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 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 134
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What are your messaging ratio's?Page 3 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
I gotta figure that the bigger problem may be that ther aren't enough really hot, or 9 or 10 women to go around,. first of all, because there are fewer of them, ( and they can be choosier if they want)secondly, because men do way out number women online, not just on here...and most men, especially younger guys..that's what they want...

I can only go by myself, and I am not in that category...but, I write guys with no pic all the time, what they do for a job isn't as important as that they are self supporting, and they are at least in the neighborhood of my income, I answer all polite emails, even if I'm not interested, and the pic, if they have one..is just the first impression...I always read the profile...and the way a guy is is more important in the long run...

Maybe it is my looks, my age, or just my personality...but, I treat all men with respect...unless they disrespect me first...I have trouble believing I am one of a kind?

I don't initiate emails as often as I get contacted..but, when I do...it is rare for a guy not to write me back, even to politely decline...and I NEVER read/delete..unless it was something crude and inapropriately sexual..I think it's rude, and unkind...and cowardly actually...

I agree with the above poster..nothing is worse than negativity..or nasty comments about women in general or American women as a group..wome who do the same are also shooting themselves in the foot..so, online is rough, and there are many pitfalls, and unpleasant things to deal with...but, a person doesn't improve their chances of finding that ONE ( and you only need one) person that makes the difference...by, taking it out on the group of people you are trying to attarct..I could fill my profile with a lot of horror stories and negativity too...but, what would it accomplish? Besides..it just reinforces the bad feelings...

That's my opinion, anyway, take it for what it's worth...
 213history
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 136
What are your messaging ratio's?
Posted: 3/12/2010 10:41:19 AM

I think only about 20 percent of men on this site do ok, basically the richest, best looking tall guys


Oh shit, I'm in trouble!

I am fairly new to the site, but reading the forums on this site can help men improve their chances here.

When I first started, I was sending out very short and boring responses like "Hi!" or "How's it going?" and hoped my picture and profile would work its magic.

Since using some of the advice posted, I am getting better responses.

Thank you POF forum posters
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 137
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What are your messaging ratio's?
Posted: 3/12/2010 10:50:30 AM
I have one question rarebird....and all you other guys saying this..

How do you know that's why they aren't interested? Are they writing you back and telling you those are the reasons..or are you just projecting? Is it the reality..or is it your belief that that must be the reason? Because it couldn't possibly be anything else? or anything to do with incompatibility personality wise/ or interest/value wise..because those are the reasons I most often am not interested, and just because I'm older and not "hot" doesn't mean I think any different than most women?..and I don't ever tell a guy why I'm not..what's the point?

You guys insist that's why you aren't having sucess...but, you have no proof that is the reason..it's your own belief/projection/insecurity about those very things..and, I'd say an udnerestimation of the way women think, and that we are not all shallow gold diggers...and a lot more keeps us interested than those things..there are plenty of men who have none of those things you think are the holy grail,..that are popular with women..you need to change your approach..you can not control your looks/income( mostly) or height..but, you can develop attributes that women find appealing that have nothing to do with that...and have better success..trust me.. most women still are not that superficial or simple...

Besides..if I have the equivalent disadvantage for men that you men claim you have for women ( older/BBW/smoker even)...and am successful..certainly you can be...
 8soldierfalcon8
Joined: 2/16/2009
Msg: 140
What are your messaging ratio's?
Posted: 3/12/2010 6:29:15 PM
As far as swearing off this site as a tool for dating, I reached that point along time ago. I think only about 20 percent of men on this site do ok, basically the richest, best looking tall guys.


Since when am I any of those? And ... I do just fine.

When are people going to take responsibility for themselves? Dude, it's not women's fault that you have no photo up, your profile sucks, and you're probably hideous.

Nobody owes you anything. The internet is not a magical wand that makes you irresistible. You'll generally get the same amount of serious interest from people on here that you would in person.

Sure, my female friends may get 10 messages a day, but very few of them are men they'd be honestly interested in. Same with the shopping mall, or the grocery store. The only difference is that the internet gives men looking for something casual the anonymity to troll for p*ssy with impudence.

My suggestion is to take all that negativity festering inside of you and channel it into something positive.

Just like people who claim that they only date azzholes, the only common denominator in that equation is them. Same with people who don't attract anyone. Perhaps you should turn your gaze inward instead of outward.

Women are not rare and mysterious animals, or mythical creatures to attract with honey. They're people. Get a clue. If people in general don't like you, women won't either.

-8sf8
 cw35
Joined: 4/8/2005
Msg: 141
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What are your messaging ratio's?
Posted: 3/12/2010 6:47:36 PM
"Women are not rare and mysterious animals, or mythical creatures to attract with honey. They're people. Get a clue. If people in general don't like you, women won't either."

Great. Thanks 8sf8. That means I must be doomed for sure. lol.
 cherryyblossom
Joined: 7/19/2009
Msg: 145
What are your messaging ratio's?
Posted: 3/14/2010 5:55:26 AM
30:1 replies probably
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 151
What are your messaging ratio's?
Posted: 3/14/2010 10:41:43 AM
If I were to send 200 messages to men I might receive 2 responses, the men would say they were really married and lied on their profile, or they would be looking for casual sex, or tell me I am ugly and ask if I have a hot friend they can meet.
 booboo4u
Joined: 3/31/2008
Msg: 158
What are your messaging ratio's?
Posted: 3/18/2010 12:36:51 PM
yes it is mail even if it is hate mail

i send 6 or 7 a opening emails a day
i recieve 4or5 resposes a day from those opening emails

usually i will chat to two or three a day back and forth

i have one or two dates a week
looking for a longterm relationship is hard work but you have to know yourself and what you want
 southernangel37
Joined: 4/12/2009
Msg: 160
What are your messaging ratio's?
Posted: 3/19/2010 9:16:39 AM
I gave up...for some reason, even if I do send the first email they don't answer they just delete without even reading, so I just get on here to read the forums...why bother so many of us are so superficial that it doesn't matter what type of personality we have if they dont like the picture that is they won't bother...so screw it all...but I have to say some of the forums the crap people air is funny as hell...so it makes my life not seem so bad...............
 Kayara
Joined: 12/18/2009
Msg: 164
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What are your messaging ratio's?
Posted: 3/21/2010 5:06:52 AM
Eep. I wouldn't even know where to begin to count. It really depends on how often I'm online in a week. I'd say I probably send 5-10 a week and receive around maybe 50? Unfairly, it's always the guys I DON'T want who message / reply to me. Bah.
 ajfedz
Joined: 12/25/2008
Msg: 165
What are your messaging ratio's?
Posted: 3/21/2010 5:57:12 AM
I find that if I pick a girls about me apart, I almost always get a reply back...
You know, tell her she has typos, misspelled words or she is very negative... works like a charm...
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 168
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What are your messaging ratio's?
Posted: 3/21/2010 11:50:55 AM
I'm a professional statitician, so I don't feel entirely comfortable answering this question without researching all 3 years of first contacts I've made on this site to come up with something fairly accurate, and God knows I have no time for that kind of insanity (especially this weekend). But there is no doubt my ratio is pretty terrible. My first year or so here alone, I sent out hundreds of emails. Off the top of my head, I can only recall two replies, and then checking my oldest contacts pages, I don't remember ANY of those women writing me back (of course, hundreds are probably missing due to finding a guy and closing their accounts or giving up and closing their accounts or blocking me).

Since I started only writing women who showed up in my "viewed me" listings for the most part, my ratio has improved substantially, but it is still not good. Maybe 1 in 10 write back. However, it's somewhat pointless to get all caught up in reply ratios because a reply doesn't mean much -- I don't even get excited when I see one in my inbox anymore, because I know there's a very good chance that will be the only email I ever receive from that woman, as many reply just to be polite or to answer a question in your email. I can actually remember every single time that I got more than 2 emails from the same woman on here (that is, among those I messaged first -- nearly all the women who messaged me first wrote me 3+ times). Looks like 6 times in 3 years, and one of those I had previously met in real life before rediscovering her on POF, so she doesn't really count. Most of the others never seriously expressed an interest in me despite continuing to reply to my emails; not sure why you keep corresponding in that case. I have in fact only made it to a phone conversation twice (both women who wrote me initially).

Obviously, POF isn't for everyone and I'm a bottom one percenter on women's preference scales, and as depressing as my results on this site have been, you'd think I would have quit by now, but it's difficult to argue with "free." I've wasted hundreds of dollars on Match and Yahoo and received only slightly better results (as in 1 date ever from each). But at some point I'm probably going to come to the conclusion that it's psychologically unsound to keep using this site. Well, I already came to that conclusion -- at some point, I might start caring about that conclusion.
 sans euphoria
Joined: 3/14/2010
Msg: 171
What are your messaging ratio's?
Posted: 3/21/2010 2:17:25 PM
I've sent ten messages, and received nine back.

I've received about fifty, and sent three back.

I'm not picky, I swear.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 172
What are your messaging ratio's?
Posted: 3/21/2010 2:44:04 PM
Most of the messages I receive are from men who are either married, wanting sex only, or seeking a woman who looks and acts nothing like me (they obviously don't read profiles)...I don't consider myself ultra picky to want an available single man who is not interested in sex only and who can read and comprehend a profile.
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 176
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What are your messaging ratio's?
Posted: 3/21/2010 7:45:02 PM

If with # of messages many women on here claim, why cant you find a guy? On here just for attention, overly picky, think more highly of yourself than you really are? Crazy.


Guys can think what they want....but, if it was that easy to find someone compatible to date regularly/long term..for either gender..why are so many people online? The options may be many, but the suitable are few...and that's true of most people...

It can also be said that the men can be too picky, or seeking perfection themselves ( at least physically), because , though I can't speak for all women, I'm sure most would agree with me that men online can be pretty fickle, and constantly pursuing " the better catch"..while I have obviously turned men down...there are plenty who turn me down, or, who seem to be interested, and change their mind...or, whom I do find interesting, but, they don't feel the same..

I don't need any more attention , in fact, lately it's become somewhat of a pain , or , it generally leads to disappointment..I can't possibly have too high an opinion of myself, not with my disadvantages , and I am not that picky...and while there are women who fit one or more of the above...I know more just like me...

I find this a symptom of men who insist everything is always a woman's fault...or, don't know why they aren't getting the results they want...and blame it on the women...

Also, I've been on here a long time, but, mostly for the forums , not because I can't find a date...in fact, I first joined for the forums...
 EGJV
Joined: 9/13/2008
Msg: 177
What are your messaging ratio's?
Posted: 3/21/2010 8:32:31 PM

but most are from guys who either have no brain, and/or the attraction/chemistry isn't mutual.


I get that you can determine "no brain" - "Hey baby how r u, ur hott". I can get "no mutual attraction" - "This guy is ugly".

But "chemistry"? How do you determine the interaction between you both is not good from a message you just got? Methinks the lady doth protest too much...
 bbsml
Joined: 10/20/2009
Msg: 179
What are your messaging ratio's?
Posted: 3/21/2010 9:02:56 PM
This is my 2nd time around on here and i would have to say i sent out about 4 or 5 messages a day and got no response or hate mail just for looking at their profile. Most of the men that have messaged me first seem to just want sex.
 EGJV
Joined: 9/13/2008
Msg: 181
What are your messaging ratio's?
Posted: 3/21/2010 9:38:14 PM
^^
if you interacted with them, that means you replied. The topic is "messaging ratios". I don't disagree with what you wrote, I'm just saying that it sounded like you could determine chemistry from a first message. You apparently concede you can't.
 EGJV
Joined: 9/13/2008
Msg: 185
What are your messaging ratio's?
Posted: 3/21/2010 11:09:42 PM

Unforunately, none of us look like Fabio.


What are you talking about? I get confused with Fabio AT LEAST twice a day.

Funny, though, did you know Fabio used to be a scrawny runt who women wouldn't look at twice? When he got into shape and grew his hair then a major coincidence happened and women actually realized what a great guy he was.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 189
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What are your messaging ratio's?
Posted: 3/22/2010 9:05:29 AM
See, I knew I didn't feel comfortable answering that question without actually doing some real stat work. Since 1/1/2009, 4.6% of my messages were returned among women who still have profiles on the site/haven't blocked me/whatever else causes them to get removed from my contact list. So that's not even as good as 1 in 10. 2007 and 2008 are impossible to tell, because so many of those profiles are no longer there, but trust me, it's much worse than 4.6% because back then I was sending out emails en masse to every pretty girl on the screen. Anyway, among those 4.6% (not counting the woman I previously mentioned having met in the real world before rediscovering her on this site), none of them ever gave me the impression in their emails that they were actually interested in me, just sent me very answers to my questions. With one exception. That exception is bizarre because she's not in my contact history. And I remember her, because she's the most recent woman to return one of my emails, a couple weeks ago -- heck, all of her emails are still in my inbox! So, I think something's kinda screwy about POF's contact history. Nevertheless, that's really all you have to work with for messaging ratios.

LS: Here's something else bizarre: you've sent 20 emails, received 4 "Thanks but no thanks" emails. I've sent hundreds, maybe over 1000, emails, and I've only received one "Thanks but no thanks email" ever! What the hell is that all about? Is there something about me that makes women far less likely to give a common courtesy rejection email? Although, admittedly, I almost never "force the question" in my introductory emails. That is, I don't immediately ask if a woman would be interested in getting to know me better or to date me, so maybe that has something to do with it.

In "real life," almost always, whatever you're doing when you meet a particular potential date is unrelated to getting that date. That is, if you meet a woman in class, you are in the class to study, and just happened to meet a dateable woman while doing that. You will probably bide your time with that woman, making small talk for sometimes days if the situation allows it before actually asking her out, allowing you to feel out the situation to the point that you may never ask her out because you find out it's a bad idea or pointless. POF, on the other hand, is a dating site: your first email will most likely indicate dating interest. Therefore, sorting out "real life" ratios is quite complicated compared to those on online dating sites. (Exception: clubbing/barhopping. Those ratios are pretty easy to figure out.)

POF might be more popular than it was 3 years ago, but although that means a larger pool of women, it also means a larger pool of competitors. I'm not really sure "competition" means anything, though. Frankly, if a woman joins a site and discovers there are only 10 men on it, and all are not what she wants, I doubt she's going to just choose the best one: she's probably just going to leave the site. Same's probably true in large numbers: if each woman is now getting 20 emails a day instead of 10, she's going to ignore all 20 if none of them are good enough for her, just like she would have ignored all 10 3 years ago. I'm not sure it means much that I've been here 3 years, other than my own psychological issues. Those women from 2007 are probably sick of seeing me in their searches and matches and whatever but I don't think it would mean anything to a woman who joined today.

Not sure I want to jump in on this particular tangent, but although I agree that I've met some people who are far too picky about who they date for their own good (and plenty of POF profiles indicate thus), but let's face it: who here wants to date someone they don't want to date? (Wow, that was awkwardly phrased.) This is not to say I haven't dated a rather significant number of women that I didn't really want to date (not to mention a significant number of women that I knew I SHOULDN'T date), but what good did that lead to? Two people shouldn't date unless they are equally interested in each other. It's almost as if some guys are saying, women are getting 20 emails a day so they should just pick the best one (even if he's also a bad idea) and try him out. Despite the fact that practicing such a method would probably enhance my own chance of getting a date, I can't agree with this. The one caveat, though, is there's not really any such thing as online chemistry, and people have been known to develop great chemistry in real life despite the fact that at least one member of the couple would never have seen that happening upon initial meeting (in the case of me and my most current ex-girlfriend, NEITHER of us saw anything happening between us upon initial meeting and it took us a year before the chemistry kicked in). But how the hell are you going to figure out who might fall in that category from a profile and an email? You can't very well go out with every guy that emails you to see if there's unexpected chemistry. This is the one major flaw in online dating, and there's not really anything that can be done about it. If two people get together as a result of an online dating service, it's probably because of "love at first email," and that's just the way it is.

But I've said it many times before and I'll say it again: POF itself is no doubt at fault for most of this site's frustration. People are afraid to say what they're looking for physically in their profiles, which leads to TONS of wasted intro emails. And then we end up with threads like this. I've never had any frustration whatsoever with Hot Or Not: Click "Yes" or "No," if you both Click "Yes," it means you both have interest in each other and THEN you start communicating. Sometimes I'll go weeks without making a connection, but I'll only waste about 1-2 minutes a day on the site during that period, so who cares? And I end up MEETING (not just getting responses from) about 1 in every 3 women that I email on that site, because I wouldn't be able to email them to begin with unless they were somewhat interested in me to begin with. I do realize as a free site POF really can't work that way, but this thread wouldn't exist if POF was like that.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 194
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What are your messaging ratio's?
Posted: 3/22/2010 11:59:43 AM
MrEvil: Your success is an interesting study. I remember when I finally broke down and had a profile review done, the most repeated advice I received was "Get rid of the pics that include women!" And I've actually seen quite a few female profiles in which, out of the blue, they criticize guys for having profiles that included pics with other women (in fact, the last woman in my "Viewed Me" list said that at the end of her profile -- I had not viewed her first, making me wonder if she wrote that indirectly to me). Frankly, I think any woman who would snub a guy for having women in his profile pics (within reason) has jealousy issues I don't want to deal with, but nevertheless, since I had been on here 2.5 years by that point with no success, I took down all my pics that included other women (they were all friends, relatives or co-workers and listed as such, no former dates). Net result over 6 months? Either less first contact emails or pretty much almost the same as before (which = nearly none).

But anyway, you have a SINGLE picture of you and THREE women. And you have a 60% response rate and have dated 10 women since rejoining only 4 months ago!

How would you interpret these results? Well, I, for starters, am sure it probably does matter to some women, but apparently not anywhere near enough to hinder most guys' ability to get a date. I just find it interesting that you say you learned "what works" on this site, yet "members of opposite sex in the pictures" is probably the #2 thing that's preached against (after negativity in the profile), you are breaking that supposed cardinal rule and still "rakin' 'em in." I obeyed the rule (and many others) for 6 months and got nothing to show for it.

I'm just saying, what works for person A doesn't necessarily work for person B. We are in completely different age groups, completely different ethnic groups, completely different height ranges, completely different cities (though, I did live within an hour of the ATL half of my life). It's possible that Brad Pitt Jr. could come on here, throw up a profile that says nothing except, "You know you want me, b----iatch" with pictures that show him surrounded by harems of bikini-clad women and get 50 (positive) emails a day vs. my one email every six months for doing everything that was recommended by POF "experts." You can shoot yourself in the foot, no doubt, and women have plenty enough options on here not to have to allow a guy any slack, but I'm still pretty sure the two most important factors in a guy's success on here are: physical characteristics and freakin' luck.

(That said, I have received out-of-the-blue compliments on my current creative profile, but that's all they were -- they didn't want to date me. So I mean, if you just want EMAILS... nobody's going to DATE you because of your profile, they are going to date you because they find you attractive. They might NOT date you because of your profile if it's retarded. Like the Brad Pitt Jr. example: if he had a good profile, he'd probably get 100 emails a day!)

BA: Thanks! Moderators often do not agree...
 cdukshnow
Joined: 3/19/2010
Msg: 197
What are your messaging ratio's?
Posted: 3/25/2010 5:41:38 AM
I've sent a ridiculous amount, my standards vary dramatically. My responses are probably 10%. I've maybe gotten 2 non solicited messages.

Thom
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 198
What are your messaging ratio's?
Posted: 3/25/2010 7:19:24 AM

So I mean, if you just want EMAILS... nobody's going to DATE you because of your profile, they are going to date you because they find you attractive. They might NOT date you because of your profile if it's retarded.


Hackings, perhaps you are not getting the right type of advice. Like Mr Evil, I had several photos, that were with women. Just about every person I have gone out with ask me what was up with that. I told them that it happen to be that the best photos were taken at company events by better photographers than me, and yes they were with women. Also, what women find attractive is not necessarily an issue of looks. MrEvil says that he has a success rate of 60 percent, and says that the secret is crafting a good email. On the several occasions that I used this site and others for dating, I went from having almost one in a hundred, to about 80% response. And the secret was that, craft a good email that is different, but mainly that it starts in the middle of a conversation. Also notice that MrEvil's profile is not about all his virtues, but about his attitude about life. That is much more intoxicating to women than saying how great you are.
In the end, a key element is that you need to stand outside of the typical box, but come across as a real person.
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