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 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 26
Have you ever asked out a guy? How often do you do that?Page 2 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
I'm truly curious about this - if a woman wants you to join her to go and check out an activity - why does it matter how she asks you so long as she's asking?

Does the gender of the person asking me to check out some activity matter? If so, that answers the question. Unless the ectivity was really an excuse to check out dating interest, you could equally well replace the word ``woman'' with ``man.''

Also, how do you determine what sounds like an intention to make it a date (and why does that matter)?

In general, I don't find it very easy to figure that out and I don't want to guess someone's intentions. It matters because if I'm wanting to go out on dates, I'm not interested in meeting women where there is no mutual attraction in that respect. I think it's safe to say that men and women know right away if they are not interested in someone for that reason. If there's no mutual interest in dating, there's not much point in doing anything together.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 27
Have you ever asked out a guy? How often do you do that?
Posted: 5/18/2010 7:07:29 AM

think the point here is her intent. if she makes clear she sees romantic potential in a man, and he sees the same in her, it can make the activity more of a priority than if it's just buds sharing time.

Assuming she's not really that familliar with the guy I'm not sure how it would be just friends hanging out unless they are already friends - in which case it's not relevant to the OP's question.

the background of interaction, and the choice of activity. if there's been some kind of attractional byplay before, you figure this could be the next step. and activitywise, an invitation to a sultry sunset jazz show at the beach sends a different message than, say, an early morning trash pickup campaign at the beach.

Interesting. I'd assume that two people who are interested in each other won't care where they spend time together so long as they are spending time. Now the activity and the context matter too...ok...again, interesting.

Does the gender of the person asking me to check out some activity matter? If so, that answers the question.

I thought the interest in a person who asks you to go somewhere was the issue. So no, not really. Who cares how it's said or where you go if you have interest?

Unless the ectivity was really an excuse to check out dating interest, you could equally well replace the word ``woman'' with ``man.''

What else would it be if a woman you barely knew asked you to go somewhere? Heterosexual men don't ask each other to go somewhere if they are complete strangers, do they? If so I guess I don't pay a lot of attention.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 28
Have you ever asked out a guy? How often do you do that?
Posted: 5/18/2010 7:48:23 AM
What else would it be if a woman you barely knew asked you to go somewhere?

The point is, I don't know and I imagine that every guy can point to instances where a woman's intentions didn't reflect what he would think to be normal if the person was a heterosexual male. In that case, a guy ends up with a woman who is surprised that her intentions were misread. I'd rather know why I'm being asked to do something so I can decide whether or not I want to tag along. Women suffer from that same thing in a different way. If a guy doesn't present an offer to go somewhere as a date, it's not a date. However, they are then puzzled when a guy they considered a friend has some other idea about the relationship.

Heterosexual men don't ask each other to go somewhere if they are complete strangers, do they? If so I guess I don't pay a lot of attention.

No, but since I have friends who are gay and don't really think much about anyone's sexual orientation, I've also made the mistake of assuming that gay men weren't asking me to tag along because they were interested in dating me. That can be even more awkward. Showing up somewhere where every other person assumes I'm some guy's date can be a little weird if that possibility never entered your mind. Life is simpler if everyone knows what's going on.
 Ms_6Cs_QT
Joined: 3/4/2010
Msg: 29
Have you ever asked out a guy? How often do you do that?
Posted: 5/22/2010 10:27:00 PM
I suck in the department of how to ask someone out.

I guess I seem to be asking the wrong people, in them saying yes, but not following through.

I've never gone out on a date before ever...my ex and I's was an arranged marriage.
 cheeriness
Joined: 8/23/2009
Msg: 30
Have you ever asked out a guy? How often do you do that?
Posted: 5/25/2010 5:57:54 PM
In person......no too shy.

On pof? I initiate communication and see how it goes.
 strollinbella
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 31
Have you ever asked out a guy? How often do you do that?
Posted: 5/25/2010 6:17:33 PM
Yes I have. Five years ago, after establishing a pretty close friendship with a man I liked a lot, I asked him out for coffee. He said no, but suggestested we make it dinner instead, lol! We dated for two years, most of it wonderful.

Just last week I asked another, much younger, man out for a coffee. We will be connecting after work on Thursday. I am only a year younger than his mother, so it is unlikely to become a romance, but I do like him enough to want him in my life as a friend.
 BentonHarbor
Joined: 3/2/2010
Msg: 32
Have you ever asked out a guy? How often do you do that?
Posted: 5/26/2010 4:53:31 AM

Just last week I asked another, much younger, man out for a coffee. We will be connecting after work on Thursday. I am only a year younger than his mother, so it is unlikely to become a romance, but I do like him enough to want him in my life as a friend.


Wanna bet this younger guy does NOT think this will be some platonic "just friends" meeting? Keep up updated on this---should be "interesting"!!

THIS is why guys wanna know WHY women are asking them out!!
 luckyhot777s
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 33
Have you ever asked out a guy? How often do you do that?
Posted: 5/26/2010 2:50:26 PM
So what we have here with ones who don't is either....too afraid or shy and might get rejected...fear of rejection.

A premadonna.

Or old fashioned.

Boy, if you put those labels on a man he won't get too far in life.....so, we all want men not to be old fashion and accept the modern women, who wants to shed all of those old ways, except the ones that are to her advantage?

Like we men haven't noticed.
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 34
Have you ever asked out a guy? How often do you do that?
Posted: 5/26/2010 3:31:02 PM
I'm about as far from being a Primadonna as it gets.

However, I fully admit I've never asked a man out. I've always been fortunate because the ones I've been interested in over the years have always asked me out.

But I have invited men to my place for a homecooked dinner after we've been out a couple of times and I wanted to reciprocate. Does that count?
 minako79
Joined: 1/15/2009
Msg: 35
Have you ever asked out a guy? How often do you do that?
Posted: 5/26/2010 6:02:39 PM
lol... i have and been turned down...
i have to say i'm alot prouder of myself for standing up and having that courage.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 36
Have you ever asked out a guy? How often do you do that?
Posted: 5/26/2010 7:26:57 PM

Completely lost the translation on that one.

I'll try again. I'm looking for someone who takes initiatives in life because having initiative means you will act when necessary and follow through to your goal. I've found that to be an important component in a committed relationship. And I've found it runs through someone's character into all aspects of their life.
The people I've met who show initiative usually feel a certain of satisfaction in their lives. Also another component to feeling happiness. As opposed to a person who finds every or any way possible to be a victim in life.

I think jco's translation was pretty clear. If you were really talking about initiative instead of asking a guy to jump through hoops, you'd value that same initiative in yourself (unless, of course, you really think you have no initiative or the character you think requires it).

Personally, I have more respect for a woman who isn't going to wait until I run across her profile if she sees mine forst and wants to meet me. That's how I met my fiancee. She listed herself as Talk/Email so she would have waited a long time if she had waited for me to run across her profile. However she took the initiative to get the ball rolling rather than act helpless and leave it to chance. I think that only reinforces jco's way of doing things.


I think (think) most men need to feel like the pursuer.

That's fine if you need to feel like a conquest. If not, you might want to connect the dots. I equate an expectation to be pursued to an expecation for me to jump through hoops. If it's not too much work, it might be worth it for good sex, but I don't think it's a very good basis for a long term partnership.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 37
Have you ever asked out a guy? How often do you do that?
Posted: 5/26/2010 8:06:56 PM

I think that only reinforces jco's way of doing things.


Keep in mind that this is only my method as far as online goes.
Part of my reason is the jadedness of online dating where 95% I've met don't look like their picture. So...why spend a lot of time composing unique emails and doing endless searches. for a 5-10% response rate?

Interestingly enough since switching to sitting back online the women I've met tend to look MORE like their pics...hmmm....more confident in who and what they are and more aggressive about what/who they want?

The other thing is that women with good pics have full inboxes so even if you do have a great email she may be numb by the time she gets to it...hits delete on all of them then does her own search....happening upon a profile that is refreshing and open.......

Now IRL I do about 50% of the approaching.....but that doesn't mean hitting on them. I open up a line of communication and leave it open for them to show returned interest or not...either way i come off as friendly and only mildly interested...partly because being too interested is a turn off for women and partly because how do I know how interested I am until I get to KNOW them?
 luckyhot777s
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 38
Have you ever asked out a guy? How often do you do that?
Posted: 5/27/2010 5:52:51 AM

I'm about as far from being a Primadonna as it gets.

However, I fully admit I've never asked a man out. I've always been fortunate because the ones I've been interested in over the years have always asked me out.

But I have invited men to my place for a homecooked dinner after we've been out a couple of times and I wanted to reciprocate. Does that count?


This means your fit the old fashion catigory....nothing wrong with an old fashion girl who can cook.

But an old fashion guy? that would mean he can't accept the modern woman, he thinks a sexually free woman is a whore, etc....see what I mean....its not acceptable....lmao!!!

Now an old fashion girl who can ask a guy out?

Now were talking...lol.
 strollinbella
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 39
Have you ever asked out a guy? How often do you do that?
Posted: 5/27/2010 4:23:16 PM

Just last week I asked another, much younger, man out for a coffee. We will be connecting after work on Thursday. I am only a year younger than his mother, so it is unlikely to become a romance, but I do like him enough to want him in my life as a friend.
From my original post, msg #64.



Wanna bet this younger guy does NOT think this will be some platonic "just friends" meeting? Keep up updated on this---should be "interesting"!!

THIS is why guys wanna know WHY women are asking them out!!
From BentonHarbor's response, msg # 65, to my previous post.

The younger man in question called me yesterday and apologized for having to cancel today's coffee meet.

We will get together for a friendly lunch another time, and keep our friendship going until then through our regular conversations. We are both clear on it just being a friendship. It does not matter to me what other people think of this, and whether or not they may be "placing bets" behind our backs, lol!
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 40
Have you ever asked out a guy? How often do you do that?
Posted: 5/27/2010 4:38:49 PM

Have you ever asked out a guy? How often do you do that?

I've not done the asking for a first date ~ and I won't be doing so in the future. Just isn't what I'm about. Hasn't seemed to hinder my social life when I want one, so it must've been OK with those I have dated in the past. JMO
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 41
Have you ever asked out a guy? How often do you do that?
Posted: 5/28/2010 1:16:13 AM
never saw it happen until I started going to the bars and clubs with my Russian friends.
The Ukrainian girls are fearless. Walk in the door, and its like fresh meat on sale. Helps that I am new to the circle of patrons, and that I speak the language, but damn talk about a bizarro situation.
Its a topsy turvy world, and I welcome the change.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 42
Have you ever asked out a guy? How often do you do that?
Posted: 5/28/2010 12:22:19 PM
in response to CANADIANGUY...I'm about equal or with POF and IRL. I do have to say that when in comes to women straight up asking " Will you go out with me?" That has only happened IRL. On POF and IRL it's much more common for them to show interest, initiate contact and make it obvious that they want to go out. Women are much more protective of being rejected than they expect men to be.

I've also noticed that when women do get rejected they have more extreme reactions than they allow men to have...they either call names like "homo", try to insult you or go the other extreme and get real pushy/creepy and won't take no for an answer!

..Yet you hear women complain all the time about men calling them b!tches and lesbians or not giving up gracefully.

It's funny how many double standards there are between the sexes!

It seems they as a whole only want equality when it benefits them....I've seen the more devout women's libbers demand/expect chivalry and the most non womens libbers complain about glass ceilings and the good ole boy network. ...And I've seen both use sex or the threat of sexual harassment to get what they want....oh gosh....I'm sorry! I got way off topic here.
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 43
view profile
History
Have you ever asked out a guy? How often do you do that?
Posted: 5/28/2010 2:56:27 PM


"For your poll:
IRL: never POF: 3 times (never actually shown at the meet) Other online: never"


Sounds similar to my record.

IRL: Thrice
Online: Once

I wish that I had the luxury of being able to choose whether not to initiate conversations AND still be able to get dates on a regular basis. Unfortunately, that's not how the world works for the super-majority of us men.

This kind of reminds me of the days of Prom and Sadie Hawkins dances. When it came to prom, you would see couples all over the place, but with Sadie Hawkins, you would see a few sparse couples, and a lot of all girl-groups. I've never seen a bunch of all-guy groups at the Prom.

Is the idea of rejection THAT devastating for women?
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 44
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Have you ever asked out a guy? How often do you do that?
Posted: 5/30/2010 10:23:04 AM

“The average man is more interested in a woman who is interested in him than he is in a woman with beautiful legs.” Marlene Dietrich

This, of course, only applies if the woman is attractive to him. If she isn't, there's nothing on the planet that will make him want to pursue anything more than friendship. Of course, Marlene Dietrich probably didn't have any experience not being attractive to anyone, so she had no reference point for that when she made that statement.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 45
Have you ever asked out a guy? How often do you do that?
Posted: 5/30/2010 10:46:41 AM

Have you ever asked out a guy?


Nope. Never. I'm a pretty old fashioned chick when it comes down to dating, and I couldn't care less how much times have changed in dating and are still. I don't ask men out, regardless.
 Worbug
Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 46
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Have you ever asked out a guy? How often do you do that?
Posted: 5/30/2010 12:15:39 PM
No, I have never asked out a guy!! LOL

On topic: For as long as I remember, most of the women I have dated was brought about wih normal social interaction. I have a very inviting personnality and am very social. So most women I have meet lthough normall day to day activities or among friends, after a few outings, it seems we end up in some corner or at a table together and eventually evolved.

I do have to say that most of the women who have actually asked me out, I did not feel attraction for, otherwise I would have already shown my interest. It's not the fact that they asked me out. There have been women that out right asked my out that I thnk I would have pursued if I was not already seeing someone.(At this point, I wish I could get a do-over with some. LOL).
 *buzz*
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 47
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Have you ever asked out a guy? How often do you do that?
Posted: 5/30/2010 12:40:00 PM
I don't have hang-ups about asking a local guy out. There is no harm meeting someone over a pint of Guinness, is it?
Mature people can handle a pint and conversation.
 JP1111
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 48
Have you ever asked out a guy? How often do you do that?
Posted: 5/30/2010 2:16:21 PM
I would suspect that ALL men would agree with this but, guys do enjoy it when she makes a move to initiate something and NOT wait until he does it first.

Given today's society, the roles have changed and women can assert themselves more and more. This said, women should assert themselves to show the guy what they want. So what would make a woman change her mind and ask him out? The simple desire to become more up-to-date with today's society and live what it is guys have needed to do since the very beginning.

For myself, I know that there are some women that I no longer speak to simply because I ALWAYS had to make a move and contact them in order to speak or go out with them. If they were not ready to initiate contact with me then fine, I got sick and tired of needing to be the one who chased after them all the time.
 third_ronin
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 49
view profile
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Have you ever asked out a guy? How often do you do that?
Posted: 5/31/2010 9:13:43 PM
I love it when women do that, even if I may not be interested. Provided they are not**** (or obviously a whore), I think I have always found it attractive.

I once had an attractive young woman walk up to me, pull my cigar out of my mouth, and then take a puff. She smiled and returned it to my mouth, then walked away and gave me the old "come hither" look at the bar. Even my reptilian brain decided that this was a little too whorish (she looked the part, btw), so I shot her down. Then I had a whiskey, straight.

Then again, I had attractive young woman just walk up and strike up a conversation, and shortly thereafter she asked me out. I really dug the confidence, and the straightforwardness.

I hate games, pretenses, and don't have time for b.s., so for me it is usually a pleasant surprise to be asked out.
 stella_ardente
Joined: 5/19/2010
Msg: 50
Have you ever asked out a guy? How often do you do that?
Posted: 5/31/2010 9:40:53 PM
"Have you ever asked out a guy?"
Yes
"How often do you do that?"
IRL: Occasionally; POF: 2x (enough for me with this site)
My relationships: 1/4 he initiated, 1/4 I initiated, 1/2 it was mutual
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