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Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > why can't people just be who they are      Home login  
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 sestruth
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 76
why can't people just be who they arePage 4 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Here is another aspect of why can't people just simply be who they are: the PHOTOS!

As I have explained to females many, many times on here, I do NOT seek the proverbial "Barbie Doll".

I DO seek height-to-weight PROPORTIONATE, "average" body type as I am, which, once again, I have honestly explained many, many times to females on here as well.

We ALL KNOW, male and female, that it is a question of "what" is attractive to each person. But at the same time, what I have learned, is that by far, the majority of people on here, of either gender, and pretty much no matter what THEIR body type IS, seek "average" or a "FEW" extra pounds. Are there exceptions? Of course, in each direction. But still, MOST choose the middle ground. So do I.

One major problem is that everyone on here seems to have a DIFFERENT viewpoint on the terminology of just HOW MANY pounds "a few extra pounds", "average body type", "I'm full figured", and I "prefer not to say" ARE. This causes Soooo many other problems! The one FINALLY sends the other a photo after almost endlessly requesting it, only to be very disappointed with what they finally get to see. It is as they suspected, the other person was not being HONEST about their body type, so they therefore did not want to post a photo, or if they did post one, not recent, not clear, or the typical head shot. All could be avoided in good taste if EVERYONE would simply post full body shots to begin with. But WE ALL KNOW that! Then why don't WE ALL do that??? If one doesn't they are simply playing games with people's minds.

It would save SO MUCH OF EVERYTHING from A to Z if EACH person, and I do mean EACH AND EVERY person would SIMPLY from the beginning post several head to foot body shots of recent and reasonably clear with decent lighting. MOST on here DO NOT! I HAVE many times over the past year and a half posted several on my profile. I have them UPloaded to my profile currently as private except the main image, and ANY FEMALE up to this day that has requested to "see more of me" IMMEDIATELY gets these emailed to her. NO SECRETS with this male. And NO games.
 countrys10
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 77
why can't people just be who they are
Posted: 7/18/2009 5:34:04 AM
I think most are scared to. They don't want to be alone, but we live in a mostly fake world. People live in the TV or Internet when not at work. They have forgotten how to be themselves. One thing for sure is that people are who they are and the real person of who they are will come out shortly. You can't help being who you are so just be yourself and stop wasting other peoples time.
 HSV kitty
Joined: 2/4/2009
Msg: 78
why can't people just be who they are
Posted: 7/25/2009 10:34:20 AM
sestruth, firstly, the main image is supposed to be a head shot. It is site policy. Your picture should be in the other images and therefore it is your picture that is not acceptable by site standards. Maybe your nose is too big and you are hiding it, so take a body shot that is distant and not distinctive. (Your nose may be too big for someone who likes noses and has a tiny nose as a deal breaker)

Secondly, if you want replies only with images, you can set it so only people with pictures can message you. Then ask for a full body shot in the profile or you will not reply, then don't if it isn't included and save yoursef all that time you say you are wasting explaining to females how dishonest they are being.

Thirdy, if you have deal breakers that means you would not be interested in large women or anything else why not put it in the profile. Most will not reply. There are always those who feel their image is better/less then reaity. That is because each of us have different body types and self images. That's reality. Explaining how important height to weight proportionate is a deal breaker after the fact is demeaning to a person who has felt to this point they had a pretty good self image.

Fourthly, a person may think they are great looking or look younger then thier age, or even being average, but may make another think you are not being honest, as good looks are in the beholder's eyes and friends may have fudged to make you feel better...

Being your profile is not that descriptive, I would say you are not as honest as you feel you are being. How about you put that post above into your profile , being you were being totally honest there. Go on... be totally honest and just DO IT. If not, consider why not... and whether you are better then the people that you have put down for dishonesty.

BTW the proverbial barbie doll is usually surgically enhanced. Saying you do not want that is excluding a minute portion of the female population,
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 79
why can't people just be who they are
Posted: 7/25/2009 12:21:25 PM

I think most are scared to. They don't want to be alone, but we live in a mostly fake world. People live in the TV or Internet when not at work. They have forgotten how to be themselves. One thing for sure is that people are who they are and the real person of who they are will come out shortly. You can't help being who you are so just be yourself and stop wasting other peoples time.


...I agree. I think most of us are afraid that if we show them that we can be stubborn, ****y, too assertive, they may not like us. I can be all of that and more.....luckily most of you don't get to see the 'other side'.... I even scare myself sometimes haha

*Hmmm, wonders if that has anything to do with the fact that I've been single for so long.*


...maeflowers
 OldFolkie
Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 80
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why can't people just be who they are
Posted: 7/25/2009 7:40:37 PM
Nope, Mae...it's your proximity to the Arctic Circle, I think. Or possibly the dearth of intelligent men with open eyes (and hearts) in the prairies of Alberta.

 mewseekluvr
Joined: 7/13/2009
Msg: 81
why can't people just be who they are
Posted: 7/26/2009 4:34:43 AM
Why can't people just be who they are??? Ha! It's not just on PoF people. Look around you at your co-worker's, neighbors, etc....... A person drives a Mercedes, or BMW, trying to impress people out in town, yet they live in a little shack. People are like plastic................. so fake. People in today's society love to lie, brag about themselves, and try their best to fools others around them. Just goes to show that they have "mental" issues called low self esteem. This is how they have to carry on in order to make themselves feel good about themselves. It's a shame. I'm the same person everywhere I go, if people don't like me for who an what I am, then thats their opinion, they don't pay my bills.
 Passionate Gent
Joined: 5/2/2009
Msg: 82
why can't people just be who they are
Posted: 7/26/2009 5:12:54 AM
^^^ what an asinine excuse to live like a slug. Some people live in a big shack and drive nice cars, why denigrate them just because they've worked hard to acquire the finer things in life?

What in the world are people supposed to do with the money they earn, throw it in the ocean? Unless people plan on having what they earn buried with them, they should enjoy life as much as they can, which in no way makes them fake.
 tinkerbellcgy
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 83
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why can't people just be who they are
Posted: 7/26/2009 8:14:53 AM

Kurtosis worte:
'pears the men around these here parts are a mite un-innovative. I let my girlfriends spend that extra money on me. Take me to a show or dinner. Skiing trips. Hotel for a week or two when I visit. 'Course, I never suggest it, it's always their idea.

Why be so uncouth as to mention it when there are several strategically placed brochures that just happen to be laying where unprying eyes might find them, eh? Is it purely coincidental or can I assume that you have a very close brother or male cousin living the high life of wine, women and more women in Southern California who also happens to be a member of this site ? Pardon the question but I can see a strong family resemblance from your many postings. LOL
 ringo17
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 84
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why can't people just be who they are
Posted: 7/26/2009 8:41:31 AM
So, did you try the angry whopper? You should have. It would have worked for you on so many levels. I'm sorry, I think this is just hilarious. You could have paid for your part of the meal with an old can of fix-a-flat from your trunk. You do have fix-a-flat don't you? So apropos,I'm dying here. Sorry if I seem insensitive but this is funny.
 discerning heart
Joined: 12/15/2008
Msg: 85
why can't people just be who they are
Posted: 7/26/2009 10:13:29 AM
These are the delusional guys or gals who rant "Nice guys finish last" and "I'm a good woman"! Self-descriptions can be very subjective! Lol.
 shillohh
Joined: 7/12/2009
Msg: 86
why can't people just be who they are
Posted: 7/26/2009 1:55:57 PM
LOL...I'm surprised you're actually typing on here, with both your hands so busy...
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 87
why can't people just be who they are
Posted: 7/26/2009 2:15:16 PM

pears the men around these here parts are a mite un-innovative. I let my girlfriends spend that extra money on me. Take me to a show or dinner. Skiing trips. Hotel for a week or two when I visit. 'Course, I never suggest it, it's always their idea.


I think I hear your alarm clock going off now, time to wake up!!

thecatsmeoww
 Frau Blücher
Joined: 8/27/2006
Msg: 88
why can't people just be who they are
Posted: 7/26/2009 5:20:54 PM
As others have pointed out, the man may not have felt he was lying. I guess he is the only one who truly knows his intent. Of course, neither the OP nor we can crawl inside Flea Market Fred’s head to see if he truly thinks of himself as a “mover and shaker” in the fast-paced business world of recycling dusty tchotchkes, knick-knacks, and bric-a-brac for a profit. I’m sure there’s been more than one entrepreneur who has discovered their fortunes on Ebay and with similar ventures. However, without knowing a stranger’s true intent, we are left to rely on our own perceptions, experiences, observations and interactions to help assess whether a stranger’s truth is, indeed, stranger than fiction. The OP’s suitor gave her that “man living in a van down by the river” feeling; there were no signs that he was competent at his life work. Additionally, the fact that he was asking her to, “help him get a job”, and if she, “knew the owners of any nearby campgrounds”, gives the impression that his van has seen more than one river. There is a difference between “loving camping” and living nomadically in a camper, moving from one tent pitchin’ to the next. Perhaps his “kayak” was M.I.A., because it floated away and was "borrowed” by a barefoot boy with cheeks o’ tan who was helping a slave become a free man on the Mighty Miss-a-Sip. Talk about stretching the truth till it's thinner than a gossamer butt hair.

Some people do intentionally lie and misrepresent themselves, (i.e., REALLY exaggerate, embellish, downplay, the TRUTH), because they feel that no one is going to want them the way they truly are. They’re betting that their suitor will fall for them before the truth is revealed and be willing to overlook the lying and deal breakers, because now “they’re in love” or “she can change” or “he’s just misunderstood” or some other B.S. rationalization. These people lie because they’re playing the odds; they think THEIR truth will get them no takers; they feel “bait and switch” gives them a better chance at finding someone.
 scottdehart
Joined: 6/5/2009
Msg: 89
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why can't people just be who they are
Posted: 7/28/2009 10:09:07 AM
This thread reminds me of the Gary Larson (Farside) cartoon. Thousands of penguins are standing and one, who looks just like everyone else is singing, "I gotta be me!"

To the OP, yeah, this guy was a legend in his own mind. I think it falls under the category of embelishment.

I decided, a long time ago, I would only be me. That way you are not seen as a liar. Besides, the Lady will find out everything in time. Then you're right back where you were. Lonely again.

Oh, and this, embelishment thing is done by the Ladies as well. When I was camping I could never find a woman to go with me. Now, if you believe profiles, EVERY woman likes to go camping and fishing and all that outdoor activity stuff. Oh, and the ALL seem to LOVE to ride motorcycles. Especially the really expensive motorcycles.

So don't just 'down' on the guys, lots of gals embelish too.

But, as always, that's just my opinion.
 ashley1861
Joined: 11/6/2004
Msg: 90
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why can't people just be who they are
Posted: 7/28/2009 11:05:24 AM
This is sooo funny, but soooo sad that it is true for every woman, every day 100 times a day....

Course this has been my truth even before the internet dating began. Bar flopping is exactly the same. Lots a braggin' about nuttin'. In person, at least you can read their body language and you know how poorly men can lie face to face - now that's really funny stuff!!
Girl I could tell you some funny stories!

I have only really carried on with a couple of guys I met online. One spoke the truth when he wasn't omitting the facts, or asking for money (true).

The other one, I date, because his truths are clean, I can read him face to face & he's so honest, he just can't lie. He too was looking down when I met him (if you looked at his dwelling), but he's in much better shape today. He always has a plan for his future & monies put aside for his retirement. He always does what he says he'll do.

Sometimes a guy is down & out; even I have lived in my RV (by choice); and that is not indicative of their entire life, what they have been or what they might become (I can speak from personal experience about the financial ups & downs of my life).

You might just have to assume that every man is Not what he says he is so that you can Accept him for what he Really is.
 nicenurse64
Joined: 9/24/2007
Msg: 91
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why can't people just be who they are
Posted: 7/28/2009 12:29:31 PM
Dating online has become like posting a resume for a job! Seems like everyone "twicks" (little white lies?) their profile to make themselves sound more attractive to a possible employer (man &/or woman). Read between the lines & trust your intuition about "red flags". If it sounds to good to be true it's probably false. Take everything with a few grains of salt. The only thing you can be sure of is yourself (your own honesty & motives).
 jollyjee
Joined: 10/19/2007
Msg: 92
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why can't people just be who they are
Posted: 7/28/2009 12:58:46 PM
I think everyone should be using caution while internet dating. People are quite often not what they seem which makes it bad for those who are truly looking. It is difficult to determine who is telling the truth and who isn't by a profile. Stay safe, there are honest people out there, don't paint everyone with the same brush.
 bike4fun
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 93
why can't people just be who they are
Posted: 7/28/2009 3:23:24 PM
Wait!

Here's and idea we can borrow from computers/IT.

CERTIFICATION!

Just think. People can go to dating classes and become certified. Then that can be one of the criteria used when looking for a dating "hire"!
 mirabelle13
Joined: 5/6/2009
Msg: 94
why can't people just be who they are
Posted: 7/28/2009 4:17:25 PM
I vote for McDonald's fries!!!!

The last person I had a relationship I met on-line. Needless to say, he lied a little, then a little more and then a lot. Call me gullible. Took me a while to figure out the game. I think that some people just lie, and even believe their own lies.

One small white lie might be a flag to keep your eyes open. If there is a pattern, then I say run.

And of course, none of us know the mental state of all the other POF fishies. Maybe instead of certification, we all should come with a seal of approval meeting levels of sanity!!!LOL
 SohoWriter
Joined: 7/21/2009
Msg: 95
why can't people just be who they are
Posted: 7/28/2009 4:27:07 PM
As a point of clarification: as a real entrepreneur I can tell you that owning a business does not make you an entrepreneur. Business owner and Entrepreneur are two different things. An entrepreneur by definition is someone who finds efficiencies that fundamentally change the way a business is done. Owning a hamburger stand makes you a businessman. Being Ray Kroc of McDonalds, you're an entrepreneur because you have fundamentally changed the scale and efficiencies of the business. The world of selling hamburgers was different after Ray Kroc. Picking up stuff in a flea market may be a business but starting Ebay is an entrepreneurial activity.

That being said: I am an entrepreneur. I developed a product and method that changed the way business is done and I not only did it once I did it 3 times. And about to start the 4th. So your friend was not exactly truthful when he called himself an entrepreneur. I have great respect for those of us who have mortgaged our house to build a dream and succeeded. It is not for everyone.

And by the way: everything in my profile is exactly as stated.
 eschec mat
Joined: 3/3/2009
Msg: 96
why can't people just be who they are
Posted: 7/28/2009 4:35:37 PM
I do like the salads at BK, the flame broiled chicken. They have a frozen orange drink that is like a cream sickle. McD's has the fruit parfait! I love to get an extra one of those to freeze for later.

Flea market sellers often refer to themselves as entrepreneurs. I used to do tons of auctions and met quite a few that had stands either in buildings or did weekend markets and they referred to themselves in that way. I used to think it was tongue in cheek.

I still think he meant no harm, you didn't get to know him before you accepted your date. And to complain about where you went when you could have declined is tacky in my eyes. If you didn't like the idea, honestly, you could have even offered to make a picnic for the two of you. With the economy right now, I am sure there are many down on their luck.
 Halfevl333
Joined: 3/26/2006
Msg: 97
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why can't people just be who they are
Posted: 7/28/2009 6:21:40 PM
Now lets get real people, describe yourself the way you are. Be honest because it is only going to come out when you meet anyway.
There is an old saying, "read between the lines." Well that is what I think you have to do with profiles and Internet dating. CAUTION People! maggetimes4 on 7/14/2009 57PM


Because one is almost forced to lie in order to meet women. A case in point was a post I made and was severely attacked and some very nasty comments were made about my looks and what I was wearing. This shows that many women here are shallow and do not have a clue about what a person is like. They just judge by appearances and put a person down for them. If one is even the slightest bit non-mainstream he is ignored and attacked because of it.

So it is no wonder guys lie. They are forced to. I agree, a person should be able to be themselves, and not try and cover up anything about them but most shallow, self-centered, snooty, egotistical women here would not even give them the time of day if they did.
 the SoldierByte
Joined: 12/25/2005
Msg: 98
why can't people just be who they are
Posted: 7/28/2009 6:37:01 PM
Jeepers Mr. Halfevl333 ,
I cannot lie....
I am AMAZED at your posts..
Almost every one, regardless the thread topic..
you simply astound me..
Do you even LIKE females..???
You quote.. that it is correct to lie/ or men must lie..
But sir... is not the REASON to lie or not irrevelant?
As the objective is to GET the woman..!!
I cannot fathom.. how many woman you attract.. lie or no lie..
Don't get me wrong...
I'll lie in a minute if I think it will "make her say yes"..
But jeepers pal.. if you tell her..
"You're pretty...................... for an ugly woman"..
every line you say to every female is promptly followed
with a put down...
How can one ever score..??
Are you real..?/ or just here to get these gals all rilied up..??
I think you and that BerthaButt id on your bio/profile may be one and the same..
And personally, I know some real bad news b-i-t-c-h-s...
but not even any of them ...would I wish you upon...(if you are real)
Forget the gals for a minute and as one guy to another..Please advise...
---SoldierByte---
 Halfevl333
Joined: 3/26/2006
Msg: 99
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why can't people just be who they are
Posted: 7/28/2009 6:49:28 PM
ROFL Naw I just got tired of playing games so I really do not try and impress the women here so I tell it like it is. As for women.. LOL Back when I was being nice, couldn't get a woman if I went out with a net and capture dart gun. But once I said to heck with it, and didn't give a damn, they are coming out of the wood work. Won't go into detail cause some visit this site. Let's just say I have enough to keep me happy at the moment, one at a time of course, honest, trust me.

And actually have no idea who that Bertha was or is... I rarely come here to the website much anymore. Just started coming back when I got a email saying I had mail here from one of the ladies here (not Bertha) so thought I would stop by and raise some hell and shake up some of these uptight women who seem to have a broom stick up their nether regions. Not all are like that, some are actually nice but seems like a majority fit that description.
 the SoldierByte
Joined: 12/25/2005
Msg: 100
why can't people just be who they are
Posted: 7/28/2009 6:54:33 PM
Well HECK ole buddy..........
send me a few of em...
I aint proud or picky...
and got no shame either...
I am a little shy...
but once I got my diaper on and...
well.... youuuuuu know..
Pleaze kind sir...
send some to me..
I promise to be both discrete and reasonable..
I PROMISE..!!
Oh yeah....
I almost forgot...
iffin you got women "commin out of the woodwork"..
what you doin here with lil chuckle-heads like me..???
---SoldierByte---
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