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 Kimberish925
Joined: 6/22/2008
Msg: 2
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Instant Chemistry or Develop ChemistryPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
IMO chemistry can be instant... you just know if you connect with the other person. Some times it's overwhelming and other times more subtle and will develop as time goes on.
There had to be a connection of some sort for it to last 9 months but that an awful long time for some one to say "it will develop". If you're comfortable with some one give it time but keep communication open. If he is constantly saying it will happen eventually, after a few months you may want to re-evaluate where your relationship is. If you're not on the same page it may be destined to come to an end.
 SirThinkAlot
Joined: 4/21/2009
Msg: 3
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Instant Chemistry or Develop Chemistry
Posted: 7/4/2009 10:17:57 AM
I believe it may develop.
I, myself, do not believe in instant chemistry. I think those that do are missing out on some possibly great opportunities as they pass up those that they "just don't feel the chemistry is there". And so they move on without getting to know the person.
You cannot create a chemistry or permanent bond if it does not exist. however it can take time and getting to know one another to find if it is there also.
Just my opinion.

Most of the people I know who have bonded becasue they felt that "chemistry right away" are now no longer a couple.
A long time ago I met someone, didn't feel we we had chemistry, I wasn't even very interested in her. She pursued me, we did bond and were together for about 20 years.
No longer together but so much for instant chemistry. Something must have been pretty good for it to keep us together that long.
*** Now this is only my opinion: *** anyone who believes chemistry is instant, immediate, or feels they can see it / judge it right away is too shallow for me. They are not nearly deep enough thinkers for my tastes.
*** this was only my opinion. Not to be construed as a slight at any posters. ***
 Kimberish925
Joined: 6/22/2008
Msg: 4
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Instant Chemistry or Develop Chemistry
Posted: 7/4/2009 10:33:54 AM

*** Now this is only my opinion: *** anyone who believes chemistry is instant, immediate, or feels they can see it / judge it right away is too shallow for me. They are not nearly deep enough thinkers for my tastes.
*** this was only my opinion. Not to be construed as a slight at any posters. ***


Not slighted in the least, Sir...but shallow...hmmmm.

I'm not saying that instant chemistry should equate to...OMG I'm gonna marry this one...lol. I just see it as a bonding of some sort....could be on an intellectual level, intimate or something deeper. I don't look for instant chemistry and have met people where I wasn't sure if there was chemistry at all. All I know is that sometimes you meet someone and the comfort level is more immediate than with others.
I guess I equate comfort to chemistry. Either is fine...immediate or building over time. I do know that with me if the chemistry is slower to build it leaves room to see the others flaws. Then it depends on whether they are flaws that can be over looked or accepted. In that case I can see where shallowness may come into play, but we all have our deal breakers.
 TooShadows
Joined: 9/26/2008
Msg: 5
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Instant Chemistry or Develop Chemistry
Posted: 7/4/2009 10:47:26 AM
I've always thought there had to be a bit of chemistry to continue dating,but more will develop over time. I guess it depends how long you want to date someone just hoping it will develop.
 SirThinkAlot
Joined: 4/21/2009
Msg: 9
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Instant Chemistry or Develop Chemistry
Posted: 7/4/2009 11:34:53 AM
Kimber
I might agree with you on this one, where as you state: "meet someone and the comfort level is more immediate than with others.
I guess I equate comfort to chemistry"
I believe many confuse the two.
Personally I am comfortable with most people I meet. I happen to be an extrovert, capable of conversing and participating in many different areas and levels.
When I do feel uncomfortable with someone right away, which is extremely rare, I dig to try to understand why. Someday I might find out that uncomfortable feeling was because they were the ONE for me.
But I guess I'm a bit different than most.
I think many use the "chemistry" line as an excuse for prejudging the "attraction rating". If they find that person attractive for any reason. it might be mind, body, vehicle, personality etc. Then they feel chemistry.
As I don't judge quickly enough I can't feel the chemistry.
Maybe it is a slow reaction with me. Maybe the reaction won't occur spontaneously anybody got a catalyst?
 Kimberish925
Joined: 6/22/2008
Msg: 10
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Instant Chemistry or Develop Chemistry
Posted: 7/4/2009 3:02:51 PM

Chemistry that happens instantly is LUST, it is not love, and it will not last. You can not fall in love with someone instantly, it takes time to get to know and understand them.


I'm not disputing your theory on instant chemistry and realize it's your opinion but who is to say it won't last. I do agree that instant chemistry should not be confused with love nor do I automatically think it applies to lust.

When you break down on-line dating (or any type of dating) it seems like you follow some basic steps...
you see a pic that you are attracted to, you read the profile and the attraction deepens, you favorite or send an e-mail and woo hoo! a response. So ok...now what, a few e-mails, then IM, text and phone. By the time you meet your hoping that there is a "bigger"connection, an attraction, a comfort level; all can be equated to chemistry. That first meeting can spark something or not. If not enjoy the coffee, drink, company and move on. If there is a chemistry wouldn't lust on some level be a consideration. Lust should not always be considered bad thing, after all we are adults here. See the definition of lust below....

1.) a) pleasure, delight b) personal inclination : wish
2.) intense or unbridled sexual desire : lasciviousness
3.) a: an intense longing


Now you just have consider whether lust will turn to love. Which I do agree takes time to get to know and understand each other.

To put this back to OT nine months is way too long to have to figure this out.
 El_Mariachi
Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 11
Instant Chemistry or Develop Chemistry
Posted: 7/4/2009 3:35:03 PM

I'm not saying that instant chemistry should equate to...OMG I'm gonna marry this one...lol. I just see it as a bonding of some sort.


Exactly. Everyone must have experienced a near-instant connection to someone. A rapport, so to speak. These things don't always lead to a marriage or even a relationship, but they do happen.

It's a possibility in my mind, given some of my experiences that the slower building chemistry tends to make relationships last longer, but those moments of instant chemistry were sure exciting.
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 13
Instant Chemistry or Develop Chemistry
Posted: 7/4/2009 6:47:29 PM
I think for me it depends on the guy, maybe his personality.

Some I see I say Holy Geez got to have this guy! Some others, I feel like down the road may have more potential where I just want to know more of what he's like.

I am not sure why I feel differently about different people Pheremones, really?

But then I don't know why looking at his pic is the attention getter.
 rockondon
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 18
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Instant Chemistry or Develop Chemistry
Posted: 7/12/2009 10:55:02 PM
I think that the more you know about the person, the more potential for chemistry there can be.

...and bear in mind that some chemical reactions are explosive
 cw35
Joined: 4/8/2005
Msg: 21
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Instant Chemistry or Develop Chemistry
Posted: 7/13/2009 12:29:12 PM
There is no instant chemistry. It's just another way of saying you're in lust with someone. It's a way to pretty up wanting to have sex with someone from the start. Chemistry can't be figured out right away. It takes time if it's real. "Instant chemistry" is fleeting and immature.
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 25
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Instant Chemistry or Develop Chemistry
Posted: 12/31/2010 9:45:54 PM
I can't discount instant chemistry because I've seen it happen - but only once in my life. A woman I knew long ago was nearing the end of a nasty divorce and was at the airport to make sure her soon-to-be ex got on the plane to leave. The plane arrived on time, and as she was watching the arriving passengers get off, she said "I'm gonna marry that one. Who is he?" When he got off the plane he headed straight to her, told her his name and where he was going to be working, and left. They did get married, are still married 40 some years later, with 4 children and a bunch of grandchildren.

My own experience and that of most of the people I've known has been otherwise. 'Instant chemistry' is lust, and while it may turn out to be more, mostly it doesn't. Most often it turns into friendship.. Much more often, when one begins with a friendship first, it will develop at it's own pace into more.
 DallasSBF
Joined: 8/30/2007
Msg: 27
Instant Chemistry or Develop Chemistry
Posted: 1/3/2011 11:42:16 AM
If you don't feel a spark I dont see why you would work at it. Just so you will not be alone? Is that really the best you can do?
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 29
Instant Chemistry or Develop Chemistry
Posted: 1/4/2011 12:55:28 AM
I've never had chemistry develop if it wasn't there from the start.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 30
Instant Chemistry or Develop Chemistry
Posted: 1/4/2011 8:42:17 AM

I've felt instant chemistry and also had chemistry develop. The one thing I know I'd never count on is expecting
Chemistry to build.

And isn't that just the most amazing thing? I didn't expect it either. It's intoxicating.

~OT~ It's instant or not at all for me. JMO
 tempo246
Joined: 9/19/2011
Msg: 32
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Instant Chemistry or Develop Chemistry
Posted: 2/13/2012 1:25:19 PM
Ditto on that sir thinkalot
 tempo246
Joined: 9/19/2011
Msg: 33
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Instant Chemistry or Develop Chemistry
Posted: 2/13/2012 1:28:25 PM
All I can say is a shallow mind is a terrible thing to waste. It looks like you are about you and the billfold but that is ok
 SerendipityHappens
Joined: 1/24/2012
Msg: 36
Instant Chemistry or Develop Chemistry
Posted: 2/14/2012 4:05:26 AM
I believe that you can sometimes immediately recognize when you have excellent chemistry with someone, but usually it takes a few dates to get to know someone enough to see how the chemistry is between you.... not NINE MONTHS worth of dates but a few dates.

I believe you can also sometimes tell on the first date if there is bad chemistry between two people.

If there is bad chemistry then there is no second date, What would be the point? But if there is just no chemistry then sure I want to go out a few more times to see if anything might develop.
 FreschFisch
Joined: 4/5/2009
Msg: 38
Instant Chemistry or Develop Chemistry
Posted: 2/14/2012 9:00:45 PM
Not sure what is meant by chemistry but.. I don't believe it develops..

Im going to get killed for this..

Physically speaking for me I have what I guess is called pheremonal attractions. If you have ever experienced that you know what I am talking about. For me A lot has to do with scenses other than what you look like. smell..

WHile you may think this weird.. It really expands the dating pool!

Ive had really good connections with females that other males don't necessarily think are attractive. Thats ok! She is with me :)
 Arata_na_Yoake
Joined: 1/25/2012
Msg: 39
Instant Chemistry or Develop Chemistry
Posted: 2/14/2012 9:11:33 PM
Not sure what is meant by chemistry but.. I don't believe it develops..

Im going to get killed for this..

Physically speaking for me I have what I guess is called pheremonal attractions. If you have ever experienced that you know what I am talking about. For me A lot has to do with scenses other than what you look like. smell..

WHile you may think this weird.. It really expands the dating pool!

Ive had really good connections with females that other males don't necessarily think are attractive. Thats ok! She is with me :)


The whole attraction thing isn't the only factor to be fair. For example's sake, say you meet two women.
-One is a "10" in the looks department (let's say she smells great via perfume as well) but she's incredibly dull
-The other is a "7" (7 is average) and shares similar interests and knows how to hold a conversation

If you were looking for a relationship and not a fling, which would you honestly go with?
 FreschFisch
Joined: 4/5/2009
Msg: 41
Instant Chemistry or Develop Chemistry
Posted: 2/16/2012 3:04:32 PM
Well... I will go out with anyone.. And I have indeed gone out with people who never posted a pic! I do it all the time. I will throw out some of the obvious desparate ones but you can typically tell a woman who has it together just maybe shy to put up a pic or scared for professional reasons. You would be surprised who you meet..

I am honest enough and unbiased enough to do this..

But a relationship in the physical sense (for me) isn't going to "develop" as was the question.. unless my requirement is fulfilled! Has nothing to do with a perfume smell.. Lysol on vomit is still what it is and Im sorry thats offensive! Some perfumes just dont match peoples body chemistry. You know what I found it to be? Specific hygeine habits of females! and even the kind of underclothes they wear! and No I do not ask them!! but I can always tell them.. (but i dont)

I dunno.. Different strokes different folks.. I think you will find a large number of women operate this way as well. Just not being vocal about it or just haven't discovered "it"

then again..

I also hear when the neighbors turn on the microwave.. heightened senses I suppose.
 seventiesbaby2
Joined: 2/9/2012
Msg: 42
Instant Chemistry or Develop Chemistry
Posted: 2/16/2012 3:20:45 PM
thats crazy i know in 5 min if i have chemistry with someone
 FreschFisch
Joined: 4/5/2009
Msg: 43
Instant Chemistry or Develop Chemistry
Posted: 2/16/2012 3:52:24 PM
So do I mediagirl2 :)

Somebody here is asking whether it can develop.

I say no it can't and list what my instant attraction is.

Maybe it should be a different post but...

What does it for you? A look? A scent?

Oh yeah I also hate it when they sound like a boy or a squeaky girl! Whats crazy is I once when out with a girl for about 8 months and I didnt realize she sounded like a boy until we split. What an eye opener that was! Good thing I was new to the area and had few friends!

Point being.. I can have a relationship with someone who others may think is not attractive, or who maybe even sounds like a boy (but isn't one) and EVERYBODY has their "something". Its not developed.
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