Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 231
view profile
History
What are your messaging ratio's?Page 11 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
Emailing a forum user for dating purposes seems a bit odd to me, primarily because I believe I've come across about 5 female Bay area forum posters ever, and all of them were significantly older than me (except for one who was younger than me but 6 feet tall). I also have to say I've never seen any woman post anything in the forums that would compell me to email her about dating anyway. Nearly all female posts to me are disagreeing with me! I'm not much of a believer in "opposites attract."

Speaking of which, one obvious reason my messaging ratio is so low is that unlike a lot of people on here, I have no idea who will date me. None whatsoever. I don't know how many in this thread have said something about being realistic with your expectations will improve your ratios. So statistically, I am in bottom 1% in online dating searches because of my height/race/age combination. So I should be going after the bottom 1% of females, right? Well, my female equivalent is probably obese, a foot taller than me, nearly twice my age and rather uneducated and unemployed. By comparison, I've been a multisport athlete including competitive powerlifter for most of my life, was a high school valedictorian and college honors grad, have had a pretty active social life for the most part and work 2 or 3 jobs 80-100 hours a week. Mmm...

Meanwhile, although I am a "1," I dated a universally-agreed-upon 9 or 10 for a year-and-a-half and two others for more than a year that were at least 7s or 8s (I did not meet any of those 3 online, which is important to note). Although I have actually gone out with a couple of "1s," most of the women I have dated are definitely in the top 50% and have included sorority girls, cheerleaders and models, some of which I did meet online (other services with better systems for me than POF). These are women that shouldn't have any interest in me, but for some reason did.

So really, the only strategy I could logically have on POF is quantity: email nearly everyone that doesn't disqualify me in their profiles. Because with me, I never have any idea who is going to go out with me. Even some "1s" turn up their nose at me while I end up in a long term relationship with a 10. It's all just completely random with me. It makes it very difficult to have a high messaging ratio on a site like this,which is pretty much a free-for-all. There is just no way for me to tell what women will find me attractive -- there is just little in common among any of those who have found me attractive. I understand for most other people, it's very different: they have a pretty firm grasp on who will find them attractive, but sometimes they ignore this knowledge and then they end up with POF bitterness. Or some are just in denial about who they are. I am not in denial about who I am -- who I am just doesn't seem to mean much.

One thing that has bothered me about my success (or lack thereof) on POF is that I almost always message every woman I come across that claims to be another writer, and not a single one has ever written me back. I've actually never dated another writer period. If there's anything that shows you the importance of physical attraction vs. good writing skills, it's probably that -- you'd actually think another writer would want to write back just for the entertainment of writing another person with great writing skills, but apparently not.
 EGJV
Joined: 9/13/2008
Msg: 232
What are your messaging ratio's?
Posted: 3/27/2010 8:02:34 AM

I would have started a thread about it.


Oh ok. The 12-line response is just to show how much you don't care.

HawkingJr:

There's no reason to believe any of these women writers think any farther than "I'm a writer. I deserve Brad Pitt". There was one girl I messaged some months back and I thought we were incredibly compatible - religion, looking for long-term, outlook on life, want kids, salsa dancing, etc etc etc. Never got a response. And again, if I see a gal like that - good-looking, got her life in order, looking for something serious - and I see her constantly on sites - that tells me her criteria are wrong for what she wants (just another "pick the wrong guy" syndrome sufferer).
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 234
What are your messaging ratio's?
Posted: 3/27/2010 9:55:14 AM

I don't understand why more women don't go picture-less and do the 'shopping' themselves. When you have your pics up and get bombarded with messages from guys 90 something percent in which you have absolutely no interest why keep operating in that inefficient mode? The only 2 reasons I can think are time.....(you don't have the time to search) and or fear of rejection which many men experience by being initiators. I think if a woman really wants success you should become proactive instead of strictly reactive.


That doesn't even make any sense. Why should more women with photos on display, go "picture-less", just to make first contact? Even if some of them are getting a ton of emails from men they aren't interested in, they could still have their photos remain present and initiate contact themselves, by contacting men of their interests.
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 238
view profile
History
What are your messaging ratio's?
Posted: 3/27/2010 2:30:41 PM
I don't reject men for how they look, or how much money they make..you don't have to believe me, but, it is the truth..I get a lot of mail..95% of it is worthless..I answer all reasonable emails..I think it is rude not too..if I can't find someone to date regularly ( have plenty of first dates) these would be the most common reasons why..and none of them have anything to do with how he looks, how tall he is, or how much money he makes:

1. Claim they really want to get to know me and meet...but, are hardly ever available to talk to, or they talk a lot but, never act.

2. Ask for my phone number, but, never call..or, never ask and don't want it if I offer..but, claim to want to get to know me...make promises they never keep...have an entirely different concept of time than I do...

3. Are Married/separated/involved/just looking for sex

4. Have on their profile or claim to be looking to date, or long term..and waste a lot of my time before they finally admit they are just looking for casual sex of some kind...then insult me and/or try to guilt me into obliging..and claim I have the problem..and they aren't lying on their profile...

5. I think they are really cool...they don't feel the same about me..

6. Totally incompatible with me , but persistent, and sometimes annoying..and way too needy/clingy for me...

7. Emotionally unavailable or commitment phobic...both of which they deny usually...

8. Rude/crude/illiterate/problems communicating clearly/racist/bigoted/arrogant/controlling

I don't think these are superficial reasons for rejecting someone...and these kinds of things are why I haven't found "him" yet..not for all the reasons you think///like being too picky, superficial, full of myself..etc...
 TheReason_
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 241
view profile
History
What are your messaging ratio's?
Posted: 3/27/2010 6:08:16 PM
Where do you find such statistics? I have no clue.
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 242
view profile
History
What are your messaging ratio's?
Posted: 3/27/2010 7:29:49 PM
BTW..as to taking your pic down...most men won't even talk to you if you don't have a pic posted..and a lot have that in their profiles..I've contacted men without pix before..especially forum posters...because of what they write...

Which reminds me..with the comments about the "very attractive" women..well, there aren't enough "very Attractive " people to go around, so anyone that thinks they have a chance with them better have much to offer, or something that makes them stand out from the crowd......besides the fact that it just bothers me that only the "very attractive" are evidently worthwhile people to date....

And another thing..men complaining that women judge by looks is almost laughable...even if its true most or some of the time..men are far more visual ...and far more critical, wanting perfection from what I see...


EDIT: Ya know..I don't count either..anything I use is a best guess..whether number received, answered or goes for more than an email or two..why do men count?
 merelymortal
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 244
What are your messaging ratio's?
Posted: 3/27/2010 10:26:45 PM
I get a response every time I send a message, but rarely get a message without sending one first. Yet to be not responded to, but thats probably because I at least look at their profile and see if they have anything at all in common with me and are a realistic prospect in my own mind.

May I advise a non- cookie cutter message guys? One that lets her know you really read her profile and don't just want to bone her? IDK, I get the impression that allot of you other guys are just fishing... no pun intended.
 lateā„¢
Joined: 2/1/2010
Msg: 246
What are your messaging ratio's?
Posted: 3/27/2010 11:24:05 PM

Why do you guys, keep droning on and on about what women do? I frankly don't get it. This reminds me of a guy who used to be on here, who posted on the forums. He said he was a CEO, lived in Cally, was tall and I guess women considered him fairly good looking. He had just under 400 favorites, when they published that kind of thing.

When he jumped on these threads, women always wanted to know, with 400ish favorites, why he never found "her"! Again, it's never the system, the women, the guys, it's who you are attracted to, who shares your interests, who makes you go WOW!!

Going on and on about, the women have to many choices, they delete my emails, I'm too short, too fat, too whatever or the system favors them, I do better IRL, or any of the rest, will change NOTHING!! At least 5 or 6 guys in the last 5 pages, have said they have good results, but you guys either blow by that, or attribute their success to being somehow more highly desirable than you, not true. They just figured it out.

While you may not be happy about what the women just said in the last 2 pages, YOU instigated it, by having a whinefest, and accusing them of callous behavior. Sorry dating is dating, and human nature is MEN contact women first, no strike, no amount of b1tching is gonna change it. If you don't want to learn it, then live with it or leave. What other choice do you have?

As for my pal hawking, 2 things, first I hate that 1 to 10 sh1t, it doesn't matter whether you are a 2 or 12, it only matters what 'she' thinks, or you think and feel about her. The "brad pitt" whine gets old as well.

Ask yourselves individually a question. Who in their right fuking mind, would spend hours, maybe even literally days on here looking, if they didn't want to find a guy? Everyone keeps going on and on about the number of emails they get. While some of you guys would enjoy getting emails telling you how great you look or an invitation to have sex, it doesn't butter the biscuit, if thats what you DON'T want, can't you see that?

Think about it.


Brother Evil....

Word!

Excellent post! and spot on.




My friend, if you are getting replies to every message. You are not merely mortal. You are a demi-god.


Nonsense, it really isn't that difficult, unless, ...well ...some people have a way with words, ...others?


um,

....not have way.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 248
view profile
History
What are your messaging ratio's?
Posted: 3/28/2010 7:14:07 AM
"As for my pal hawking, 2 things, first I hate that 1 to 10 sh1t, it doesn't matter whether you are a 2 or 12, it only matters what 'she' thinks, or you think and feel about her."

Uh, that kinda sounds like you're agreeing with me. Actually, it sounds EXACTLY like you're agreeing with me.

But surely you must realize that whatever "chemistry" I managed to produce with those 7s-10s that made them decide to go out with a 1 does not exist on a dating website. I worked with my last girlfriend for almost a year before she decided she had a crush on me. It took me 3 months of constant "wooing" to get the 10/model to agree to go out with me.

There is no equivalent of that on POF. You are a picture and a set of statistics: race/height/age/etc. No woman is going to give you 3 months to a year to win her over on this thing if you are not what she thinks she might want right off the bat. (Any woman in this thread disagree?) You keep sending emails to a woman on this thing who has no interest in you, you are going to get blocked. How I've landed most of my dates in my life could not possibly be accomplished on POF.

I remember one of the moderators, who happened to be female, once made a post to me in opposition to more mail settings because she said she never would have met her boyfriend if settings for height, weight, hair, etc. had been in place because he would have been disqualified by some of those settings from contacting her. Turns out, she rejected him anyway but they later ended up meeting at one of POF's singles events, and she discovered in person they had great chemistry despite the fact that he didn't measure up to what she thought she wanted "on paper," and the rest is history.

The difference between me and you/all the guys who are supporting you plus Mr. 1 to 1 ratio (I checked all of your profiles) is that you guys measure up "on paper" for the majority of women in your age groups (according to numerous studies done on dating preferences) and I do not. You guys CAN blow it by saying something stupid -- but you've already got your foot in the door, so if it gets slammed on you, it's your own damn faults. I can also blow it by saying something stupid -- but only with about 1 out of every 100 women on this site. And I have no idea who that 1 is. I learned a long time ago that it doesn't matter what *I* want. Who I date will never be determined by anything *I* want. Which is why I don't crush on anybody anymore. It's just a waste of time and emotion, because nobody I have ever crushed on ever liked me back. Not once ever (the 10 doesn't really count because she was just some random hot chick I started hitting on and she bizarrely never told me to go away -- not really a crush). So I can't operate like you guys do. I have to go out with whoever will go out with me. And I never have any idea who that will be. Which is why POF is SO frustrating. Because almost nobody (at least in my area and age range) gives you any indication of who they WON'T date. You just have 10,000 freakin' profiles and you gotta respond to them all and see who writes back! Highly efficient, that is.

Well, for me. You say" Who in their right fuking mind, would spend hours, maybe even literally days on here looking, if they didn't want to find a guy?" As I and quite a few others have pointed out in this and most other threads, most women in my age group spend almost no time on this site. They just accomplish a lot more by doing next to nothing in comparison to me.
 EGJV
Joined: 9/13/2008
Msg: 249
What are your messaging ratio's?
Posted: 3/28/2010 10:10:55 AM
HawkingJr :

That's a great and insightful post, but I fear it's a waste of time considering who you're addressing. I wouldn't be surprised to see another implied "you don't know how to write messages" in response. However - reading this thread does reinforce something - if things work IRL, then definitely focus IRL (goes for everyone with bad message ratios).
 NFLjunky718
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 256
view profile
History
What are your messaging ratio's?
Posted: 4/3/2010 4:03:30 PM
honestly I get about 3 new messages a day and probably about 5 views...beginners luck
 NFLjunky718
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 257
view profile
History
What are your messaging ratio's?
Posted: 4/3/2010 4:14:09 PM
^^oh and I've sent oout about 2 or 3..and i've been on here about a week
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  >