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 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 355
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Justifying Cheating?Page 7 of 24    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24)
I will not say "cheating" can be *justified,* but I will say I can understand it.

I have met many, many people in sexless relationships who stay because everything else works well for them, or because of their kids, or whatever reason. I used to think, either fix it or get out, but I've come to develop some understanding and don't feel so harsh. For women, it's often a guy who is just incompetent and clueless in bed and not caring about their needs. I lived with that for almost 18 years.

I've come to think that in those circumstances, "cheating" may not be as bad as people think.

If you are not taking care of your partner's needs, then you put them in a bind. If you refuse to have sex, or only have bad, perfunctory sex with them, then turn around and expect them to be faithful and vilify them if they are not . . . that is not fair. You have to be reasonable.
 adora71
Joined: 2/8/2010
Msg: 356
Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 12/31/2011 12:13:03 AM
I think both men and women who are married should be required by law to give each other at least one orgasm a week. If they manage three or four, the government should give them a "good marriage bonus."

Maybe incidents of cheating would go down?
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 357
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History
Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 12/31/2011 4:36:33 AM
I think the use of the word "justifying" is perhaps wrong as the term can only be applied subjectively rather than universally

Rationalising it, or just explaining it would perhaps be better, or maybe even understanding it where a listener might be concerned

Its odd that you ONLY mention men doing this though, because I can assure you theres just as many women doing the exact same thing for some of the same reasons and some different ones too

It is a topic that tends to bring out a lot of judgementalism and a lot of emotive responses from people who generally have been cheated on or whom are terrified of the prospect

But the fact is that only a fool WOULDNT take severely negative impacts on their financial situation into account, more so when theyre parents

And also where parents are concerned it seems a lot of people seem to trivially dismiss the idea that men might actually like seeing their kids more than once a fortnight or once a week and might actually value being around them on a daily basis

And lets not forget that with the current legal system in many countries a man stands a very good chance of never seeing his kids if he does the "right" thing instead based purely on the whims of his then ex partner/wife

But hey, lets not let facts, reality or rationality get in the way of peoples self possessed pious pontifications yeah?

 kailania
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 358
Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 1/1/2012 6:44:19 AM
I would like to know her side of the story.
does she know he is cheating? has she agreed to it?
if not, he is not justified to cheat.
he should divorce or they should seek marriage counseling.

but how many times have I heard this story of the woman not giving sex and so the man cheats. wonder how many of them are true. I have also heard it the opposite way that a man wont please his wife so she cheats.
 AxMurderer
Joined: 5/30/2011
Msg: 359
Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 1/1/2012 7:53:00 AM
Justifications for cheating:

- To get revenge on a cheating lover (assuming the person you are having the affair with knows the score)

Any other "justification" is bullshit.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 360
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History
Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 1/1/2012 7:53:03 AM
I have two friends in sexless marriages. Neither wants to lose their home/lifestyle. I'm assuming neither do their husbands as they're still there too.
One, her husband is impotent and has been for years and years. He refuses to seek treatment. She always enjoyed sex and I know this frustrated her. She did not seek pleasure elsewhere.
The other one, he never satisfied her. He had affairs in the past, she had one.
I don't judge either one. I don't live their lives, know their needs/wants.
I'm not sure throwing away a marriage because of one thing, sex/cheating, is always a good choice.
It would be nice if life were perfect and we never had to make difficult choices.
 Sully8545
Joined: 12/12/2009
Msg: 361
Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 1/1/2012 9:23:05 AM
Like others have said, there is no justifying cheating. Just get out of the relationship.

Sadly, it seems like cheating is becoming commonplace today. When I got divorced I was amazed at the married women hitting me up on Facebook. Kind of makes me lose my faith in people.
 cutenperky2
Joined: 8/2/2011
Msg: 365
Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 1/1/2012 9:42:54 AM
There is no justification for cheating ever. It is a selfish act that doesnt take into consideration the people who are getting hurt .
 jeep1127girl
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 366
Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 1/1/2012 12:19:28 PM
Oh yes, if someone didnt want to be in a marriage or was so unhappy they would be getting a divorce. Nothing will keep you from being with someone you dont love, including kids.
 mainelyhere
Joined: 11/21/2011
Msg: 368
Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 1/1/2012 12:52:59 PM

Using your above scenario...what happened to the intimacy? Most of the time, my belief is the guys snuff it out of the marriage. Women are custodians of the intimacy,


wrong, many times its the women that are the root cause of a lack of intimacy. to blame guys all the time is ridiculous.
 statemachine500
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 369
Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 1/1/2012 6:08:43 PM
I would guess most of the people saying to just get out when kids and assets are involved are either very self centered or didn't have much in the way of assets to worry about.Or stood to gain.

Time and time again people cut women slack but the man is a frickin' b@sturd for the same behavior.Nobody outside the relationship knows what really goes on between them...why make judgements?
 mainelyhere
Joined: 11/21/2011
Msg: 370
Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 1/1/2012 6:29:59 PM
didnt you know its a given that the man is wrong.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 371
Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 1/2/2012 11:38:56 AM
Justwantone72- There is NO justifying cheating.
For anyone to stay in a miserable situation because they can't face the consequences of reaching for a better life is just WEAK.
The "man" in this situation should divorce his wife if he's that unhappy.
The affection, time and energy he gives to another woman could be spent trying to save the marriage.
Marriage is about communication, compromise and love. Being in a successful marriage means thinking of someone other than yourself.
If you can't do that, or don't want to do that, then you should respect yourself and your spouse enough to say it's over and THEN move on.
Personally I avoid cheaters. If they cheated on someone else, they will do it to you to.
 TerrieLynnC
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 372
Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 1/2/2012 2:31:32 PM
Once again, got to love it when someone digs up a years old thread and the OP is LONG GONE...............

OT, THERE IS NO justification for cheating at all in my book, I don't care if it's the female or the male that's done it........THERE IS NO JUSTIFICATION for it ...........
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 373
Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 1/2/2012 2:44:22 PM
No Justifying Cheating, nothing good comes out of it except the selfishness that comes with it. Self gratification, did it feel so good achieving your orgasm while hurting your S/O in the bed with another person? what did that gain ya? Hell if people are that unhappy in a relationship / Marriage it's called BREAK UP / DIVORCE ( even tho I hate that very word DIVORCE, I'd rather see happily divorced people happy, than cheating in a marriage ) and move on. Don't cheat. I never cheated but I had it done to me by my ex nothing justifiable on that.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 374
Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 1/2/2012 2:53:52 PM

Chooses to stay in the marriage as he knows the alimony will crush him, she stays home, raises kids, and he will lose half of everything he has worked so hard for. So he seeks intimacy outside the marriage. I absolutely hate admitting this...BUT...I can actually see their point?

Oh, I see their point. It's an understandable "why". But that doesn't mean it's justified; and it's not.

I had an ex who had an ex of 9 years prior to us dating... she said the last 2 years she wasn't in love with him, wasn't too happy, but stayed... because it was tough... she was getting her Masters, doing an internship, would have soo much adjusting to do, and wasn't ready for it.

Basically the same thing. It's a lifestyle adjustment they don't want. It's not that they Want to be with the person -- but they don't want to be broken up with them that is the key. Breaking up and having a lifestyle change for the rest of your life isn't supposed to be easy... they want to keep what they have and make up for it by getting what they're not elsewhere. It's a big (false) justification for cheating in an LTR.
 pixiebob.
Joined: 9/24/2011
Msg: 375
Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 1/2/2012 5:26:46 PM
DO YOU KNOW WHY ONLY A VERY SMALL AMOUNT OF US MIGRATE INTO A LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP!? I KNOW THE REASON AND HAVE PROVED IT OFTEN!
WHEN A COUPLE MEET HERE! ALL IS COOL MAYBE FOR A MONTH OR EVEN LESS?
THEN BOOM! SHE/HE START TO BACK OFF FROM EACH OTHER!
I HAVE FOUND THAT IS DUE TO THE FACT! THAT EITHER OR BOTH OF YOU- ARE STILL USING POF AND CHECKING OUT REPLYS DUH!! -IT IS ONLY A MATTER OF DAYS! THAT YOU HAVE SOME KIND OF A DISPUTE WITH YOUR NEW FOUND PARTNER, AND THAT DOES IT! THATS ALL IT TAKES! THEN YOU CHECK OUT THE LATEST REPLY OR DOUBLE DATE! AND WA-LA YOUR STARTING AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN UNTIL NO ONE PERSON WILL SATISFY YOU! OR YOUR EGO!
TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT ITS THE MAIN PROBLEM GUYS! IF YOU CAN TRUST EACH OTHER TO SHUTDOWN POF! WHILE YOU AT LEAST TRY SIX MONTHS TOGETHER!
YOU MIGHT MAKE IT!! OTHERWISE YOU WILL BE WITH SINGLE CLUBS TILL YOU ARE BEYOND ANY BODYS DESIRES. it can be other reasons of course like the sex was no good-bad breath-bad personal hygiene-one or the other wont get tested for STDS ETC-discovery of lies-bad manners-da da da da ('')
PS- Ask any of these upset forum clients if they shut down POF during there courtship
period? i dare you!
 3sarah6
Joined: 10/26/2010
Msg: 376
Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 1/2/2012 7:12:37 PM
I agree with you totally. I met a guy on this site. We had been dating about 10 months. Maybe after five months I found out that he was cheating on me constantly, and I forgave him.Our children played, hugged, we laughted, and talked for hours, and hours. It looked too good to be true. He seemed to be so happy. He introduced me to his family and friends. He was buying flowers and guess what I found: he was chatting, sexting to over two hundred women online across the globe including some girls in the same area where we live and his ex girlfriends. How can you explain that? Then he started justifying his cheating like this: ,,you are sooo beautiful and smart and out of my league. I could not believe why you would ever marry me!" Unbelievable!!!!!!
He also could not believe how come I focused only on him. Wow
 statemachine500
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 377
Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 1/2/2012 7:14:35 PM
Could 200 be some kind of a record?
 Damienevil
Joined: 2/22/2008
Msg: 378
Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 1/2/2012 8:22:52 PM
I tend to just get into open relationships. There are so many reasons to cheat that not cheating is the harder issue. I am honest about it. I know and expect people to get bored or to make mistakes. Or they want variety. Who I have sex with is not whom I open my heart to.

As long as they or I do not come home with unexpected presents Ie kids or Sti and do not love the other person then I do not see the issue.
 TerrieLynnC
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 379
Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 1/2/2012 8:32:23 PM

There are so many reasons to cheat


THERE IS NEVER EVER A REASON TO CHEAT when your married or in a committed monogamous relationship!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 Damienevil
Joined: 2/22/2008
Msg: 380
Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 1/2/2012 10:16:51 PM
why would someone be stupid enough to get into that kind of relationship?

Also are swingers cheaters? are Poly cheating.

Monogamy = boring and limiting.
 AnEvilgenius
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 381
Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 1/2/2012 10:28:35 PM

why would someone be stupid enough to get into that kind of relationship?

Seriously ?

Any idiot can take 1000 women out and have a good time, it takes a mature well rounded man ((An evil genius) to be able to take one woman out 1000 times and have an even better time.
 Damienevil
Joined: 2/22/2008
Msg: 382
Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 1/2/2012 10:30:57 PM
No it just means he cant get 1000 women.

Love is love

sex is sex

Love does not equal sex

Sex does not equal love.
 AnEvilgenius
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 383
Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 1/2/2012 11:07:05 PM

No it just means he cant get 1000 women.

Great way to cover the inability to get a second date wouldn't ya say ?

Love is love
sex is sex
Love does not equal sex
Sex does not equal love


Who was confusing or connecting the two ?
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