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 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 102
Emotionally Unavailable = ScaredPage 4 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
like Texas Poker know when hold em and know when to walk away.
 foreverstacey
Joined: 11/28/2009
Msg: 103
Emotionally Unavailable = Scared
Posted: 11/1/2010 8:59:42 PM
Okay.. rejection is really hard for a lot of people to take.

Maybe you arent the right person for them, and so they say youre too good to be true. The truth is, if someone REALLY wanted to be with you, they would, regardless of how they feel. None of this running away crap.

If I like someone.. no amount of passed hurt, or passed rejection is going to stop me from trying. Just because they dont want to be with you doesnt mean they're emotionally scared or unavailable.. it means they don't want you.
 bgrumling
Joined: 2/28/2008
Msg: 104
Emotionally Unavailable = Scared
Posted: 11/5/2010 10:03:43 PM
me personally i make it known from the start i am not a realtionship person, I tell women i am dg etached and emotionally not ready. I dont really believe we as adults have love for each other. I think something just in balances us. And me personally if a woman tells me she has more then a friendship intrest i break off all communication, i dont feel relationships are worth the hassle
 VivaciousVixen2010
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 105
ohhhhh, relationships and something just not right!
Posted: 12/6/2010 1:22:05 PM
trust is not easy. especially if the person that you were committed to was untrue.
get to know the person really well before getting involved. i am not saying develop a commitment BUT see if that person is really committed to you.
*******I have been told that if somebody is paranoid and jealous, it is because they themselves are being untrue to you.
********Unfortunately, my ex was a freakazoid
i don't serial date
i don't rush into dating
i listen to the other person
and
most definitely, do NOT want to repeat my past mistakes.
Even if it was accepting a creep back~
That was my mistake~
I am taking my time
i have two children that i love more then myself
and they come first
i cannot risk a man hurting them again as my ex husband did
#@@!^^I refuse to traumitize my children by having a boyfriend, who is going to leave
children are not stupid
they know if their single parents date
it is not healthy for them
&&&&If stability and LOVE is all that I can truly offer my children then 100% of me goes to them
UNLESS~ a man will display morals,ethics, honor and trust
yes~! i should have judged the men that i have dated by what they have done in the past. i would have saved myself from getting hurt.
&that is why we get O L D E R and some of us wiser.
maybe even grow up!
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 106
ohhhhh, relationships and something just not right!
Posted: 12/6/2010 1:41:47 PM
~OT~ I'm emotionally available, I'm just not emotionally available for just anyone. Nor do I use emotional availability as a reason to no longer date someone, and as weird as this is, no one's ever told me that is the reason they no longer wish to date me. JMO
 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 107
ohhhhh, relationships and something just not right!
Posted: 12/6/2010 3:48:43 PM

UNLESS~ a man will display morals,ethics, honor and trust
yes~! i should have judged the men that i have dated by what they have done in the past. i would have saved myself from getting hurt.
&that is why we get O L D E R and some of us wiser.
maybe even grow up!


Well said as ones needs as in overall picture is paramount now,then ones wants for themselves first as before.
There are these in life that make us all wiser, or if not repeat the past over again.....
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 108
view profile
History
Emotionally Unavailable = Scared
Posted: 11/26/2011 3:45:32 PM
How to spot physically and spiritually unavailable men! ~ Natalie Lue

He has a girlfriend

He’s married

He’s recently separated

He has a long distance relationship

He’s very reliant on text messages, IM’ing and email for the majority of his contact

They’re ambiguous about the status of the relationship

You’re not sure when you’ll hear from the next, even though you’ve been dating them for a while

You think you’re in a relationship, but it’s closer to a booty call

He says stuff like ‘If only the timing was different, you’d be the perfect girlfriend’;’If only things were different I’d definitely marry you’

When you try to tackle the status of your relationship or any issues, he either tells you what you want to hear and then returns to his normal behaviour or he just skirts the issue. One way or the other, you wind up back at square one.

He lives with his ex

He shares a bed with a woman that he claims is his friend

He admits that he is dating multiple women continuously

He’s not over his ex – openly

He says he’s over his ex but he’s quietly still trying to cope with the end of the relationship

He mentions his ex or things that happened between the two of them often

He’s an overt mother lover – mummy’s boy

He’s a mother hater – has an overtly negative relationship with his mother

He doesn’t call when he’s supposed to. Ever.

He’s one big walking excuse.

You feel empty after you sleep with him.

He creeps out after sleeping with you even though you’ve been together for a while

He has a stringent routine that he just won’t deviate from – sometimes a sign that he has someone else

He won’t take calls either before or after a certain time – often a sign that he’s cheating

He doesn’t come around to your place until late

He is resistant to involving himself in your life

He talks about his problems, his successes, his life – it’s me, me, me all the way

He determines the momentum of the relationship – you meet up when he wants to meet up

He pushes for an ‘open’ relationship

He never refers to you as a girlfriend, partner or any form of significant other

He uses sex as his way of demonstrating his so-called ‘emotion’

There are pockets of time when he seems to just disappear, and then he resurfaces with little or no explanation

It feels like he blows hot and cold

He’s quick out the gate in pursuing you, gets your attention, and then goes into a slow canter

He tells you that he has a lot of issues that he needs to deal with

He actually says ‘I’m not ready for a relationship’ but is still with you

He says he wants to get married, but there is no sign of a ring, no sign of a date and years are going by

He can’t commit to anything, no matter how miniscule – everything that he’s asked, such as whether he can do something with you is a big drama to get him to say yay or nay

He’s got about as much emotion in him as a stone

He may try and sleep with you on the first night
 mdgs
Joined: 11/17/2011
Msg: 109
Emotionally Unavailable = Scared
Posted: 11/26/2011 6:29:33 PM

Emotionally Unavailable people avoid relationships and reject ---
having to love
having to communicate
having to be emotionally available
having to care
having to empathize
having to recognize someone’s needs other than their own
having to be trusted
having to be relied upon
having to be respectful
having to recognize boundaries
having to be committed
having to be expected or needed
having to deliver on the words that come out of their mouths
having to make an effort
and having to think.

These are things real relationships require and many people cannot or will not be able to give due to their own issues and fears.

(from baggagereclaim.co.uk)


This is excellent and so true. There is a friend I know who fits the bill perfectly--wants a long term relationship but is not willing at all to do what's on that list. What a tragedy. He's a good friend and I pray that he opens his eyes soon.
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 110
Emotionally Unavailable = Scared
Posted: 11/26/2011 6:40:50 PM

but the guys I've dealt with are too freaking scared to even get involved. Any comments?


;)

Yer smart.

Accept; it's probably best called "smart", not "afraid"

When we DO "get involved"; some of us get "real involved".

;)

Heck; many men get more involved in their relationships when their "not invoved" then some women EVER get (even when married). And that's a like it or not thing....for both parties.

So.....ya.

Is what it is.

 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 111
Emotionally Unavailable = Scared
Posted: 11/26/2011 6:48:07 PM

He shares a bed with a woman that he claims is his friend


Wrong

That's how you know you have no chance in hell. (probably "ever")


He’s an overt mother lover – mummy’s boy


WRONG

That's how you know he's loyal and will never forget the good things and/or sacrifices you make for him.


You feel empty after you sleep with him.


W....Ummmm.

Hu?


He is resistant to involving himself in your life


*cough*

WRONG

Men calibrate


He may try and sleep with you on the first night


WRONG

Just because a baby takes oxygen as one of it;s very first expeiences on earth; doesnt mean the baby will tire of doing so





I need a beer
 hardworkingal40
Joined: 7/17/2011
Msg: 112
Emotionally Unavailable = Scared
Posted: 11/26/2011 7:00:55 PM
Hey girl, yes this true up here in On, Canada. Even when your opening line is Not looking for casual encounters...Its like that no matter where you go. I just stand my ground. Eventually they will get the hint. I haven't been on any dates yet. I haven't met anyone worthy of trying out. I'm quite happy holding my own, I am my own hero. Mr.rRight is probably having the same issues we3 are and perhaps one day we all will meet him:)
 ApacheArrow
Joined: 10/12/2011
Msg: 113
Emotionally Unavailable = Scared
Posted: 11/26/2011 8:05:10 PM
When it's time for one to meet the other half, it will happen just right! Why rush? Sit back and enjoy life! I find that rushing into something just makes regret later! Enjoy life! Life is what we make it! True love falls in place and you won't even have to work hard at it
 BSradar925
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 114
Emotionally Unavailable = Scared
Posted: 11/30/2011 10:26:28 AM

I think there are a lot of emotionally unavailable people out here that are masquarading around like they really want a real relationship but when the opportunity presents itself they are scared sh**less!


It could be that they are not scared of the real relationship (with the right person) which they are looking for.... they are rather scared of the "opportunities" that come their way meaning they are scared of getting into relationships the people who want to have relationships with them at present...

In other words, they have not found the right one yet, and they don't want relationships with the wrong ones who want relationships with them... makes sense?
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 115
Emotionally Unavailable = Scared
Posted: 12/3/2011 7:42:02 PM
look, if someone is emotionally unavailable, that means they are not interested in you. if and when someone comes along that knocks their socks off, i can assure you that they will suddenly find themselves quite wide-open emotionally. these guys weren't afraid to get involved, they aren't into you. the reason why they weren't interested could be myriad. for example, a man dating 10 different women will most likely find it difficult to connect with any of them. he is too busy keeping his options open. when you come across guys like this, just move on. they are not worth your time.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 116
Emotionally Unavailable = Scared
Posted: 12/4/2011 10:00:34 AM
GTP:
Heck; many men get more involved in their relationships when their "not invoved" then some women EVER get (even when married).
Could you explain what exactly that means?

Because it sounds an awful lot like one of the lines emotionally unavailable men use to keep a woman hanging on the line, 'just in case'.

If someone is scared, then they clearly aren't ready for a relationship.

You can euphemize that however you'd like, the timing is wrong, he just has abandonment issues, if I show him how steadfast I can be..... etc.. but the fact remains.

Mental gymnastics do not a relationship make. Just move on.
 A_Forum_Lurker
Joined: 4/24/2009
Msg: 117
view profile
History
Emotionally Unavailable = Scared
Posted: 12/4/2011 12:03:37 PM

How to spot physically and spiritually unavailable men! ~ Natalie Lue

He has a girlfriend

He’s married

He’s recently separated

He has a long distance relationship

He’s very reliant on text messages, IM’ing and email for the majority of his contact

They’re ambiguous about the status of the relationship

You’re not sure when you’ll hear from the next, even though you’ve been dating them for a while

You think you’re in a relationship, but it’s closer to a booty call

He says stuff like ‘If only the timing was different, you’d be the perfect girlfriend’;’If only things were different I’d definitely marry you’

When you try to tackle the status of your relationship or any issues, he either tells you what you want to hear and then returns to his normal behaviour or he just skirts the issue. One way or the other, you wind up back at square one.

He lives with his ex

He shares a bed with a woman that he claims is his friend

He admits that he is dating multiple women continuously

He’s not over his ex – openly

He says he’s over his ex but he’s quietly still trying to cope with the end of the relationship

He mentions his ex or things that happened between the two of them often

He’s an overt mother lover – mummy’s boy

He’s a mother hater – has an overtly negative relationship with his mother

He doesn’t call when he’s supposed to. Ever.

He’s one big walking excuse.

You feel empty after you sleep with him.

He creeps out after sleeping with you even though you’ve been together for a while

He has a stringent routine that he just won’t deviate from – sometimes a sign that he has someone else

He won’t take calls either before or after a certain time – often a sign that he’s cheating

He doesn’t come around to your place until late

He is resistant to involving himself in your life

He talks about his problems, his successes, his life – it’s me, me, me all the way

He determines the momentum of the relationship – you meet up when he wants to meet up

He pushes for an ‘open’ relationship

He never refers to you as a girlfriend, partner or any form of significant other

He uses sex as his way of demonstrating his so-called ‘emotion’

There are pockets of time when he seems to just disappear, and then he resurfaces with little or no explanation

It feels like he blows hot and cold

He’s quick out the gate in pursuing you, gets your attention, and then goes into a slow canter

He tells you that he has a lot of issues that he needs to deal with

He actually says ‘I’m not ready for a relationship’ but is still with you

He says he wants to get married, but there is no sign of a ring, no sign of a date and years are going by

He can’t commit to anything, no matter how miniscule – everything that he’s asked, such as whether he can do something with you is a big drama to get him to say yay or nay

He’s got about as much emotion in him as a stone

He may try and sleep with you on the first night



OR... a more likely reason... he is just not that in to you.

Some times the simplest reason is the correct one. Just because someone is not emotional availabe, does not mean they are that way with everyone.

With that said, if there is a consistant pattern, such as emotionally unavailabe to everyone (parents, siblings, offspring, pets...) then yes, that person has severe issues.

If someone is constantly running to these individuals, the common denominator is them. The question that they need to ask themselves is why are the attracted to people with those traits. Answer that one and they may then begin to find someone who will meet thier emotional needs.
 1charlie5757
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 118
Emotionally Unavailable = Scared
Posted: 1/1/2012 8:56:39 PM
LOL, I have found the same to be true with the women.
You talk to them on pof, fine. You talk to them on the phone, fine.
But you ask them to meet you, and they never talk to you anymore.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 119
Emotionally Unavailable = Scared
Posted: 1/2/2012 9:50:52 AM
I found this article to explain a lot of why I have always attracted a certain type of men. It seems I may have to rewrite my biography. lol http://masksofsanity.blogspot.com/2011/04/emotionally-unavailable-man.html
 CptJohnSheridan
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 120
Emotionally Unavailable = Scared
Posted: 1/2/2012 12:27:49 PM
Sometimes Emotional unavailable = spouse died recently. Just saying.
 jd4real49
Joined: 10/5/2011
Msg: 121
Emotionally Unavailable = Scared
Posted: 1/2/2012 12:34:44 PM

Sometimes Emotional unavailable = spouse died recently.


Then you shouldn't be dating. Just saying.
 kailania
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 122
Emotionally Unavailable = Scared
Posted: 1/2/2012 12:44:07 PM
dudiest priest said a while back on here:having to deliver on the words that come out of their mouths

that always bothers me.
when someone talks and they dont do what they say they will do.
isnt that akin to faking someones future to get what you want now.?

if I tell my child I am going to buy them a bike and dont,
and then tell them that again and agian and no bike ever comes along.
they will learn not to trust what I say.

happens in adult relationships all the time.
but that is not emotional unavailability...it sounds more like game playing,..
or leading someone on.

emotionally unavailable people cant or wont let someone get too close.
they seem closed and secretive, even if they have no secrets from you, it always seems like they so.
in a way the word sounds like an excuse when someone just does not want to get close to you for their own reasons.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 123
Emotionally Unavailable = Scared
Posted: 1/2/2012 12:46:45 PM

LOL, I have found the same to be true with the women.
You talk to them on pof, fine. You talk to them on the phone, fine.
But you ask them to meet you, and they never talk to you anymore.

Wouldn't that be "physically" unavailable?
 ruspukin
Joined: 9/29/2010
Msg: 124
Emotionally Unavailable = Scared
Posted: 1/2/2012 2:44:12 PM
good point...I know a lot of guys who should not be in relationships...this will apply to woman as well...
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 125
Emotionally Unavailable = Scared
Posted: 1/25/2012 6:28:10 AM
The phrase,"just not that into you" has a hint of blame put on the person who has been rejected. I'm not using it anymore because when the person that suddenly becomes detached after they have shown such a strong interest, pursuit, and managed to be so charming, it shows that the sudden about-face means that there is something psychologically wrong with them. They can be seductive and charming even to the most self confident person. They are not always looking for actual sex, and a "conquest" in their mind can sometimes be as subtle as the other person agreeing to a 2nd date. The ones that do the most damage are the ones that are able to keep up the charade until someone makes an emotional investment in them. When they are divorced, I can't help but think their marriage didn't last because their spouse got no emotional support from them. And yes, all the excuses people use such as recently widowed, parental duties, still intimately involved with an ex, don't fly. They simply shouldn't be dating then. If someone can't handle a relationship and just want casual sex then go pay a professional. If someone is only looking for friendship, how pathetic is it that someone doesn't have any friends? If people would just be honest it would make this dog and pony show a whole lot easier.
 infennario
Joined: 5/24/2011
Msg: 126
Emotionally Unavailable = Scared
Posted: 1/25/2012 2:49:13 PM
I think that we can be emotionally unavailable for benign reasons- like, just out a wrenching relationship, absorbed in a career. I know I can't give the time and energy needed for a relationship now because I've chosen to prioritize work for a year or more. So I don't date.

I've been thinking about what Larissan said, though. An old flame- well, more like a spark that never became a flame- contacted me yesterday. He is a great guy, as far as I got to know him back then. IF I weren't so absorbed in other things, I'd probably be very interested right now. But my life circumstances are such that it just isn't possible to succeed at a relationship, on my end, and the other things I want and need to do right now. He's overseas so maybe I'll get the chance to test Larissan's theory someday.
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