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 Praestantia
Joined: 10/20/2008
Msg: 270
When should the woman offer to pay?Page 8 of 35    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35)
I take out my wallet every time. Most of the time the guys says 'No, No, let me.' Then I know he was a)raised in a good polite manner and/or b) likes me. If he puts down only half when the bill comes, then I know he probably won't call me again.
 foreverstacey
Joined: 11/28/2009
Msg: 271
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 3/21/2010 7:01:50 PM
I always make a move to pay for whatever is mine.. and always try and give my date money. No one's ever taken it though :(
 Starting_Over_1971
Joined: 7/2/2009
Msg: 272
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 3/23/2010 11:23:51 AM
Oh now WILD HEART, I mean no disrespect at all. When I suggest someone being pulled from their time. This is just my way of saying that if your home, relaxing and just taking it easy. I call you out of the blue to go do something, then since I am asking I should be the "payer of any costs". I don't look at it as a bad thing if your not contacting me that day, and I ask you to go out, as a bad thing when I am interrupting/taking you from your time. If it is 'dating', then the waters are still new and untested, when it is a full blown relationship...then yes I would hope you would drop things because you would enjoy spending time with one another. Hope I cleared that up? -Shawn
 Backlolz
Joined: 11/11/2009
Msg: 273
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 3/23/2010 11:26:00 AM
NEVER!!... if he can't pay then dine and dash will be part of the date
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 274
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 3/23/2010 8:13:16 PM
Do guys ever *ask* women to pay? That has never happened to me. I can think of a couple of guys who were surprised that I said "My turn to pay." But most guys just take it in stride.

If you are with a woman who never pays and it bothers you, tell her.
If you are a woman and your guy ALWAYS pays, offer to pay. It won't kill you to buy dinner.
 Happily Ever...maybe
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 275
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History
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 3/23/2010 9:30:58 PM
When I'm dating a woman, I never expect her to pay, but I almost always expect her to make the gesture of offering to split the bill, or at least offer to leave the tip. If she insists I'll let her too. I've recently had the experience with two different women, on first meetings, where the check came and they just stared off into space, and I barely got a thank you from either of them. Which showed a lack of character in my book, and led to me not asking either out again.

Once you get involved in a relationship that makes it a bit different, and if both are doing their best to make ends meet rather than one making substantially more than the other, you split the bill or just take turns.
 canoga77
Joined: 5/25/2008
Msg: 277
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 3/24/2010 3:52:58 AM

I think every woman deserves a man who wants to pay for her. It's not about should or would or can or can't, it's about whether he wants to pay. If you don't want to pay for a woman on a date, maybe you just don't like her that much

I hate this attitude. Why I am I expected to show my appreciation for a woman by paying for her? Why isn't it the other way around? Maybe I like her, but have other things I would rather spend my money on. Honestly, I'm sick of this expectation that women deserved to be paid for just for showing up.
 kjt54
Joined: 2/4/2010
Msg: 279
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History
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 3/24/2010 6:47:26 PM
The woman should never pay while dating; a man should feel like a man.
 migivadamsbusted
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 280
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 3/24/2010 7:35:34 PM
where ooooooo where have the gentlemen gone....
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 282
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 3/24/2010 9:04:39 PM
I've never understood the whole focus on money. Heck, if I made $100K and she made $30K, who cares if I pay most of the time? And, say we both make $30K and going out to dinner is impacting me financially - gee, then I'd be honest about it and say I can't afford to go out to anything fancy the next time, or whatever - and if she can afford to and wants to pay the next time then that's what happens. Money only becomes an "issue" when one party or the other *makes* it an issue. And, well, if for whatever reason I couldn't afford it and its an issue with her, well, then that's *her* issue, and *her* making it an issue in the relationship (and if that ends the relationship, then obviously money is too much of an issue with her and its probably a good thing). Heck, I'm not in a relationship to get to know their wallet, I'm in a relationship to get to know the *person*... so (gasp!) you *talk* about things like that when they come up!

Wow, novel concept, talking to someone you're in a relationship with... about money, finances, dating, along with everything else. Who'd ever think openness and honesty would have *anything* to do with a relationship?!?
 canoga77
Joined: 5/25/2008
Msg: 285
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 3/24/2010 9:55:49 PM
It costs a whole lot more just to get dressed for a girl than a guy.

This is only true for slobs. Some men actually invest a lot of time and money in their appearance. And it's been pointed out again and again in these threads that women dress up as much to impress other women as they do men. These women would still be spending as much on cosmetics and their wardrobe if the male gender no longer existed.


I spend more on my lingerie than most guys spend on their clothes.

Most first dates will usually not be followed by a second, meaning more than likely the man will never see the woman he pays for in lingerie or any other form of underwear.



If you are the dressy well groomed type, the range of clothes, shoes, purses, jewelry etc can cost many times what a guy would ever spend. Add to that all the costs of hair, nails, waxing (ouch), cosmetics and on and on it's a wonder we pay at all.

Most men don't care about these things as much as women do. The fact that women spend so much on these items has more to do with female vanity than with a desire to impress men.
 Praestantia
Joined: 10/20/2008
Msg: 286
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 3/24/2010 9:59:11 PM
I didn't elaborate in my previous post about who should pay and when. I said that I always offer to pay. Most of the time he pays. Sometimes if I do have to pay for the entire amount or even half, and he was the one who asked me out, then I know that a) he won't call me again and b) I don't want him to call me again. lol.
Further on in the relationship the man and woman start to get to know one another better; finances come up, as well as other issues. After a certain amount of time, and especially once we are privy to one another's finances, then we can sort of have a feel for when the man should pay and when the woman should pay. Of course, if you're married and/or living together, then the question of whose paying is pretty well answered....and that would be the both of you hopefully.
 cdukshnow
Joined: 3/19/2010
Msg: 287
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 3/25/2010 5:30:10 AM
Splitting is not paying, it's splitting. LOL Biiiig difference.

Thom
 cdukshnow
Joined: 3/19/2010
Msg: 288
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 3/25/2010 5:32:19 AM
Whenever they can, just like men. I have shelled out a lot of money over time as well and couldn't agree more. Unfortunately many women aren't interested in a guy that has little to no money.
I, for one could care less if she lives in a cardboard box...
"I don't care too much for money, money can't buy me love".

Thom
 Purr Heart
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 290
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 3/25/2010 9:12:33 AM
Whether it's the first date or the 50th, a woman with class ALWAYS offers.
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 291
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History
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 3/25/2010 11:40:24 AM

It costs a whole lot more just to get dressed for a girl than a guy.

I always used to insist on paying half but I don't anymore. I offer but I never push it. A girlfriend who knows how much I spend looking good in swanky circles explained the following to me.

I spend more on my lingerie than most guys spend on their clothes. Who do you think that is for?

If you are the dressy well groomed type, the range of clothes, shoes, purses, jewelry etc can cost many times what a guy would ever spend. Add to that all the costs of hair, nails, waxing (ouch), cosmetics and on and on it's a wonder we pay at all.

Ok, so if you are a jeans an T guy who only wants a girl in jeans and T, short plain nails, cheap haircut, no color in her hair, no jewelry, no makeup and plain Jane cotton somewhat used undies etc etc then you may be about even but lets face it, most guys expect a bit more than that. A lot more in fact. Bravo for the guys who don't expect more but there are very very few of you.


I've gone shopping with my girl buddies, and it doesn't cost "that" much to look fashionable. At least, not as much as the claims that you're implying. Additionally, you're suggesting that a guy should be punished for the fact that [some] women have money management issues. WE didn't pick your lifestlye (no matter how much you blame the media for your inability to think for yourself).
 JRodriguez81
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 292
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 3/25/2010 11:48:16 AM
Im sorry but the whole "I spend a lot to look good when we go out" argument is probably the most lame brain, stupid, and immature thing ive ever heard/read in my life.


Why is it my issue as a man, how much YOU spend on your outfits, makeup, etc?




Additionally, you're suggesting that a guy should be punished for the fact that [some] women have money management issues. WE didn't pick your lifestlye (no matter how much you blame the media for your inability to think for yourself).




Bingo.


I hope to god that my intuition steers me clear of any woman that THINKS like that.
 calisto04
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 294
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 3/26/2010 7:10:53 PM

I am in my late fifites, mostly date women in their forties, sometimes in their late thirties, and this is how it goes down. Astonishingly, male friends and acquaintenances who date women near my age and older tell me their dates expect the men to almost always pay. Must be how they dated back in the day.
I find that very difficult to believe.

Every single woman I know in their late 50's and up to their late 60's would be very flexible about it and actually always offer to go dutch. (Yes it's something we have discussed.)

Your friends must be dating some very selfish women.
 anunu
Joined: 10/21/2009
Msg: 297
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History
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 3/26/2010 10:10:38 PM
I'm old fashioned (and I do let guys know this!)

I am not into going dutch on a date. I do expect the man to pay for the date.
If the relationship gets serious, I will spring for a few of the dates.

I know this is 2010 and woman should be all liberated and everything, but I just haven't arrived there yet.
I'm also old fashioned when it comes to gender roles in a relationship also.
 JRodriguez81
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 298
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 3/26/2010 10:44:44 PM
I'm old fashioned (and I do let guys know this!)

I am not into going dutch on a date. I do expect the man to pay for the date.
If the relationship gets serious, I will spring for a few of the dates.

I know this is 2010 and woman should be all liberated and everything, but I just haven't arrived there yet.
I'm also old fashioned when it comes to gender roles in a relationship also.



Since you're so old fashioned...is it okay for us men to tell you to keep quiet when the men are talking, and to get your ass in the kitchen and stay there?


I'll refer to you as a "dame", "doll", or a "broad"


I also wont allow you to vote.

Come on now.
 anunu
Joined: 10/21/2009
Msg: 304
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History
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 3/27/2010 8:49:58 PM

Since you're so old fashioned...is it okay for us men to tell you to keep quiet when the men are talking, and to get your ass in the kitchen and stay there?


I'll refer to you as a "dame", "doll", or a "broad"


I also wont allow you to vote.

Come on now.


Being old fashioned has nothing to do with a man being rude to a woman!
Those comments are just plain rude.

I do believe in a woman staying home with the children, cooking, cleaning and things like that.
I don't believe a woman can do absolutely everything a man can do.
It's just how I feel. I don't need anyone to agree with my opinion!
 JRodriguez81
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 305
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 3/28/2010 3:00:04 AM
I went out with a woman tonight from here folks, and guess what? SHE INSISTED ON PAYING HALF THE BILL.


I damn near shed a tear you guys.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 307
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 3/28/2010 6:05:56 AM
^^^^^Many first dates don't lead to more dates, although I have never experienced a man telling me that is not hard for me since I was just making an extra portion. I have always felt as if my cooking skills and hospitality have been very much appreciated. I have often experienced the " I like you I will pay, and I don't like you I won't pay" scenarios, even after we discussed it on the phone prior to meeting and the men always said that they are gentlemen and always pay for dinner when they meet someone. I rarely date anymore, so cannot comment on what is going on with the men I might meet at this time. The last man I dated paid for meals, although I always offered. Some have been offended that I offered, declaring me to be "one of those obnoxious liberated controlling feminists" when I offered to pay for my meal....NEXT..they took themselves out of my sea of potential fishies.....
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 309
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 3/28/2010 1:29:38 PM
^^^I agree that a lot of it is ego. Which as I have mentioned in many threads, has no place in these times. If you can't leave it at home, life's gonna suck for you a lot. These days there's no reason to stroke egos. Who cares if someone sees you not picking up the check? If you don't want to don't. If you're worried about your reputation and your popularity, then I guess that's another story.

I also agree that the men who aren't happy with paying on dates should take that to their gender board meetings - because other men have set this standard - so they can't blame women for expecting something that for years men told them they should expect. Men who buy women drinks to break the ice in bars have a lot of nerve complaining some women are out scouting free drinks. If you don't do it, no one can take you for it.

Also, the whole competitive thing where you want to outspend other men or treat women a certain way to stand out will ultimately bring about women who prefer to be impressed in that manner. There are a ton of songs and poems floating around declaring that some guy will give a woman something another guy cannot - it'd be nice if women enjoyed stuff like this and didn't base reality on it, but a lot of them do. Who writes these songs and poems? Men, usually.

Finally, men who tell their young daughters that a man who doesn't buy her things and bned over backwards for her isn't worth her time are creating a lot of young adults who (shockingly) expect to be wined and dined by the men who are interested. Again, men seem to have started that trend as well.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 311
When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 3/28/2010 2:05:38 PM
Finally, men who tell their young daughters that a man who doesn't buy her things and bned over backwards for her isn't worth her time are creating a lot of young adults who (shockingly) expect to be wined and dined by the men who are interested. Again, men seem to have started that trend as well.


You know for a fact that mothers have no involvement in such conversations?
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