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 EddRook
Joined: 1/23/2010
Msg: 234
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When should the woman offer to pay?Page 7 of 35    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35)
I expect the woman to start splitting with me from the second date in. This, as pointed out, is not 1946. Traditionally guys would pay because they earn more, it's not like that anymore. Women wanted working equality, they got it, that carries with it acting like an adult and not some teenager whose looking for a sugar daddy.
 topperburks
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 237
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 3/17/2010 9:54:16 AM
I always offer to pay or split, or at least pay my share. I know it's nice not to have to pay for something - who doesn't like that?!
 dont care 1234
Joined: 9/21/2009
Msg: 238
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 3/17/2010 9:56:24 AM
ok funny boy yer just cheap lmao
 dont care 1234
Joined: 9/21/2009
Msg: 239
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 3/17/2010 10:03:15 AM
And ... lol
Im ole fashion but I believe it is the mans place to pay as well as take care of his woman for the women it is our place to take care of anything else that requires forethought or common use of any other brain function but what is in our pants or rather his pants.
 Starting_Over_1971
Joined: 7/2/2009
Msg: 241
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 3/17/2010 11:27:14 AM
I have learned there is many variables? The type of person you meet, or who is the one being asked out?

Some people are very old fashioned, and think the man should always pay. Some are out to get a free meal (sounds sad, but have had a friend tell me that...shame on her). Some are with the times, and everything should be split down the middle, or a 'strong independent woman' will NOT have a man pay for the meal at all!

Then there is the other beleif, if I have asked YOU out, then I should pay. I beleive this goes w/o saying. You pull someone from their time to go do something with you, then the inviter should be paying. It is courtesey to maybe pay for some things here and there if invited out, but most generally if you ask someone out-then you should pay.
 cococarter
Joined: 12/20/2005
Msg: 243
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 3/19/2010 1:41:48 AM
Hey/// On the first date if i offer to pay it means i dont want to be there i want to pay so i can get out asap. I have no problem paying when its my idea to go out. even if it 3 or 4 times in a weeks period... its not about the money. If youask me to go out i dont expect you to pay for everything as you wouldnt expect me to pay for everything... try to split cabs if we are drinking and such. Act the same way if i was my girl friends
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 244
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 3/19/2010 6:26:57 AM
And the beat goes on!! This thread is soooo funny, as the ladies continue to embrace the "who asks, pays" idea. So why don't we hear from ALL the ladies, how many times they ask?

C'mon girls put it up here, how many of you have actually asked a guy out? Don't include your guy friends, you know your HS buddy, or the guy who fixed your sink, ex boyfriends, just the guys you met either online or somewhere IRL and asked out on a date.
 xlr8ingmargo
Joined: 7/28/2009
Msg: 245
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 3/19/2010 6:32:08 AM
I ask guys out lots, and if they dont let me pay its not because I didnt try. I usually give the waitress/waitor a heads up that Im paying before hand so I can slip them a credit card. Here in the south gentlemen think its their duty. Up North, I usually go dutch. In Europe I usually have a family meal with like everybody in the world on a first date. I guess it realily does depend on geography.
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 247
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 3/19/2010 7:01:27 AM
Wild and margo, I know both of you have posted your views and your opinions.

I have deep respect for both of you. Again this is not my issue, but like all things I can see the other side. After reading the last few pages, and the same tired saw of who asks pays, I thought it was an appropriate question, but I guess it's more of the one off's who post once and leave, having assuaged their conscience by saying that drivel, that prompted me to post that.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 248
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 3/19/2010 9:17:45 AM
I do ask and pay, but only when I am dating the guy and I like him. I don't do it with strangers, just as I don't expect men to pay for me. I just cover my own expenses. I'm big on not wanting someone to feel in any way that I am obligated, so I'd rather pay than have that dynamic going on.

When men ask me out for dinner, I agree to coffee and let them know it'll be a short one...and that if we can stand each other then dinner is fine for the next time - and then I cover my half. For women who say men insist - it's possible to request separate checks before dinner, or hit the ladies room and drop money on the check with the waitress. If you really want to cover your half, then do it - they don't need to know about it until after the check comes.
 JRodriguez81
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 249
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 3/19/2010 9:30:22 AM
I do not like that "whoever asks who out, will pay" idea. Thats just downright silly.
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 251
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History
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 3/19/2010 10:58:16 AM

If men complain about women not paying, then why not just settle for a coffee in the first meeting, that would certainly save you guys lots of money.


It's not so much about the amount of money as it is the idea of having to pay at all. The status quo is in women's favor, which is why so many can be comfortable with the tired "whoever asks should pay" idea.

There is a serious lack of women that will ask. Just look at how long that thread is that's called "is it true that the woman should not pursue the man." There is so much diatribe about being "old fashioned" or "shy." I call bullsh!t on both accounts. There are plenty of men who are shy, but they don't get the benefit of the doubt, and women who claim to be old fashioned are only old fashioned in the ways that suit them.

Its also interesting to see comments about how if a man is struggling with money, then he shouldn't be dating. Firstly, I didn't know that finding love required having X amount of money. I also guess that the woman's finances are exempt from being looked at when entering the dating world. She is allowed to be penniless, but he needs to have his money in order.

As far as directly answering the OP's question, I think women should offer to pay from day 1 (her portion, not his). I don't care who asked who. The fact of the matter is that both parties should be making "some" effort to making the relationship work, and I think that effort extends past just showing up and being friendly. When it bores down to it, we are talking about 2 people who are still pretty much strangers (unless it's two friends that are seeing if they can become more than friends). I do not see the logic in putting someone on a pedestal that I barely even know, especially for the sake of ideals that are long outdated.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 252
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 3/19/2010 12:08:59 PM
Well actually it isn't the end.
There is no right or wrong answer to this question.
It depends entirely on the people involved in the
relationship.
The trick is just to find someone who agrees with
your stance on this issue.
Nothing complicated about it.
Over and out.
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 253
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 3/19/2010 12:24:41 PM
"Well actually it isn't the end."

Wrong or right? How can there be wrong or right?

If women want to be EQUAL, then they should ASK, isn't that in essence equality and right? Or is it more, I will do what I want, so I'm equal when I want and not when it costs me or I have to take a risk of rejection!!

See nothing complicated about it at all. Just the good old POF double speak, double standard, I know works everytime!

You ladies crack me up! There aren't more than 6 or 7 women I believe on here, when they say they pay or ask. The rest of you qualify for the hypocrite of the year award!
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 254
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 3/19/2010 12:42:07 PM
Well I could be wrong (and I am sometimes) but not ALL men and women
think the same. There are differences of opinion even regarding "equal".
If you ask 100 women a question...you think they'll answer all the same?
Some couldn't care less if they are treated equally at work because they
don't work. Some couldn't care less if they pay their own way all the time,
because that's just what they do.
So yes. There is no right or wrong answer to this question. It depends who
you ask and it depends how someone feels about the issue.
You see it all the time here...men who claim to love opening doors for women
and then are disgusted when the woman tells him not to bother...I can open
the door myself.
Obviously not everyone is on the same page with the equal rights business.
And if you've read any of my posts...you'll see that I have NO problem at all
paying...or not paying if someone insists...or taking turns or whatever. It
just depends what works with the person I'm with.
And if I'm the hypocrite of the year...I hope my prize is forthcoming.
I'm pretty sure you were already cracked before I came along, but I digress.






and PS...the above post proves the point I was trying to make.
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 255
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 3/19/2010 12:51:04 PM

And the beat goes on!! This thread is soooo funny, as the ladies continue to embrace the "who asks, pays" idea. So why don't we hear from ALL the ladies, how many times they ask?

C'mon girls put it up here, how many of you have actually asked a guy out? Don't include your guy friends, you know your HS buddy, or the guy who fixed your sink, ex boyfriends, just the guys you met either online or somewhere IRL and asked out on a date.



I've asked and don't have an issue approaching a man, buying him a round/dinner/lunch or a pack of bubble gum!

You have the princesses and then you have those who are actually considerate towards this much debated bologne.
 migivadamsbusted
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 256
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 3/19/2010 12:52:51 PM
after the gentleman pays my dinner, he can pay my bills, buy me a new car...oh and a cruise would be great!
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 257
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 3/19/2010 5:35:48 PM

Agreed.I will never offer to pay when a guy asks me for a date.If I want to pay I will ask him out.


Makes me wonder how often you do that, which is probably never.
 njbris
Joined: 10/17/2009
Msg: 258
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 3/19/2010 6:10:31 PM

Men tend to get offended when a woman pays for them.


I see women say this in the forum time and time again. But where are all the men who express that they get offended?
 anncanada
Joined: 1/11/2009
Msg: 259
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History
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 3/19/2010 8:02:15 PM
well I dated a guy for 8 months and I did pay almost all the time. when I had to end the relationship he put a bill in my mailbox for almost $2000, and told me he wanted payment immediately, he billed me for picking my kids up for me when I was at work, that was $300 for that, he charged me for any of the meals he cooked at my house with my food, he also charged me an additional $300 for helping me with dishes , and also misc charges, is that nuts or what??? that god I got out of that one when I did. Karyn
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 260
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 3/20/2010 5:04:33 AM

I see women say this in the forum time and time again. But where are all the men who express that they get offended?

I'm one of the women who claim the men I've met and/or dated would become offended when I offered to pay my way or get the next round, etc. etc. As I mentioned in a my last post in this thread, some have ignored me when I made the offer, some have become highly offended, and one actually lectured me not to "ever, ever bring that up again in his presence." One man took me out to dinner and then we went to my favorite pub for drinks afterwards. I gave the bartender my credit card to open a tab for the couple of drinks we'd be having. At the end of the evening, the bartender handed me my credit card back and told me my date had settled up the bill while I'd been in the ladies room and that nothing had been charged to my credit card. This has just always been my experience with the men I've dated.

Those of us who participate in these forums, for the most part, are only a small representation of the overall POF population. You tend to see the same opinions and beliefs stated over and over again in threads by the same regular posters. Of course, new people and/or lurkers will also contribute to a thread, but for the most part, it's the same opinions being repeated again and again.

None of the guys I've met from POF these past couple years participate in (or read) the message forums; in fact, most didn't even know there were forums on this website. There was also one that actually asked me, "what's a forum?" These guys ranged in age from 46-55 years old. The subject of the forums usually came up on first meets when we'd be discussing our general experiences on POF and how we like or dislike the website overall; I'd always mention that I'm a huge forum junkie and that's when I'd find out most didn't even know about the POF forums. Since most didn't know about the forums (and didn't express an interest in reading them or participating in them once they learned about them) I'm going to assume that's why none of these guys have stated their opinions here.

I can't speak for everyone, but this has been my experience with the dating scene this past couple of years. The opinions of gentlemen I meet in real life and the opinions I see stated here in the forums over and over again are always two drastically different things. Again, this has only been MY experience.
 xlr8ingmargo
Joined: 7/28/2009
Msg: 262
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 3/20/2010 6:50:38 AM
Batman, I like to skate board, but snow boarding is a whole other story!
At 45 I'd rather tube down the slopes cause Im already on my butt!
... and I'd pay my share of all expenses from the gas to the hotel.
When expenses are combined, then you get to do twice as much!
Sounds like fun to me~
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 264
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 3/20/2010 8:47:31 AM

some have ignored me when I made the offer, some have become highly offended, and one actually lectured me not to "ever, ever bring that up again in his presence."

When I experience this I find it controlling, insecure, ego driven or otherwise just not someone I want to date again. I once had a man tell me he was picking up a check; I asked why, and he answered because "he's the man". Let's just say that didn't go well for him. Politely declining is one thing, appreciating and decling is fine - but being highly offended and throwing a hissy fit is just unacceptable (at least since 1957).

One man took me out to dinner and then we went to my favorite pub for drinks afterwards. I gave the bartender my credit card to open a tab for the couple of drinks we'd be having. At the end of the evening, the bartender handed me my credit card back and told me my date had settled up the bill while I'd been in the ladies room and that nothing had been charged to my credit card.

That's not a bad thing. It's the same as a woman who arranges something beforehand or during dinner with the waitress without the man knowing about it.
 wcis4u
Joined: 9/7/2009
Msg: 265
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 3/20/2010 9:40:21 AM
"Friends" pay their own way.If you are in a relationship it should be worked out another way.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 267
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 3/20/2010 12:04:46 PM
Some people say the man pays until after the third date, some say he should not pay until after the third date---does there being more than 3 dates indicate he is interested and then he should step up to the plate and pay after date number 3, or he should pay until he decides he is not interested and then they are in the friends zone and both should pay? When I used to meet more men it seemed to me that most of them decided it was up to them to decide if we were to have a relationship or not, most seemed to assume that I liked them when I met them and were appalled that I was not interested in dating them if that was the case....most said they paid when they met a woman if they liked her, and they didn't pay if they didn't like her. This seems totally one sided to me, wonder how they would feel if women offered to pay if they liked the man or didn't offer if they didn't like him.
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