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 Schumi_fan
Joined: 7/2/2009
Msg: 173
When the bill comes on a first date...Page 14 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
why should he pay? you women ask for equal rights and then expect him to pay. Get over yourself and wake up. Last time I checked women work these days too.
 Vincent_1984
Joined: 11/14/2005
Msg: 174
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When the bill comes on a first date...
Posted: 7/24/2009 6:16:25 AM

NEVER PAY if the guy invites you out .... hes paying the bill no matter how much it is. obvi u follow his lead if he orders a drink u do as well if he doesnt ... u dont go ordering a 15$ martini. simple as that. men if u dont want to pay dont ask a girl on a date.

While I appreciate the point of being courteous and to not abuse a mans good will, everyone, on this planet, should be entitled to dating, romance and love. For you to feel that your time is more valuable based entirely on your gender, and that those who aren't willing to pay you for your time shouldn't be dating at all, is entirely selfish and sexist. The "pay up or be alone" blackmail mentality is so blatantly immoral, I don't see how someone, who seems like a nice person, could actually really mean it.




And here is the killer, to me anyway ... so many men actually get pizzed if a woman doesn't offer to pay half and write her off as users, but if the woman does pay half they get pizzed also because then FEEL the woman is not interested.

Don't stereotype, if the girl I was dating wouldn't offer to pay, I wouldn't get pissed; I would merely be disappointed. If she did offer to pay, with intent, she would definitely gain my respect. Whether or not she is interested, however, I would be able to see from her body language before the bill ever arrives.



If the man is DUMB enough to go to an expensive restaurant to MEET a person from on line ... then tough shiit for you. If the woman suggests an expensive restaurant and you agree, tough shiit for you again.

Man offers and woman accepts, man loses; Women offers and men accepts, man loses again. This seems justifiable to you?


I just can't stop posting on these threads 'cause of men's attitude to this it is the BIGGEST reason that women just turn you men down. Its in your profiles, in your posts, in your attitudes and it is very ugly to see.
Again, that blackmail mentality, "pay up or be alone", funny how just two paragraphs above you complained about having a lack of free choice in dating while this is exactly what you are imposing on the man you date.


I am generous and I only date generous men also ... and if you think generous is only attached to MONEY then you would only see the back of my azz as I leave you standing there ... don't let the door slap you in the face as I leave you and your bad all about money attitude.
No, you are making generosity out to be about money by insinuating that men who expect women to pay their fair and equal share are horrible people that shouldn't be dating. Generosity has nothing to do with money and men, just like you, can be generous without ever touching their wallets so, if you don't want to make it about money, offer to pay your own meal.


Well if he was very tall, dark, handsome and of course LOADED then I might think of a cup of mint tea and take it from there. Tea on me of course.
So not only are you discriminating based on gender but you are now also discriminating based on looks and income? You are truly something else.
 Vincent_1984
Joined: 11/14/2005
Msg: 176
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When the bill comes on a first date...
Posted: 7/24/2009 9:00:41 PM

In my nearly sixty years on this planet, I have observed a non-gender specific correlation between generosity with money and generosity in all other avenues. Those who are tight with money are also tight with praise, gratitude, affection and all forms of giving. This has proven true with all my female acquaintances as well as men.

Well, in my 24 years on this planet, I have met a few people who were generous with their money yet gave very little in other avenues and I have met a LOT of people who were very generous without ever giving so much as a dime.


However, in the natural mating code, if you are niggling and pissed that she felt entitled for you to pay for her *COFFEE*, read my first paragraph - you are a man of ungenerous nature and the woman will pass you up as a poor choice as husband and father.
It's not about the price of the coffee, it could be fifty cents or it could be fifty dollars; it's about equality. Instead of representing yourself as an equal and as a good potential life partner, you are representing yourself as a dependent child.
 Vincent_1984
Joined: 11/14/2005
Msg: 178
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When the bill comes on a first date...
Posted: 7/24/2009 9:28:28 PM
You men are so much stronger and we women are so much weaker. Why, we barely just got the vote and now you expect us to pay for our own steak??
Wait a second... women have been able to vote since 1920 but someone with dark skin couldn't vote, in some states, until 1965. Should who pays also be decided by skin color as well now?! No, obviously not and I think it's time gender equality did some caching up. Men aren't stronger and women aren't weaker, we are equals.



There's a double standard out there and we all own part of it. I like to be the woman in the relationship. I don't want to grow testes, so you're safe.
You can still be a woman without conforming to stereotypical gender roles. Don't worry, you will still be 100% woman(without the testes) and I wouldn't have it any other way.


The smart man will perceive that he was a gentleman during the date and it was appreciated. The bitter man will perceive that he's been played yet again by a hungry money-grubbin biotch.
This thought is just plain ignorant and bigoted. Equality has nothing to do with being bitter nor would I consider a girl who doesn't pay as a "money-grubbin biotch". A smart man would also know that if a gift comes to be expected, it will not appreciated and instead just be taken for granted.


So if I insist on paying for dinner, have I leveled the playing field or assaulted your manhood
If you insisted on paying the full dinner instead of just your fair share, you would not be assaulting my manhood or leveling the playing field, you would simply be going out of your way to exert your financial prowess. As appreciative as I would be if you tried to pay my full meal, I would prefer to decline and pay my own. If you were truly adamant about the counter offer, than I would consider myself indebted and would find another way to repay for the meal.
 Vincent_1984
Joined: 11/14/2005
Msg: 182
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When the bill comes on a first date...
Posted: 7/25/2009 12:00:44 PM
Wait, if you eat by yourself, you are paying for that meal, so why would it be so hard to pay for your own meal when you are in the company of another? Their time and attention is just as valuable as yours.

The days of wining and dining are over?! really? You can still go eat and drink wine and you can still have a romantic time with someone who's company you enjoy; just treat him as an equal, someone who's company you enjoy just as much as he enjoys yours, and not as a portable atm. Romance is what you make it out to be and being treated as an equal is more romantic to me than any free bottle of wine or diner.


<div class="quote">This question was posed about a FIRST date. Whoever does the asking should do the paying. First dates are different, no? It's a brief opportunity to see if you have more in common or any chemistry to pursue future meets. Well, in the perfect world this would also be a fine solution but the reality of dating is that most women will not instigate or invite first. Still, you accepted and you want to spend time with this person, so it's not like all the burden is on you or that you should be compensated for your time; this isn't a business sale, this is a date. You can find out what you have in common with this person and pay your own way all at the same time.
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 183
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When the bill comes on a first date...
Posted: 7/25/2009 12:37:21 PM
^^^^ Just as some women would be taken (a)back by the man inisiting on her paying her own way -- which actually seems much closer to the truth of the matter.
 Vincent_1984
Joined: 11/14/2005
Msg: 184
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When the bill comes on a first date...
Posted: 7/25/2009 6:10:12 PM
I have found that usually the nastiest men are short or under achievers or "whaterever" in most aspects of their lives and can not come to grips that they are just not dating material. So they have found solace in the forums to bash the very women who turn them down over and over.
Quite an ironic statement considering your post history, so far all I have seen you do on these forums is stereotype, misrepresent and insult men.

If women pay we are insulting men, if women don't pay we are using men
How about this, offer to pay your share. If he refuses he gets to be his childish school-yard idea of a gentlemen, if he accepts than he is happy to call you an equal. It's a win-win situation for everyone, not that complicated.



It seems that many men are quite upset over feeling like they are ATM machines. Perhaps it is because they keep asking women out on that first meet (which is not a date 'cause they don't know who the hell they are meeting) who WON'T see them again. that they are beginning to see the $$$ in their wallets going down the drain.
A meet is a date, just like a blind date is a date; I wish you could just give that one up already.


Save your money, get lifts in your shoes, get a rug on your head, go to the gym and lose the gut ...
Really!? "lifts in your shoes and rug on your head"? I can understand the gym, where there you can actually do something to fix that gut, but height and hair loss aren't just things that you can or should hide, they are a permanent part of who you are. Should they try to hide their age or their ethnicity as well?



I have never noticed men who are confident, good looking, tall dark and handsome make fools of themselves over the price of a coffee or a dinner on a first date.
That is a very broad over-generalization, I'm sure there are probably a lot of tall, dark and handsome men who would disagree with your statement. However, that doesn't change the fact that the opinions of those who don't match the fairy-tale image of a perfect man also have an opinions and it matters just as much.

If caring about equality enough to speak out about it makes me a fool in your eyes than that's a price I would gladly pay but I am very confident that there are more and more women out there who are willing to share the tab on that one as well.
 Vincent_1984
Joined: 11/14/2005
Msg: 187
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When the bill comes on a first date...
Posted: 7/26/2009 8:34:06 AM
mia, expecting women to pay their own way has nothing to do with misogyny, in fact it couldn't further from it; if anything, you are looking at women as individuals who are incapable of providing for themselves, which is not only false but also very misogynistic.

I'm not looking for a man without a penis but a woman who is also my equal; you are obviously too locked in your own oppressive preconceptions of gender roles to make the difference.

Savona, I break your posts in pieces as to better provide context to my counter argument.

lil broker, one can be bitter or angry about issues without hating it's culprit or generalizing against an entire gender. Still, by being reluctant about dating over this, you are doing exactly what it is you are reprimanding them for.
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