somehow does, you're terrible at shopping for food. A restaurant is ALWAYS more expensive, that's kind of how they make their money.

This means that when you cook at home, you save $5 over going dutch at a restaurant. But you don't go dutch at a restaurant, so you make him pay the full 30 vs your 10. So using tonights meal, you would have to cook 3 days at home to his 1 day treating you out, with 0 contribution from him towards groceries for you to even be able to say that you're contributing equally in cost. Again, aiming very low on cost, typically any fish at all is going to be closer to $15 for the meal, seafood is a huge markup because of its short shelf-time.

Now if you go dutch, you'd be doing a home cooked meal for $10 vs $15 to go out, in that case, for equal contribution of money, he'd owe treating in full around every 6 times going out.

OR instead of being as complicated as this, we can all be adults. NOBODY OWES YOU DINNER!!!!!!!!!!!! If someone wants to treat, that's their choice, you don't automatically deserve dinner treated to you because you were invited or because you're the girl. Be a non-selfish adult and be willing to pay your own way. If the other person offers, appreciate it, but don't expect it. You're not that important, especially to someone that it's only a first date.
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