Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  >      Home login  
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 234
looks or profile, what attracks you first?Page 6 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
I initially am attracted to the physical person...rather i message them or not depends on if their profile has some substance in it.
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 235
looks or profile, what attracts you first?
Posted: 9/20/2012 12:00:32 PM
Putting looks first is hardly being shallow. Give me a break. The foundation of a relationship is sexual intimacy. This is what makes it different than a friendship. If we don't feel the first stirrings of possible chemistry when looking over a photo or see someone in real life that strikes your fancy, it's going to be near impossible to generate the excitement and desire needed to get physical with someone.

Since getting physical is so fundamental to all of this, why on earth should it not be a top priority?

That said, you do have to be careful. While I also do the "do I think he's cute" thing first, I will always read thru the profile to see how it sounds. Once it passes that stage and I contact them and I meet, then the ultimate test takes place..this is when you REALLY get to know someone.

It's very un PC these days to admit out loud that sexual attraction is fundamental to physical intimacy. Men are all about looks first, and they dont apologize for it. Why do the rest of us have to?
Joined: 7/30/2012
Msg: 236
looks or profile, what attracts you first?
Posted: 9/20/2012 12:12:12 PM

Look, we can't all be alpha males like I imagine you must be. And I believe "leagues" exist so the most efficient way of gauging which level a girl is at is via pictures. If her default pic shows she's cute-hot, abandon all hope, I figure. I'm actually just here for the forums, by the way.

Interesting how you've boiled down to a simple sequence of events but it really can't be that simple (for subpar guys; maybe it works really well for you average-above average guys). But you're forgetting the most difficult thing of all: replying to their responses. They dissect every little message and whether or not they'll readily admit it, they expect messages to conform to a ton of conventions. In trying to be generic, it becomes extremely difficult to write the proper messages to girls.

So do nothing with yourself. Don't try to groom nor dress to impress. Don't work out. Don't work on yourself as a person for yourself. Just "be". Excellent motivational speeches you have for the rest of the foreveralones. "alpha" male. LMFAO. Dude get off the PUA nonsense. You have to improve yourself if you want to be the so-called "Alpha" male and not need to have a person "complete" you as if you are already broken to begin with.

Extremely difficult? It's because you are too focused on finding "love" and tailoring the "perfect" message. Let all of that go. It's all about saying HELLO in a unique and humorous way then simply asking them how the site is treating them and then telling them to give you their number and you'll call them sometime. THREE TO FOUR messages back and forth. And the number is given MANY times. It's like in real life do you carry a profile resume around your neck giving perfect speeches to women you'd like to meet? No one does that. If you did you'd look like a complete lunatic! Forget what they tell you on here and drop your nonsense, put up your best pictures, and make a brief positive humourous profile. Then send out a humorous HELLO message to as many women as you find attractive. That's all there is to it. Dude if I had your password I'D UPDATE your profile and I'D send out messages FOR YOU. And then you'd simply have to give yourself a S.T.F.Uppercut. When you saw how easy it is to get chicks numbers in three to four emails off here. Do you even want to meet anyone off here? You can't even send out a friggin message and you think your actually going to meet these chicks even AFTER you've gotten their numbers? I'm not buying it at ALL.

But you're actually just here for the forums so what are you complaining about?
Joined: 7/30/2012
Msg: 238
looks or profile, what attracts you first?
Posted: 9/20/2012 12:38:19 PM

...mind blown.

Not yet it isn't. So what's up? Are you ready to give me your password? Let me update your profile? Send messages for you? I'll do it. All you have to do is add your best pictures. Email me your real first name and password. Give me two days and then you log in and change your password and do the EXACT steps I do after you've seen for yourself chicks giving their numbers to you in your inbox using YOUR profile and pictures.

You up for it? Either that or zip it for good with your nonsense.
Joined: 2/27/2009
Msg: 239
looks or profile, what attracts you first?
Posted: 9/20/2012 4:00:58 PM
well, of course, a photo is all you get sent at first, then you have to click on that to actually read the profile - if they have one. so i can't say i am "attracted" by a profile, cause you don't see that right away. but i've read a profile or two that were pretty good.
i've never initiated a message, so i can't answer that.
but i will admit, if i don't like the pic, i don't usually read the profile. i am talking about pics i get sent where the guy looks like zztop (you have to be old to remember them) or some reaaally weird photos, where they guys is making a twisted face or wearing a hat and shades so you can't tell what they look like, or looks like a drag queen or a crazed, hillbilly from "deliverance".
i can hardly believe some people would post a pic like that.
i respond to a photo first, then if the profile "fits" and they message me, i reply.
Joined: 7/30/2012
Msg: 242
looks or profile, what attracts you first?
Posted: 9/21/2012 9:21:51 PM

I've read from a number of posters that putting up fake profile pics of a truly attractive man is the only way women will actually initiate. What does that say about shallow?

Who cares. Let them be shallow. You aren't going to propose to those types of clowns are you?

Notice how the other thread "conveniently" got deleted?

Either chicks who don't want to REALLY see dudes getting ideas and actually getting numbers leaving them here to b1tch all alone on the forums while the attention they get on here dwindles to almost zero or POF mods decided "It's against the 'rules'" Which to me whould suggest they want fools to stay on here to keep clicking pages for life generating more advertising money.

You just have to laugh at the nonsense of all of it.
Joined: 7/30/2012
Msg: 243
looks or profile, what attracts you first?
Posted: 9/21/2012 9:26:51 PM

^^^ thank you shy2anne, when i say its all about the looks first then the profile, i get trashed by the women on here, lets see if they trash you?? ITS ALL ABOUT THE LOOKS period! your not a hunk , than no man has a chance on here, the women wont bother reading a profile if you dont look like a hunk, thanks for being real so others can see its not only me that say this.

LMAO. So you expect to have anyone and everyone just be attracted to you so you can have your pick of the litter. Special Breaking News bulliten: Not everyone will be attracted to you, me or everyone else.

You MAKE it work for you regardless. Unless "making it work for you" is some sort of agenda you love to keep promoting.

If it's so "shallow" like you claim. What are you doing here? Close your account since you "know" everything and have "proven" it to yourself. Or are you just here to get more company for your misery? Hmmm...
Joined: 2/23/2012
Msg: 245
looks or profile, what attracts you first?
Posted: 9/22/2012 1:41:01 AM

1. Hot guys want to believe they have "great game" because it is a bigger ego boost to believe they have magic "swagger/confidence/charm" or whatever you want to call it, than just accept that their looks did 85% of the work for them.

I have never claimed looks don't help, but they aren't everything, and as I've said time and time again, body language can make or break a person. There are many "average" looking guys who completely shoot themselves in the foot with horrible body language, and it makes them look less than average. (walking with their head down, poor posture, never smiling, constant scowl, hands in their face, nervously shaking their leg, making no effort to speak to anyone, sitting in the back of a building isolated from everyone, etc.)

How the hell can you expect a woman to approach you if you don't LOOK approachable? How can you expect a woman to perceive you as a FUN guy if you don't carry yourself as one?
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 246
looks or profile, what attracts you first?
Posted: 9/22/2012 2:47:30 PM
OP, obviously looks because most only "see" the thumbnail pic first, not the profile. If you like the pic chances are you click it and read the profile.
Joined: 3/15/2012
Msg: 247
looks or profile, what attracts you first?
Posted: 9/23/2012 8:37:17 PM
For me, its a look. Not a hot look but a look that seems sincere. A simple paragraph with some basic facts or preferences is plenty for me to decide to send a note or not. In my opinion the longer the "about me" the less I am interested.
Joined: 8/28/2012
Msg: 248
looks or profile, what attracts you first?
Posted: 9/27/2012 7:47:27 AM
Height and LOOKS!!!!!
Joined: 8/28/2012
Msg: 249
looks or profile, what attracts you first?
Posted: 9/27/2012 7:50:06 AM
That's because this site doesn't have ANY good looking, tall, intelligent, truthful men!!!!
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 250
view profile
looks or profile, what attracts you first?
Posted: 9/28/2012 2:27:03 PM
It's kind of a trip to me that it's a thread like this one where you remember that there are too many women who can be quite shallow and self-defeating. They wouldn't know an intelligent, truthful, good looking man if they saw one.
Joined: 7/10/2012
Msg: 251
view profile
looks or profile, what attracts you first?
Posted: 9/28/2012 8:52:51 PM
1. Looks
2. Profile
Joined: 2/23/2012
Msg: 252
looks or profile, what attracts you first?
Posted: 9/28/2012 9:03:13 PM

I get alot of emails from guys who never even read my profile. I am sure we are all guilty of being attracted to a hottie or someone really attractive yet if there is no personality what good is the package without substance? A profile can't tell the whole story as we all have found out. Some are honest and some are not. Most are not. What makes you email someone? looks or profile?

For me personally, I must say it's the profile themes I'm attracted to first.

If I see a profile with the roses or candy hearts background, it's a turn-on. But if I see the beach background, I'll click away without even checking out the rest of the profile.

It's a total red flag.
Joined: 9/23/2012
Msg: 253
looks or profile, what attracts you first?
Posted: 9/29/2012 12:09:08 AM
none of them, I roll my dice !
Joined: 11/18/2010
Msg: 255
looks or profile, what attracks you first?
Posted: 9/29/2012 2:04:07 AM
true, first impression is always the looks
Joined: 10/21/2009
Msg: 256
view profile
looks or profile, what attracts you first?
Posted: 9/29/2012 8:57:25 AM
I am not superficial, but there has to be some kind of attraction there! I always look at the pics first and then read over the profile to see if anything interesting jumps out at me.
If there is nothing there, I move on. I can't stand profiles that just say "ask me later" or "I'm a great guy"
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 257
view profile
looks or profile, what attracts you first?
Posted: 9/29/2012 9:42:21 PM
I think we have to realize why we shouldn't feel bad about looking at a pic first -

To read or write or speak or listen to spoken or written to use a form of communication which requires a (relatively) tedious linear chain of one-by-one word-symbols to say or hear anything. But to look at something with your eyes, you receive many parallel streams of information at the same time. You can look at something and instantly know what it is, but it would take a while to hear that thing described in words.

Imagine if you could "look" at who someone is on the 'inside', take a picture of it...but you had to describe in words what they looked like. Then imagine that this dating site had the pictures of everyone's character, personality, hobbies, interests, etc, as the pics and so then the thumbnails of everyone's profile...but in the written part is the only way you could tell what you looked like, or find out what the other person looked like, on the outside. We would always look at the pics first (of their 'inside') and then read the description of their outside physical appearance if we were interested from the pics. We would do this only because it makes sense. The purpose of search result thumbnails is to give any form of info that can be abbreviated or compressed. And this is what happens. This is how it works. And why it works this way.

So I wish people would stop completely misunderstanding this whole subject. We need to stop thinking about it the wrong way, and we need to stop feeling like we should feel guilty for looking at someone's appearance, or for looking at it first before the written part. Wanting someone to be physically attractive according to our view is not "shallow" or "superficial". That's downright ignorant. Even caring ONLY about someone's appearance still cannot be called shallow or superficial. That's a mis-use of those words...a misuse which is really there only to negatively stigmatize something that isn't a bad thing at all. "Superficial" would just mean being pretentious...seeming like someone you're not. And "shallow" would just refer to what methods you use intellectually in deciding who someone is - for example: You think it's shallow to only care for someone's looks? No it isn't. That's just a choice someone only care about looks. It's dumb to call it shallow though. Shallow should only mean that someone is being dumb in how they decide who someone is = if you had no picture of a person, and only talked with them over the phone or emailed with them, not knowing what they looked like, but you decide that they must look a certain way because of their conversation...THAT would be shallow. That's exactly the same as assuming that a person must be a certain way on the inside just because they're physically attractive. THAT's what shallow is. Not only caring about physical looks...but deciding character traits about a person just because of their looks.

anunu: I agree. I can't STAND profiles that hardly say a thing and say "if you want to know, just ask" or any form of that. The act of me looking at a profile is me asking for that basic initial info. I'm not going to the trouble of emailing a hundred women to ask for what I should have seen in the profile. That was the purpose of the profile. If you can't write what should be in your profile, then you're a waste of my damn time.
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 258
view profile
looks or profile, what attracts you first?
Posted: 9/29/2012 10:47:48 PM
Online dating is the backwards version of real-life dating which is looks first and personality second. On the computer, we end up connecting mentally with our words and then hoping that there will be a physical connection on the first date. This is a rarity for a lot of people. Which is why real-life dating has a much higher success rate than its online dating counterpart. When Match says in their commercial that 1 in 4 relationships start online, they don't realize that's actually a terrible statistic. 25% is nothing to brag about, IMO.
Joined: 8/12/2012
Msg: 259
looks or profile, what attracts you first?
Posted: 9/30/2012 2:29:05 AM
Neither looks or profile--I look at forums posts and then the "history" of threads. If I like what I am reading, if I'm intrigued, provoked, enlightend or amazed I will message him most of the time.

If his posts cause all of the above then I'm ashamed to say I will read, smile and watch for other posts, but not message him. Too intimidated :P
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 260
looks or profile, what attracts you first?
Posted: 10/1/2012 3:45:48 AM
Looks, since all you see at the top of the screen is little pictures. I click on the ones I like, then I read their profile. Isn't that what most people do?

Joined: 8/19/2012
Msg: 261
view profile
looks or profile, what attracks you first?
Posted: 10/1/2012 9:02:54 AM
I must admit, I am a visual person. Alot of Men are! I love a woman who takes the time and takes pride in herself.
That tells me about her self esteem and confidence level, before reading her profile. So a nice, confident photo says alot. ( women who show lots of clevage and sexy poses and then states, in their profile: "I want a man who will love me for more that my looks" ?) I say ... Your intentions = your results."Don't put out the cheese if you don't want to catch a rat" Don't get me wrong, I love a great Boob shot, short dresses, sexxxy stuff like that. Just be honest with it. You will have so much more fun and meet more honest people, by being honest with you photos.
Joined: 8/27/2012
Msg: 262
looks or profile, what attracts you first?
Posted: 10/1/2012 2:07:08 PM
Looks and height! I like tall men.
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 263
looks or profile, what attracts you first?
Posted: 1/18/2013 1:10:36 PM

There are people like me (surely I cant be the only one), who send messages to ladies who dont display a picture,

No, you're not the only one. I have done the same.

And don't call me "surely"[sic]. :)
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  >