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 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 48
LTR - How much would you change about yourself?Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
farceur ~~ Two peeps meet at the bathroom door: one is going to have to "let" the other use it first. . . . As for the second: it was in the I would NOT section. . .

Never agreed at the coffee clatches that men were just grown old little boys. (Maybe having six brothers disabused me of that notion, ya think?)

Hugz, Sherlock!
 pearllee
Joined: 7/27/2009
Msg: 49
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LTR - How much would you change about yourself?
Posted: 9/16/2009 12:00:20 PM
change... whenever two unite for a journey *scar point* change/tranformation is set in motion... the question is do we allow ourselves to evolve into the.. grow in grace together toward NOW common choices we made. Relationships are mutants! lol
 the SoldierByte
Joined: 12/25/2005
Msg: 50
LTR - How much would you change about yourself?
Posted: 9/16/2009 12:08:30 PM
In regards to Msg 51.......
WHAT.....??????????: ?
reminds me of my ex talking to me after too much
of her meds washed down with her wine...:drinking
---SoldierByte---
 Me Leona
Joined: 9/10/2009
Msg: 51
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LTR - How much would you change about yourself?
Posted: 9/16/2009 12:27:15 PM
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Soldier, was I married twice and forgot one of them?
OT: I believe if I were to have a successful LTR I'd have to change quite a bit about myself.

Regardless of the person there are so many differences to living single than as a couple.
smurfette50 said:
The time I get up in the morning.

me too.
 Lint Spotter
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 52
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LTR - How much would you change about yourself?
Posted: 9/16/2009 12:36:47 PM

I want to go on a camping/fishing trip with just my brother and another male friend... would you allow that?
Having individual interests are a bonus for a relationship... fish away!!!

What are those things you just wouldn't "compromise" about yourself?
In a really good relationship, everything is negotiable and you do it without even weighing what is being traded.

You do something that is out of the normal for you because you like seeing the other person smile, you like hearing their laugh and a thank-you kiss is the most treasured gift you could receive. It's not a matter of what would change, everything would... it's how open a person is to changing for that someone...
 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 53
LTR - How much would you change about yourself?
Posted: 9/17/2009 8:10:01 AM

In a really good relationship, everything is negotiable and you do it without even weighing what is being traded.


A loving relationship seeks and understands each others goals,desires and the common good it brings for each other.

because you like seeing the other person smile, you like hearing their laugh and a thank-you kiss is the most treasured gift you could receive


Yes, for those who don't get it, then it's not a question about change,

it could be that your not ready for a close,loving,sharing relationship.
 Me Leona
Joined: 9/10/2009
Msg: 54
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LTR - How much would you change about yourself?
Posted: 9/17/2009 8:47:45 AM


Yes, for those who don't get it, then it's not a question about change,

it could be that your not ready for a close,loving,sharing relationship.

Jim, while I feel that sentiment is sweet, and has merit as well because sometimes people just aren't "ready for a close, loving, sharing relationship," I also feel it's a bit too simplistic. After all, when any two people come together to form any kind of relationship (whether it's close, loving, sharing, or business) there is always adjustments that must be made on both parties' parts. Those adjustments are necessary in order for the new unit of relationship to function because both parties functioned separately and differently without the other. So, assuming adjustments are changes, there is some change required, but the degree of change is what would be at issue, as some said, they cannot change who they are, or their core values, but they may have to change certain behaviors or habits they enjoyed when alone.
Agree?
 DaytonDennis
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 55
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LTR - How much would you change about yourself?
Posted: 9/17/2009 10:04:13 AM
^^^^ I agree Ms Leona. Now, personally, I don't think EVERYTHING in a relationship is "negotiable", most everything can be understood/accepted by both parties. I think the core value thing is the key to non-negotiable. My partner doesn't have to share every core value I have, nor I hers... however, she and I should both know these values of the other and respect them. There just might be those core values that are in such conflict with mine (or hers) that the relationship is not worth pursuing, not as a LTR, at least. Hopefully, I mellowed enough that these will be few and far between.
 granz
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 56
LTR - How much would you change about yourself?
Posted: 9/17/2009 10:11:32 AM
I'm as stubborn as a boulder. You can push and push and push, and I will never budge. I suppose this is why I generally look at long-term relationships as impractical. I know there's too much about myself my partner wouldn't be able to tolerate, just as there are many things I may not be able to tolerate about him. Asking either person to change is a futile effort, and would only result in a bitter, miserable arrangement of co-existence. Long-term relationships are more workable if there's a sufficient amount of space. i.e., he has his own place, and I have mine; we only meet on ocassion, and don't live around each other 24/7. Then again, I suppose a mutual living arrangement would work, if his behavior and mannerisms were very similar to mine.
 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 57
LTR - How much would you change about yourself?
Posted: 9/17/2009 4:03:40 PM

So, assuming adjustments are changes, there is some change required, but the degree of change is what would be at issue, as some said, they cannot change who they are, or their core values, but they may have to change certain behaviors or habits they enjoyed when alone.
Agree?


Agree Hallie, as nothing is perrrrfect in this world yet I believe when two love,respect each other,that both know they have a very special union the adjustments hopefully will be done with little fan fare but the common good is paramount.
And yes, it's not simplistic as there are things that should be understood before ," the ties are bound".
But let me say if you ever fall in love with the one, the adjustment should be a pleasure then a sacrifice. And the cores values are the most important in a successful relationship in the long run... Do I make sense? lol
 Me Leona
Joined: 9/10/2009
Msg: 58
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LTR - How much would you change about yourself?
Posted: 9/17/2009 4:45:05 PM


nothing is perrrrfect in this world yet I believe when two love,respect each other,that both know they have a very special union the adjustments hopefully will be done with little fan fare but the common good is paramount.

Jim, you make it sound so easy, so much easier than I imagine it to really be.
But let me say if you ever fall in love with the one, the adjustment should be a pleasure then a sacrifice. And the cores values are the most important in a successful relationship in the long run... Do I make sense?

Even though it's hard to imagine, in some odd way, you do make sense.
 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 59
LTR - How much would you change about yourself?
Posted: 9/17/2009 4:59:52 PM

Even though it's hard to imagine, in some odd way, you do make sense.


The core values between two people is key without that then it's just smoke mirrors.

To find someone that believes in like goals and aspirations, then that's half the fan fare now,and it's just how far our hearts are open to take the plunge.......it's still scary but
that's the chance we all take. now where were my reading glasses..........lol
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 60
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LTR - How much would you change about yourself?
Posted: 9/17/2009 5:17:27 PM
I just changed my image from a happy businessman to an exhausted canoeist.
I'm getting now more complimentary emails than ever before.
 MizBexReturns
Joined: 8/19/2009
Msg: 61
LTR - How much would you change about yourself?
Posted: 9/19/2009 10:53:19 AM
Agree Hallie, as nothing is perrrrfect in this world yet I believe when two love,respect each other,that both know they have a very special union the adjustments hopefully will be done with little fan fare but the common good is paramount.
And yes, it's not simplistic as there are things that should be understood before ," the ties are bound". But let me say if you ever fall in love with the one, the adjustment should be a pleasure then a sacrifice. And the cores values are the most important in a successful relationship in the long run... Do I make sense? lol


Jim, Jim, Jim, as always your words provide me with answers in my REAL Life. Thank you.

I had been dating a man for about four months, EVERYTHING was bright and shiny and new about the whole relationship (except we could never agree on Sarah Palin, hee, hee). However, as time went on I found that maybe there were things about each of us that were an issue for one another. He was a former white knight and me, being a I have two hands I can do it myself type of girl. Each of those roles started to
strain the relationship and we decided mutually that perhaps it was best that we part ways. No argument, at the time it was best for each of us, no ill-will just went our separate ways. That was about five weeks ago.

When the split happened, I was stunned, because during my time with him I had been happier and more content than anytime I can remember since my marriage. Yet, I knew in the back of my mind there was a mold he had for me, and part of me would never be able to be me.

Well, this week he wrote to me, asking how I was and basically told me that he missed me. He also told me that he had realized that he had tried to control me because in his past relationships he was always in control because he was always saving somebody and just didn't know any other way to behave in a relationship. He thought the more he tried to rein me in (save me), the more I tried to break free, but he realized I wasn't trying to break free, I was just trying to be me, the kind of woman he had hoped for, but had no idea how to be with.

That admission on his part was humbling to me because it caused me to look back at my own behavior within our time together and I realized that it would not have killed me to maybe LET him help me, let him show me his feelings for me by his actions, maybe just let him know that I did NEED him. And maybe I should have just let him be him with me.

I think we both made the same mistake; we were trying so hard not to loose "Me" instead of trying to build an "Us." Which can only be done through mutual understanding, acceptance and maybe most importantly, the desire and willingness to move forward in spite of our differences.

Looking back he and I had so much in common, we did share the same values and most of the same beliefs. As for our differences, he was kind of my straight man to my goofball, but to make him laugh made me happier than I can say. He was ULTRA conservative in his views, while I sometimes think more with my heart than my head. However, in some ways, his ultra conservative views helped me discipline some of my beliefs and my compassion helped him be more accepting. So while we were different, our individual differences helped each other become more evolved and maybe, just maybe, better people.

Common values are essential to any successful relationship, but I think it might actually be our differences and our willingness to accept and respect the differences in one another that draw us closer together, that creates that stronger bond and instills loyalty, and makes us love one another just the way we are.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 62
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LTR - How much would you change about yourself?
Posted: 9/19/2009 11:00:42 AM
No problem. Go fishing with your brother. One of the joys in your life? Great.
My girls day/night out on occassion is no problem with you, right?
 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 63
LTR - How much would you change about yourself?
Posted: 9/19/2009 7:09:05 PM
mixbexreturns said,

Common values are essential to any successful relationship, but I think it might actually be our differences and our willingness to accept and respect the differences in one another that draw us closer together, that creates that stronger bond and instills loyalty, and makes us love one another just the way we are.


You said a lot here Mixbex and what I see from it is, your white knight may be just that. But like you said " to be loved just the way we are" is the everlasting key.... ,a near perfect love that in dears and does not hinder ones grow but in the same sentence lets one breath out loud without control but grow for their common good in each other's love together.

Yet, I knew in the back of my mind there was a mold he had for me, and part of me would never be able to be me.


To control or mold you
can never be the way to you heart or for anyone else, for that matter.
And yes,there is a difference in what binds two people together,or pulls two apart....

So that's the rub as I see it.
And all the oil in the world won't stop that friction,in what one heart and mind feels is out of the ordinary to be happy and content as one.

To love me as I am, can be the greatest compliment and if it's not broke,don't fit it!
And if its not perfect,don't worry cuz none of us are either! lol
Cheers!
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 64
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LTR - How much would you change about yourself?
Posted: 11/28/2009 12:31:45 PM
What I WON'T change is anything that would sacrifice my INTEGRITY.
I may be willing to negotiate anything else.
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