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 Whatsamatterbaby
Joined: 5/6/2015
Msg: 560
When should the woman offer to pay?Page 17 of 35    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35)
^ You are so going down. It's not what you said, exactly - just that you spoke ;)
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 561
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/15/2015 6:00:45 PM

NOBODY OWES YOU DINNER!!!!!!!!!!!!


That's right! Nobody owes! If you're to frickin cheap to pay when you ask a woman out don't ask her out, you're just embarassing yourself.

Nobody owes you a response to a message either......but we know what you think of that.
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 562
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/15/2015 6:00:57 PM
My fridge is empty again, except for the wine.

Guess I'll invite a hot momma to dinner. No sense eating alone.

Sea bass or Filet Mignon?

Hmmm...choices....
 loveisatemple
Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 563
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/15/2015 6:01:18 PM
Funny how men are whining women are " bashing" them for carping constantly how hard done by, how victimized by women they are....

how they are entitled as men to have sex, a female sex partner and an attractive one at that, / and some are complaining they are entitled to a brood mare to pop out babies that come from an elite gene pool no matter how old they are, they are entitled to what they want ...

why, because they are men and get that privilege or they will whine or be spiteful or hateful towards the whole female gender because they were passed over.

If someone says quit whining and simply state ahead of time you wish to go Dutch, they say omg no...

Then the jig is up, they get no dates!

Live with your principles vs whining constantly the universe is not providing the proper hot date/ Madonna/ whore who goes Dutch for you.


vvvv
Right that is why there are a ton of threads about who pays, and crying about women bashing men here when they suggest the complainers DO something about their plaints instead of calling women thieves, whores, golddiggers, prostitutes like on this very thread. In my life, it has never been an issue and in many people's life it isn't but apparently it is a convenient smokescreen for misogynists.
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/13/2015
Msg: 564
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/15/2015 6:06:57 PM
If a woman really likes a man she won't mind going Dutch on a first date. I've heard a woman in her 30's say that it's about half of the men she dates who expect to go Dutch. This shows that traditional gender roles are certainly changing- it wasn't like that before.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 565
view profile
History
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/15/2015 6:07:56 PM
No one is complaining though. It's easy to find dates that aren't looking to be wined and dined. Half of the time, the women will bring up meeting and it's a mutual decision. Really, it's not hard to meet up with people.
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/13/2015
Msg: 566
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/15/2015 6:41:03 PM
Yes, it is easy to find dates that aren't looking to be wined and dined. A lot of women will actually insist on paying for themselves. Who am I to say no?
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 567
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/15/2015 6:48:06 PM

I've heard a woman in her 30's say that it's about half of the men she dates who expect to go Dutch.


That's the half she doesn't date again.


This shows that traditional gender roles are certainly changing- it wasn't like that before.


R/T, and a few others could only hope.

Most assuredly a random comment from a 30 year old woman is clearly an indication of trends in the worldwide dating population.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 568
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/15/2015 7:40:02 PM
I've kicked R/T as much as anyone here, but like a Blind Hog will find a Acorn, every now & then.....

He's right.... It doesn't cost as much to eat at Home, as it does to go out to Eat.......
 rcp83
Joined: 6/17/2015
Msg: 569
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/15/2015 7:48:30 PM
I once tried to pay for a sushi dinner, but she ended up paying for it all and said you got the next one.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 570
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/15/2015 7:54:11 PM

Should I expect my boyfriend to "go dutch" when coming to my home for dinner? Is my invitation diminished because it's at my home? Or is it expected of me and to still pay my "fair share" at outside venues?


I don't think anyone said they expect go dutch when inviting a significant other over their house. However the first handful of dates are often at neutral locations with "no host". Not a someone's house. At least a woman can offer to pay for some of these dates. As mentioned before, it doesn't have to be 50/50. It could be just the tip or buying a man dessert / beverage after he paid for something more expensive. If/when things progress and a woman starts cooking meals for a man ( or vice versa ), then it can be a different situation.


Right that is why there are a ton of threads about who pays, and crying about women bashing men here when they suggest the complainers DO something about their plaints instead of calling women thieves, whores, golddiggers, prostitutes like on this very thread. In my life, it has never been an issue and in many people's life it isn't but apparently it is a convenient smokescreen for misogynists.


The name calling goes both ways. There are women that call men cheap, not a gentlemen etc simply he prefers to go Dutch. At least these men are willing to pay for their share of the bill. Unlike the women that expect a man to pay for the entire bill.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 571
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/15/2015 8:05:01 PM

At least these men are willing to pay for their share of the bill. Unlike the women that expect a man to pay for the entire bill.


If you tell the woman up front you expect her to pay half when you ask her out the first time and she agree's you're golden obviously.

But to ask a woman out and then tell her you expect her to pay half reeks of being a full fledged card carrying member of team cheap ***tard. Good luck to ya.
 loveisatemple
Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 572
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/15/2015 8:05:46 PM
"The name calling goes both ways. There are women that call men cheap, not a gentlemen etc simply he prefers to go Dutch. At least these men are willing to pay for their share of the bill. Unlike the women that expect a man to pay for the entire bill."

So you never date each other again, no problem.

Oh My, called cheap, so you pay the whole bill?

You could have stuck to your principles, nothing bad would have happened, maybe nothing further but so what, it showed incompatibility.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 573
view profile
History
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/15/2015 8:07:48 PM

A woman who accepts an exxy meal from a guy knowing she wont see him again is just not ethical or fair or as they say "meal whore."

Yes, true. Or an "attention whore". Or both. It's basically the definition, as they're playing them for having a date. Again, when she accepts KNOWING she won't see him again. A non-attention-ho/non-meal-ho gal wouldn't want to go out on a date with a guy if he knowingly/secretly didn't want to see her after that -- regardless of who's paying.

cant imagine a guy who would accept a woman paying for both him and her on a first meet
and it may well set the dynamic for the future

No, not really. It would set the tone in a good way that he won't have to financially support her in the dates. That's good. It doesn't set the tone that she's going to be paying all the time, unless there's some understood situation beforehand that she makes good $$ and he's poor or something. But then again, if that's the case, regardless of gender on either side, if both want to be dating, the person with $$ should be expected to be covering At Least the better part of the dates, if the other male/female is knowingly poor.

But the whole argument that a guy should pay for date because statistically men make more than women is just digging oneself a hole. By that rationale, if they honestly mean it, then one would attribute race/ethnicity & job area one has in comparison, along with gender. Therefore, there would be several combos where the mechanic guy should Expect the female high school teacher to pay for all his dates. Or the male black high school teacher should Expect the mexican female nurse to pay for his dates. We all know that's not going to fly -- it's Simply a gender-tradition thing, regardless of an average job opportunity & salary level in today's day & age which will flip things around, in one scenario vs the other.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 574
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/15/2015 8:30:27 PM

If you tell the woman up front you expect her to pay half when you ask her out the first time and she agree's you're golden obviously.


Works both ways. The women that expect a man to pay for whatever reason can mention that prior to the date / meeting as well.



But to ask a woman out and then tell her you expect her to pay half reeks of being a full fledged card carrying member of team cheap ***tard. Good luck to ya.


If the person that did the asking was the "host", then maybe I might agree. But on my first few dates, it is often 2 people mutually the deciding the details of the date. If someone wants to pay for the entire date, that's cool. I just don't think it should be assumed or expected in that situation.



Oh My, called cheap, so you pay the whole bill?

You could have stuck to your principles, nothing bad would have happened, maybe nothing further but so what, it showed incompatibility.


I wasn't referring to myself or what happens on my dates. You mentioned men on this thread and other threads whining and calling women names. My point was simply some women on POF are just as guilty of this.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 575
view profile
History
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/15/2015 8:39:40 PM

If you tell the woman up front you expect her to pay half when you ask her out the first time and she agree's you're golden obviously.

But to ask a woman out and then tell her you expect her to pay half reeks of being a full fledged card carrying member of team cheap ***tard. Good luck to ya.


Perhaps, but perhaps your jumping to conclusions about who is asking whom. Many of today's younger guys are asking girls to hang out with them, or to meet them to hang out. They are using vernacular that is VERY vague. The gals say "cool , lets hang out". They make everything look platonic, and of course their results are a bit platonic often as well. :P The gals ask them in those vague terms as well.

And what about when the gal asks? I wouldn't be exaggerating if I said at least 25% (1 in 4) of the women I met(2-3 per week when really hitting it) had bought up the "lets meet", "lets get together ", "I really want to see you", "what are you doing ____", etc, etc. That is leaving out the "home invites as well". I still paid in these circumstances, but based on the SYSTEM technically I could have thrown a curve ball and made them pay. I paid, because I set up the meets so it was productive, convenient and cost effective for myself and doing so was part of my value system as a southern and Eastern Euro.

You will also notice that the Canadians and Brits seem to be more likely to go dutch naturally, therefore, it seems to be a manifestation of the American system.

In Europe, French women often pay, and the Scandinavians plus Iceland is also a good example of aggressive women payers. TBH the majority of Euro countries that even come close to the American system are Eastern Euro and Southern Euro countries. Countries I should add that are mainly anti feminist and patriarchies.

One has to wonder why the American system is imitating sexist, patriarchal anti feminist societies :P.. not that I am complaining, I love it there!

*PS- I always gracefully accepted a women paying 100% if she makes a big deal about her expense account paying for everything. That isn't uncommon here, and it seems to be a mark of pride with these corporate women to do so! Who am I to deprive her?
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 576
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/15/2015 9:11:36 PM

Many of today's younger guys are asking girls to hang out with them, or to meet them to hang out. They are using vernacular that is VERY vague. The gals say "cool , lets hang out". They make everything look platonic, and of course their results are a bit platonic often as well.


Joey, in that case I wouldn't consider it a date in the sense of what I call a date.

But still if I think enough of a woman to ask her out, I'm certainly not going to "expect" or "imply" or "suggest" that we'll go dutch. Not me, not my style....just seems ultra tacky and cheap to me.

If she's insistent on paying any portion or all that's different. But it will never be due to me asking or suggesting it.

Most women are the same in that respect (in my experience) that subsequent date expenses can be shared or handled by her without undo expectation on my part.

I'm am shocked that these guys can complain about paying for a date when they're the same one's who can't get a reply, can't get a meet to begin with and all women are shallow. It's just a bytchfest for the disenchanted.
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 577
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/15/2015 9:14:40 PM
Dudes watching your wallets....

I am so sorry I'm not helping your cause.

I'm really...not.
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/13/2015
Msg: 578
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/16/2015 4:34:18 AM

I've heard a woman in her 30's say that it's about half of the men she dates who expect to go Dutch.

That's the half she doesn't date again.


You're assuming, right? Why would she even agree to a first date with guys who want to go Dutch if she had no intention of seeing them again?
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 579
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/16/2015 5:22:57 AM
Oh shit!!! He's back!!!....and he brought his exclamation marks and CAPS WITH HIM!!!
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 580
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/16/2015 5:33:58 AM

You're assuming, right? Why would she even agree to a first date with guys who want to go Dutch if she had no intention of seeing them again?


You're assuming they said something before asking her out.

If telling a woman you're only going to ask her out if she agree's to go dutch is the key to your success then keep on doing it.

Doesn't appear as though that particular approach works very well though due to the posts made by proponents of that requirement, as eventually the tale ends with the woman being shallow and not giving the average nice guy a chance. Them sorry no account women... right?
 Strawberry_Jello
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 581
view profile
History
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/16/2015 5:46:35 AM
This is not anywhere close to what I fix for a date meal at my house. I make similar meals for myself., but do more for a date.

Last time I fixed something it was a salad, with mixed greens, additional veggies, chicken breast sauteed with garlic and herbs, Paul Newman dressing. Also made whole grain garlic toast, and lemon ginger tea. He brought grapes and chocolate. I have no idea of the cost. It was more prep work than dollars involved.

Too many people are too uptight about the whole eating and paying thing. No wonder they are still single. I sure don't want to be involved with someone keeping a tally.


I just cooked enough food tonight that would have fed 2 people, the 2nd half of it is my lunch tomorrow. I made broiled cod, rice, and carrots. Great tasting home cooked dinner that would average around $15 at the typical diner. The entire filet of cod cost me $5.40, the carrots were $1.25 for the bag, and the rice was about $3 for the box that there's still a lot of rice in. Total cost of a meal for 2: $9.65.
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 582
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/16/2015 5:51:29 AM

Paul Newman dressing.


I know most spaghetti connoisseurs find it blasphemous to use jarred sauce, but holy shit, I had some Newman's Own sauce last week, and that shit was incredible.

Carry on.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 583
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/16/2015 6:00:16 AM

If someone says quit whining and simply state ahead of time you wish to go Dutch, they say omg no...

Then the jig is up, they get no dates!

Well this is where they show true colors. If you want something a certain way and don't explain it from the beginning you have no room to complain. And not dating at all is also an option in this case but men are always arguing against that solution. No one is forced to date. No one. If you don't like the way the process goes, and you don't want to be clear about your intentions, you are free to not participate. Yet, men who are not happy with any part of dating keep dating. I hate to bring up the hitting your toe with a hammer and bitching that it's painful theory, but....

If you tell the woman up front you expect her to pay half when you ask her out the first time and she agree's you're golden obviously.

But to ask a woman out and then tell her you expect her to pay half reeks of being a full fledged card carrying member of team cheap ***tard. Good luck to ya.

Some will have this reaction. But if you expect the first date to be dutch and it bothers you enough to complain about it, and you are clear about it in your profile and some women avoid you because of that - isn't that the system working as it should? You WANT those women to avoid you, no? If all women avoid you that means you're not wasting your time with the majority.

I'm am shocked that these guys can complain about paying for a date when they're the same one's who can't get a reply, can't get a meet to begin with and all women are shallow. It's just a bytchfest for the disenchanted.

It is kind of strange when you think about it.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 584
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 7/16/2015 6:41:07 AM

Some will have this reaction. But if you expect the first date to be dutch and it bothers you enough to complain about it, and you are clear about it in your profile and some women avoid you because of that - isn't that the system working as it should? You WANT those women to avoid you, no? If all women avoid you that means you're not wasting your time with the majority.


Not sure about other people. But this has rarely been a problem on my dates / meetings though. Seems like it is a bigger issue on the forums. Most women that I went out with offered to pay for at least some portion of the date. That doesn't necessarily mean I accepted her offer. But I appreciated it though. When a woman didn't offer to pay anything, it wasn't a dealbreaker on the first date / meeting. But it can become a dealbreaker if she didn't offer to pay anything on subsequent dates.
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