Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 31
view profile
History
How do you know you won't hear from him/her again?Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

what are some things a guy has done

* he sets up a second date or asks when he can see me again
* he asks about my life on the date or things about me
* Often he will be touchy or be close to me in some way physically
* usually he'll want to spend as much time as he can on the date. If it was a drinks or coffee date a suggestion to go somewhere else or do something else happens. Not always but a lot of the time they don't want the date to end if they like you.


not done that would tell he is not that into you

* no mention of the future or future dates
* Talks about himself
* Almost 100% of the time if we do the "it was nice to meet you" followed by "the hug" then it's game over. Won't hear from them again.


In the mean time I had another man ask me out & I said no to him because I really wanted to see how it'll go with this 1st guy.

Why would you not go out with this second guy. Why would you take yourself off the market for a man you barely know? That's like turning down 10 grand because you feel like you have the winning lottery ticket at home.

This first guy might turn out to be an azz, he might only be calling you when he's bored and lonely or he might turn out to be the one, he's just busy so he contacts you sporadically. You won't know until enough time has passed to reveal his true intentions. Why would you put all your eggs in one basket without first making sure the basket doesn't have a whole in the bottom?
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 32
How do you know you won't hear from him/her again?
Posted: 1/24/2015 9:04:32 AM

* he sets up a second date or asks when he can see me again
* he asks about my life on the date or things about me
* Often he will be touchy or be close to me in some way physically
* usually he'll want to spend as much time as he can on the date. If it was a drinks or coffee date a suggestion to go somewhere else or do something else happens. Not always but a lot of the time they don't want the date to end if they like you.


Sometimes women have done some of all of these things during a date and there still wasn't another date.


* no mention of the future or future dates
* Almost 100% of the time if we do the "it was nice to meet you" followed by "the hug" then it's game over. Won't hear from them again.


I don't ask a woman out on another date during a date itself. I would wait until after the date. Some women will say yes when they aren't interested to avoid a potential confrontation. Plus some people are fickle and might change their mind after some reflection.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 33
How do you know you won't hear from him/her again?
Posted: 1/24/2015 9:25:44 AM
Some typos in the previous post. I meant to say...

Sometimes women have done some or all of these things during a date and there still wasn't another date.

I don't ask a woman out on another date during a date itself. I would wait until after the date. Such as 1-3 days later. Some women will say yes when they aren't interested to avoid a potential confrontation. Plus some people are fickle and might change their mind after some reflection.
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 34
view profile
History
How do you know you won't hear from him/her again?
Posted: 1/24/2015 10:40:39 AM
I personally would always message a woman that same day with some type of thank you and a single sentence about some quirky little thing we had laughed about.

Before parting , however, I would look into her eyes and yell her that I really like (not liked) being with her. Almost always a woman would respond with some variation of similar present tense 'I like being with you too'. This isn't putting her in the awkward position of declining a future date but able to express interest or not in a more indirect yet intimate way.

I can't imagine not contacting a woman I was eager to to see again. However, it sure helps if she showed some enthusiasm at the end of the first meet. A gesture like holding on to a hug a little longer, or telling a guy it feels so comfortable with him, etc. A woman need not take the initiative in arranging to meet again but she sure can do many things to give a big clear green light.

'If' a guy hasn't contacted you within 2 days or so then...meh...we are usually Luke warm. Not sure. I'd climb a mountain and slay a dragon for my girlfriend after we had first met.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 35
How do you know you won't hear from him/her again?
Posted: 1/24/2015 5:39:59 PM

* he sets up a second date or asks when he can see me again
* he asks about my life on the date or things about me
* Often he will be touchy or be close to me in some way physically
* usually he'll want to spend as much time as he can on the date. If it was a drinks or coffee date a suggestion to go somewhere else or do something else happens. Not always but a lot of the time they don't want the date to end if they like you.

Yeah, if all those things happen, at least to some extent, he Does Like You. However, setting up a 2nd date during the 1st is not a requirement by any stretch of the imagination... one shouldn't expect that, although it may happen when a guy's real eager. But I agree generally with that stuff if it's being hit up, yeah, you know he has real Interest.

Now, on signs he's not interested...

* no mention of the future or future dates

I wouldn't say that's a sign. No mention of at least possibly seeing each other again would be a sign of being in the Neutral Zone, I think. I think this would be merely a Supportive factor, not a factor by itself solo.

* Talks about himself

Well, many times when the gal wants to know about the guy, he is going to talk about himself... and she is going to talk about herself as well, bantering off of things to show how they roll, etc.

* Almost 100% of the time if we do the "it was nice to meet you" followed by "the hug" then it's game over. Won't hear from them again.

Yeah, if it's Only ended just like that -- yeah, that's a showing of Lack of Interest replaced by Politeness.

Why would you not go out with this second guy. Why would you take yourself off the market for a man you barely know? That's like turning down 10 grand because you feel like you have the winning lottery ticket at home.

I agree. You don't go "1-on-1 coverage" just because you had a good 1st date with one guy. One should play "zone coverage", not "1-on-1 coverage" early on. I can see a borderline situation where one's gone out on 4-5 dates already and it's teetering on exclusive-or-not, and doing that. But just having a date or two? Play zone.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 36
How do you know you won't hear from him/her again?
Posted: 1/24/2015 5:54:17 PM

I've text him 3 times to give him a shot at asking me out. He KNOWS I want to... I told him I'd love to when he asked me on our 2nd date. SO WHAT'S HE WAITING FOR??? I told myself I wouldn't text again, that I would wait for him but since my last text to him on Tues at 3pm (now Wed at 9:30pm) still nothing. I almost text him tonight to ask... "What's going on???" I turned down a date from another man because I wanted to go out with THIS guy. WHAT SHOULD I DO?


First, take a deep breath. He’s just a man, take it easy. Jeez!

Then quit blaming him for YOUR decision to turn the other guy down. He didn’t hold a gun to your head to keep you from accepting a date with anyone else. That was YOUR decision.

If you start communicating with him the way you have on here (if you haven’t already) he is gonna think you’re a bunny boiler and keep his distance from you. You are coming across as demanding and desperate.

So go out with other guys. Maybe one of them will be everything that other guy is and more…like actually dating you. Let this one go, until or unless he asks you out again. Your only alternative is to bug the hell out of him and then he’ll never want to see you again. :/
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 37
view profile
History
How do you know you won't hear from him/her again?
Posted: 1/24/2015 7:41:19 PM

Sometimes women have done some of all of these things during a date and there still wasn't another date.

Nothing is absolute however I have found that men are pretty straight forward in how they feel which is communicated through behavior.

Men are bad at faking interest, women are good at it. Men are simple in their intentions most of the time. Women can throw mixed signals. A guy whose not interested in you, while he'll usually be polite, won't take things further. Women on the other hand will and then just blow the guy off later. Women will kiss a guy their not interested in, men won't, at least that's my experience for the most part.


I don't ask a woman out on another date during a date itself. I would wait until after the date. Some women will say yes when they aren't interested to avoid a potential confrontation.


True and sometimes they won't however there is usually some talk of the future ie: "I'd like to see you again", "when are you free", "this was fun let's do it again". I usually know by the end of the date if there's no future talk and it ends with a "nice to meet you hug" I won't be hearing from them again. Usually I feel the same way as well so it's all good.
 fitnessjunkie365
Joined: 1/17/2015
Msg: 38
How do you know you won't hear from him/her again?
Posted: 1/25/2015 12:09:45 AM
To the original poster - First let me say that it is hot that you're a traditional woman. With more and more feminists and aggressive women these days, I like a woman that respects the male/female dynamic. But the answer is pretty simple on this one. If he wants to see you, he'll keep asking you out. If he doesn't stay in your orbit, then he is no longer interested. I'd say give it a week tops and then focus on someone else.
 ozsealady1
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 39
How do you know you won't hear from him/her again?
Posted: 1/25/2015 12:45:34 AM
In my experience I have never heard from him again with these final words.

"I will be in touch."
"Talk soon."
"Thank you for taking me to paradise."
"I really enjoyed today. We must do it again."
"I find you fascinating and really want to get to know you."
"I will call you."
"Sorry I have been busy."
"Work has been hectic."
"You are a wonderful woman."
"Maybe."

"Yes that sounds great. We can sort out the details and will talk before then."
This was yesterday and our date tomorrow is cancelled and he forgot to tell me. I called him to confirm details.

"We are going out to dinner next week as it is my birthday."
This was 2 weeks ago. When I phoned to make arrangements he had to visit his ex.


You get the picture.

Yet I continue to believe that what is said will happen.
Action speak louder than words.
All of these are words spoken either in person or on the phone with people I have met.


On line never hearing from then again?
That is a different question.
 i8pineapple
Joined: 6/20/2014
Msg: 40
How do you know you won't hear from him/her again?
Posted: 1/25/2015 3:26:50 AM
Its a funny kind of question to be asking here, given the majority here would have met others and then never heard from them again. Human nature is to blame others, rather than reflect upon what we might improve upon within ourselves. For example, is it easier for me to admit I'm a boring middle aged guy with a few issues, or is it easier to just dismiss all women as frigid wenches and lesbians?
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 41
view profile
History
How do you know you won't hear from him/her again?
Posted: 1/25/2015 2:40:01 PM


I've text him 3 times to give him a shot at asking me out. He KNOWS I want to... I told him I'd love to when he asked me on our 2nd date. SO WHAT'S HE WAITING FOR??? I told myself I wouldn't text again, that I would wait for him but since my last text to him on Tues at 3pm (now Wed at 9:30pm) still nothing. I almost text him tonight to ask... "What's going on???" I turned down a date from another man because I wanted to go out with THIS guy. WHAT SHOULD I DO?


Well first off don't turn down dates with guys for another guy you barely know, you're not in a relationship why are you doing that? I'm trying to stay away from ranting but that's dumb.

2nd of all none of that means anything.

One time when I was in college this girl I didn't know sent me a friend request on The Facebook (back when it was college exclusive), I accepted because she was cute, she started sending me messages and we exchanged numbers. I asked her out on a date and she stated that she would love to and was worried that I wasn't into her because I didn't ask earlier. So we come up with a date everything is planned for the entire week. The day we're suppose to meet up, I called her and asked her if she would be ready, she said yes and claimed she was excited and was just getting her hair done. Somewhere between 11 AM and 7:30 PM, something happened and she flaked out on me nearly at the last minute. I don't know what changed but she told me she didn't find it comfortable to go out with me alone to a movie. This was before online dating was considered relatively normal. Either way I was really bummed since it was the first date I had since I had broken up with my ex in over a year.

She said all the things you said and in the end it didn't matter, the best thing to do is be direct with a guy, to hell with tradition and just ask him out.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 42
view profile
History
How do you know you won't hear from him/her again?
Posted: 1/25/2015 2:44:35 PM
To sayyousayme4, who revived this thread:

Please don't hang around for this guy. This is CLASSIC player behavior. He gets you all in a tizzy on the second date, with the great chemistry, and the passionate kiss, and then he does a fade. CLASSIC!

This is not how an interested guy acts. A guy who is truly interested in a long-term thing with you WANTS to communicate with you, and he wants to see you again, soon, so you won't get snatched up by the next guy.

As you said. You've made it very clear. You've been very, very eager. There's not doubt in his mind that you want to see him again. And that would be ok. Except that he doesn't feel that way. He's not being genuine, the way you are. There's NO excuse to disappear in this day and age. There are dozens of opportunities each day to communicate. But he doesn't. Because he doesn't care.

He has you on a string now, and the next time he'll ask you out, you'll be putty in his hands. And then he'll keep doing this, until he gets tired of you. And then he'll leave.

I would do what another poster suggested and that is: Take some time off, get yourself centered again. And the next time, don't lose your head over a guy you've only met twice. Keep your feet on the ground.

I don't know you, but I learned about myself that this kind of behavior from a guy is a trigger for me. This high intensity early on, and then the uncertainty when he becomes unavailable. It makes me crazy. It's unhealthy.

So, I went for the man who didn't do that. He ALWAYS did what he was going to do. And he never let me down. And his passion was slow and steady. And he didn't act as if intensity was intimacy. And he just kept being like this, until I married him.

Good luck, fellow Jersey girl! (I just moved to Connecticut recently).
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 43
How do you know you won't hear from him/her again?
Posted: 1/25/2015 4:22:15 PM

Women will kiss a guy their not interested in, men won't, at least that's my experience for the most part.


Perhaps that applies to some women. But I think the more likely scenario was that these women were interested in him at the time and later changed their mind for some reason after the date.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 44
view profile
History
How do you know you won't hear from him/her again?
Posted: 1/25/2015 5:08:31 PM
^^^

True. Most women, including me, have zero desire to kiss a man we are not interested in. This goes for all types of physical contact. In contrast, many men would go well beyond kissing and have sex with a women they are not interested in.

Many of us think the same thing when we first meet a man. Does he pass the kiss test? Would I want to kiss him? Yes or no. If no interest then the answer is 'no' and will stay that way except for a peck on the cheek.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 45
How do you know you won't hear from him/her again?
Posted: 1/25/2015 5:20:22 PM
The lye pit or the wood chipper pretty much seals the deal
Darn sorry, inside Voice
Don;t spend time worrying about who you won't hear from again. Another bus is coming
 OtisGreening
Joined: 12/8/2014
Msg: 46
How do you know you won't hear from him/her again?
Posted: 1/25/2015 5:54:59 PM

Most women, including me, have zero desire to kiss a man we are not interested in. This goes for all types of physical contact. In contrast, many men would go well beyond kissing and have sex with a women they are not interested in.


True. I've had kisses on first dates (initiated by him) and never heard from him again. Like you ^ said, men will have actual sex with women they weren't all that into. This 'if he kisses me he must be interested' logic is wrong and confuses women in the long run. Kissing or physical contact is easy and meaningless in the grander scheme of things. It's not indicative of anything deep or substantial.
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 47
view profile
History
How do you know you won't hear from him/her again?
Posted: 1/26/2015 6:19:58 AM
I've had sex and made out with girls who thinking back on it they weren't that interested in me, I don't think they changed their minds on their level of attraction of me either. I think in the grand scheme of things they were bored and I was just someone to do until they found something else.

I'm not saying I'm innocent because I'm not, I've had one night stands and I've made out with girls in bars and clubs and I had no idea who they were but it goes both ways, I wasn't forced to do anything I didn't want to do.
 loveisatemple
Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 48
How do you know you won't hear from him/her again?
Posted: 1/26/2015 6:24:01 AM
When they don't call. Their non actions towards you. Reading prior engagement is a waste of time, as they could have been in the moment before but that doesn't translate to continuity in interest.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 49
How do you know you won't hear from him/her again?
Posted: 1/26/2015 7:00:33 AM

Women will kiss a guy their not interested in, men won't, at least that's my experience for the most part.

Ehh, I don't really believe that. Guys will kiss or more a girl they're not Truly Interested In -- thanks to beer goggles and/or hornyness. More readily than gals, IMO.

I can see the statement being true under certain circumstances involving an end-of-date kiss, because guys usually initiate the kiss. They go out on a date, gal isn't into guy, but guy's into girl -- sure, you'll find more girls rolling with what she (usually) keeps as a brief kiss to be nice to the guy, but she's not into him. But you're not really going to find a gal who's not into the guy and initiating a kiss in those classic end-of-date situations (as you won't find it too prevalent even if she has some interest in doing so).
 ozsealady1
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 50
How do you know you won't hear from him/her again?
Posted: 1/26/2015 2:34:51 PM
I forgot the one that baffled me the most.

"I will be there in about an hour. Have dips and fresh bread."


Agree when they vanish, whomever 'they' are, be grateful.
Difficult though when you want to believe what is said and remain hopeful.

p.s. I checked and he ^^^^ is alive and still on dating sites.

And yes I have had kisses and sex multiple times sometimes over months and then they vanish.

Another thing that makes us all different.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 51
How do you know you won't hear from him/her again?
Posted: 1/26/2015 3:22:56 PM
If a guy is interested, he will call you within a week or so. Judge by actions and not words. Pretty simple really. I would always be wary of guys that come on so hot and strong in the beginning always. With online dating contacts you have to expect anything and everything. You dont know who will call you and who wont, until they do or they dont. They will say all sorts of things, you will have a great date and spend a lot of time together and still they disappear. No guarantees.



 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 52
How do you know you won't hear from him/her again?
Posted: 1/26/2015 4:41:03 PM

In contrast, many men would go well beyond kissing and have sex with a women they are not interested in.


It depends on the circumstances for me. If I was on an actual date with a woman and decided during the date that I wasn't interested in her, I wouldn't kiss her. However if I was talking to a random woman that I had met at a bar, I may kiss her. But have no interest in a relationship with her.
 the_summerwind
Joined: 9/11/2014
Msg: 53
How do you know you won't hear from him/her again?
Posted: 1/27/2015 6:19:49 AM
So its come down to the "Kiss Test first ? " ^^^^

I like that idea too...... & like to add also if she looks good in "yoga pants too ! " I know.......
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  >