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 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 4
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Money, money, mooonney...MOOOONNNNEYPage 2 of 2    (1, 2)

Do the men on this dating sight see that now (SOME) women can be a bread winner in a relationship AND ARE willing to take on the roll our fathers took (to take care of their families)?



Maybe one or two such women as you describe exist somewhere on the planet, but their numbers have been greatly exaggerated IME. I don't know anyone (including myself) who's ever run across one of these (largely) mythical creatures. Women's money is a love destroyer. So while it's a theoretical possibility in that it could happen, I don't see it as a realistic possibility. A woman will support herself (and her children if she has `em) but not a "bum", at least not for very long.
 techgirl27
Joined: 9/5/2005
Msg: 8
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Money, money, mooonney...MOOOONNNNEY
Posted: 7/9/2009 12:41:29 PM
I wouldn't say a flat out yes or no. I would look at who had the ability to earn more, and whose job was more flexible (or even disposable) including whose was closest to home. I can just about guarantee that 99 times out of 100 that "he'll" make more than me, but if the right circumstances are there, it can work the other way. There was a time where my ex was out of work and I was the one pulling home a full time paycheck. I wasnt resentful, actually I felt quite empowered but I dont know that I'd want to do that all the time.
 Zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 13
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Money, money, mooonney...MOOOONNNNEY
Posted: 7/9/2009 2:47:18 PM
When it comes to a relationship, I'm prety much a communist.
To each according to their needs and from each according to their abilities.
I expect both parties to contribute 100% to the relationship without holding back.
If one person is allowed to spend some funds freely on things only they would like or benefit from, the other person is allowed to do similar or have some form of compensation.

It's all about partnership and working together towards common goals.

Any person who thinks that there should be fixed, unchanging ROLES to play gets laughed at.
To their face.
And pointed to the door.

I find that fairness and equality to be a very attractive thing.
And that doesn't translate into a pure 50/50 partnership across ALL issues. In one, one may dominate and in others, the other partner will.
Nothing more than continuous give and take to get the job done in a manner all parties are comfortable with.
I wouldn't mind if my female mate made more or less than me. I would mind it if she thought I'd work like a dog while she stayed home reading books, playing with children and goofing off on frivelous things and didn't pull her own weight. And she should feel the same way.
 Icestorm
Joined: 1/15/2007
Msg: 14
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Money, money, mooonney...MOOOONNNNEY
Posted: 7/9/2009 3:51:24 PM
I have a friend that says his dream is to someday meet and marry a woman who makes more money than he does.

I can't tell you his name, though. If his wife found out, she'd kill him.
 MissNoWhere
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 15
Money, money, mooonney...MOOOONNNNEY
Posted: 7/9/2009 6:39:49 PM
I did support my ex husband for 5 years before finally leaving. He lost his job, was fired, and then subsequently charged with some not so nice things. While his court case was pending he did nothing but put a dent in the couch. He was proud of himself IF he cleaned the coffee table (look hon, I cleaned today). I was expected to support him, his habits and still tend to the house and children while working full time and attending classes to help get us out of the hole we were in.

After he went "away" for his year as a resident in the state, I started saving money - a lot of money. All of a sudden the bills could get paid on time, heck early, and I never got a notice that my rent wasn't paid. Amazing!

Would I support someone again? It depends. If he were actively employed, became injured and was unable to work, I would. If he quit his job, was fired for good reason, then I'd seriously have to question it.

Now if we were to get hitched, have a couple children and then decide as a couple to have him stay home since I have a killer job, that would be totally different, though moot for me since I am done having children. ;-)
 PacificStar
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 19
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Money, money, mooonney...MOOOONNNNEY
Posted: 7/9/2009 7:37:00 PM
If a Mister Mom really was into the parenting/home making thing; actually did it more power to him. I just never seen a guy who could keep up with load the average Ms. Mom does for more than a long weekend. It is not just the kids and house but the family and community obligations, supporting the spouses career, sometimes holding down a minimally rewarding job too. If the stigma doesn't get them the isolation and being cooped up with kids does. It is not so much a matter of women not wanting to flip roles . I would have loved to come home to a hot meal , tv time with the kids, and someone else dealing with the parents and would gladly have turned over my paycheck for it. Of course that is a moot point as far as kids but it could come up again as who cares for the ageing parents. My guess is that will also be me though.
 PacificStar
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 21
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Money, money, mooonney...MOOOONNNNEY
Posted: 10/4/2009 2:32:30 AM
I didn't say it doesn't exist I just haven't run into it enough to make it statistlly significant. And I hate to break it to you I have had plenty of exposure to single male headed households. Professionally and privately. Exposure that lets me know very clearly how "Mr. Mom's " , a term I really dislike, have to cope as single Dads.

What I have seen is that most Dad's as much as they obviously care for their children have a very difficult time doing the things I already outlined as consistently as their female counterparts. Many struggle with basic tasks and rarely participate in extended relationships unless it is to be totally dependent on aged parents or siblings. Their children often become the homemaker and self parent as latchkey kids.

It has nothing to do with virtuosity or selflessness. Let me repeat that. I has nothing to do with virtuosity or selfnessness.

What it has to do with is the cultural training that women get from early childhood on that gives them a major headstart on handleing the chores and social situations that taking on what the Mr. Mom roll takes. Guys generally get a different skill set.

It has to do with having socialization and peer support that Mr. Mom's have only in limited situations. How many Mommy and Me classes are out there for Dad's, how many Dad's do you see at PTA meetings, how many single men feel comfortable hanging around a playground without pointing out they are the Dad? Women exchange tips, tricks, and practical advice.

It has to do with open discrimination that custodial Dad's confront at almost every turn. People think Dad's won't care or don't want to be bothered so they don't bother telling them things or includeing them. They over charge them for daycare and some don't want to babysit for single dad's because it causes flack with husbands or parents.
Doctor's often ask for the Mother or talk to the Grandmother but tell Dad's very little.

It has to do with even though single Moms have gotten some respect and support services many Mr. Mom's refuse to use the systems out of fear that they will loose custody. And often they do get greif from programs that do "bash men " so they often drop out. Most men see counseling as silly or punishment.

They also have to fear that if they have a dependent relationship with a woman, sometimes even their own Mother's, and it ends badly that the children will want to go with the "new Mother figure" as society pressures them to do.

And the lousy money issue. Is it fair that most of the time women earn sixty cents on the dollar for the same jobs men do? No but it isn't fair either that many non-custodial Mother's walk off pretty much scott free when it comes to child support or shareing custody because they do earn less. Often because they interrupted their education and careers being pregnant and fine tuneing how to keep the house.

Is it fair that some Mom are failures and don't do a steller job even with a spouse? That they set on their bums and basiclly let Dad's be breadwinner and homemaker? No. That stinks too. But that is not the norm and most of us know that.
 I-am-Rei
Joined: 9/11/2009
Msg: 24
Money, money, mooonney...MOOOONNNNEY
Posted: 10/4/2009 6:07:31 AM

I grew up (In the 70's) with a mother and father that played the normal “old fashion” rolls. My father went to work for 10 to 12 hours a day 5 days a week and my mother stayed home and took care of their 6 kids.

In my country this was also the norm during those times. The father is the PILLAR of the house, thus he is expected to support the family. The mother is the LIGHT of the house and expected to guide and take care of the kids and the father.

My father never made “lots” of money; in fact I really don’t know how he took care of 6 kids on such a small income.

If the father's low income could raise a family, the credit is given to the mother. Usually, the father give his salary to the mother and she is the one responsible in making all the ends meet: paying the bills, food in the table, clothes for the kids, education, etc. If your mother had done that with your father's low income, thank your mother for her budgeting skills.

During the 80's most mothers were already working moms. Again in my country, the father's role is still the same. However, the mothers take an additional responsibility: working 8 hours a day for 5-6 days, go home and still cook meals for the family, take care of the kids and the house and still do the budgeting of the combined income. That's why the working moms are also called SuperMoms.

It's not a question of a woman going to work while the man stays at home but as a MAN can your pride accept it that you are being supported by the woman? In my observations with my friends' husbands who were left at home, they usually suffered from low self esteem and they are willing to work on low income just not to be labeled as a man with no backbone.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 32
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Money, money, mooonney...MOOOONNNNEY
Posted: 10/4/2009 10:02:31 AM

And to the women on this dating site; are you willing to be the one that go to work and let the man be the 'Mister Mom"? >> subject: Money.money mooney...MOOOONNNNEY [/Quote]

No I will not support a man ,that I have go to work and he stays home..He has to flex his muscle to earn a living to contribute to the household expenses.. If he has some pride in him, he will not let himself supported by a weaker sex, I wonder how he feels that his pregnant wife with protruding stomach getting early in the morning to go to work while he is still in bed sleeping ???

I never heard or seen people lives without money,even the beggars who has no responsibilityfor paying bills has to beg for money to get by for food .... So Money evolves in our life..
 thwipp89
Joined: 3/3/2009
Msg: 35
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Money, money, mooonney...MOOOONNNNEY
Posted: 10/4/2009 7:17:32 PM
moral of the story: don't have kids. kids will suck the life and money out of you.
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